Yellow Wallpaper

Another Sunday, Another Post

2012-01-22T20:29:00.005-07:00

This past week flew by for me; I think it was the Monday holiday that messed with my mind. We spent the day at home; it was cold and there was snow in the forecast and I didn't feel like going anywhere. We made some chocolate chip cookies and didn't do much else. When I look back on the rest of the week it feels like a blur. Tuesday evening I had a meeting to go to at school and then a Relief Society activity. I worked on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, and then all day on Saturday. When I think about the week I generally feel like things went well, but trying to remember any details is difficult.

I've been planning to make Little Dude a scripture bag for a while and I even bought the fabric a few weeks ago. Last night I finally got over my inertia and decided to do it. Things went well for the first part of the project, but when it came time to make the straps I ran into major problems. I had bought quilted fabric to make the bag because I thought it would make it sturdier and it wouldn't need a lining. But after sewing the straps, I found that the thicker fabric made it impossible to turn them right-side out. After trying a variety of tricks, I finally gave up and made new straps that were twice as wide as the first ones I had done. I was able to turn these straps the right way, but when I tried sewing them to the bag, my machine freaked out about the thick fabric and the needle broke. By that point it was quite late and I was too tired, so I gave up. I need to figure out how to sew thicker fabrics on my machine, and possibly buy a different needle, but for now I'm not willing to go back and give it another try.

I didn't even get an interview with either of the jobs I applied for a few weeks ago. I really wasn't expecting one because I wasn't very qualified for either job, but it still feels a little frustrating. I did apply for a job that closes this Friday and I really feel like I have a good chance for an interview. It's not a career I had considered before, but I think I would enjoy it and it would be a good direction to go with my life. As much as I would love to find a good, stable job with benefits, I'm still not really invested in the job search because I love my current job. If I could work there full-time forever I would be happy (heck, if I could make working part-time a realistic option I would love to do that). Teaching is also going well this semester so far, and I like the fact that my current schedule allows me to be home with the kids so much. Of course, I'm mostly home during the day and I don't have many free weekends or evenings, not to mention the fact that I don't get paid time off. No matter what happens, I still feel good about my life and I have a feeling that something will work out in the 'right' way. I just have no idea what that is yet.

P. Bibby's birthday is coming up in a little less than two weeks. I can't believe it's been nearly two years since she was born. The time goes so fast. Lately she's become really talkative and I love the insight into how her thinking works. Today the older kids were telling me all about their trip to the aviary with their dad yesterday. P.Bibby kept piping up with things like "see birds", "stroller", "eat cookie", "daddy house", "owls". She knew what we were talking about, she remembered her trip, and she wanted to talk about it too. I love it. Lately she'll come up and tell me long sentences that are mostly intelligible. She has a very sweet personality and I am thoroughly enjoying her right now.

Little Dude is also doing well and impressing every one. Today he was assigned the scripture in Primary and read the entire thing: 2 Nephi 2:27. It's a long scripture with big words. I admit to feeling a bit of pride when people are astounded by his skills, but the truth is that I had nothing to do with it. He simply figured out how phonics work and just took off. I have a conference with his kindergarten teacher on Wednesday so I will find out if he's not too bored at school, but from what I can tell he's doing fine. At home he reads chapter books and looks at his new atlas and tells me all kinds of interesting new facts. School is valuable for kids, but learning at home is great too. I'm curious to see how first grade goes for him next year.

Since I talked about the other two kids, I should mention that S-Boogie is doing fine too. She loves school and loves reading, and even though she is not ahead of grade level or anything like that, she does well. As long as she enjoys learning and is confident about the things she does, I feel proud as a parent. Despite my desire to not go overboard with activities, she is involved in so many things. She is doing piano lessons and we signed her up for a weekly youth theater class. On top of that, she has Activity Days from church and she has been going to a Native American dance class with my sister-in-law. Plus at school she is on the team for "Battle of the Books". It's funny because I didn't intend to have her do so many things, but it just ended up that way. Things can get a little hectic with the schedule juggling I already do with my jobs, so I'm thinking that next year we might just do piano and no other paid extras like theater classes or sports. I'm still deciding on that.

First Week of the Semester

2012-01-15T22:02:00.008-07:00

Apparently I have abandoned thoughtful, well-written posts in favor of random, scattered updates on my life. I have neglected writing this week because I have been disciplined about getting myself to bed on time. It feels good to get up early and get my day off to a good start, and it feels even better to do that after a decent night's sleep. There also hasn't been much to say this week, plus I have five more books that I need to read for a deadline at the end of the month so I've been focusing on that.

As I mentioned, I've generally done well with getting myself to bed and getting up on time. This was the first week of class, and it is going well so far. Every semester seems to get easier and I am enjoying teaching. I have also had a very stable class roster this time around too, so that always helps. My schedule has given me more free time since I am now around when Little Dude is at school in the afternoon and P.Bibby is napping. It's been great; so has being home when the kids get home from school. Of course, I need to remember that I'm only getting paid to teach one class rather than two, but I'm not too worried about it. My schedule at the library will also be changing in a few weeks so I might miss some of those naptimes again.

The other day I got the urge to set up the extra room downstairs as a guest room. I have a lot of fun ideas for decorating it, and it would give me an excuse to buy myself a new bed for my room (and move the old one downstairs). Then my neighbor got on the Facebook page for the foundation she runs; they provide assistance to schools in rural Uganda. The school year there starts at the end of January and they had a few students that still needed sponsors for the year. I realized that I can probably afford to get a new bed at some other time this year, so I impulsively made a pledge to be a sponsor. It's really not an enormous sum of money, but more than I've ever given to charity. I'm mostly proud of myself for breaking out of my rut and doing something rather than just thinking "I'd like to do that some day". (By the way, they have sponsors for the next year, but they always take donations for school supplies and other projects if you are interested: click here).

For the past little while I have really been craving more healthy food. I love all the treats we have at the holidays, and for some time now I have been slipping back into eating a lot more meat and more processed foods. Last week I went shopping at Smiths, which I haven't done in a while, and then I felt disappointed because the produce was all so overpriced and poor quality. So yesterday I went to Sunflower Market and got excited about produce again. Today the kids had strawberries with their lunch and grapes with dinner and I'm planning on yogurt with berries and granola for breakfast (I made some granola tonight). I made myself a batch of ratatouille for dinner, even though I knew the kids wouldn't like it. Interestingly, I served some fish fillets and the kids gobbled them up (they were the frozen breaded kind, but still pretty healthy and fresh tasting--and not that fatty or anything) . None of them touched the macaroni and cheese I had reheated for them as a side dish. Granted, it wasn't that great a batch of mac and cheese, but they surprised me. They even loved the homemade tartar sauce I put on the fish.

The more I eat 'real' homemade food, the less patience I have for processed food. I've discovered in the past year or so that I've become picky about treats. I still eat too many, but it's becoming easier for me to resist eating stuff. I'm learning that I don't want to waste calories on something that's sweet if it doesn't taste very satisfying. I become even more of a food snob every day; if I only I could convince my children to think the same way. Yesterday S-Boogie redeemed some practice points at her piano lesson and went to a birthday party and so she (and the other two kids) spent the entire day sneaking candy from the large bag she had on the counter. It seems like whenever I manage to get rid of treats, more appear from somewhere to take their place. Oh well. We eat healthy food most of the time.

I should finish this up and get to bed; I shouldn't give myself exceptions when there is no school the following day. Getting out of my routine does my body no favors. Tomorrow is expected to be quite cold and snowy, so I'm planning on staying in and hanging out all day. Hopefully it will be a pleasant day and we won't all hate each other by the time it's through.

This Week's Random Brain Dump

2012-01-08T22:26:00.001-07:00

This week was nice because the kids went back to school but I didn't have to start teaching yet. It felt good to have a little break and relax a little. I rented the first season of the TV show The Closer from the library and spent a lot of my free time this week watching it. I also cooked a lot, including homemade bread and enchilada sauce from scratch.

I start teaching again tomorrow and I'm not really looking forward to it. I only ended up with one class this semester--which is partly the department's fault for not reading my request form correctly and partly mine for not having a more flexible schedule. I think it feels particularly onerous because it is a class that meets three times a week for fifty minutes. So three mornings a week I get to get up, drive to campus, teach for an hour, and drive home. However, I did the financial calculations and I just can't do without the money right now. At least I only live about 10 minutes from campus; if I lived farther away it wouldn't be worth it.

Last week I applied for two positions at another library that I would really like to have, but I have not heard anything back and I'm not holding my breath for an interview. I still feel like it is best to just wait for a good job opportunity rather than applying for anything possible, because I'm doing all right financially, I'm home a lot during the day time when the kids are, and I really love my part-time job. I just feel impatient because I want to figure out how the rest of my life will go (as if getting a full-time job is really a guarantee of that).

Today I had the opportunity to be with Mr. Fob's family when his sister's husband blessed their baby. I briefly debated going, but we all still love each other and they still consider me family (and I feel the same way about them). As we were sitting in the chapel I realized that just three years ago none of us there had any idea that this event would be taking place in the future. She was a single mom for quite a while before she got remarried, and then had to wait through a lot of heartache for this precious baby. While we were at her house afterwards I sat and talked with her for a while and it was such a blessing to me. I'm glad that I have such good people in my life.

I am writing this post much too late in the day and I really should publish it and get to bed. We switched to morning church, so now I have to be up and ready to go somewhere nearly every morning of the week. This next month is the time for me to get serious about my goal of going to bed on time. Too much random internetting is destroying my sanity.

Reading Roundup: 2011

2012-01-03T16:16:00.002-07:00

This year I read 95 books, which is just a few more than last year. You would think that with having three kids and working two jobs I wouldn't have time to read, but as I talked about in this post, it's a bit of a compulsion. Plus I'm in a book club, I work in a library, and I have other things that need to read books for. We'll see if I really do read fewer books in 2012.

60 were fiction and 35 were nonfiction; that seems to be pretty similar to the ratio I've had every year since I started keeping track of things. I like nonfiction a lot, but fiction books are often faster and easier to read. This year 62 books were by women and only 33 were by men. I don't know if that means anything at all; there were a few authors that I read more than once this year and most of them were women. I also read a lot more books by LDS authors this year, but among those there didn't seem to be more women than men.

Once again, here are my favorites for the year (in no particular order):

Fiction
A Sense of Order (and other stories) by Jack Harrell
Rift by Todd Robert Petersen
The Lost Books of the Odyssey by Zachary Mason
Alma the Younger by H.B. Moore
The Wednesday Wars by Gary Schmidt
State of Wonder by Ann Patchett
The Call by Yannick Murphy
After by Amy Efaw
Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson
The Buddha in the Attic by Julie Otsuka

Nonfiction
Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
Nothing to Envy by Barbara Demick
The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabelle Wilkerson
Home Waters by George Handley
The Disappearing Spoon by Sam Kean
Bossypants by Tina Fey
Maphead by Ken Jennings
The Panic Virus by Seth Mnookin

I only watched 30 movies this year; it actually sounds like a lot when I add it up, but there were some months when I watched 5 or 6 movies and other months when I didn't watch any. I haven't had time to watch many during the last few months because of my work schedule and need to get stuff ready for teaching. I hope to watch more movies next year because I love them. Some of this year's favorites:

Taking Chance
Undertow
Inside Job
The King's Speech
The Fighter
Reel Injun
Temple Grandin

Reading Roundup: December 2011

2012-01-02T12:33:00.002-07:00

The Pharaoh's Daughter by N.C. Allen

This was a fun historical mystery that made for a nice read while waiting for my car to get a new battery installed. I felt like there were a few too many characters and I sometimes had trouble keeping everyone straight, but that was the main flaw that I found.

The Art Detective by Philip Mould

I learned a few things about art history and restoration from this book, but generally I felt like the author was pretentious and not very good at explaining things clearly.

The Call by Yannick Murphy

The narrative voice of this book is very distinct and I had a hard time really getting into it at first. I'm glad that I persevered because it ended up being one of the best books I've read all year.

American Widow by Alissa Torres

I had to read a graphic novel this month for work so I chose this one. Technically it's a graphic memoir, and I thought it was really well done. The story has the potential to be horribly maudlin, but the spare writing and illustrations do a good job portraying her grief without being too overbearing or sappy.

Beyond this Valley by Millie Chidester

The cover and summary did not do much to inspire me to read this book, but I was pleasantly surprised. The plot was not surprising in any way, but the characters were all people I wanted to spend time with. They felt very real to me and I enjoyed the time I spent reading this book.

After by Amy Efaw

If you are squeamish about graphic medical descriptions or about children being hurt, don't read this book. If you can handle the subject manner, then you really should read it. I thought it was an excellent example of how to make even the most unsympathetic character believable; it's one of the few novels I've read recently where characters really undergo substantial change. It also truly surprised me with the ending, and that doesn't happen often either.

Miss Delacourt Has Her Day by Heidi Ashworth

It took me a while to get into this book because I don't read many Regency romances and I had not read the first book. I did feel like the author had the characters spend too much time explaining everything that happened in the first book; it would have been better just to keep going with the story after one brief explanation. Once I got into the story and the rhythm of the book I enjoyed it quite a lot.

Attack the Lusitania! by Jerry Borrowman

I appreciated the fact that this book was obviously well-researched and historically accurate, but I liked it even more because the author has created believable, sympathetic characters that make you want to keep reading. We know what is going to happen to the boat from the beginning of the book, so it is good to add more to the story to make it a good read.

The Wednesday Wars by Gary Schmidt

I have actually been listening to this as an audio book for the last few months (I have been trying to exercise regularly without much success). The plot outline of the book did not appeal to me, but I soon found myself sucked in by the characters. This was a fabulous book, and the version I listened to had a great narrator that made it even better.

The Buddha in the Attic by Julie Otsuka

This is the second book I've read in the last few months that takes big chances with the way it is written. I thought it was amazing; other reviews I have read have been mixed, but I loved this book. It is short and seemingly simple, but really it is quite profound and deeply touching.

The Year is Dying in the Night

2011-12-31T20:30:00.006-07:00

Tomorrow starts a new year; I still can't believe it is 2012. My brain is in a bit of a time warp and has a hard time accepting the fact that we have moved past 1999. Obviously if I look in the mirror or realize that I have an eight-year-old, I can see the passage of time. It's just hard to understand that I have come to the point in my life where I feel much younger than I look.

This is also a natural time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the next one. As most people would probably guess, 2011 was not really my favorite year. I think it could have been a great year; we had a nice home, good jobs, stable income, healthy growing kids, opportunities for travel, and so on. I guess it goes to show that the external trappings of your life are not what define you or what can make you happy. Yesterday as I was glancing through the 2011 calendar my stomach dropped when I looked at a note in January marking the business trip Mr. Fob went on. I know now that the trip was not really the catalyst for what happened, but I still can't think of that week with any happiness at all. It's easy to divide my life into "before" and "after". It's also fairly easy to look at my blog and see when I decided to stop talking about my life. I think I spent most of 2011 hiding from people and from myself. One of my goals for next year is not to do that.

