Our New Addition

No, I am not pregnant (though having your baby turn two will inevitably induce some newborn hunger). We have a new family member; you might think it's just a car, but since Mr. Fob took a number of pictures of it and put it on his desktop, I think our relationship with this new guy is on a higher level. I know I blogged a few weeks ago about my desire for a new vehicle, but at the time I really didn't think we were going to be buying something new any time soon. However, Mr. Fob and I got to talking and realized that it was probably time to upgrade. After a few test drives and a whole lot of time spent comparing every possible aspect of our favorite vehicles, we settled on the Kia Rondo. We got a good price for it, it has more cargo space and the option to seat more people, and the mileage is not any worse than our old car. Best of all: it has power windows and remote entry. Hopefully we'll be happy with it for many more years to come.

The little things

I have noticed during my time on the internet that blogging about being a mom tends to swing back and forth between two extremes. Either we work hard to reassure ourselves that we are alright as we are, that we are doing plenty for our children, and that it's perfectly fine to be "lazy". The other extreme is the ideal of perfection--that moms should work hard to provide decorated homes, nutritious meals, cute clothes, inspired teaching, and a variety of other things for their kids. I have pretty much always fallen on the "lazy mom" side, and have even caught myself feeling judgemental of those who expend extra effort on their children. I think where I'm at right now is trying to find some balance somewhere in the middle. Kids like the little things; they like stuff like fun invitations to parties, cakes shaped like buses, and nicely wrapped gifts. Doing things for others is a way to show that you care about them. I think the problem comes in when we do things just for the sake of appearances or when we spend time and effort on things that aren't important to our children. Or when we do so much for our children that we either have no time for ourselves or we fail to teach them independence. Balance is a tricky thing, but for me I'm realizing that I can spend time doing special things for my kids and it really does make them happier. Sure I'm not "perfect" and I'm even a bit lazy at times. I think along with balance comes the ability to find our own voice as a mom. I like to cook, so decorated cakes and nice meals come easily to me. Stuff like folding origami boats isn't as simple, but I found that it took less than an hour of my time. The boats are the invitations to S-Boogie's goodbye party; I printed off a little paper with the party information and stuck it inside. The cake was for Little Dude's birthday yesterday. It really wasn't too hard actually, especially since I've had some practice with decorating before. And it was worth it to see his eyes light up and to hear him say "bus cake" all afternoon.

Memorial Day

Two years ago I woke up on Memorial Day in the hospital. The night before, my water had broken and I'd rushed to the hospital to have a baby three weeks early. I know I've already written about Little Dude's birth on here, and I probably talk about it way too much, but I think it will always be one of those life-defining moments for me. Today in church we were talking about the temple, and one of the things mentioned was that the temple is a place to learn more about the mysteries of God. We often think that the mysteries of God are the big things, like the location of Kolob, but we also have our own personal mysteries. God's mercy and help in Little Dude's birth will always be a mystery to me, especially since I know people who have lost babies in similar circumstances. I don't know why his life was spared, or mine, especially when there is so much suffering in the world. So on Memorial Day I ponder all the mysteries in my life--my friends and family members who died before we were ready to let them go, people I know who suffer in physical and emotional pain, those who don't have enough money, those that have too much money, and so on. I don't have many answers at all. But I, like Nephi, know that God loves all of his children. And I know that without mysteries there would be no need for faith.

Eat your veggies

Despite the fact that I grew up with a mother who was dedicated to serving us wholesome food, I still am not a huge fan of vegetables. Well, I can be, but they're not high on my list of things I daydream about. I'd much rather read a dessert cookbook than one about veggies. I will admit that I often eat vegetables more out of a sense of obligation to nutrition than for pure love of their taste. Lately we've been trying to increase our veggie intake, and one of the things that's helped is signing up for a company that delivers a bin of assorted organic produce to our home every other week (you can do it weekly, but we don't have that much money for food). Not only is the food fresh, but we get a variety of things that I wouldn't ordinarily buy in the store. Just this last week we've enjoyed kale, fingerling potatoes, spring salad greens, beets, cauliflower, and asparagus--plus I still have two artichokes waiting for me to figure out what to do with them. I've never cooked artichokes before. I was also inspired by this article to feel a little better about the fact that many of my veggie dishes involve olive oil or butter. Mostly olive oil, though. Apparently it's good to add some taste and often the oil will help you want to eat them. Or, in the case of Little Dude and beets, it will at least provide some lubricant for finger painting on your tray:

