Happy Leap Day!

I just realized that I'd better write something today, since I won't have an opportunity to post on February 29th for another four years. We celebrated today by going to Costco. It was actually a bad idea since we just got our tax return and I was feeling spendy. Thankfully I really didn't do much damage to the budget; my biggest splurges were an Easter dress for S-Boogie and a new Crock Pot. We've been looking for an Easter dress for a while, so it wasn't an entirely unplanned purchase. I liked it, she liked it, and I didn't want to have to drive all the way back up to Costco next week just to buy a dress. The Crock Pot was also somewhat planned; I had a coupon for ten dollars off and had just planned to look at it. I've been debating replacing our Crock Pot for several years now. It works, but shortly after we got it the knob broke off and it's really difficult to change the setting. Usually I have to get pliers out to grip the little plastic stub on the front. I felt silly replacing something that still worked, but I've been "making do" for five years now and I'm glad to have a new, digital Crock Pot. It even came with one of those tiny pots for warm dips; now I just need to think of an excuse for having a party with nachos or chocolate fondue. I have way too many recipes and not enough occasions to use them. Perhaps I should become a caterer instead of a professor.

Mr. Fob's cousin wrote a "four years ago" post on her blog, and it really struck me how long four years can be. It doesn't feel like that long ago, but our lives were very different then. S-Boogie was only six months old. We were living in our dark brown apartment in Orem (brown carpet, brown panelling); Mr. Fob was working part-time at the library and I wasn't working or in school. We were dirt poor, so that much hasn't changed in our lives. I had just gotten called to the Primary presidency, but didn't yet know that in a few months I'd end up being called to be the president. I didn't know that I'd get accepted to BYU and actually do a master's degree. Nor did I know that I'd actually enjoy teaching and want to go on to get a PhD. I didn't even know about blogging yet or imagine the friends and connections I'd make. Looking back makes me wonder where our lives will be in another four years. I guess we'll have to wait until my next leap year post to find out.

I'm still here

I often think "it's been a while since I posted on my blog", and then I go look and realize that it's only been a day or two. I have an entire folder of bookmarked articles labeled "blog fodder" that I hope to someday rant about, but for some reason I never get around to doing it. Instead I dash off random entries when I feeling cranky or excited about something and feel like I never say what I really wanted to.

This entry is another one of those catching-up sort of things. February is almost over; it's not quite spring, but the last two weeks (almost) have been sunny and warmer. Trees and flowers are starting to bloom and the earth is waking up. It will still be cool here for quite a while, but the increased light and green are really helping my brain out.

I'm going to Davis next Thursday and Friday for a visit. I feel really weird--like my first day in the MTC or driving home from the hospital with S-Boogie in the backseat. I have a new label--"graduate student"--and it doesn't quite fit yet. I feel awkward and unsure about what I should do or say while I'm there. Anyone out there done this before? I sure haven't. I also feel somewhat unexcited about the trip. Getting away for a few days is great, but I don't really like being by myself. And there's the stress of trying to arrange babysitting, compounded by the fact that the next week we need even more babysitting because Mr. Fob has play rehearsals in the evening. Being a working mom is complicated.

Also, I feel some sort of guilt/awkwardness among my circle of friends. And I know it's just me, because I have so many good friends here who love me and are really supportive. But I hate being the odd one out and I'm the only mom I know who works and does stuff like traveling by herself for school for two days. I feel somewhat embarrassed by being different, not because it's a bad thing, but because it's different. And I always feel uncomfortable asking others for help with things like babysitting, but we need a lot of help with that.

Finally, I did go shoe shopping last weekend. I decided that part of my problem is that I hate most shoes. I spent several hours at the mall and was unimpressed by 99 percent of the shoes out there. They are either too flashy, too awkward looking, or too clunky. I'm way too picky. I did try on some Danskos that fit well, but I'm not sure I like the look of them. Last night I found these shoes on Endless and I think I'm going to order them. When I'm in Davis I'll be walking a lot and I want to be comfortable.