I am looking forward to a new year with optimism. I expect good things. I still have some things in my life that I am sad about, but in my core I feel peace. I feel strong. I miss my old life in many ways and I miss the person I used to be (and I especially miss the life my kids could have had), but I am also determined not to let that define who I am or who I can be. In 2012 I want to be an optimist. I want to be a kind and charitable person who reaches out to help others. I want to be a good friend and family member. I know that when you are setting goals it is better to set specific, measurable goals. I don't feel like doing that this year. My main goal is to look back at 2012 and to be able to say that I am sad to see it go.

Off Balance

2011-12-22T22:11:00.001-07:00

I read 10 books in November. I knew I had been reading a lot, but the number surprised me when I added them all up. Reading books is good, right? I've usually thought so and I've spent most of my life proudly identifying myself as a reader. However, a few years ago I was talking with a therapist and he asked me what hobbies I had. "I read," I responded. "What else?" he asked. I was surprised--isn't reading good? Isn't it virtuous? Aren't I better person because I read a lot? Well, as he gently pointed out, even reading can be a problem if it is being used as an escape from life or when it crowds out other more important things. Sometimes reading is best, but sometimes it's just good and there might be something better.

I realized that this was what happened last month. Many of those books were finished in the wee hours of the night when I should have been sleeping. Or during other times when I should have been doing other things. I set a goal last month to get to bed at a reasonable hour in order to get sufficient sleep, and I didn't meet that goal any night in a month. That's a problem; insufficient sleep wreaks havoc with the rest of my life. As much as I love reading, I also am realizing that I need to make room for other things like being well-rested, being patient with my kids, exercising, completing my school things on time, and so on.

So I think one of my New Year's resolutions will be to read fewer books. Weird, I know. But this will take more willpower than many other things I could do. I want to try more things and to diversify my life more. We'll see how it goes.

Reading Roundup: November 2011

2011-12-11T20:37:00.000-07:00

State of Wonder by Ann Patchett

Patchett's books are always hard to explain; the plots sound like they are belong to action thrillers, but the writing is much more quiet and introspective. Either way, I love them and I find myself drawn in to the world she creates so fully that I am sad when I finish the book.

The Central Park Five

This book felt a bit superficial (it is fairly short) and it does not cover all aspects of the crime or its victim. However, I did feel that it still provided important insights, not only into the police procedures but also into the culture of New York City at the time the crime occurred. I also felt like I could finally understand why someone might confess to a crime they didn’t commit, and why the attack still plays such a big role in American culture even though what most people think they know about it is wrong.

What the Dead Know by Laura Lippman

I checked this out of the library when I wanted something quick and easy that I could escape with. I've never been disappointed by Lippman when it comes to reading a well-written mystery that keeps you reading without insulting your intelligence as a reader.

Abish: Mother of Faith by K.C. Grant

I wanted to like this book, and I think it has some strengths, but I was distracted by the sloppy editing, the densely convoluted plot and characters, and the fact that it was obviously a sequel to a book I hadn't read before and should have read before this one. I think it had potential and I really liked the author's characterization of Abish, but I felt that it fell short.

The Panic Virus by Seth Mnookin

This is one of those books that I have been talking up to everyone I know. The writing is clear and easy to understand, and the author has obviously thoroughly researched his subject in a comprehensive way. I also liked that he does not just cover the history of vaccines and the controversy surrounding them, but he also explores things like the problems with news coverage of scientific studies, how we understand and evaluate information, and what influences the choices we make.

This Beautiful Life by Helen Schulman

This book has an interesting premise and the writing is very good. However, the book left me feeling frustrated and I felt that the ending was weak in comparison to the rest of the book. The book is about the ways in which people miscommunicate with each other and let each other down, and it can be hard to read about people making stupid choices and not doing anything to correct their mistakes.

The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester

This was our book club pick for the month, and so it was good to finally get around to reading it since it's been on my 'to-read' list for years. I thought it was an intriguing story but there were times when the writing failed to keep my interest. I felt that some times the author gave too much information and in other places he gave too little.

The Summer I Learned to Fly by Dana Reinhardt

This was another quick read, since it is a relatively short YA book. I liked it; it is a sweet tale about growing up and learning more about yourself and the world around you. And it's about a 13-year-old girl in California in the mid-1980s who has a pet rat, so I think I was destined to read it.

The Things We Cherished by Pam Jenoff

This book was a great read; the plot is a nice mix of romance and mystery and really keeps you reading until the end. The chapters switch back and forth between the past and the present, and that can get confusing at times. I also thought the back story was more interesting and better-written than the contemporary parts of the book

The Beast in the Garden by David Baron

This book felt like a nice cross between a true crime book and nature writing. I did not know much about cougars in the west before reading it and I thought the author did a good job of being thorough and balanced. I would love to see a follow-up to some of the issues he raises, since this book covers events that now happened twenty years ago.

Movies

Taking Chance

I was not expecting to like this movie as much as I did. I was worried that it would be cheesy and it really wasn't. It is surprisingly powerful despite the fact that the events it covers are, unfortunately, rather routine.

Black Swan

I rarely regret watching movies, but I don't think this one was worth my time. I think I just wasn't in the right mood, but it was a little too weird and crazy for my taste.

A Day for Yes

2011-12-08T13:46:00.003-07:00

If you are not offended by a bit of profanity, click here for a very funny commentary on life.

If you didn't click on the link, it's a post about how it is easy to sit around not doing much except for those days when you get a burst of energy and decide to clean and take care of bills and answer emails; you know, all those things that responsible adults should do. Although I think I'm usually pretty responsible, largely because I have kids and I have a job with set hours, there are definitely a lot of areas of my life that feel like that. Sometimes I feel like I do the bare minimum and shove anything I can get away with over to the side to be dealt with in some future, nebulous "later".

I was realizing the other day that, in some ways, the ease of modern living encourages inertia and sloth. Because the necessary tasks of feeding, sheltering, and clothing my family take relatively little effort, it is easy to make the rest of my life take little effort as well. I wonder if I would be so lazy about doing my laundry if I had to go pound it on rocks down by the river; because it doesn't take much effort to throw it in the machine, add soap, and turn it on, my life has a relatively high amount of 'extra' time. I'm sure those ladies who have to wash their laundry in the river or who have to haul water would love to have the luxury of 'extra' time, but I have realized that since I do have that blessing I really need to use it for better things. (I also wonder whether I'd be the kind of person who would just wear dirty clothes all the time if it took that much effort to wash them).

On days when I force myself to start doing things that need to be done, rather than hiding in a book or browsing on the internet, I feel good about myself and actually accomplish more. It just takes a little push.The other day I made a list of errands that I needed to accomplish. They were all small things, but together they felt overwhelming. I also prefer to run errands without kids when I can, and most weeks I do have time when my kids are with their dad and I can do this. However, this was not one of those weeks. I wanted to put things off and spend this morning lazily sitting around the house. Instead, I packed up Little Dude and P.Bibby and we went to Lowes to return a defective tree stand, the pet store to get some fish food, Kohls to try and find Little Dude some dress shoes (we got P.Bibby some clothes instead), and the mall for shoes at Payless. When we were at the mall Little Dude asked for lunch from Chick-Fil-A, so I said yes, because it really was the most convenient option. And while the three of us were sharing our nuggets and fries, I realized that we were spending time together and that the kids had not been whining or fighting all morning. And that I was getting things done so I could feel better about myself. Yes, driving to the store for fish food or kids shoes is not as heroic as walking a mile to pound my clothes on a rock, but it was making me feel overwhelmed anyways and I'm glad I overcame my inertia to do it.

Wookin' Pa Nub

2011-12-03T22:26:00.005-07:00

(If you haven't seen "Buckwheat sings", you should click here )

A few months ago I was reading a blog discussion about how long people who are divorced should wait before they start dating again. Interestingly, some people who responded were bothered by anything that seemed like it was 'too soon'. There is apparently a lot of judgement out there about how people who divorce should act or not act after the fact. Even a few months ago I wasn't sure I wanted to date again any time soon.

Even though it's only been a few months since things were official, I think I do want to try dating. Part of me feels excited by it. The thought of meeting new people and doing fun things together is appealing. The other part of me feels scared. There are a lot of strange people out there and I don't know if I'll find anyone who appeals to me. I also don't know if I will appeal to anyone either. I don't have a lot of dating experience. As I explained a long time ago in this post, Mr. Fob was really the first person to ask me out and the only person I've really had a relationship with. But, I feel like I am a different person than I was ten years ago and I have a lot more life experience so maybe dating will be a little better this time around.

I have been trying two different dating sites online during the last few weeks. I've decided to try looking online because I'm not sure how else to meet other single people my age. I'm also on the internet a lot and I feel comfortable communicating online with people. I first signed up for LDS-Singles; I like that they make searching and matching up with people easy, but so far I haven't really found many people that catch my interest. A few people I know suggested that I try OK Cupid, and I signed up there earlier this week. So far I'm liking it quite a lot. It does seem to be harder to sift through people to find ones that are a good fit for me, but there is a wider variety of guys on there and the amount of information you can submit makes it easier to find compatible matches.

I find it interesting that I'm mostly finding people a little younger than me or significantly older than me. I've also been surprised by the number of guys in their early thirties that are just finishing up college or going back to school. I've also decided that I don't like the guys who can't spell, who don't like to read (duh), or who message me little impersonal things like "I like your smile". That's creepy. So far I'm having fun and I've even messaged a few people to see if I can get to know them better. That's the step that mystifies me the most--what do I do then? I don't want to be too pushy but I also don't want to miss out on a chance. Maybe during the next little while something will click and I will actually go on a date. If I do, and I don't die from nervousness, I will report back here on how it went.

Today I was Awesome

2011-11-19T21:37:00.004-07:00

Last night I went to bed late, and then stayed up even later reading. The book wasn't even that good, but it was short-ish and I wanted to finish. When my alarm rang this morning I began to regret the fact that I had once thought getting Bountiful Baskets would be a good idea. However, I decided to get up and get moving. I started by going to pick up my produce. I am more than prepared for Thanksgiving next week.

After I got home from picking up the produce I almost went back to bed. It's Saturday and the kids were at their dad's house until this afternoon. But I had made plans and I wanted to stick with them. I spent the morning cooking up a bunch of food to put in the freezer; I made chicken and wild rice soup; butternut squash soup; meatballs; and calico beans. It doesn't sound like a lot, but I only get to cook about half the days of the week and I have a few other things in the freezer. I took a break in the middle to run to Target for some groceries. Now I don't have to figure out what's for dinner or stress about cooking it for an entire month.

While I was at Target I picked up a new windshield wiper for my car. Then I came home and installed it myself. Go me. My car also had the 'tire pressure' light on, so when I went to Costco this afternoon I stopped by the tire center to see if I could get some help with figuring out the problem. The super nice guy working there showed me how to use their cool air pump that has a built-in digital pressure gauge. I checked all four tires and filled them up. I felt so awesome doing it. I love Costco.

After I ran errands and cooked all day, I picked up the kids and took them to their cousin's birthday party tonight. Surprisingly, P-Bibby was the one who enjoyed it the most. A crowded bowling alley and a bunch of hyper 9 and 10 year old boys were kind of intimidating to the other two. P-Bibby danced to the music, ate an entire slice of pizza, a million grapes, and a whole cupcake. She thought it was awesome. I thought that I was an awesome mom because I did not have a nervous breakdown.

Now I'm going to be awesome by putting myself to bed on time. Maybe I'll get up and make pancakes so I can keep my awesome streak going.

Tonight's Brain Dump

2011-11-16T22:27:00.003-07:00

I have been forcing myself to get more sleep for the past few nights and I'm feeling a lot better. I also realized yesterday why I was in such a bad mood for the few days before that. This kind of thing happens once a month, and has for the last 20 years, so you'd think I'd figure it out by now.

We have a copy of this book on the new book display, and every time I look at it I feel a little thrill. That guy's tight pants are sexy! I'm beginning to understand why people sometimes go a little crazy after a relationship ends. It's been nearly a year without any physical affection in my life and I definitely miss it. Not that I'm planning on going out and doing anything stupid, but it is a bit tempting. (And no, I'm not going to read the book. It's probably not as exciting as the cover)

On a somewhat related note, one disadvantage of living in a college town is that many of the cute guys around here are a lot younger than me. I don't feel that old, but sometimes I'll realize that the hot guy I just noticed is only about 22 or 23, and then I feel lame. Yikes.

Um, moving on to another topic. My new favorite treat is maple-flavored yogurt from Brown Cow. Cream-top yogurt is probably not the healthiest treat in the world, but it's better than candy, right? Brown Cow also makes a really tasty chocolate flavor that is good for satisfying cravings.

Remember how I talked about buying art if I won money on Jeopardy? I didn't win that much money, but I realized today that I could still buy myself a painting. I just might do that. I still haven't figured out what I want to do with my money. I know that it would be best to do something practical, like make a big payment on my student loan, but I'd rather just do something fun. I don't know what yet. I've thought of getting a nicer digital camera, a new bike, a playground for the kids in the backyard, decent bookshelves for the basement, and even laser hair removal for my face so I don't have a mustache anymore. So many possibilities!

I think I'm over-tired and I should go to bed.

So Much for NaBloPoMo

2011-11-12T12:38:00.003-07:00

I had thought of doing NaBloPoMo this month but never really committed myself to doing it. I thought it might be a good kick in the pants to get me blogging again, but it didn't really work. Lately I've had a hard time committing to anything; everything feels off-kilter and I need to get my life back on solid footing again. During the last week I started 3 different books before giving up and taking them back to the library. My fridge is full of food because I keep changing my mind at the grocery store. For so long I thought I had things planned out and I thought I knew who I was and what my life was like, and now I have no idea.

It also doesn't help that I've had a nasty head cold that has been coming and going for nearly two weeks now. Some days my throat is so sore I can barely speak, other days my eyes itch and my nose runs, and on other days I feel fine. I keep thinking that the worst is over and I have recovered, but then it turns out that I am sick again the next day. I know part of the problem is the fact that I have not been sleeping enough lately. Even though I know I need to sleep more, for some reason when life gets hard I don't like to go to bed. I may be tired but getting in bed seems impossible for some reason. I need to figure out how to get around that weird quirk of my psyche.

Yesterday they called to offer me the job I had interviewed for last week. I turned them down. I hate to turn down a job, but I can't do it for the pay they are offering. If I were in a position to sell my home and move somewhere that was closer to the job and cheaper, I would. But I've decided that keeping my home and providing stability for my children is one of my priorities. Now I just keep praying to find the right job for me. There aren't a lot of good options out there right now. This is when I wished I lived in a country that offered things like subsidized health care and child care, because I love my job right now and would stay here forever if I had benefits.

On the more positive front, I did have a wonderful day yesterday. My parents and youngest brother are in town for a few days. The kids love having them visit, and last night we went on a grown-ups only outing to Tucanos and then a show by Living Legends. It was great. I love having visitors. Now I just need to get some sleep and get over this stupid cold so I can enjoy the rest of their visit.