Survey Says: Cats are Girls, Dogs are Boys

Fifty-six people have taken my quiz, and the answers match what I had predicted from the outset. In fact, majority opinion matches all the animals in the book. If I had more time and a good reason to do it, I'd survey a bunch of books to see what kind of gender biases farm animals are subjected to in the name of children's literature. Now let's analyze the results:

Pig: Three quarters of the responses were for male, one quarter for female. The book actually has two pigs and uses "they", so this won't match up. Pig is one that can kind of go both ways, but I generally think of pigs as being male. The Three Little Pigs are usually male, and so are Wilbur and Babe, so there's some strong cultural conditioning going on there.

Horse: The same split: three quarters were male, one quarter female. In the book, Horse is referred to as "he". As one commenter pointed out, horse and cow are often seen as a pair, and since cows are obviously female (except in one of the dumbest movies ever), horses must be male. Plus horses are strong, large, and generally not easily dominated. Definitely male.

Sheep: Nearly 90 percent voted for female; in the book, the sheep is a girl. Mr. Fob points out that sheep/goat is another common farm pair, and so the cuddly, docile sheep is female in contrast to the more manly, garbage-eating goat.

Goat: Nearly all the answers were for "male", and it's another match to the book. For some reason goats just seem more "manly" I guess. The Three Billy Goats Gruff are usually male; I guess girls just can't be "gruff".

Mouse: This one was more evenly split, with a slight majority going for male. In the book, Mouse is a boy. This one is hard because mice don't give many clues to gender either way.

Duck: Sixty-forty for male, and Duck in this case is a boy. Maybe because he's daring enough to ride a bike. I bet if I would have said "swan" the majority would say it was female, and that in contrast ducks are male. Swans are way more graceful than ducks, and we all know that the Ugly Duckling is a boy.

Cat: Eight-five percent said female, and the book agrees. Cats are sleek, pretty, dainty, and sneaky. Just like girls, right?

Dog: The closest one to a complete majority: ninety-six percent of respondents voted "male". I think this partly has to do with the fact that the word for "female dog" is generally avoided in polite company, and partly to do with the fact that dogs are boisterous, friendly, and messy.

I thought this was very interesting and I may do more surveys like it in the future. Like I said, it would be interesting to look at more books and see if they go with these gender breakdowns. I think this mostly shows up in animal groupings like in this particular book, but I thought it was fascinating how every time I heard the pronoun "he" for the horse or "she" for the cat, it just seemed to fit. Despite the fact that we know that all animals come in both genders. Except for goats and dogs.

Animals and Gender

One of our favorite books lately is Duck on a Bike by David Shannon. In the book, Duck rides his bike past all his friends on the farm and invites them to come for a ride. What I found interesting the first time I read is that so often the gender assigned to each animal seemed to "feel right" to me. When I was discussing this with Mr. Fob, he actually agreed with many of my assessments. Obviously some animal names come with a gender, like rooster or cow, but many other animals seem to be more often portrayed as one way or another. Rather than reveal what my thoughts were, I thought I'd take a little survey and see what you think:

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

The collective wisdom of the internet

As a mom, I tend to take the easy route for most things. This is why neither of my kids has ever really had a birthday party with friends and games and all that stuff. We've usually had some kind of family get together instead, and last year I just invited S-Boogie's friends over for cupcakes. This year, however, she is obsessed with birthday parties. She's also been to a few hosted by her friends and is eagerly looking forward to hers. The only problem is that we won't be here for her birthday in August. So I had the bright idea of having a going-away party for her; the only problem is that I realized the other day that we only have about seven weeks left here (I know!) and I don't know what I'm doing. So hopefully my online friends can help me out. Has anyone out there had a birthday party for their kid?

First of all, I'm not sure about timing. I'm thinking a weekday afternoon, since Saturdays are usually full for people. Most of the kids are either not in school or are in her preschool class that is ending in two weeks, so that should be all right. Would 2 be a good time?