So that's where I'm at right now. Teaching, spending too much time on the internet and not enough time reading, fighting the urge to make brownies or cheesecake cupcakes, enjoying the sunshine. February has been a nice little month; hopefully we'll survive the chaos of March.

Transistion to Vegetarianism

When I was about 12 or 13, I spent a lot of time at the library reading magazines. I would go to the library at least once a week, and my routine never varied. First I'd stop off at the young adult fiction shelf and grab four or five books. Then I'd look at the new books shelf to see if anything looked good. After that I'd browse my favorite areas of non-fiction: marine biology, art history, paranormal phenomena, or cookbooks. Finally I'd sit in the back and read a few magazines. For some reason one day I was reading a parenting magazine and there was an article about teenagers becoming vegetarians. I'm easily persuaded, so I decided to become a vegetarian. My desire only lasted a few weeks; I do remember checking this book out from the library and feeling really lost by all of the technical jargon.

I've never really considering being a vegetarian since that point. I did grow up in a house where we ate meat somewhat sparingly and ate lots of fresh vegetables, whole grains, and unprocessed foods. I was grateful when I met Mr. Fob to find out that he was used to a similar diet; neither of us likes soda and we try and eat pretty healthily. We do share a common love of sweets, and while I rarely buy cookies, I bake frequently. Lately we've both been talking about a new phase in our lives: transitioning to minimal, environmentally-conscious meat consumption. After reading stuff like this, or this, or this we both don't want to eat meat anymore unless it's been organically and humanely raised. Plus it seems like an optimal diet actually includes very little meat. We probably won't go completely vegetarian; we like meat, and I'd rather eat a clean, organic hamburger than some sort of heavily-processed fake meat substitute. I'm trying to cook with fewer processed foods, less high-fructose corn syrup, and more organics. We buy organic milk and recently started a home delivery service that brings organic produce to our home twice a month (we could do it once a week, but really can't afford it).

I hate the fact that eating has become so politicized. I feel defensive even writing this; someone won't understand why we don't like meat; someone will think that dairy is evil and unnatural; other people think that I'm silly for buying into food fads. I feel like we're making a decision that's best for our family based on our health needs and our food preferences. And I'm still trying to figure out all the details. I don't want to turn into the sort of people who show up at family gatherings and refuse to eat the food or the parents who picket the school cafeteria (although I am appalled by most school lunch menus and will strongly encourage my kids to bring their lunch). I'm not sure how we'll do vacations and road trips, since in the past we've relied heavily on fast food during those times. The truth is that this will probably be a long transition and that, like most other things we do, it won't be black-and-white or all-or-nothing. We're just not like that.

Heart of Stone

Shortly after we moved in here I got a phone call from someone soliciting money on behalf of Navy veterans. I agreed to donate twenty-five dollars, since my dad is a Navy veteran and has spent some time overseas before. Apparently that was a bad idea, because despite the fact that each time they call they tell me "we only bug you once a year" it feels like a lot more often than that. Even though they seem to call only once a year for each different cause, I get a new phone call every few weeks for something different. It's obviously some kind of call center, but they don't have very good internal communication. They're very pushy and can't understand why I won't pledge the small amount of twenty-five dollars for their charity. I would, except that if I gave that much every time they called I would go broke fast. Plus I prefer to spend more time thinking about where I'm going to give my money and I'm unlikely to donate to someone on the spur of the moment like that.

Today was definitely the worst so far. It was for the "children's cancer fund" and the lady kept reminding me to "think of the babies". She said more than once "these kids are dying before they even get a chance to live". Uh, thanks. I have a cousin who died of cancer. I know it's a horrible disease. When I declined for the third time she responded: "OK, but think of those sweet babies who are dying and pray for them. You have a nice day." Kind of hard to do that with a giant mountain of guilt sitting on me.