A Bird in the Hand

2011-11-05T10:27:00.003-06:00

Yesterday morning I interviewed for a job. This is one of the first times I have even gotten an interview for anything I've applied for (in fact, the last time was the job I now have at the library). It looks like a good job, and I have a feeling that they will be calling me back some time next week. Now I just have to make a decision and I'm trying to decide what to do among my many options:

1. Stay with the jobs I have now. I work part-time at the library and I teach college part-time. The advantages to this are that I only go to work about 30 hours a week, they pay is good, and my hours are somewhat flexible. I also love working at the library and thinking of leaving there makes me sad. The disadvantages to this situation are my lack of health insurance, my unpredictable schedule, the fact that I have to work evenings and Saturdays, and the fact that I don't really like teaching. Not only that, but any free time I do have tends to get sucked up by lesson plans and grading papers.

2. Take the job I interviewed for yesterday. It looks like a fun place to work, the dress code is fairly casual, and the hours are flexible. I won't have to work Saturdays or evenings unless I want to. After the first 3 months I am eligible for insurance, but I think I would have to pay for it from my paycheck. They also offer tuition reimbursement after a year of employment as well as sick leave and paid time off. This job is working with a library software company, and I would get valuable training that I could use to move on to a better job some day. The first problem with this scenario is that the office is somewhat far away--I'd be looking at a 30-40 minute round-trip total of commuting time everyday. Do I want to waste that much time and gas? The main problem with this job is that the pay is really low. Like, I'm not sure if I can physically handle that low of pay. My housing costs are pretty fixed and I can't sell the house, plus I don't want to. I feel like the kids' stability is important and I love our neighborhood.

3. Keep looking for and applying for other jobs. There are two universities and several other major companies in the area that offer good pay and benefits. I might be able to get something with better pay and benefits, and longer-term stability. However, I might not. My work experience for the last 10 years is pretty spotty and I know that competition is fierce for jobs at the moment. I really don't have as much to offer as many candidates, and I have so far not even gotten so much as an interview for the jobs that I thought I was reasonably qualified for.

Right now I'm doing fine with the two part-time jobs that I have, but I do feel a bit exhausted by the schedule. That will change at both jobs in January and perhaps it will be more reasonable, but the extra work of teaching will never go away. I also feel nervous about being in a 'temporary' part-time situation with no benefits; there's a part of me that just wants to be on a settled career track. The thought of working full-time and having to figure out child care during the day (and what do I do in the summer?!) freaks me out, but I know that I need to do something different. It's just so hard to figure out which choice is the best one.

Reading Roundup: October 2011

2011-11-02T23:03:00.002-06:00

The Wilder Life: My Adventures in the Lost World of Little House on the Prairie by Wendy McClure

I read all of Laura Ingalls' books as a kid, multiple times, so I was the perfect reader for this book. I had a lot of fun reading about the author's experiences trying to learn more about Laura and about life on the frontier. I also thought it was interesting to reflect on how our childhood experiences with reading influence the rest of our lives.

Daughter of Helaman by Misty Moncur

This book was much better than I had expected it to be (and based on the cover--the design is definitely not my favorite). I did wonder how much of Heather Moore's Book of Mormon books the author had read simply because there seemed to be many similarities between the books; that could be simply due to using the same sources on ancient Meso-America for inspiration. I did like the characters quite a lot but thought the book was lacking strength in plot development. I also dislike books that seem to obviously be setting up a sequel.

Turn of Mind by Alice LaPlante

This book was so well-written that it ended up being exhausting to read. I really loved the central idea of the book: a murder mystery retold from the point of view of a woman who is suffering from dementia. The story was well-done and I was surprised by the ending, but I also felt frustrated because I didn't like or understand most of the main characters. I don't know how much of that is due to the fact that they are revealed slowly and in fragments, or if they are just truly incomprehensible.

Dreams of Joy by Lisa See

After Shanghai Girls ended so abruptly I put this book on hold and endured weeks of endless waiting. This book ups the ante as far as perilous, horrific situations go, and it covers a shorter period of time, but I enjoyed it just as much. The action was compelling and the characters were written in a way that kept me caring about them through to the end. If you are looking for a good, action-packed historical novel (or two), read Shanghai Girls and then this one. And then be very grateful for your life right now.

Maphead: Charting the Wide, Weird World of Geography Wonks by Ken Jennings

I had a blast reading this book--I'm sure it helps that I am a 'maphead' too and that I know Ken and his family (man, I really need to take another trip to Seattle to visit my friends), but even if I didn't like either maps or the Jennings' family, I probably still would have loved this book. It is a great combination of fun facts and personal narrative. If you don't love geography before reading this book, you will when you are done.

Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones

This is another book that I read because the plot sounded so interesting to me. The first half is told from the point of view of a girl who is the 'outside' daughter of a bigamist; the second half is told from the point of view of his other daughter. Of course, their worlds inevitably collide and the fallout is brutal. I thought the strength in this book was the characterization, especially since we get to see each of the characters both from within and from the viewpoint of multiple people.

Abundance

2011-11-01T20:08:00.003-06:00

Now that Halloween is behind us and November has started, I feel like I'm staring straight down the barrel of the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving and I love Christmas, but they can also be stressful. I've also already started feeling sad because those holidays, especially Christmas, used to mean a lot of spousal love and togetherness--things that I don't have anymore. I was in the storage room tonight getting something and I noticed the wrapping paper, and I realized that I'll be wrapping the kids' presents alone this year. Maybe I should buy blue wrapping paper in honor of the occasion.

Christmas every year always brings up mixed feelings for me when it comes to gifts. I've always struggled with buying good gifts for people, and I always struggle with the fact that I feel like a grinch when I realize that we don't need anything. I know gifts are not about need, but it feels silly to ask for anything when we have so much. I look around at the cupboard overflowing with art supplies, the closet full of games and puzzles, the bookshelves in the basement that are usually passed over in favor of new offerings from the library, the overflowing bins of stuffed animals and dress-up clothes, the drawers full of Barbies that S-Boogie never plays with. Every year we try and give the kids something new and exciting and it seems like a crapshoot because most of the time it ends up being something that will be played with for a day and tossed aside. We have some toys that are still loved and cherished after 7 years, and yet we also have large amounts of stuff.

And yet, even though gift giving is not my love language, I know it is for some people. For S-Boogie's first birthday we tried asking people to bring food for the party instead of presents. We ended up with a bunch of toys and no food. Some people really like buying things for other people (it tends to give me panic attacks). I know the kids like to receive gifts from people, even if they are the type of cheap things that break after an hour. Gifts are a way to show people that we love them, and as much as the materialism makes me feel ill, I know that Christmas morning without any presents would just be wrong.

I guess I just don't know what to do. I hope my kids can see that they really have an abundant life. There are things we would like to have, but in general we are comfortable and have the things we need. As I do every year I hope we can make this Christmas about being together with our family and doing things for other people, not just about buying each other stuff.

Weekend Report

2011-10-29T21:38:00.002-06:00

This week flew by in a flash. When I try to remember things that happened a month ago, it seems like recalling the distant past. And yet, each day and each week seem to fly by much too quickly.

Thankfully this week was a relatively calm one, with few 'extra' things on top of the craziness. Tuesday morning Little Dude had a field trip with his class, and since I wasn't already doing anything I decided to go help out. We went to a nearby theater to see a play that they were doing for kids. I was impressed by how well the kindergartners I was with paid attention, and I think Little Dude was happy that I could come. I dropped P.Bibby off at a friend's house and I felt awful when she clung to me and cried while I left. Thankfully when I came to pick her up she was smiling and my friend reported that she had enjoyed her visit after all.

The weather has turned cold but we haven't had any snow or rain for a while. I'm glad that things will be clear for Halloween on Monday. I'm really not that excited about taking the kids to go trick-or-treat; I feel like I'm having a hard time getting motivated to celebrate the holidays this year. Everything still feels weird and off-kilter and I think it will take a while to get feel at ease with the new situation. I'm used to doing stuff as part of a team and it is hard to be motivated to do it by myself. Actually, I think this is mostly true of Halloween since it's never been my thing. I am looking forward to Christmas.

I have found another good full-time job possibility that would give me great training and experience. I will send my resume off to them tomorrow, but I'm also not so sure about some aspects of it. The pay is really low but the hours are not conducive to keeping either of my second jobs. I know how to live frugally and I think I can make it with the pay, but things would be tight. It's also about 20 minutes away, which isn't a huge commute for most people, but I'm not sure I want to waste 40 or 45 minutes of my time every day driving. I'm still going to submit my resume and see if I at least get an interview. Then I can figure out the logistics.

On Monday I printed off a simple chart for myself with three goals: get to bed by 10:30, read the Book of Mormon, and write in my journal. Unfortunately the bedtime goal has never been met and neither has the journal one, but I have been reading my scriptures every day! I am trying to get my life back in order in some ways, and this week I am renewing my commitment to an earlier bedtime. I have to get up early to start my day and I know I do better with more sleep.

I've also been trying to figure out how to cook and eat. The kids are gone for several nights a week, and even when they're here I still feel like I'm cooking for one person because they don't eat a lot. I don't want to fall into the trap of only making kid-friendly food like pizza or macaroni and cheese, because I like to cook and I still want them to eat a variety of foods. But I need to find meals that are fairly simple, cheap, and that don't make a lot of food. Sometimes lately I've made bigger meals and then regretted it since I end up eating the leftovers all week. The kids don't eat leftovers, and while I don't mind them, I usually get tired of something after the fourth or fifth time I eat it.

Last night I caved and got myself some Panda Express, since I was by myself and it sounded yummy when I drove by. I did get the chow mein noodles, but I passed on the deep fried stuff and got some chicken with green beans and some spicy beef that had mushrooms and peppers. At least I had some vegetables, and there was enough food that I brought the leftovers for lunch at work today. I was very tempted to get fast food for dinner tonight, but I had self-discipline. When I got home I realized that I had some butternut squash soup in the freezer, so I ate some with a salad and a grilled cheese sandwich. Now I'm going to go have some yogurt before bed. I am making some progress on the food front; I've found that if I have some tasty, real food around that is convenient, then I do eat it. I just need to keep up that resolve.

Speaking of resolve, I should get to bed. I'm debating making Boston Cream Pie tomorrow. A whole cake for four people seems like a bit much, especially since the next day is Halloween and we'll be full of sugar. But I've been wanting to get on the bandwagon with talking about states again (we've taken nearly a month off) and I hate to miss out on it. I'm curious to see what the kids think about clam chowder; if they're hungry enough after church it just might be a success.

Maintaining my nerd credentials

2011-10-27T13:31:00.004-06:00

We had this conversation a little while ago:

FoxyJ: "I can't believe they're going to build a temple in the Congo. That is just amazing. You know, I still have a hard time calling it 'Congo' because I'm used to it being Zaire. Except it hasn't been Zaire for about 15 years. I guess I'm a nerd because I still remember the old name."

Mr. Fob: "Actually, what's really nerdy is the fact that you were in high school when it switched names. How many high schoolers actually know where Zaire is, let alone pay attention to what it is called?"

How I Lost on Jeopardy!

2011-10-22T21:41:00.004-06:00

Now that my show has aired I can finally talk all about my trip and the taping. Despite the fact that I did not win, I still had a fabulous experience. I wish I could do it again just because it was so much fun (and I'd love another shot at some money, of course). Alas, it is a once-in-a-lifetime gig so I guess I'll just have to write it all down here so I can relive the memories any time I want to.

I tried out back in March and knew that I would be in the contestant pool for about a year. Since this was my fourth tryout (and the third that landed me in the contestant pool), I really was not holding my breath waiting for a call. When my mom was here in July we decided to take the kids to Thanksgiving Point one morning. As we walked back in the house after lunch the phone was ringing; I checked the caller ID and nearly peed my pants when it said "Sony Pictures" with a California number. They invited me to come down to Los Angeles for a taping on August 30th. That was a really busy week for us and it was Little Dude's first day of school, but I didn't care. I immediately booked plane tickets and hotel and started watching the show and practicing ringing in by clicking a pen while I watched. I also spent some time reviewing things like U.S. presidents and state and world capital cities, but I actually didn't spend too much time practicing because I know that there's not much new information you can learn and remember in six weeks.

I asked Mr. Fob to come with me to Los Angeles because he is still a good friend (we were still married at the time, too) and I just didn't want to go alone. We flew down the night before, and my dad met us at the airport since he decided to come to the taping too. I was really glad we didn't have to rent a car and that he could drive us around since I don't know the area well at all. We checked into our hotel fairly late, but were starving so we ordered some quesadillas and a hummus plate from room service. I think we were feeling a little decadent at that point.

I got up early the next morning and got ready. I had ordered breakfast from room service; I knew we would get things like pastries at the taping, but I didn't want to spend the day high on sugar. I had ordered oatmeal, which did come, but for some reason I got tomato juice instead of apple. Oatmeal and tomato juice don't really go well together. The hotel provides a shuttle to take all the contestants to the studio in the morning, so I hopped on that with everyone else and we headed out to the Sony lot.

When we got there we spent some time filling out some forms and getting make-up on. I actually resisted the free pastries simply because I didn't want to mess up my lipstick. We also had some time to practice on the set and tape our "Hometown Howdies". I was a little nervous, but generally felt relaxed and excited. All the people who work for the show are really friendly and enthusiastic so that put me at ease. It was also fun to hang out with all the other contestants during the day too.

They tape a week's worth of shows in one day and they randomly pick contestants for each one. We got to sit in our own part of the audience, but were given explicit instructions to not look at or wave at our family members sitting nearby. That was actually kind of hard for me. I got to sit through the taping of three shows without being called to compete. It was also hard not to say any of the answers or make any comments during the taping. After the first three shows, those of us who had not taped got a chance to go get lunch. We had an escort accompany us over to the cafeteria for lunch, again with threats about looking at or talking to anyone. I made a joke about being on a tour of North Korea with our government minder keeping us in line. I was tempted by the burgers and pizza, but in order to keep my stomach happy I got some pasta with vegetables and goat cheese. It was delicious.

After we came back from lunch I found out that it was my turn to play. At that point I was glad that I had not eaten a big, greasy lunch because I started feeling a bit nervous. They touched up my makeup and put on my microphone, and it was time to go on stage. If you are really a nerd, you can actually look up the game here and see all of my stats. In some ways it was easier than I had expected; it did go by fast, but I didn't feel very nervous at all, and with the lights I really wasn't aware of the audience. At the same time, getting the buzzer timing was tricky, even with the practicing at home that I had been doing. I started out strong during the first round, but my confidence started to falter a bit after I guessed one answer wrong and then misspoke on another. I still can't believe that sometimes I opened my mouth and found something completely different from what I expected to say coming out. I also regretted missing out on the daily double, since it was such an easy one. I should not have been afraid of the sports category after all, especially since I got the first question in it right.

When the second round started, I was down a bit in points but still felt like I could come back from it. I had a good time, despite another stupid mistake (I constantly mis-remember Kilimanjaro as being in Kenya and you'd think by this point I would actually know that fact). I also knew the Thomas Paine question but was too unsure to ring in since it was close to the end of the game and I had made some mistakes at that point. And then I got the Daily Double. I was behind and I felt confident in the category, so I decided to take a chance and bet fairly big. Unfortunately the clue was tricky, and as soon as they mentioned Rogaine I began thinking "baldness" and completely drew a blank. Perhaps if I had thought "hair" or "hairline" my mind might have figured it out, but as it was I had no idea.