Then we need something to eat. Since it would be a mid-afternoon party, just a snack is good, right? I had the idea of doing fruit and yogurt parfaits, since they did them at school and S-Boogie thought they were a hit. Should I make it something where they can put them together themselves or just serve stuff. What else? Mini muffins? Veggies and dip? Also, I was thinking they could have cupcakes and I'll let them frost them by themselves. But if we let them make their own snacks that might be too many things for them to do (these kids are all about 5 or so).

We also need stuff to do besides run around and scream. I'm thinking a fun project would be decorating photo frames, because then they can take them home to remember the party. I'll take a picture of everyone together and send it out to them later. Plus then they have something to take home and I don't have to make goodie bags (I hate those, by the way). Should we play a game or two also? Maybe something like dancing to music and then they have to freeze when the music stops or "duck, duck, goose". I don't know many games, but I also don't want to have anything too competitive or elaborate.

Is there anything else I am not thinking of? Invitations are pretty easy to make with the computer, so I'm not too worried about that. Hopefully I can recruit another mom or two to help me out with crowd control.

Identity

I've been thinking lately about identity and the way people see us, and how we see them. This was partly inspired by reading a friend's blog who was talking about how she teaches piano students and arranges music and things like that. I realized that most people who have known me for the last few years would probably not think of me as a musician, or even musical. Yet all through high school I thought of myself as "musical" and it was an important aspect of my identity. I was in band for the first two years of high school and I also played the piano. I played for Young Women's as well as for extra things like baptisms, enrichment nights, etc. I also spent nearly a year playing piano for sacrament meeting in the Spanish-speaking ward that shared our building. For a few years I planned and coordinated an annual sacrament meeting program that the Young Women put on (it was modelled on the Primary program with musical numbers and talks). I also loved playing piano solos or accompanying people for talent shows. When I got to BYU, I discovered that most other people I knew were "musical" too, and my help was not needed as desperately in the ward. Since then I've rarely had the opportunity to play the piano (except as a missionary) and I find that I miss that part of myself. I especially love accompanying people who sing or play other instruments, so my new goal in the next year is to find us a cheap piano so I can start teaching my children and we can sing together as a family. I want my children to feel like we have a musical family.

I find it interesting that many people I know don't see this side of me at all, and I realize that there are sides to them that I don't know or see either. Our identity shifts throughout our lives as we focus on different things we need to do. I feel like I'm still growing into my role as a mother and it's sometimes strange for me to contemplate the fact that I am as important to S-Boogie as my mother is to me. I think of the love and admiration I've felt for my mom while growing up, and our complicated relationship, and it scares me that my own daughter looks to me in the same way. The other day we were having some frustration and she said "mom, you're always mad at me". And I felt really bad because I think it does seem that way sometimes. I don't want her to feel like her mother is always grumpy, but I'm also equally glad that she won't have the "my mother is a perfect self-sacrificing saint" problem either. I hope she realizes that her mother is human and is trying her best to learn a new role. When a child is born, a mother is born too, and I'm realizing that it takes a lot of struggling to grow into motherhood. Hopefully my children will learn from my example that they can always forgive themselves and others, keep going, and change for the better. I know that's what I learned from my mom and all the different things she has been and done in her life and I try to keep that long-range perspective as much as I can.

The Seven Year Itch

When Mr. Fob and I were dating seven years ago, he got a new car. I went with him to the dealership to look at it and pick it out; I remember feeling funny because at the time we were just dating, but starting to get serious, so I was thinking that at some point the car would be "ours" and not just "his". I'd never owned a car before, and for several years the car was fabulous. It has air conditioning and a CD player, both features I had never been blessed to have in a vehicle before. It's been a good little car and we've appreciated having it. Unfortunately, like many relationships, ours is getting a little stale. I've grown tired of our car's flaws, like no remote entry and a not-so-powerful engine. The cramped backseat and tiny trunk are also getting on my nerves. Many of my friends have recently acquired new cars or vans and I'm beginning to feel some serious envy of their new vehicles.