Food Fight

When S-Boogie started eating solid food I made the decision to let her determine how much she was going to eat. Several books I read and the nutrition class I attended told me the same thing: you decide what they eat, the child decides how much. I feel like I've done a good job offering her regular, healthy meals and snacks. And mostly we have had stress-free eating because sometimes she chooses to eat and sometimes she doesn't. I learned to offer her small portions so I didn't worry about wasting too much food, and we have times that are for eating and times that aren't so that she isn't just snacking all day. The system seems to be working for Little Dude too.

Unfortunately now I have a preschooler. And over the last few months I feel like we've evolved into being the parents I didn't want to be. We find ourselves bargaining over how many bites she has to eat before leaving the table, bribing with the promise of dessert if she'll clean her plate, forcing her to sit in her chair for nearly an hour until she finishes her cereal. Now that she's older, she often doesn't eat because she doesn't like the appearance of the food or because it's something new. Or she is distracted by singing or talking (she really never shuts her mouth, I'm not kidding). I feel terrible, because I didn't want food to be this big of a deal. I sometimes don't clean my plate. I don't expect Little Dude to clean his plate. But I also know that if we don't strongly encourage her to eat she'll wake up in the middle of the night complaining of hunger.

So, now I'm trying to figure out what my options are. I'm tired of every meal feeling like a battle ground. First of all, I think we're going to mostly cut out the treats. And make them unconnected to eating. I'm not sure how to do that, because we were both raised with the mantra "you have to eat real food in order to get a treat". But I don't like bribing my kids. So I think we're just going to have treats at Family Home Evening once a week or if we have friends over. I think I also need to be more strict about afternoon snacks and not allow them after four o'clock. Hunger is a great motivator for eating your dinner. I do serve healthy snacks, but eating yogurt at five o'clock ruins dinner and isn't enough to last all night. I also think we need to stop bargaining on bites. She needs to try everything, but if she wakes up hungry from not eating she's old enough to remember that the next day.

The hardest battle we have is one I don't want to give up though. If we didn't force her to do it, S-Boogie would probably go all day without drinking anything. She doesn't like to drink, but she often complains about pain when she goes to the bathroom. Which she only does once a day at most. I've asked her doctor twice about the possibility of her having an infection, but she keeps telling me it's not likely without a fever. I also suspect that S-Boogie's wiping technique could use some help and could be contributing to the problem. But I think we have a problem with hydration. Trying to get her to finish a glass of milk is like pulling teeth. I give her milk because she refuses to even touch water, even though I know it's not as hydrating.

I guess I've been feeling kind of frustrated lately because I feel like everything with S-Boogie is a major fight. I know part of it is being a preschooler, but it still drives me nuts. Last night she picked "The Wise Man and the Foolish Man" for the opening song for Family Home Evening. However, as we started singing she kept interrupting us because she was sure the words were "the clouds came up" instead of "the floods". When we tried to explain to her what a flood was (water rising up) she still didn't believe us. So we sang the rest of the song with her shouting "clouds" and us shouting "floods". I guess it shows not only how stubborn she is, but how stubborn we are too. Some days I don't know how I'm going to get through the next thirteen years of her life since I'm already irrelevant.

Pride

This is one of the Cherry Cheescake Cupcakes I made for our ward dinner last night. They turned out pretty good and I thought they looked great too. They also got me thinking about pride, because while I was making the cupcakes I kept thinking about how I was making the coolest dessert for the party and that everyone would be talking about how wonderful and unique it was. I will admit that I did think of making the cupcakes because I like cheesecake and they are a festive dessert. But I also wanted to make them because they are impressive and I wanted to be noticed and praised by others. I've done this other times; I've realized that sometimes when I prepare meals for people I try hard to think of something unique and special that will make them think of me as a fabulous cook. My motives are often mixed, and I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way.