And then came Final Jeopardy! If you look at my stats, I answered most of the questions and I was doing all right, but Final is usually what makes or breaks the game. Once again I just got a bad question for me. After writing down my answer I realized that it probably was one of the BeeGees, but I don't know much about them so I had no idea. I had also researched some betting strategies for Final Jeopardy but had a hard time remembering them in the heat of the moment. There really isn't much you can do when you're in third place and the two other people know the answer.

After losing my game I collected my stuff and went to sit in the audience with Mr. Fob and my dad so we could watch the last game. I felt disappointed, but I also felt like I had done well and tried my best so I didn't feel as upset as I had thought I would be. After we were done at the studio we drove out to Santa Monica to a nice seafood restaurant on the ocean for dinner. I also insisted that we stop at Trader Joe's while were driving around so I could get some treats. We flew out early the next morning. Overall I feel good about the experience. I wish it could have gone differently, both in the sense of me doing a better job and in the sense of getting better questions to answer.

A Good Day

2011-10-20T22:43:00.003-06:00

Today was one of those rare, perfect days. It was a gift and a blessing, and I want to write it down so that I can remember it. The older kids have Fall Break from school for two days; I took the evening off from work and decided to just focus on having a fun day together as a family.

The morning started out well with Little Dude waking up in a good mood and S-Boogie sleeping in enough to catch up on lost sleep. We hung around the house for a while and they actually helped me clean up the family room in the basement. I also made some yummy gingerbread muffins.

As it got closer to lunch time I was having a debate with myself about the fact that I had told the kids earlier this week that we would go hiking today. I haven't gone hiking in years, but the weather is beautiful and the leaves are gorgeous. Both kids have some kind of hiking/nature walk thing on their 'champions club' goals from school and they have been wanting to hike. So I packed us a picnic lunch and we headed out. I chose Rock Canyon because it's really close to the house and I remembered it being a fairly easy hike. I won't tell you how far we hiked or how long we spent because it's embarrassingly short and my legs are sore because I'm that out of shape. But the kids had a great time and it was nice to be outside for a while. I was proud of myself for getting out and doing something fun with them.

Then in the late afternoon we drove up to Sandy to meet up with a friend of mine who generously offered to take new family pictures of me and the kids. Last December I bought the kids some cute matching outfits from Gymboree on clearance and they all looked adorable. Even better, the lighting and scenery were gorgeous and the kids actually behaved. I had been dreading this day all week and it was not a hassle at all. P. Bibby didn't feel like smiling, but she's cute no matter what she does. I even got a few nice shots of myself that I can use for times when I need a headshot.

I bribed the kids with the promise of Wendy's for dinner so we had a quick meal before heading home (I think the baby had 2 french fries and a Frosty for dinner. Oh well). When we got home we watched my episode of Jeopardy! together. I think the kids were a little bored by the show itself, but they thought seeing mom on TV was really cool.

Then later tonight a bunch of my wonderful friends came over with chocolate cake to watch my show. The other day we got the VCR hooked up to our projector so we could watch it on the big screen, and it was so much fun to watch it with my friends cheering me on.

So, today was a great day. I felt happy, the kids were happy, the sky was blue and the leaves were bright red and yellow. I hope we have more days like this one in our future.

Random Brain Dump

2011-10-18T22:37:00.003-06:00

I really want to get back in to blogging more regularly. Despite the fact that people seem to regularly declare blogging dead these days, I like it. I still have a lot of post ideas in my head. However, I worry about the fact that my posting this year has been about half of what it used to be, and most of those posts are declarations similar to this one. So now I'll stop dithering and dump some random crap on you (isn't that what blogging is all about?)

This weekend really kicked my butt. I should be in bed catching up on sleep since I still haven't made up for losing so much over the weekend. I'm teaching two classes that meet Monday and Wednesday. Last Monday my students turned in papers. Due to the fact that I'm working two part-time jobs, I didn't even get to the papers until Thursday. That gave me four days to grade 40 papers, which doesn't account for the fact that I also have a life. By Sunday morning I still had 20 papers to go. So I stayed up very late on Sunday finishing the grading. Now I'm tired.

I didn't grade papers on Saturday because I worked most of the day and then took off a few hours early to go to a mission reunion. I hesitated to go because Mr. Fob and I served in the same mission and we have many friends there who have no idea of what is going on. It turned out to be a wonderful time with only a few awkward moments. I got to see old friends, took home a bunch of leftover Cafe Rio food for free, and actually sat through a spiritual meeting in peace for the first time in a long while.

I totally love working at the library, and when I think of leaving I get sad, but I've been looking at and applying for other jobs. The chance of me getting a full-time position there any time soon is minuscule, and I am ready for something full-time with benefits and hours that don't include nights and weekends. Teaching is actually going really well this semester, but trying to combine that with another job is very draining. I can teach, but it's not my favorite thing to do and I'm getting tired of it. Hopefully something will pop up soon. Financially I'm OK for a while, but I'm ready for a 'real' job.

The hard thing about being tired and stressed is that I don't feel like I can give as much to the kids as they need. The two older ones have been having a bit of a hard time (obviously). In some ways they are handling things well, but we have moments that aren't so great. On Sunday Mr. Fob dropped the kids off after lunch, just in time for church. Little Dude is not a big fan of church lately anyways, and he really didn't want Dad to leave. So we had a lot of crying and screaming, although I went ahead and got him in the car and drove to the church. When we were almost there, I looked at him freaking out in the back seat, looked up at the mountains, and announced that we were going for a drive. We missed most of sacrament meeting because we were driving in the canyon, looking at leaves, and talking about a bunch of things. I don't plan to make skipping half of church a regular occurrence, but it was the right decision at the time. I know that they just need time to adjust to everything and we are both trying to make things as easy for them as we can. It still sucks to watch your kids have to go through something painful that you can't just make disappear. I'm looking forward to Thursday this week when they don't have school and we are just going to hang out all day and have fun.

And, speaking of Thursday, I am going to be on TV! Since I fell of the face of the blogging-planet I never mentioned that I got to fly to LA in August to tape the show Jeopardy! Well there is the fact that I wasn't supposed to talk about it either. So now I'm telling you that you can watch me on Thursday night. I will write up a full report of my experience this weekend, since I can talk about it after the show airs.

Reading Roundup: September 2011

2011-10-12T14:03:00.000-06:00

Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein

I've read some of Orenstein's articles before, so much of the stuff in this book wasn't particularly new to me. However, I still enjoyed reading it and it reminded me of some things that I had not thought about for a while. As far as where my children are at in relation to today's culture, I feel pretty comfortable, but there are still some things I would like to change in the world at large.

The Man in the Rockefeller Suit by Mark Seal

I love books about true crime, and I thought this book was fascinating. I'm still astounded at how this guy could live a lie for so many years and pull it off successfully. There were a few spots where the writing could have used some polishing, but generally I thought it was a good book.

Every Patient Tells a Story by Lisa Sanders

This is another book written by an author that I have read for years in the NY Times. I did recognize some of the case studies she includes in here, but I still had a great time reading the book. She not only describes some 'medical mysteries', but also discusses the history of diagnosis and current issues in medicine.

Bossypants by Tina Fey

Tina Fey is one of the funniest women alive today. I already knew that, and it was just confirmed by reading this book. The interesting thing to me was the fact that she is not just funny, but has a lot to say about being a woman with a career in a field that has generally been male-dominated. This book was surprisingly insightful; I just expected it to be funny.

Crossed by Ally Condie

Yes, this is the sequel to Matched, and no it doesn't come out until November first. But I got to borrow an advance copy from someone at the library. I really enjoyed reading it and thought it was an excellent follow-up to the first book in the series. Now it's going to be a really long wait until the third book comes out!

The Distant Hours by Kate Morton

I think this is the book that has finally convinced me to give up on Kate Morton. I really liked The Forgotten Garden, but this book and the other book I read by her were just a little too over-the-top gothic that I couldn't handle it. I'm usually fairly willing to suspend disbelief but this book was just too ridiculous in the plot twists and turns.

Faith by Jennifer Haigh

I think the biggest strengths of this book are its setting and characters. Even though I have never been to the place that the author is describing, I really felt like I could see it and really imagine all the characters. They are also all very nuanced and not stereotypical at all. I thought the plot wasn't that great and it had a few too many twist for my tastes, but overall I would recommend this book.

Untold Story by Monica Ali

I listened to an interview with the author of this book on NPR and thought it sounded like an intriguing idea. I've never been that interested in Princess Diana and I don't know much about her, but I think that makes me a better reader for this book than one who would be concerned about the author getting the details 'right'. I thought this felt a bit like a modern fairy tale, particularly in the author's use of language.

Sex on the Moon by Ben Mezrich

I thought the subject of this book sounded fascinating (a plot to steal moon rocks from NASA), and the writing style only enhanced that impression. This was a great, fun book to read and after a while I couldn't put it down because I just wanted to find out what would happen next.

Movies

New Moon

After the awfulness that was Twilight I had low expectations for this movie. I ended up being pleasantly surprised. It had a decent plot, some very likeable characters, and pretty nice special effects.

Eclipse

I thought New Moon was palatable, but I nearly gave up on this one halfway through. Both Jacob and Edward turn into freaky controlling jerks and I really didn't feel like watching it after a while. I still haven't made up my mind about Breaking Dawn yet.

How are you feeling?

2011-10-06T13:55:00.002-06:00

First of all, a big thank you to everyone who left a comment on my post or who emailed me. I have been wanting to reply personally to many of you, but I just haven't had the time or mental energy for the last few days. I hope to get to that point soon. Please know that I have read all of your messages and I can feel your love.

The biggest question I get from people lately is 'how are you doing?' or 'how are you feeling?' That's a pretty standard question,but I've had such a hard time answering it because I seem to be feeling many things, and sometimes more than one thing all at once.

Fine That's the standard answer and usually one that we give to people who ask the question. I've also been using it to figure out whether people I know in real life have heard anything yet. Some accept my answer and some, like my friend yesterday, invite themselves in for a glass of water and then let me know that they know what's going on and are concerned. The truth is, in some ways, I am 'fine'. I'm not OK with what's happening, but we have a home, we're all healthy, I am employed, and I have enough education to eventually get a good full-time job. There are many reasons why things aren't 'fine', but there are plenty of ways they could be worse.

Angry Well, duh. If I weren't angry right now I'd probably not be human. But the truth is that a lot of the anger has worked its way out of my system during the last few months. Some of it has been taken away simply through prayer. I seem to be OK with the big issues, but I do find myself getting angry at little things, like my printer not cooperating. Obviously it will be a little while before I can say I'm completely at peace.

Sad Again, duh. Of course I'm sad. I'm sad for the kids, especially. They are doing somewhat better than I expected and we've both tried hard to be open in communicating with them and with listening to their feelings. (As far as 'open' we mean simply telling them what is going on and reassuring them that we love them. We haven't explained the reasons 'why' Daddy wants to leave because none of them are old enough to understand.). My house feels lonely at night and I need to do a better job communicating with other adults because I like to talk.

Embarrassed I know I don't have a logical reason for this, and I know that none of this is my 'fault', but I often feel embarrassed, particularly in social situations. It's hard to believe from my blog, but I don't like to talk about my feelings in person and I don't like to draw attention to myself. Going to things like church activities is hard because I feel so conspicuous. Yes, logically I know it's not a big deal and that half the people in the room aren't even paying attention to me, but I have been having feelings of embarrassment because I hate being the object of attention, fuss, or pity.

Empowered I hope no one misunderstands me, but there are some moments when I feel free and strong. Overall, being married was mostly pleasant, but there were also some very hard things. There were issues in our relationship that were difficult and stressful, and a part of me is glad to not have to deal with them anymore.

Happy Yes, happy. Not all the time, not at all. But life has been good lately too. The kids are sweet and P. Bibby learns something new every day. There have also been some rather weirdly absurd moments lately; the kind where you can either choose to laugh or cry. Like the other day when we had to drive up to get our final documents to pick up and turn into the court. It was already a little weird because I was driving Mr. Fob's car because he is still taking painkillers to treat the shingles attack he's had for the last three weeks. After we signed the papers and got back in the car, Alanis Morissette came on the CD player singing "Let's Fall in Love". That was a little surreal.

I think what I usually answer is "I'm hanging in there." Because I am. Minute by minute. Day by day. That's the only way to do it and that's the best I can do.

Burdens

2011-09-30T21:37:00.004-06:00

Today has been an interesting day on the internet. This morning I read this wonderful interview with a woman whose husband came out of the closet and divorced her. Then, later in the day, I read this article about man who came out of the closet, began divorce proceedings, was excommunicated, and committed suicide. It was interesting to read about two very similar situations that met with such completely different ends. The blessing and the curse of the Church seems to be the fact that it is made up of individuals. As individuals we all have the opportunity every day to make the world around us a kinder, more compassionate place, and it makes my heart break when I see people not doing that (myself included). No matter what someone has done, they should never feel as though their only option is to end their own life.

These articles also piqued my interest because of what is going on in my life right now. Back in February, Mr. Fob went on a business trip for a week. I started wondering what was going on when he forgot to call us at night because he was having too much fun there. And then when he got home, he was distant and moody and not happy in the least to see me. Finally after about a week he told me that he had realized that he wanted a divorce and that he was no longer happy in the life we were leading. I'll admit that my first reaction that night was relief, mostly because of the anxiety I had been feeling during the weeks up to that point. I also had a strange feeling of 'otherness' in my initial reaction; as though the words I were saying weren't coming from me directly. I could hear myself saying things, while still be aware that they were strange things for me to say. It was very odd.

Needless to say, after our initial talk I spent several months cycling through disbelief, bargaining, and anger. I tried coming up with the magic words that would somehow change the situation and make things better. We went on a few trips together, even some just by ourselves, and that did nothing for our relationship. I came to realize that love is a decision you have to make every day, and when you stop deciding to love, then the relationship dies.

Mr. Fob is in the process of moving out of our home right now. Next week we sign the papers and file them. It still feels unreal in some ways; this is not the life I thought I was getting. Right now I feel like I am trying to figure out where to go next. I'm negotiating the lines between compassion and codependence, acceptance and numbness, anger and fear and peace. Every hour is different, but at the same time I know deep down inside that I will be all right. I don't know what that means yet, but I do know it.

50 States: Letters I, K, and L

2011-09-05T21:13:00.000-06:00

It's been a long time since I wrote up the states we've been working on. We've had some delays because of summertime, but we're still working through the alphabet.

Idaho: We read about how P is for Potato, but I thought it was the worst one in this series. The rhymes were really terrible. We also read Mailing May, which is a cute story from Idaho. For dinner we at baked trout and fried potatoes.

Illinois: The books we read included L is for Lincoln, Prairie Numbers, and Our Abe Lincoln. We ate some Chicago deep-dish pizza that was really delicious and we also watched the movie Home Alone since it is set in Chicago.

Indiana: We learned that H is for Hoosier, and we learned about Indiana's place in the abolition movement with this book. For dinner we had tenderloin sandwiches (which were delicious) and some sugar cream pie (which was a little too sweet for our tastes).

Iowa: We read H is for Hawkeye and Numbers in a Row, and I was a little disappointed that I couldn't find any other picture books set in Iowa. That seemed a little strange to me. For dinner we had a down-home meal of pork chops, mashed potatoes, and green beans.