Today we had a one-day fling with a Toyota Sienna, and I think it's going to take me a while to recover. I didn't actually drive it and I sat in the back, but I still fell in love with all of its features. The little mirror that flips down and lets you see the back seats. The remote entry and the double sliding doors. Plenty of room for the kids' car seats, plus cup holders for their water bottles. Room for me to sit in the back with them without getting kicked or poked. Controls for the air conditioning in the back. I could go on and on. I'm afraid that now that I've seen the good side of life my car lust is only going to get worse. I think I should go do some price checking and bring myself back down to reality.

Omniscience

I've often heard the omniscience of God described as similar to that of parents who know their children well. God knows us so well he can predict our behavior in any situation. I'm really beginning to understand this as a parent. For example, yesterday I asked S-Boogie to change out of her church dress because we were going on a nature walk. She got upset because "all her friends wear dresses to play", so I pointed out a different dress that was more appropriate for play and said she could wear it to school in the morning. I figured she would probably get up and put it on, and sure enough, she did. Normally getting her dressed is an extended process involving a lot of whining and asking for help. This morning she was fully dressed, including tights, before emerging from her room. Just as I predicted.

A little while ago Little Dude started a very bad habit of removing his pajama pants and diaper at night. So far the only serious incident we had involved pee, but tonight when S-Boogie came out of the room to say "it's stinky" I knew exactly what I would find. Little Dude had his diaper off and his hands full of poop. Nice big mess to clean up. I knew that was going to happen some day, so I guess the real question is why I did nothing to stop it. It mainly has to do with the fact that he only has two pairs of zip-up pajamas (we put them on backwards so he can't undo the zipper) and his pajamas with pants and shirt are adorable. Well, I'm willing to sacrifice cuteness for cleanliness, so it is with great sadness that we're going to retire his dino jammies for the time being. I'm smart enough to know that allowing him the experience of feeling his own poop is unfortunately not enough to impress his little brain to never do it again. I guess that goes with another theory of the origin of God's omniscience--He's been around long enough to predict anything that will happen. Maybe if I have a few more kids I can approach that point in my life, but I'm not sure it's worth it.

Sexy Shoes

When I was in Las Vegas last month, my mom and I went to the mall to buy me some new shoes. We went to a store that sells quality, comfortable shoes. Their image is very practical and certainly not flashy like many of the other apparel stores in the mall. I thought it was the sort of store where you go to buy some sturdy, basic shoes that will keep your feet happy for a while. Then I got home and opened up the catalog they had slipped into my bag. I was confronted by a full-page picture of a lady with sand stuck to her butt. And a guy staring at her (notice that he's not looking at her shoes--I didn't notice them at first either). All the other pictures in the catalog are just as ridiculous. Lean women in tiny sports bras and shorts--oh, and athletic shoes. A girl hiking in a ridiculous looking tube top. A close up of a woman holding flip flops at her waist, so the picture is just flip flops and bikini bottom. I don't know if all the ads come from the shoe companies (like this one) or if they were created by the store. I was impressed by how blatantly sexual the whole catalog was. Buy our shoes and you'll be young, strong, and sexy. Or maybe you'll just end up with a disappearing swim suit and a sandy butt.

Husband of the Year

The last time I had a birthday party with someone other than family was ten years ago. My roommate threw me a party and forgot to invite anyone (she was a really sweet person and I totally forgive her for it). This year I decided that it would be fun to have a little get-together with my friends since I'm celebrating another decade. I gave Mr. Fob a list of suggested invitees and left the rest of the planning up to him. Tonight was somewhat of a surprise, although we both felt that the night before my birthday would probably be a good time for a gathering. I left work a little before eight and headed home, but then I started to feel really lame when I got caught in traffic and realized that my friends were all going to be sitting around waiting for me to get there. Thankfully I managed to get home without excessive delay, and thankfully Mr. Fob was a fabulous host. He made cheese balls with crackers, chips and guacamole, and this beautiful ice cream cake. He also graciously retired to the other room while we talked like thirteen-year-olds about "girly stuff" (hey, at least we weren't talking about our kids, right?), and he even bought two candles instead of burning down the house with the right number. I'm so glad we had a party and at the same time I'm sad to be leaving behind all these fabulous friends when we move in a few months. I can't believe I'm having this much fun and it's not even officially my birthday yet!