While I was in the MTC, the mother of one of my companions sent laminated copies of President Benson's talk on pride for each of us to put in our scriptures. At the time I thought it was a little weird and excessive. But, I realize more and more that pride is something I struggle with. I think it's something we all struggle with, whether we want to admit it or not. Pride crops up in a variety of ways and can often be mixed with other more reasonable motivations. For example, I love to cook. I like to try new recipes and I like to make food look nice. But I also like to have people notice me and praise me. I like to feel superior to others and to feel like my abilities have been judged "worthy".

So, what do we do about the problem of pride? I think for me one of the first things to do is to be aware of what our motivations for our actions are. I contrast my cheesecake experience with the cookies I made on Thursday to take to my class that I teach. I can honestly say that my motives then were pure. I didn't want to impress them; I just wanted to make a tasty treat to celebrate the holiday. By sitting down and examining my thoughts and feelings I can see how different they were from one day to the next. I am going to try to be more aware in the future of why I do things and what I'm feeling when I do them.

Secondly, I've found that one of the best ways that I can combat pride within myself is to go back to what I've said on here before about finding value from within. I need to stop looking for aprobation from outside sources. I am a person of worth and value even if I don't make the "coolest" dessert at the ward party. Even if I don't bring dessert at all. It doesn't matter. In situations where I am confident in myself (like teaching my class) I tend to feel a lot less anxious concern for the approval of others.

Finally, I also need to stop judging others by my standards. I place value on homemade treats and will admit that I've sometimes had judgemental thoughts about the store-bought offerings of others. That's just plain silly. I also realize that I often assume that others judge me with the same harshness that I judge them, and it's probably not the case. If I am constantly going around measuring myself and others accord to some standard of "coolness", it's no wonder I think others are judging me! Perhaps they are, but I can only control my own actions and worry about myself and the state of my soul. Hopefully with these new revelations about my motivations and my own problem of pride I can work on being a more humble and more loving person. And maybe I'll sign up for something a little more behind-the-scenes at the next ward party just to give my ego a little practice in humility.

The wheat of my bread

We had a pretty decent Valentine's day--although I spent most of the day running around feeling like I was half an hour behind. I got up and got ready to go to the gym, but then decided to post something Valentiney for Mr. Fob on my blog. By the time I finished I was ten minutes late for meeting my friend, so I just assumed she had already gone to the gym and headed over there. When she wasn't there I thought that she had decided not to exercise. Then she walked in and I felt dumb for not checking to make sure she was still waiting at her house. After I got home I had a crazy morning with the kids. Mr. Fob was too busy to bathe them on Wednesday night, so I got to do baths and get them ready for the day by myself. Thankfully Little Dude had playgroup and then he took a decent nap so the middle of the day went well. When S-Boogie got home from school she helped me make some sugar cookies to take to my class that night. She was also very sweet and shared her candy with Little Dude; she only got a few things so that was easy. We spent half of my class last night having a fun Valentine party; I brought cookies and a few people brought other food. We also watched and discussed this song. It's totally cheesy, but easily understood by beginning students. Then we had a little contest to see who could come up with the best comparisons of love (one line in the song is "you are the wheat of my bread"). We had some fun ones: "Eres el tostador de mi pan" was one of our favorites. When I came home I enjoyed a tasty dinner cooked by Mr. Fob, we watched the Valentine episode of The Simpsons, and played Scrabble. I love Valentine's Day.

Happy Heart Day

This picture is just one example of why I love Mr. Fob. It's a decoration he made for our window the other week. S-Boogie wanted him to help her decorate for Valentine's Day; he helped her make some simpler stuff, but of course he whips out the big guns and produces some sort of professsional-level paper cutting. Last night he went to the drugstore to buy Valentines for S-Boogie's class and just couldn't do it. I'm too lazy and would have given in to the commercial fluff. Instead I came home to find him and S-Boogie finishing up making twenty hand-crafted valentines. He's such a good daddy. That's one thing I'm most grateful for--he's a good parent, and especially in the areas where I'm not so great. I feel like we really play off each other's strengths and weaknesses. And I don't just love him because he's a good father; he's a good husband too. Being married isn't always easy, but I know he tries and we have been very happy lately. I'm late for the gym, but I just wanted to say Happy Valentine's Day to my sweetie!