Kansas: S is for Sunflower, and Kansas also has twisters and was the birthplace of Amelia Earhart. I also checked out some books in this intermediate series for S-Boogie. For dinner we tried bierocks, and they were absolutely delicious. I think we need to eat them again some time.

Kentucky: The kids liked reading B is for Bluegrass, but I had trouble finding any other picture books set in Kentucky. I think I need to do a better job looking. For dinner we had fried chicken (of course) with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob.

Louisiana: This state was fun because there are a number of fun picture books that talk about it. We read P is for Pelican and The Twelve Days of Christmas in Louisiana. We also read Ol' Bloo's Boogie Woogie Band, Lu and the Swamp Ghost, and Mr. Williams. For dinner one night we ate jambalaya, and we watched The Princess and the Frog one night and then made beignets. The kids really liked the beignets, especially since they recognized them from books we had read and from the movie.

Reading Roundup: August 2011

2011-09-04T19:50:00.000-06:00

Remarkable Creatures by Tracy Chevalier

At first I didn't like the fact that this book was told by the two main characters in alternating chapters. The voice of one, in particular, bothered me and I didn't like the way she was written. However, after a while I got used to it and I liked this book after all. The story was interesting but I thought the writing could have been a little tighter and created more of a plot, rather than just retelling historic events.

The Nightingale by Morgana Gallaway

I have a read a number of books about the Middle East, but I think this is the first I've read that is set in contemporary Iraq. The plot really kept me reading and I thought the writing was pretty decent. It felt like it had a lot going on (action, romance, social commentary, political issues), but I would read a follow-up if the author writes one.

The Disappearing Spoon by Sam Kean

This book had a lot of information in it and took a long time to read, but I loved every page. This is the kind of book that makes you want to stop and share all the new things you've learned with everyone around you. I had so much fun reading it and I now know much more about the elements than I ever did before.

Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter by Tom Franklin

From reviews I had read, I expected this book to be a bit more 'literary' in style, but instead it was written more like a conventional mystery. I still enjoyed it quite a lot, despite figuring out some of the plot twists well in advance of the characters.

Shanghai Girls by Lisa See

This is a book I was reluctant to read because I was disappointed by the last book I read by Lisa See. Despite my efforts to not like it, I think this book is her best that I've read yet and I look forward to reading the sequel soon. I love historical fiction that draws me in to a time and place I'm unfamiliar with, and this book really does the job well.

Still Missing by Chevy Stevens

This book was the one that made me realize that I have been reading too many crime-based books and I need to take a break. The premise of the plot is really interesting, but the writing totally turned me off. The book is written as a series of monologues by the main character to her therapist, recounting her kidnapping and imprisonment by a madman. This creates the problem of having too much dialogue that veers towards telling more than showing, and a thoroughly unlikable character for the first part of the book when she is still angry, bitter, and foul-mouthed. I think it is really interesting to imagine this story told in a different way. It might be better.

All that was Promised by Vickie Hall

The strength of this book was the characterization. The main characters were all really well-written, but the plot seemed to lack a lot a central organizing thread and felt like it was just progressing along a line of events that were pre-determined. I wondered how much of the story was historical fact that was just being 'checked off a list'. I also really don't like books that are obviously setting up for a sequel in the end, rather than having a clear resolution (this was particularly annoying because it was the second such book I read in the space of a few weeks).

In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror, and an American Family in Hitler's Berlin by Erik Larson

I keep trying to like Larson's books, because I like history and the cover blurbs always promise some kind of action or suspense. But, the writing style never manages to live up to that promise and I sometimes feel as though I am missing something when I finish. I did like this one much more than the last one of his that I read, but it still felt fairly anti-climatic when it was over.

Movies

Twilight

Yes, I'm embarrassed that this is the only movie we watched this month. We don't have much time for movies any more. It really was as bad as I thought it was going to be, not only in the storyline but also in the production quality. It was a good movie to laugh at.

Today's Lesson on Eternal Marriage

2011-08-21T22:37:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago I received a call asking me to substitute teach in Relief Society today. I don't think I've ever taught Relief Society before, even though I've always wanted to. The lesson was from the Gospel Principles manual and was about Eternal Marriage. As I told the sisters today, when I teach I usually just like to prepare an outline with a lot of questions, and get them to run the discussion. That's how today's lesson went and I think it went well. Afterwards several people mentioned that they liked the lesson quite a lot, and I thought it was interesting that one person specifically mentioned liking the fact that I explicitly encouraged comments because she didn't feel like she was 'interrupting me'. Some people asked me to post my lesson, and the truth is I didn't have much beyond an outline, but I will put it here.

“All of us women have an image of the ideal family—a marriage in the temple to an active priesthood holder, and children who are obedient and faithful. But President Ezra Taft Benson has pointed out that only 14 percent of American households in 1980 match the traditional image of a family—working husband, full-time mother with children still in the home. Reliable statistics indicate that only one out of five LDS families in the United States have a husband and wife married in the temple with children in their home. As Elder M. Russell Ballard has already reminded us, there is great diversity in LDS homes. But all of these homes can be righteous homes where individuals love each other, love the Lord, and strengthen each other. Let me give you an example. Here are two quilts. Both are handmade, beautiful, and delightful to snuggle down in or wrap around a grandchild. Now look at this quilt. It’s a Hawaiian quilt with a strong, predictable pattern. We can look at half of the quilt and predict what the other half looks like. Sometimes our lives seem patterned, predictable in happy ways, in order. Now look at this second quilt. This style is called a crazy quilt. Some pieces are the same color, but no two pieces are the same size. They’re odd shapes. They come together at odd angles. This is an unpredictable quilt. Sometimes our lives are unpredictable, unpatterned, not neat or well-ordered. Well, there’s not one right way to be a quilt as long as the pieces are stitched together firmly. Both of these quilts will keep us warm and cozy. Both are beautiful and made with love. There’s not just one right way to be a Mormon woman, either, as long as we are firmly grounded in faith in the Savior, make and keep covenants, live the commandments, and work together in charity.” (Chieko Okazaki, “Strength in the Savior” General Conference October 1993)

I started the lesson with an explanation that I know this topic can sometimes be painful for people because they don't feel like they live up to an ideal. I gave some examples (in general terms) of different life situations among people I know. I also read this quote from Sister Okazaki and explained that I felt the purpose of the lesson was to gain a testimony of the principle of eternal marriage, which is something that anyone can have, whether they are currently married or not.

I then asked the question: What would you say to someone who asked you, "why should I get married? What's the point of getting married?"

We had several good comments about some of the benefits of marriage, such as friendship and companionship, opportunities for personal growth, and stability for children.

Adam and Eve were married by God before there was any death in the world. They had an eternal marriage. They taught the law of eternal marriage to their children and their children’s children. As the years passed, wickedness entered the hearts of the people and the authority to perform this sacred ordinance was taken from the earth. Through the Restoration of the gospel, eternal marriage has been restored to earth.

But to Latter-day Saints, marriage is much more. Our exaltation depends on marriage, along with other principles and ordinances, such as faith, repentance, baptism, and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. We believe that marriage is the most sacred relationship that can exist between a man and a woman. This sacred relationship affects our happiness now and in the eternities.

I read this part from the manual and we talked briefly about why Adam and Eve were married by God, even before they left the garden and even when there really wasn't any sort of 'societal' reason to do so. After that I asked the question from the manual:

Why is it important to know that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God?

I got some interesting comments on this question. One woman talked about how she had a family member who had been living with a boyfriend, and whom other family members had encouraged to get married. She was wondering what the big deal was, but as she prayed about it she felt promptings from God that their getting married was a good thing. She mentioned that she really felt that experience helped her gain a testimony of marriage itself as a principle from God. Another woman talked about research she had read on the fact that having a religious reason to stay married tended to reduce divorce and to produce more stable families and children. A third person talked about joining the church after she and her husband had been married for about a year. They weren't in a hurry to get married in the temple right away, but after taking the temple prep classes and gaining an understanding of the gospel they both felt strong promptings to go to the temple to be sealed. I particularly liked both this comment and the first one, because I really wanted this lesson to come back to the Spirit and gaining a testimony of gospel principles. I also really liked the fact that the third commenter bore her testimony that 'the temple covenants are real and bring real blessings.'

At this point I wanted to switch the discussion a little, so I asked about what we can do to strengthen our own marriages now. I read this quote from Marlin K. Jensen:

“Friendship is also a vital and wonderful part of courtship and marriage. A relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship. Nothing is more inspiring in today’s world of easily dissolved marriages than to observe a husband and wife quietly appreciating and enjoying each other’s friendship year in and year out as they experience together the blessings and trials of mortality.” (Marlin K. Jensen “Friendship: A Gospel Principle” (April 1999)

We had a few comments on ways to be friends with our husbands, and then I used that to segue into teaching youth about marriage. I wish we had had more time for this part of the discussion because it got interesting.

Two women mentioned having their marriages end in divorce and the effects that had on their children and their attitude about the gospel. Two other sisters mentioned that they worried about girls just having unrealistic expectations and expecting life to just 'magically happen' to them as they got older, and about how often youth place too much focus on physical attraction in choosing a spouse. I tied those comments together by talking about how I hope all my children can grow up being their own people and having confidence in themselves as individuals. I mentioned again that sometimes marriage doesn't work out the way we want it to, but if we have a strong foundation of personal revelation and gospel living we can be strong no matter what our circumstances. I also reminded women that they can make and keep temple covenants on their own, without being married or having an active husband.

Right before the end of class we had a few comments from women about the struggle to determine how much to intervene in the lives of their children. One mother shared an experience of watching a child marry someone who was not really the best fit for them. She had counseled her child against the marriage, but it happened anyway. She said that their life has been hard, but both her child and spouse have grown so much in the marriage that she realized that as a mother the best gift she gave her child was the opportunity to struggle and grow. At that point we had to end the lesson, but I ended with my testimony that marriage has been a good opportunity for me to grow in many ways, and that I know that marriage is a principle ordained by God.

I hope this made sense; it's hard for me to remember what was said, but I think it was a good lesson.

Reading Roundup: July 2011

2011-08-05T22:03:00.000-06:00

The Way He Lived by Emily Wing Smith

I picked up this book because I wanted to see what a nationally-published YA book by a Mormon author, about Mormon teens, was like. It was pretty good and I thought the religious and cultural elements were worked into the narrative quite well. I was left feeling a little unsatisfied by the fact that the plot was not very strong and there wasn't much of a resolution in the end.

I Don't Want to Kill You by Dan Wells

This book left me feeling very satisfied and I thought it was a great end to the series. The author thought up some great new twists and I was hooked until the end. Part of me wishes there were more books about John Wayne Cleaver, but part of me is glad there aren't so I don't have to read about any more horrible ways for people to die.

Rescue by Anita Shreve

I tried this book because the plot sounded interesting. It was, but I thought all the characters were flat and stereotypical, and their motivations were not very clear in the story.

The Memory Palace by Mira Bartok

This memoir was really fascinating, and as much about Bartok's experience as the child of a schizophrenic as about her mother. I thought that she really exhibited a lot of compassion and understanding towards her mother, despite all of the difficult things she went through in her life.

Alma the Younger by H.B. Moore

I think that this book has been my favorite out of all the books in this series. I was surprised by how contemporary many of the questions and issues faced by the characters were, despite the ancient setting. I was really impressed by how the author brings out the complexity in a story that often feels fairly straightforward. All of these books have really been enjoyable to read as novels as well as a way to think about stories from the Book of Mormon in a new way.

Blindsight by Robin Cook

I read this book because I needed to read a thriller. I thought I might like Robin Cook because I like medical stuff and forensics, but the writing in this book was terrible and I figured out the entire plot about forty pages into the book. Maybe some of Cook's writing is better, but this is certainly not one of his best.

The Fear: Robert Mugabe and the Martyrdom of Zimbabwe by Peter Godwin

This is a book that took me a long time to read because I had to keep putting it down to take a break from the things it describes. I really loved Godwin's memoir from a few years ago, and while this was a good book, it does not flow as easily nor does it have a strong central plot. However, it is still an important book and a well-written one that reports on events that have largely been ignored by the rest of the world so I would still recommend reading it.

Ammon by H.B. Moore

This was just as good as any of Moore's other books, but I felt that this one did not have as many complex questions in it as some of her others. The characterization of Ammon is very interesting and she does explore some new angles in his story, but I felt like the book was more of a romantic suspense story than I like.

I'd Know You Anywhere by Laura Lippman

This was the book that I expected to be more suspenseful, when instead it turned out to be more of an exploration in psychology. I thought it was really fascinating, even though I never really understood the motivations of the protagonist even by the end of the book.

Lost City Radio by Daniel Alarcon

I thought this was a challenging read. The author takes a chance by using really artful prose, fragmented chronology, and vague descriptions in this book about violence and oppression. There were some passages that really struck me as brilliant, but the story overall did not impress me as much as I had wanted it to.

Movies

Undertow

This movie is surprising; it is not a straightforward love story, or a straightforward coming out story either. I thought it was an excellent example of telling a somewhat universal story from within the context of a unique place and culture. The acting was excellent and when it ended I really wanted to see more of the characters and their story.

The Dentist and Me (A Parable of Sorts)

2011-08-02T22:17:00.000-06:00

In May I went to the dentist for the first time in about five years. Yes, I know I should have gone more regularly in the past. I have a lot of excuses, including some good ones like the moving around we have done and the occasional lack of dental insurance. I didn't think that skipping the dentist would be a big deal because I've had good teeth for most of my life. I also floss and brush every day and I don't drink soda, coffee, or tea.

Well, after spending a very long time in the dentist's chair that day I learned a few things. I had several small cavities between my teeth. I also had to endure a deep cleaning of my teeth and gums to get off the stuff that had built up during my years without regular cleanings. Apparently I have been experiencing both periodontitis and gum recession. The dentist sent me away with special medicinal mouthwash and an appointment in a few weeks to fill my cavities. The appointment for my fillings was definitely the worst experience I've had in a while. About an hour into it I decided that I'd rather have another c-section than spend two hours reclined back in a chair with my mouth propped open while two people dig around in it.

Last month I went back for another follow-up about my gums and some more cleaning. I'm switching to a sensitive toothpaste and I've been trying to avoid crunchy and sticky foods because my whole mouth feels sore right now. Apparently the soreness is normal and will resolve itself as my gums heal, but I might always have some sensitivity in my teeth. I have another appointment in six weeks to see how things are progressing.

After my first appointment when I learned about all the things wrong with my mouth, I felt really depressed for a while. It wasn't even the cost or hassle of the dental treatment, it was the fact that I felt like I had failed. Why didn't I have 'good teeth' any more? Yes, I'd been somewhat neglectful by not going to the dentist, but they told me that a lot of what has happened in my mouth has simply been the effects of getting older, having children, and having my body change. I realized that I felt bad about my mouth because I had spent a long time assuming that I was just the kind of person who had good teeth. The problem with that thinking is that when my teeth had problems, I assumed that changed what kind of person I was. I was one of 'those people' who had to have dental work because they weren't 'good'. It seems silly now that I have processed the feelings and made them conscious, but I'm glad I noticed my thought process and realized what some of my unconscious biases were. I'm also learning that maybe mouthwash isn't so bad after all.

50 States: The Next Four

2011-08-01T20:39:00.000-06:00

We actually did all these states a while ago but for some reason I didn't actually publish the post. Oops.

Delaware: We learned some interesting facts about this state and read about Native Americans and food webs. For dinner we had some really tasty chicken and dumplings.

Florida: There are a lot of fun and interesting books about Florida, especially the wildlife there. We read about manatees, the Keys, and the Everglades (I didn't know it was technically a river). For dinner we had orange-glazed shrimp with black beans and rice. We also watched the movie Flipper and ate some key-lime cake for dessert.

Georgia: We learned that P is for Peach (and many other facts) and colored the flag. The kids really liked this book about the Okeefenokee Swamp and we read it a number of times. For dinner I decided to have a somewhat eclectic Southern-style meal, so we had hoppin' john, roasted sweet potatoes, biscuits, coleslaw, and peaches (of course).

Hawaii: We talked about Hawaii a few days before we left on vacation. We have a number of books from Hawaii already at our house but I checked out a few more from the library. I particularly liked Hula Lullaby, but the kids preferred this one because the story was in Hawaiian and English. I also checked out this book for S-Boogie to read and I liked that she asked a lot of questions about it while we were in Hawaii. It was a good introduction to Hawaiian history for her. For dinner we had pork katsu with rice and macaroni salad on the side, as well as some fried spring rolls and cut up mango.

Surviving Summer

2011-07-09T21:44:00.004-06:00

I have to admit that for the last few years the thought of summer vacation has made me feel a little panicky. We have a great routine during the school year and S-Boogie really thrives in the classroom with her friends. Being at home together can sometimes be difficult for all of us, as I'm sure is true in many families. Thankfully this summer is going by quickly and so far it is going well.

Last year I tried making a schedule that included a variety of different things, including some learning time. If I had been better about following it, it might have worked out. Instead our enthusiasm petered out after a week or two and it fell by the wayside. Even though I read a lot of different blog posts from other families with varying levels of structure for the summer, this year I felt like I would rather keep things more simple and flexible. So far it is working out well. I typed up some basic 'summer guidelines' for the kids. They have certain things they have to get done in the morning before they each get an hour of screen time for the day. One of the items on their morning routine is a chore; I've given them each one chore for the day, mostly simple things that I want them to learn how to do like helping with the dishwasher or taking care of their laundry (putting it in the machine for me and then folding it when it's done). I also made a master chart for the week that includes jobs for the parents each day, things like library day, and my work schedule. I think it is just enough to give us structure but not so much we are overwhelmed.

Most days we've had so far have actually been quite lovely. The kids are finally getting old enough to handle some boredom creatively, and they both look forward to getting new books from the library and actually reading them on their own. I've also learned that when they come to me and say "I'm bored", I can usually list a few ideas and after a while they'll wander off and find something to do. Another of our summer guidelines is that everyone (including me) has to get some outside time each day, so they are getting better at playing outside. I'd still love to get some kind of swing set, but they can be remarkably creative with the little that is outside.

Yesterday was a good day. We got up, went to swimming lessons first thing in the morning, and then came home and changed clothes. After that we read scriptures and did chores (vacuuming for me, folding laundry and wiping walls for Little Dude, piano practice for S-Boogie), and then the kids started their screen time with some computer games while I left to go to the dentist. Mr. Fob fed them lunch while I was gone and they started some quiet reading time. I was nervous when I came home because my mouth was numb and I didn't feel good, and since it was only one o'clock I worried that the day would be long. S-Boogie and Little Dude whined for a few minutes, and then went downstairs to build a motorhome out of Duplos. I was so happy that they entertained themselves for nearly two hours while I rested on the couch. The baby woke up from her nap, and since I still didn't feel up to taking them over to the 'real pool' we filled up the little one in the backyard. I sat outside watching the white clouds billow over the mountains, soaking up the sunshine. P. Bibby played in the pool while the bigger kids got out to go work on their mud pit. The afternoon passed, we cleaned up and had dinner, and then Mr. Fob and I went out for a bit while his sister stayed and watched a movie with our kids. Not all days are that great, but most have been going well. The weather is nice and it's already July. Some day I will mourn the passing of summer and I think I will look forward to it next year much more than I have in the past.

Reading Roundup: June 2011

2011-07-03T14:58:00.000-06:00

A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley

I first read this book a number of years ago and hated it. I read it again and realized that I still hate it. None of the characters in it are very likeable; that's not really a good reason to hate a book, but I realized after reading it this time is that they are incomprehensible. I know the author is trying to model the book after the story of King Lear, but that mostly means a book filled with characters that think and act in ways that seem unbelievable and off-putting.

Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin

I enjoyed this book and it gave me a lot to think about. There were parts where the tone felt uneven, and I had expected it to be more purely memoir rather than a mix of memoir and advice, but generally I thought it was a good read.

The Lemon Tree by Sandy Tolan

This was our book club read this month and it led into a really great discussion. Although the book is billed as looking at both sides, in reality it does lean a bit more towards sympathy with the Palestinians than with the Israelis. I thought it was a good introduction to both the broad history of the conflict in the Middle East and the personal, human issues that are part of it.

Tangerine by Edward Bloor

This is a YA book that I keep seeing on 'best of' lists and decided to read for myself. It reminded me a lot of Chris Crutcher's books, which also combine dysfunctional families, social issues, and sports. I think Bloor is a worthy heir of Crutcher and this is a good read if you want a YA book that isn't a paranormal romance.

The Good Daughter: A Memoir of My Mother's Hidden Life by Jasmin Darznik

I listened to an interview with the author of this book on NPR and found her family's history to be fascinating. I think she has done a great job retelling her mother's history in this book, but I think I would like to know more about her own history with her mother and what it was like to grow up as an immigrant in the US. It was still a great read and another to add to the list of great memoirs that are out now.

The Lost Books of the Odyssey by Zachary Mason

When I first read the Odyssey in high school I was fascinated by it. It's long been one of my favorite pieces of literature, which I think makes me the perfect reader for this book. I'm not sure how many other people would enjoy it as much. The author has created a book that is a bunch of short (some very short) pieces that retell portions of the Odyssey in different ways. It's very postmodern, but not in a kitschy way. I loved it, but it may or may not be your thing.

Movies

Green Lantern

This is the first movie I've seen in 3D and it wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. The major flaw I found in the movie was the fact that the entire thing felt like prologue, rather than plot itself. Also, Ryan Reynolds is very cute to watch, but he's not a great actor. I think Green Lantern is the kind of character that needs more depth than just "I'm hot".

True Grit

I didn't enjoy this movie as much as I expected to, but I think that's just because we were having a rather distracted night (phone calls and a baby who wouldn't sleep). The thing that surprised me most was the music--I loved it and I still have some of it stuck in my head.

The Green Hornet

This was another movie that was fun to watch but that didn't have any substance to it. It really needed a plot.

Oh yeah, I have a blog

2011-06-21T22:49:00.004-06:00

Remember when I actually used to talk about my life on this blog? That was fun. I've taken an unscheduled blog break for about a month or so and I think it was good to recharge. It feels a little weird to take up the reins again, but I miss blogging and I want to get back into it. Some of my personal highlights from the last little while:

We went to Hawaii for about two weeks. It's been nearly four years since we went back and it was a lovely trip. I think I spent a little too much time stressing about it being a fabulous trip and so I should have relaxed and enjoyed it more, but it was nice. I also didn't fulfill my goal of taking more pictures; part of that was the fact that I'm not great at taking pictures, and part of it was the fact that our camera starting acting weird and actually died before we came home. We also officially hate United Airlines because we ended up with major delays both coming from and going to Hawaii. I don't ever want to spend half the night sitting around an airport again. At least I got to swim with sea turtles and eat shave ice and swim at the beach and hang out with great people, so it was all worth it.

Last month I got a new job. I noticed that a local library was hiring and decided to apply for a part-time job. To my amazement, they not only interviewed me but they hired me as well. It has been a lot of fun so far but I don't know how much I can or should say on my blog about work. I love the people I work with and I still grin a little when I look at my ID card that says "librarian."

A few months ago I was at an AML event and I ran into someone I know through AML and Segullah. I mentioned that I would love to volunteer for either organization if they needed me, and she took me up on my offer. I'm now helping with the Segullah blog, and through that I also got an offer to get involved with the Whitney Awards as well. I have been a bit more busy, but I'm also proud of myself for speaking up and asking to be included. I think I spent a lot of time worrying about being 'legitimate' because I've never been a published writer or critic. I think I'm more of an 'interested observer', but I still have a lot to offer and I'm glad that I took the leap of saying "I'd like to help out" because already I feel so blessed to have these opportunities to work with great people on causes that I really believe in.

So, that is a brief overview of what has been going on in my life lately. I have had some great post ideas but I have not given myself a chance to just sit down and write them up. Life just seems to get busier and busier and I keep finding myself trying to readjust and realign priorities. I do like blogging and I want to keep it up so hopefully this won't be the only post this month.

Reading Roundup: May 2011

2011-06-03T11:00:00.001-06:00

The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan

This was a relatively quick read, and although it is a memoir about the author's cancer diagnosis as well as her father's, it was actually kind of fun. She has so much enthusiasm for her life and love for her father that really come through in her writing; after reading this I really wanted to meet her dad and just hang out with her family.

Home Waters: A Year of Recompenses on the Provo River by George Handley

This was another memoir, but I have a harder time describing it. Like me, Handley is a transplant to Utah, but also someone with ancestors who originally settled here. He spends a year exploring the Provo river and writes about the different seasons on the river, the layers of history (both social and environmental) in Utah Valley, and his own life experience. I'm having a hard time conveying how amazing this book is. It's memoir, environmental treatise, philosophy, and religion all together. I think everyone should read it, particularly if you live or have lived in Utah.

Sarah's Quilt by Nancy Turner

I mostly read this because I wanted to get the continuing story from These is My Words. It was a nice, fun read and I loved being back with familiar characters. I didn't feel like it was quite as good as the first one since the focus is more on outer conflict than inner growth.

The Lake of Dreams by Kim Edwards

This was a book I didn't expect to like as much as I did. I like books like this that are 'literary' or 'historic' mysteries more than mysteries based on figuring out murder or other crimes. I didn't like the main character that much, and sometimes plots based heavily on people's inability to confront hard things can be irritating, but otherwise it was a really good book and I stayed up late to finish it.

The Invisible Line: Three American Families and the Secret Journey from Black to White
by Daniel Sharfstein

I was worried that this book would be dry and slow to read, due to the fact that the author is a law professor. However, I found it quite engaging and had a hard time putting it down. It covers a lot of material, but it manages to make it understandable and interesting. The author particularly focuses on how race before the Civil War was more of a legal or social construct, rather than a biological one. I felt like I learned quite a lot from this book and came away with a more nuanced vision of American history.

House Rules by Jodi Picoult

This is the third book by Picoult that I have read and I always feel like I have the same reaction. I'm intrigued by the plot but disappointed by the writing. There were many sections that felt too much like the author was trying to teach us about the condition of autism, rather than working things naturally into the story. The main character also felt too much like someone concocted from a clinical description than a real person. The premise is interesting but the book was not so great.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot

This also could have been a great book with some better editing. The premise was fascinating and I could tell that the author really was invested in her subject. She obviously spent a lot of time with Lacks' family and exploring her story, but the way she wrote about it started to turn me off after a while. I think part of the problem is that the book is presented in the beginning as more of a history/ biography and ends as a memoir of a reporter, and the two parts don't feel like they work together.

Left Neglected by Lisa Genova

I checked out this book after listening to an interview with the author on NPR. She was a fascinating person to listen to and her books sounded really intriguing to me. At first I had a hard time empathizing with the protagonist at first, partly because she comes from a very different world from me. That initial dislike actually worked out well because I really enjoyed watching her change as she struggles to adapt to a new life after an accident leaves her with brain damage.

Movies

Good Hair

This was a pretty fun documentary about black hair, hosted by Chris Rock. I particularly liked it because it introduced me to a whole world that I have no experience with and didn't even know about before watching this.

Inside Job

This movie not only explained the financial crisis in a way that I could understand, it made me really mad about it (I think that was part of the point of the movie--getting people mad). My favorite part was watching the squirming of some of the people they interviewed who didn't want to acknowledge any wrongdoing.

The Parking Lot Movie

This is a hard movie to describe in a way that will make you want to watch it. It is basically a documentary about a bunch of eccentric people that all work as parking lot attendants. They have a lot of interesting things to say about their job, life in general, and the class system in America.

Rabbit Hole

I was hesitant to watch this movie because it is the story of a couple who had their four-year-old child die in an accident. However, it is based on a play and focuses much more on their emotional pain than on the accident itself. I thought it was generally a good movie, but I hard time feeling really drawn into the characters themselves. It felt a little too removed and distant from the audience.

Somewhere

This movie is like one of those contemporary short stories that has really beautiful writing and not much plot. I kept waiting for something big to happen and it never did. That doesn't mean it's not a great movie; I've actually been thinking about it a lot ever since we watched it. From an artistic standpoint it's an excellent movie but that doesn't mean that it is quite as entertaining as some of the other stuff out there.

The Switch

This was a fun little break from some of the heavier stuff we like to watch. I generally enjoyed it, but felt like it shifted in tone halfway through the movie and that was a little disorienting.

The King's Speech

It can be hard to enjoy a movie after hearing so much positive press about it for so long. I think the greatest strength in this movie is the acting by Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush, as well as the relationship between their characters. I was expecting more of a period drama, but this is really a character-driven movie and I think that in that sense it really works.

50 States: The Letter C

2011-05-21T22:29:00.000-06:00

California: This is another state that had many books written about it. I really liked Our California, Pop's Bridge, Oranges on Golden Mountain, and Harvesting Hope. We also read a few books about the history of the state and colored the flag. I had a hard time deciding what to cook for dinner, and this ended up being the week that everyone got sick with a stomach virus so our dinner plans got all jumbled up. I finally ended up making a pasta dish that had asparagus and artichoke hearts in it, a big green salad with avocado and other veggies, and some oranges.

Colorado: We read C is for Centennial (I wish the library had more in this series) and a book called Dreamplace about Mesa Verde. We also read a bit more about the Anasazi and other cliff dwellers (S-Boogie thought they were really cool) and a book about Rocky Mountain National Park. After coloring the flag we had some yummy beef and pinto bean chili for dinner with warm corn tortillas.

Connecticut: This is another state that was hard to find books for. The only picture book I could come up with was The Taxing Case of the Cows. We also colored the flag and ate pot roast for dinner with custard for dessert.

50 States: The Letter A

2011-05-11T22:11:00.002-06:00

After finishing up our geography project with countries, the kids really wanted to talk about the 50 states. I wasn't sure it would be interesting, but we've actually found a lot of fun things to talk about for each state.

Alabama: I discovered that Crayola has really fun coloring pages for each state, so we colored the flag and talked about some of the state symbols. We read a book about Helen Keller, a book about Space Camp, a book about the bus boycott, and a few books with general facts about the state. For dinner we had barbecued pork chops, southern corn bread (in a skillet!), and collard greens.