Under Pressure

Since I typed that title I'm going to have the Queen song stuck in my head all day. Just what I need when I'm already stressed out. This morning I got two more emails from UC Davis. The first was inviting me down for a visit. Completely paid for by the department. They want to show me around, have me sit in on classes, and schmooze me. I've never been schmoozed before. Then I got an email from the same person who emailed me last week. I had sent her a short reply indicating that I was flattered by the offer but not yet ready to commit because I was waiting to hear from two more schools. She wanted to let me know that they only admit around six students per year and that they are prepared to support me through my studies with fellowships and teaching assistantships. Oh, and they have an excellent placement rate. I am officially freaking out right now.

I don't know if I should just give in and tell them "yes" to take the pressure off or if I should wait and see if I get a better offer. This is a great offer, it really is. I don't have a lot of reasons to say "no" at this point. I keep thinking "I don't how to do this"; "I don't know if I should do this"; "I don't know if I want to do this". I think it's partly the classic Imposter Syndrome. All I can think about is the fact that I haven't been in class for nearly two years, I rarely read anything scholarly, and I'm socially awkward. It's hard in academia to feel like you're doing enough, because the nature of research is to discover what you don't already know. The culture, however, is geared toward looking as smart as you possibly can. I've gotten pretty good about nodding politely when someone is discussing a book I've only vaguely heard of. I've also never gotten the hang of verbose academic writing. I tend to be short and succinct and I freak out when professors demand minimum word counts. Surprisingly, my thesis advisors all liked this trait and praised my readability. It's just that sometimes "readability" can be code for "watered-down and poorly thought out". I'm also still a little scarred by the horrible politics in my master's program. I loved my classes and generally had a great time, but I also had some yucky experiences as well. Hopefully if I'm at a school and department that are a little more used to having women with families as graduate students that might help. I don't know.

I also feel lost because I've never been involved in academia before. My dad didn't attend college; my mom did as a returning student while I was in junior high. My grandparents were farmers. I'm the first child in my family to finish a bachelor's degree and I often feel like I just don't know how to play the game. I'm learning, however, to be confident and also how to ask questions when I'm not sure what to do. One of my big weaknesses is an ability to admit weakness and to ask for help, but most people have been surprisingly gracious when I've admitted that I haven't the foggiest idea of how to proceed.

My third big sticking point is trying to decide if going back to school is the best thing for me and my family. Well, I think it would be fun for me. But I've really enjoyed not being in school for this last year. No homework pressure; no deadlines; no thesis writing. Little juggling of schedules so I can get to class. Little Dude still seems so small and I worry about getting a babysitter for him in the fall. I worry about shortchanging my children and having them grow up to resent my career. That being said, I know a number of professors who have successfully balanced teaching and kids so I think it's doable. I'm just not sure if it's doable for me. I also worry about being the freak in the program who can't show up to all the cool extra-curricular stuff or jet off to study abroad for the summer because I have kids and a husband. Or the freaky mom at church who would rather talk about her feminist literature class than shopping at Nordstroms.

So, there are all my internatl fears and pressures vomited all over this blog entry. I think I want to keep going forwards, but the way looks awfully dark and scary right now.

Enviro-Guilt

This is a giant plastic bag full of dirty diapers. It smells pretty bad. Every week when I haul the giant bag of plastic diapers wrapped in more plastic out to the trash can I feel terrible. I was blessed to grow up with a mother who was very environmentally conscious. Some of my earliest memories include gathering newspapers to take to the recycling center. Mr. Fob and I also make a big effort to be environmentally friendly. I walk to the grocery store; he walks to school and often takes the bus to run other errands. I probably could take the bus more often but I tend to wimp out when trips involve the kids. I also feel guilty each night as I drive back and forth to work by myself. But we do recycle everything we can and I almost always remember to bring my own grocery bags to the store. So the plastic diapers are one of the major things contributing to my environmental responsibility right now. The truth is, at this point in Little Dude's life it really wouldn't be too hard to switch over to cloth. Several friends have recommended these diapers and they look pretty cool. I don't think that dumping poo in the toilet and rinsing would be that much worse than wiping it off his butt. After nearly five years of dealing with poo I don't really care at this point. He generally only does it once a day now. We also have our own washer and dryer in our apartment, although the cost of hot water and running the dryer should probably be considered. And that's what a lot of our environmental issues come down to: money. I know in the long run that cloth diapers will save us money, especially if we have another kid. Unfortunately it is usually easier to go to Target and spend the $16 a month for a big box of Luvs than it is to plop down three or four hundred dollars to buy diapers for the next year. I've never felt like diapers were a financial burden, but the cost to the environment is really starting to get me down.

Answers

I feel like I've had a lot of people asking questions about thing in my comments and I haven't been very good about following up on them. So, here goes:

1. I didn't buy either of the things from Eddie Bauer. I really don't need a new dress or new pants right now, and after reevaluating my budget I decided to err on the side of fiscal responsibility. I'd rather have more money for moving later this year than a new dress right now. But, if anyone out there actually needs and can afford new clothes I wanted to let you know since that is an amazing sale.

2. Tonight we had friends over and made the Greek food highlighted here by STM. It was awesome. I bought cucumber sauce from Trader Joe's instead of making it myself, and I didn't make the potatoes, but the rest of the dinner was fabulous. I love gyros, Greek salad, and rice pilaf. Can't wait for lunch tomorrow.

3. Haven't heard anything back from other schools yet (UC Berkeley and U Oregon). Still kind of leaning towards Davis, although we'll probably have to live in student housing for the rest of our lives. The better weather, closer proximity to family, status of the school, excellence of the library, and a few other factors are starting to win me over. I love our friends in Berkeley, but I applied for the Spanish program there and I think I'd rather do Comparative Literature (which is what I got into at Davis). More on this later. Hopefully by the end of this month will have more plans in place. I didn't apply to Comp Lit at Berkeley because they wanted me to know Latin or Greek.

4. We have moved the kids' bedtime back to 7:00. They still get up early, but at least they aren't as cranky. We're big fans of early bedtimes for children. Now we just have to get an earlier bedtime for ourselves.

5. Someone asked if we have Winco. I think there are some around here, but they are somewhat far away from where we live. A few of my friends swear by it and make the drive every few weeks, but I just haven't yet. I prefer to walk to my local grocery store and make do with sale merchandise. I've also found some surprising bargains at the drugstore right by my house. A few months ago I bought 30 cans of beans on sale. I didn't have the cashier bag them--she just left them in the cart, I wheeled it up to my back door and unloaded, and then returned it to the store. Nice.

6. I have read Wide Sargasso Sea, but it was so long ago that I remember none of it. Perhaps now that I've recently read Jane Eyre again I should give it a try.

OK, I hope that clears some things up. I should just get better about responding to comments. I love the community of blogging and I feel bad for not following up on your thoughts and questions. I guess I'll have to write a post like this again.

Just Say No

I've discovered that a great way to save money is to never look at catalogs. For several year now I've thrown away catalogs without even looking at them. If you don't see it, you're not going to want it. Unfortunately I've gotten in a bad habit at looking up some of my favorite stores online. I just found out today that this is the last week Eddie Bauer is having their winter stuff on clearance. I bought these pants in brown a few weeks ago and I am in love with them. I'm seriously considering ordering them in gray. Twenty dollars is a great price for quality pants, especially since they come in petite. If any of you need new pants, you should buy them. They are fabulous! Then I found this dress and now I'm really trying to talk myself out of it. Having a job makes it so much easier to justify impulse shopping, although I still can't afford stuff like this. I'm supposed to be saving up for new shoes!