Alaska: The library had many interesting books about Alaska. We read about sled dogs, landmarks, school children, seasons, Inuit culture, and the history of the state. We colored the flag and ate a dinner of baked salmon, rice, and blueberries. The kids loved eating the dinner and told me they were Alaskan bears eating salmon and berries to get ready for the winter.

Arizona: We also found many fun books for Arizona: Tuesday in Arizona, Cactus Hotel, Mule Train Mail, Big Moon Tortilla, and Manana Iguana. I checked out some informational books about the state and about the Hopi and Navajo Indians as well. After coloring the flag we ate Navajo tacos for dinner.

Arkansas: I had a harder time finding books about this state. We just read a few informational books about it and then we found one story that was set in the Ozark mountains. After we colored the flag we had biscuits with sausage gravy and grits for dinner. The kids really liked grits.

Reading Roundup: April 2011

2011-05-09T22:03:00.002-06:00

Stones from the River by Ursula Hegi

I read this a while ago, but it was our book club pick for the month so I read it again. I liked it just as much the second time; it is one of those books that immerses you into a world full of characters that are all interesting, complex, and so real that you feel sad when you finish the book and have to leave them behind.

The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson

This book was better than I expected. Some nonfiction, while good, moves slowly. I found that I couldn't put this book down because I wanted to know what comes next. I think it could have benefited from better editing due to some repetition and a few instances that didn't feel as clear as they could have been, but other than that it really is a great read.

Unfamiliar Fishes by Sarah Vowell

I haven't read anything by Sarah Vowell before and so it took me a while to get used to her style. I kept wanting this book to be something it wasn't, but in the end I started to like it and thought it was pretty good. I think I'm ready to try something else by Vowell now that I have a better feel for her style.

Mr. Monster by Dan Wells

This is the sequel to I Am Not a Serial Killer, which I read last year and was surprised to enjoy as much as I did. I'm not really into the horror genre, but this isn't exactly horror. I'm not totally sure what to call it, but it's good. I liked this second book just as much as the first and I look forward to the third one now.

Peculiar People Ed. Wayne Schow, Robert Schow, and Marybeth Raines

I read this book a number of years ago but decided to reread it because I remembered little about it. My first observation is that it is horribly dated; the language used in it and the issues discussed don't feel very relevant anymore. Also, the pieces included are uneven and some of them are very poorly written. I get the feeling that the editors were just using what they had at the time, but I think it is time for an update.

Rift by Todd Robert Petersen

I was prepared to not like this book; it came out a few years ago but I had put off reading it simply because it didn't appeal to me. I admit to feeling a little tired of Mormon books that were about men and take place in rural Utah. This book changed my mind, or at least helped me see that a good writer can take anything and make it good. The writing is beautiful and the main character is likable despite his best efforts to make us not like him.

The Nineteenth Wife by David Ebershoff

This is the book I thought I would like but ended up disliking quite a bit. First of all, the author does too many things and has too many things going on in the story. Sometimes that can work, but it didn't work for me here. I also felt turned off by the details that the author got wrong; for some reason they really bothered me and I had a hard time taking the book seriously.

Movies

Defending Your Life

I'd seen this movie a very long time ago and had a positive impression of it. It is still a very fun movie to watch even if it is feeling a bit dated.

The Fighter

This movie surprised me--I'm not really into boxing movies, but I like Christian Bale and I'd heard good things about it. The main thing that works is the characters; all of the actors do a phenomenal job. My only problem with is was the fact that so much of the dialogue involves swear words--I was worried to open my mouth after watching it for fear of what would come out.

I Love You Phillip Morris

I had this movie confused with something else in my mind and so it took me a while to get into it. The tone is also somewhat uneven and the story is a bit hard to follow. It still was a very sweet and funny movie despite having some flaws.

My Most Decadent Birthday Ever

2011-05-03T22:03:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was my birthday, but the celebrating this year started on Saturday evening. Mr. Fob invited over some friends of ours and cooked us dinner: pasta with shrimp and some roasted vegetables. He also bought me one of my favorite birthday presents ever: a giant hunk of gourmet cheese from Costco and some crusty bread to go with it. After we let dinner settle, we played Settlers of Catan and tried some very tasty cupcakes from The Sweet Tooth Fairy (strawberry shortcake was my favorite).

Then on Sunday we had family over to celebrate both my birthday and my sister-in-law's birthday, which happen to be the same day. Mr. Fob cooked French bread and lasagna, and other family members provided even more goodies for the meal. I received some very nice presents from everyone, including flowers, chocolates, kitchen items, and a new apron.

Finally my 'real' birthday arrived yesterday morning. Mr. Fob's mother spent the night so she could babysit for us to have a breakfast date. We were all set to go try breakfast at Communal, but I didn't read the part on their website that said they didn't do breakfast on Monday. We settled for Mimi's Cafe, and the good thing was that I didn't have to eat anything else until dinner. I spent most of the day being as lazy as possible, and then last night we took the kids up to see the tulips at Thanksgiving Point before stopping by El Pollo Loco for dinner.

Oh, and yesterday morning, Mr. Fob gave me a gift: a sewing machine. I don't think any year is going to top this birthday. I know my hips are going to remember it for many more to come.

Club Penguin ate my kids

2011-04-21T20:52:00.005-06:00

Last week was Spring Break for the kids, but unfortunately not for me. It was my second-to-last week of class and I felt too burned out and busy to think of fun stuff to do with them. Instead, they ended up watching a whole lot of television and spending a lot of time on the computer playing Club Penguin.

I figured that we would make up for it this week when they got back in to school. This week is also my last week of class and so I have a bit of down time. I made a lot of plans for stuff I would do to get 'back on track'. I should have known better.

Tuesday morning started out well; we went to playgroup and then ran an errand at Target. Then after P. Bibby's nap I put her in her high chair for a snack; much to her distress, and mine, she started throwing up. I was hoping it was a fluke, but as the afternoon went on she was obviously not getting better. Even worse, I started feeling more and more disgusting. Tuesday was the worst evening for this sort of situation because I was hosting my book group. Well, I had to abandon my plans because the virus incubating in my gut took over. I spent Tuesday night tossing and turning in bed, in between trips to the bathroom, and had to flake out on my class Wednesday morning (it was their last day too!).

Thankfully I've been feeling better today; unfortunately S-Boogie woke up early this morning covered in vomit. So far Little Dude is the only who has been untouched and he has enjoyed unlimited Club Penguin time during the last few days. I just worry that tomorrow will be another day of disrupted plans due to illness.

Cool Stuff on the Internet

2011-04-13T16:05:00.012-06:00

There's quite a bit of cool stuff out there on the internet today. I don't usually put up a lot of links, but I guess there's a first time for everything.

Fictionist A few weeks ago we saw this band live at a party and they were awesome. They're from Provo and I like to support local stuff, so go vote for them. And buy their CD because it's good.

Modern Mormon Men This new blog is a funny idea (I really like the logo) and the posts are actually pretty good too. I'm curious to see what else they come up with in the future.

Peculiar Pages Not only is this run by a good friend of ours, but they publish cool stuff too. I don't usually read a lot of plays but I think I would like to buy that play collection just for fun.

Reading Roundup: March 2011

2011-04-09T21:59:00.003-06:00

The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery

This was our bookclub read for the month; it was a nice little fluffy read that worked well for me when I was feeling sick. I think I enjoyed it more when I read it at age 15, but it wasn't too bad this time around.

The Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, The Return of the King)

I decided to re-read these books after attempting to read a book that we had sitting around our shelf. The book sounded promising--it was an analysis of Tolkien's work that focused on his career as a linguist. Unfortunately the book was terribly boring and I didn't get through it. I did read the books again and found that I enjoyed them even more than the first time; this time I knew the story well and could focus on the language and really appreciate its complexity and beauty.

A Sense of Order and Other Stories by Jack Harrell

This is one of the best books I've read this year, and one of the best collections of short stories I have read in a while. Several of the stories were ones that I remembered reading in the past and have been pondering ever since (one of them was also a not-so-favorite of mine, but I liked it a bit more after re-reading it this time). He asks interesting questions about the world, and the answers aren't always what you would expect. If you want to know more about the book, the award citation is a good place to start.

Forest Born by Shannon Hale

I was initially reluctant to read this book because I had been disappointed by the third in the series. I loved Hale's first two books (The Goose Girl and Enna Burning), and I was happy to find that this one was just as good as the first two were. I love the way Hale combines an adventure story with a story of self-discovery in a way that each storyline is dependent on the other and necessary to the book. When S-Boogie gets older I really want her to read these books; not just because they are fun and well-written, but because they encourage thinking about your life, your relationships, and your motivations. And, for the record, I think that the 'new' covers are ugly so I'm waiting for the edition with the 'old' cover before I buy it.

Trespass by Sandra Grey

This is also a continuation of a series that I started reading a few years ago. I really like historical fiction, especially books set during World War 2, so the books seemed like a natural fit for me. I feel like the author asks a very interesting question: "What would happen if a German Army officer joins the Mormon church?" and answers it well. The books don't offer pat answers or easy solutions, but they still are satisfying in their conclusions (and fun to read).

Movies

The Social Network

I had low expectations for this movie, and I'm glad that it exceeded them. The story and characters were much more interesting than I thought they were going to be.

Reel Injun

This was a great documentary about a subject that I had not thought much about before. It was also interesting to watch shortly before we went to the anniversary show for BYU's Living Legends dance troupe, which includes Native American dance. If you are interested in film history at all, or just want to watch something new, I'd recommend this movie. I don't think it's rated, but there are a few scenes at the end with full nudity (not sexual).

Freakonomics

I thought it was interesting to see the process for making a non-fiction, informational book into a movie. The film is divided into segments that are each made by a different director. This approach made the film more enjoyable, but it was also uneven. I think it's a good introduction to the material, but if you really want the full details then you should just read the book

Winter's Bone

I can see why this film has been getting so much critical acclaim; it really is a well-made movie and the acting is amazing. I still didn't like it very much, probably because the story is a little hard to follow and it took me about half of the movie to figure out what was going on. The plot also doesn't follow a traditional arc and so I kept feeling a little confused because my expectations got in the way of my ability to understand and appreciate the story. It is still a great film and maybe some day I will watch it again and like it a lot more the second time.

A Wild and Wonderful Weekend

2011-04-04T21:10:00.005-06:00

Last Tuesday afternoon I was reading one of my usual blogs (instead of grading papers) and mentioned to Mr. Fob "hey, that play you were interviewed for is going on this weekend. Wouldn't it be fun if we could go?" My question wasn't really serious, of course. But then we started talking about it, and then we started looking up trip prices on the internet, and then we called Mr. Fob's sister to see if she could watch our kids, and the next thing we knew, we had bought ourselves a trip to the Bay Area for the weekend. I think my motivation came from an interest in the play, the fact that winter here is long and brown and I always miss California this time of year, and the thrill of doing something absolutely spontaneous.

I spent a lot of time before last Friday afternoon wondering if we were doing 'the right thing'. I have no regrets today. We were blessed with beautiful weather the entire weekend and I got a nice dose of green plants, sunshine, and flowers. We ate amazing food the entire time, starting with some awesome Japanese food at the airport and progressing through crepes, goat cheese and artisan bread, falafel, and gourmet pizza. Although we stayed in a hotel, we still spent a lot of our time hanging out with our friends the Thteed family. I love having friends that we can just hang out and talk with for hours on end. None of us managed to watch much of General Conference (sorry), but we did get to go see a Little League game, tour the Berkeley chapel, and eat a lot.

The trip would have been great even if we didn't see the play, but I'm so glad we did. Until we sat down and looked at the program I didn't know how many of our friends were 'in' it. It was a beautiful piece and both Mr. Fob and I agreed that it was much too short. We could have kept watching it for hours. The strength of the show lies in the fact that he just presents the thoughts and words of many different people, some of which are contradictory or clashing, without commentary or anything. It felt like sitting in a room with a bunch of people baring their souls to me. I think the best part of the weekend was the fact that we got to meet Ben Abbott, the writer and actor, and his wife. They are wonderful people and we enjoyed hanging out with both of them. Even if we get the chance to see the show again, the opportunity to make new friends was really worth it. So was the sunshine.

Mixed Messages at Church

2011-03-28T20:45:00.004-06:00

Yesterday after we came home from church, S-Boogie asked me about something she had heard in a talk. "Mom, why would that girl say you can't be a missionary and a mom?" We had a lovely youth speaker who generally did a great job with her talk. I don't know her well, but her family is one that I admire a lot for many reasons. Her talk was on missionary work, and as part of it she mentioned the fact that her mother had really wanted to serve a mission but chose to get married instead. This confused S-Boogie, since I served a mission before getting married and having children, and so did four of her aunts.

I have sometimes heard this dilemma presented in this way before: the woman who sacrifices going on a mission in order to get married and have children. This frustrates me because, as is proved thousands of times each year, it is entirely possible to do both. There is not a dichotomy and girls shouldn't feel like their only two choices at 21 are to get married or to go on a mission. Or, even worse, that going on a mission means they won't get married. I actually found that going on a mission made me more confident when I got back, and for some mysterious reason it made me more attractive to many guys. I also get frustrated when I hear people present this sort of dichotomy for women with regards to education and work. Yes, there are some full-time careers that aren't very compatible with parenting. But most women I know who have kids still get some kind of education and do some kind of work; pitting these two things against each other limits girls in thinking about their options for their future and makes it much harder to see how complex reality is.

To be fair to our youth speaker, she is young. I know that I'm still "young" too, but I think I'm getting old enough to see how much more rigid my thinking was as a youth. I also recognize that many women have good opportunities to marry early and that going on a mission is not the right decision for everyone, whether or not there is another obvious choice available at the time. I wouldn't want S-Boogie to assume that she is required to serve a mission before she gets married. What I really want for her is to have the skills she needs to study out her choices, weigh her options, and prayerfully decide what the best way to live her life is. I am glad that S-Boogie feels confident to ask me questions when she gets confused about the different messages she gets from the world around her, and I hope she keeps asking them.

Green

2011-03-26T22:30:00.005-06:00

The other day I was driving Little Dude home from preschool when he mentioned something about holding a clover in his hand. For some reason that triggered a memory from my life when I was the same age. I can vividly remember sitting on my lawn in March, hunting for clovers. The grass was soft and slightly slippery, the air rich with the scent of dirt. Many of my memories from my early childhood are similarly vivid recollections of my time outside, close to the ground and the plants. Then I looked around remembered that March in Utah means that things are still barren, brown, and cold. In California, March is the greenest month. Winter rains bring a wash of green to the hills and make the grass and flowers lush. I felt a little pang at the fact that my children do not have the same childhood experiences that I had--the same freedom to explore outside year-round. I miss California most in January; it's not the warm, sunshine of summer that I miss, but the cool, green, misty winters

I also realized that I have now lived in Utah for nearly as long as I ever lived in California. We bought a home here. I have a Utah driver's license. My three children were born here. For many years I spent a lot of time thinking about (and talking about) moving somewhere else. I do still miss the ocean. But I love looking out the window each day to a view of snow-covered mountains. I love that view in the spring when the mountains turn a fuzzy green, in the summer when they begin to brown, and in the fall when for a few weeks they blaze orange and yellow. I need to spend more time getting to know my new home in the physical, sensory way that I knew California as a young child. I think I also need to get my children to spend more time outside in it as well. Even if it is cold here in March; that's why coats were invented. After so many years here I'm finally making peace with the fact that green may be optional and that outwear is often not.