A Surprising Email

I just got an email in my inbox. It was from UC Davis. They are "delighted" to accept me into their program in Comparative Literature, are "impressed by [my] credentials" and are certain that I would "thrive in this environment". I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. For a while I've been really debating about doing the PhD or not, but this makes me feel excited. I still need to hear back from Oregon and Berkeley before I make up my mind, but Davis has a lot of good things going for it.

We were justdoing a little research on the web and it seems like Davis would be a nice place to live. It's a smaller city, has good environmental and transportation options, and decent weather. I'm not a fan of the hot summers, but it apparently has mild winters and at this point we're both tired of freezing to death for six months out of the year. It's also quite a bit closer to our families and to some of our friends (not right next door, unfortunately). Plus I just looked up the school district and they have a Spanish-language immersion program in one of the elementary schools. I would love for S-Boogie to be in a program like that and I think she would like it too. Unfortunately Davis has a pretty high cost of living, so that's certainly a negative. Well, I still need to get two more letters so hopefully we'll be able to make some kind of decision soon!

I need some answers

Little Dude, why have you suddenly decided that 6:30 is a great time to wake up? And why does that make you so cranky? We don't like being awakened in the pitch black early morning by shrieking. It's obviously not working for you either since you spend the rest of the morning whining and acting sleepy.

S-Boogie, why is going to the bathroom such a difficult thing to do? Why is it easier to just wait for hours and hours until you wet your pants? Why did I find the toilet full of pee this morning with no evidence of toilet paper? And why did you freak out when I asked you to go back and flush and wash your hands? I wasn't accusing you of a major crime, just a lack of basic hygiene.

Both of you, why does the fact that Mommy wants a little privacy in the bathroom or a few minutes to eat breakfast induce such angst? Why can't I just blow dry my hair or eat a bowl of cereal without two bawling children clinging to my leg?

The blessings of thriftiness

I don't know if I've mentioned in earlier grocery shopping posts, but one way I save money and have fun while shopping is by using the day-old bakery rack at my store. Not all stores have one, but usually hidden somewhere in the back is a rack with day-old goodies that are half-price. Pastries are sometimes kind of gross by the next day or two, but I usually don't buy them anyway. I love picking up some fun, fancy bread to eat with dinner or a nice loaf of French bread to turn into french toast. Most breads are still fine for a few days after the sell-by date, and if they're getting a bit stale I just butter them and toast them under the broiler. This afternoon I got a loaf of some fabulous rosemary bread from La Brea Bakery. It was so yummy, I could have eaten the whole loaf myself.

Also we had another great experience at Deseret Industries today. I've been meaning to get the kids new coats for a while now since theirs are both starting to get small. I had planned to pick some up at the after-season sales, but I waited too long and we haven't seen much in the stores. Today we had a few items to donate, so I thought we'd check out DI while we were there. I still can't believe it. We found a beautiful, light blue coat from Land's End in S-Boogie's size and a cute Columbia jacket in Little Dude's size. The coats are both in great condition, are good quality, and just the sizes we need. Plus we picked up an adorable red dress coat for S-Boogie. For only twenty dollars we have cute, warm children for the next winter or two (S-Boogie's coat is actually a 5/6 so it's on the big side for the moment). I was going to post this tomorrow because I don't think my decision to go to DI today was pure coincidence. I've been stressing about money for the last few months and just the other day actually thought "do people really get blessed for paying tithing?" I guess sometimes they do.

Reading Roundup: January

A Civil Action by Jonathan Harr

This book shows how something potentially boring--a massive class-action lawsuit that takes years to get through the court system--can be quite interesting if written about well. I have little interest in law or the court system and yet this book managed to keep me awake and reading. I also learned a lot about why lawyers don't always make a lot of money and why big lawsuits don't do much for social change.

Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy

Truth and Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett

I'm grateful to whoever made the recommendation that I read these books together. They are both beautiful books and their story is heartbreaking. I found Lucy's memoir especially compelling; her writing turns it into something that's not just about surviving cancer. The book seemed to be about so much more, and Ann's story of their friendship filled in the missing pieces and complemented the other story so well.

Longitude by Dava Sobel

This was a quick little read, but still interesting and I felt like I learned a lot from it. The thing I liked best was the author's ability to convey the spirit and attitudes of the time. For nearly a century "longitude" was the big cultural referent in plays and poems and such. It's funny to consider what people looking back on our society will find interesting and amusing like that.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

I first read this book back in high school and I hated it. I didn't like Jane, I thought it was boring, and Mr. Rochester seemed creepy. After spending two weeks watching an excellent adaptation on Masterpiece Theater, I decided to give it another try. I liked Jane a lot more this time around and I generally enjoyed the book. However, I still think Mr. Rochester is weird and creepy. Now I really want to give reading The Madwoman in the Attic another try because I feel like a feminist reading of this book is problematic. On the one hand, Jane is a positive, strong female character. On the other hand, she ends up in a relationship with a man who acts like an overbearing father more than a husband.

Family Tree by Barbara Delinsky

This is not the sort of book I usually read, but somewhere I heard a summary of the plot and it intrigued me. Basically, an upper-class New England white couple has a black baby. Turns out that somewhere back in the family there was an affair that no one talked about. The book was actually better than I expected, though things were fairly melodramatic in many parts and I didn't like either one of the main characters very much.

Poster Child by Emily Rapp

Another fabulous memoir; although it is ostensibly about her life with disability, I was most moved by her lifelong struggle with the self-imposed pressure to be "perfect in every way". There were a few minor editing problems, which I thought was kind of unusual, but other than that I loved this book.

The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis

This was a quick read and I have to say that I felt a wee bit let-down. I've never read the book before but I have heard plenty about the story. I wanted to read it before watching the movie (see below) and I'm glad that I did, but I don't think I expected Lewis' style to be so understated. I haven't read much by him. Perhaps all his books are the same way. After I got into the book I appreciated the simple prose, but it wasn't what I was expecting.

Plainsong by Kent Haruf

A beautiful book with well-drawn characters and not much plot. I enjoyed reading this and I am still thinking about the charcters and their stories. Not much surprising in it, but the writing is fabulous and it's a great read.

Bel Canto by Ann Patchett

Although I had heard good things about this book, I resisted reading it because the plot just didn't sound interesting to me. Now I repent of this completely--this is a fabulous book. It is hard to describe the plot without it sounding boring, but the characters and the writing are phenomenal.

Movies

This Film is Not Yet Rated

An interesting documentary about the ratings board and the ways in which the ratings system is deeply flawed. I was fairly grossed out because, as an unrated film, it contains all kinds of stuff that has been cut from other films. So, consider yourself warned.

In America

The plot in this movie is fairly standard, but the acting is phenomenal. I especially liked the fact that the director used actors who are mostly unknown so that the characters seem more real. There are also a lot of fascinating things going off with the camera and especially the use of a camcorder. I really like films that try and capture a child's view of things and felt that this one really succeeds in doing that.

Family Law

This was a fun little film from Argentina. The acting is great and the plot is interesting. The tone of the movie and the family experiences are generally very light and we had a great time watching it.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

I actually enjoyed this movie quite a bit, perhaps even more than the book (don't worry, I'll read the books to my kids while they are young and can appreciate them). I found the beginning disconcerting, and while I understand the reasons for adding it I certainly could have done without it.

Ed Wood

This movie was a bit slow. Also, the black-and-white photography and general campy style make it a little hard to immerse yourself in. I still really liked it. The story was warm, humorous and upbeat. Johnny Depp was awesome and reminded me why I spent most of my teenage years in love with him (What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Benny and Joon, and Edward Scissorhands are so much better than Pirates in my book). I would recommend this movie to anyone; it's rated R for a few swears, but other than that it's fairly clean.