If I had a million dollars

2011-03-22T23:13:00.002-06:00

I didn't post about it right away, but about two weeks ago I tried out for Jeopardy! Again. This is the third time, and I hope that it does the trick. I've already blogged about my other two tryouts (here and here) and this was pretty much the same. I'm not supposed to talk about it so I don't give anyone else a leg up. The bottom line is that I'm back in their contestant pool for next season and so for the next year I get to hope for a phone call inviting me to LA for a taping.

One of the things they ask everyone in the interview part of the tryout is what you would do with the money if you won big on the show. Of course the chances of my getting on the show are slim enough that I have tried not to even think about the possibility of winning. On the other hand, I'd love to have some extra money and I'm only human so of course I've thought about what I would do. I would be responsible and pay off my one student loan and pay off our car, since they are fairly small and unnecessary debt. I have also always wanted to go on a cruise, or if I had enough money I'd go back to Spain. The thing I said at my tryout was that I would like to buy some art.

Our walls in our home are fairly bare and I admit to being fairly flummoxed with decorating. It terrifies me. I also don't want to go out and buy generic just to put things up; I like to display things that have some kind of meaning or value to me personally. I also like to support artists as well and I like the prestige of feeling like I own something original or unique. So if I had some extra money I'd buy some art for my walls. Right now we don't have much religious art at all because I don't like a lot of the stuff out there. I didn't think I like Kirk Richards' art very much either, until someone linked to his Gethsemane painting. I like that one, but I think I like this one even more. I have also had the opportunity to meet Leslie Graff a few times and think she's an amazing person as well as an amazing artist. She's already sold some of my favorite paintings, but there are a number of other ones I'd love to have. Those are two of the artists that I have in mind, but I'm sure I could find others if I looked around.

If you had some extra money just for fun, what would you spend it on?

Primary songs I have known and loved

2011-03-20T21:48:00.002-06:00

When the "new" Children's Songbook for Primary came out I had just graduated and moved on to Young Women's. I can still remember when we received a new songbook in the mail and how wonderful it was compared to the old orange book. There were so many new songs, plus the pictures and layout were so pretty. The other day I was playing through the songbook and realized how many songs I used to sing (that are still in the book) that just aren't emphasized in Primary as much as they used to be. Here are some of my favorites from days gone by:

Give Said the Little Stream: I always loved both the tune and the words of this song. Although it is still around in LDS culture, I know my kids don't sing it as often as I did while I was growing up, and the two times I've served in Primary we rarely used it at all. I'm not sure why; it's a fun song to sing and it has a great message as well.

Children All Over the World: I loved the different languages in this song and always looked forward to singing it. In fact, I can still remember some of the pictures from the posters our song leader used to teach us the song. But, it is a hard song to learn and has not been emphasized in any of the recent Primary Programs so I can see why no one sings it anymore. I still think it is due for a revival since it does teach the doctrine of prayer as well as the unity of all Church members worldwide.

I Wonder When He Comes Again: I don't think I really understood what this song was talking about (the Second Coming) until I was an adult, but I loved the tune and the words and would sing it often.

Oh, What do You do in the Summertime?: This song is so much fun, but I think that it has gone the way of many songs that don't have to do with doctrinal topics. Plus it is fairly American-centric in many of its images so it really wouldn't work in a lot of other cultures. I will probably teach it to my kids just for fun, even if they never get to sing it in Primary.

Our Primary Colors: This probably went away with the de-emphasizing of Primary symbols and the re-emphasizing of gospel doctrine. I still like to sing it for fun.

I Am Like a Star: I think this is a very sweet song and a lovely tune, so we really should sing it more often. Now that we don't have class names and 'class songs' this one gets forgotten and not used much, but I still think it is a great song.

Genealogy (I am doing it): I've noticed that in newer versions of the Songbook they have changed this song to "Family History". I imagine that's easier for kids to say, and it goes along with new Church conventions in calling it 'family history'. I just always loved saying 'genealogy" even if I didn't really know what it was.

The Chapel Doors: I don't know if people still sing this one or not; the message is certainly still appropriate for kids, but I don't remember singing it much in either of the Primaries I've been in charge of. The funny thing is that when I sing it I still picture the doors of the building in San Diego where I attended church as a small child.

There are plenty of songs that my children sing that I remember fondly, like Love is Spoken Here, I Love to See the Temple, Book of Mormon Stories, and so on. I also love some of the newer songs, like Scripture Power, My Eternal Family, On a Golden Springtime, He Sent His Son, When I Am Baptized, and A Child's Prayer. I wonder if there will be a newer songbook by the time my children are parents, and what the new songs will be.

The End of the Alphabet

2011-03-16T20:15:00.003-06:00

We finally finished our geography project! Things didn't always go was well as I had thought they would and the kids didn't respond quite like I had hoped either, but generally it was a lot of fun. They are a lot more aware of other countries and foods and notice when they are talked about in books or on movies. Little Dude still loves the flags too. Now they want to do the 50 states, so watch for that in a few weeks!

United Kingdom: We mostly focused on England and Wales for this week, since we had done Ireland and Scotland separately. As I was looking back over my posts, I don't think I ever listed Scotland. When we did Scotland we ate Scotch Broth and oatcakes for dinner. They were both delicious. We also read this fun book about a sheep and shortbread cookies for a treat. When we talked about England we ate roast beef with Yorkshire pudding and gravy. The kids loved it and so did I; I've never had it before and we will definitely be eating it again. We talked about how some of our favorite books, like Peter Rabbit, come from England.

Venezuela: We colored the flag and read some books about the country. The library didn't have any picture books about Venezuela, unfortunately. I tried making arepas with beans and cheese, but didn't have the right type of special cornmeal so they were not as good as the arepas I've had before. I need to get some and try again.

Vietnam: The library has a lot of books about Vietnam, but they mostly focus on the war. We've talked about war with the kids, but they're still kind of little to really understand so I haven't liked to focus too much on the more brutal parts of history when we've been doing our countries. I did get this book, which I think is a great one that touches on the subject, and this one which is just a nice picture book. We ate some really yummy sandwiches that I made with roasted pork loin.

Zimbabwe: Little Dude thinks that Zimbabwe has the best flag, and I agree. The kids also really liked the picture books I found: this one and this one. For dinner we ate a chicken stew that I found a recipe for in a library cookbook (it had chicken, spinach, tomatoes, and peanut butter in it) along with cornmeal and baked squash. We liked the food but the kids didn't.

In like a lion

2011-03-06T21:33:00.002-07:00

In January I made a list of a bunch of goals I would like to accomplish. Some of them were little, one-time things, like finding a new dentist and getting my sewing machine fixed. Then stuff happened and I didn't get anything on my list done. January slid into February, and February is just too much fun with the baby's birthday and Valentine's Day. Suddenly last weekend I realized that it was already almost March and I had things that really needed to get done. So I made a grand new list and tacked it to my bulletin board.

Then last Sunday I started feeling weird. We watched the Oscars last Sunday night and I kept crying about random things, plus my body kept alternating between too hot and too cold. Monday morning I dragged myself to class, which thankfully I didn't have to teach because we were meeting in the library for research instruction. By Monday night I finally accepted that I was sick and not getting any better. Tuesday I spent most of the day lying around; my wonderful visiting teacher took Little Dude to playgroup in the morning, and my sister-in-law took him and the rest of the kids to her house for the afternoon. I thought by Tuesday night I was better, but instead I tossed and turned all night before waking up with a fever. So class was canceled on Wednesday and it took until Friday afternoon before I really felt like myself again. I will remember this next year when I'm trying to decide whether or not to get a flu shot.

Tomorrow I am determined to tackle some things on the to-do list, vacuum my carpets, mop the nasty sticky kitchen floor, take the kids to the library, and get my life back. As much fun as a week-long vacation sounds, when it is unplanned and spent in a state of feverish malaise, it's not fun at all.

Reading Roundup: February 2011

2011-02-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

Matched by Ally Condie

I'd been hearing a lot about this book, and I admit to feeling a little bit disappointed that it wasn't quite as good as the hype. The plot and many elements of the setting felt like they were derived from other dystopian fiction. But, I still really liked the characters and I do look forward to reading the sequel.

The Cure for Money Madness by Spencer Sherman

I did already comment on this book here in this post. It was a quick read and I skimmed some parts of it. It wasn't the best-written book but still had some good insights. I feel like I learned a lot from it and will be thinking about many of my new insights for a long time.

Counting Stars by Michele Paige Holmes

I read a book by Holmes last year after it was nominated for the Whitney Awards and the plot intrigued me. I also read this one because the plot also sounded interesting to me; the plot certainly had many twists and turns that kept me reading. I'm not usually a big romance fan but this one wasn't too bad.

The Optimistic Child by Martin E. Seligman

I read this book a few years ago and decided it was time for a re-read. I enjoy books like this one that have concrete, practical tips for things to do with your children. The cognitive thinking skills in this book are geared towards kids that are a bit older than mine, but I'll be keeping them in mind for the future.

The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan

I really liked The Joy Luck Club and it's one of my favorite books, but the problem is that every one of her other books have not measured up. This one had a compelling plot, but the characters were all so annoying that I had a hard time reading this.

The House at Riverton by Kate Morton

I really didn't need the author to tell me which books and movies were her 'inspiration'; this book felt horribly derivative to me. I mostly finished it because I was curious about how the plot would resolve itself. The ending wasn't much of a shock either, plus it was one of those books where the entire action hinges on a few little things left unsaid by people. I hate stories like that--they frustrate me.

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asberger's by John Elder Robison

This book was much more interesting and entertaining than I thought it would be. I checked it out hoping to have some insight into Asberger's syndrome, but mostly I thought it was a fascinating memoir about a singular person.

Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

When someone recommended this book to me I was hesitant to read it. Partly because I had already read one of her books, and also because I wasn't sure about labelling either of my children as 'spirited'. After reading the book I changed my mind; there were many good, practical tips for working with your kids that I'm already putting into practice with my kids. Even if you don't think your kids are 'spirited' you could benefit from reading this book (or her other one: Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles).

Movies

Catfish

Everything I've read about this movie warns that the plot has unexpected twists that shouldn't be revealed. I think that if you want to watch the movie, you should keep that in mind. This was a fascinating documentary about many aspects of our contemporary culture. Watch it and you won't be disappointed.

Temple Grandin

This is my new 'must recommend to everyone movie'. Claire Daines does an amazing job in her role and the way the movie presents her point of view is innovative and moving. Both Mr. Fob and I agreed that it was the best movie we've seen in a long time.

The Kids are All Right

Although Annette Bening received more of the praise for this movie, both of us felt like Julianne Moore's performance was better. She had a much more complicated character to deal with and she did a good job. This was generally a good movie, but I felt like many aspects of the story were incomplete and I wanted to know more.

The Letters S & T

2011-02-23T21:58:00.002-07:00

It's been a long time since we did these countries so hopefully I can remember everything!

South Africa: We read books about the country; the kids especially liked this one and this one. For dinner we had bobotie and geelrys; they were a big hit with everyone

Spain: Mr. Fob and I both served missions in Spain so we already know quite a bit about the country. I supplemented the books we read with some stories and information that I already knew about the country. We had a simple dinner of tortilla espanola with a salad and bread and we had rice pudding for dessert.

Sweden: We found some great books for this country, including this one and this one. For dinner we had meatballs (of course) with potatoes and lingonberries. They were delicious.

Switzerland: The kids thought Switzerland sounded like a fascinating place, especially the fact that people speak so many languages. I bought some fancy cheese to make authentic fondue for dinner, and sadly they thought it was too strong and didn't like it. They were much bigger fans of the chocolate fondue we had for a treat. I thought about watching a movie version of Heidi, but the ones I found were too long for my kids' taste so we settled for a picture book version instead.

Tahiti: I had a really hard time finding any picture books about Tahiti or any of the Pacific Islands. I thought that was kind of weird. We did borrow a CD of Tahitian music from my sister-in-law and the kids really liked it. They also liked the coconut shrimp we had with rice for dinner.

Thailand: The kids were particularly interested in Thailand because they have an uncle from there; we had my niece with us for a sleepover so I guess this was one of the few times we actually had someone authentic "from" a particular country to share our dinner. This was also the week I felt burned out and decided to get Thai takeout from the restaurant down the street. It was delicious. For some cute books about Thailand you can read this one or this one.

Turkey: This was another country that was fascinating to the kids; they liked the fact that it is on two continents. S-Boogie also really liked the story of The Hungry Coat and had me read it with her several times. I felt like cooking this week so we had kofte, potato salad, cucumber-tomato salad, and homemade pita bread. The adults thought it was a great meal, but the kids were not as impressed.

This is becoming a bad habit

2011-02-15T21:29:00.002-07:00

I'm afraid that my blog is rapidly devolving into irregular updates that focus on my apologies for not regularly blogging. I've been in a funk for the last few months that I can't seem to shake. One of the hardest things about my job is that, while it works in well with my family life, it leaves me with little real free time. And I've been spending too much of my free time doing unfocused things that are just a way to avoid my work. I need to do a better job at just living my life and doing what needs to be done.

I have a lot of good posts in my head and I just have not been taking the time to write that down. Maybe that will be one of my goals next month. I have an idea that it might help me with a lot of things in my life. I'm also trying to decide whether I want to keep teaching next year or not. For this whole year I've had mixed feelings about my job, but I've also invested a lot of time and energy into it and that often means that the second year will go better than the first. I also can't decide if I want to teach Spanish again or not either; the teaching schedule is more intense, but the grading is easier. I guess I have a few months to figure things out. Hopefully any readers I still have will be able to hold on for the next little while until I get back on track.

Money Madness and Coupon Insanity

2011-02-05T11:27:00.002-07:00

A few weeks ago I checked out a book from the library called The Cure for Money Madness. I don't normally check out books like this but it was on a display shelf and caught my eye. For years I have tried to do a better job at living within my budget and dealing more effectively with money, and for years I felt like I have not done as well as I would like to. I didn't expect to learn much from the book because I feel like I know a lot already but I just don't know how to do it. It turns out that I've really been converted to this book; it's not the most well-written book and some of it is kind of lame, but the central ideas have been really eye-opening to me. It's actually a pretty simple concept: budgets don't work if you don't fix your emotional issues regarding money. He calls these ideas 'money madness' and talks about how everyone has certain money beliefs that drive their behaviors. If you don't confront those beliefs then you will spend the rest of your life with the same spending habits and the same money problems. He has a bunch of questions and things to help you figure out what your particular money issues are and what to do when you are fully conscious of them. If you can eventually get to a state where money is not an emotional issue you will be much more able to use it wisely.

For the last few weeks I've been learning about the ideas that I have about money, whether I learned them explicitly or not. Today I had an eye-opening experience that helped me see that one of my deep-seated beliefs is that "if I save money I am a good person (and maybe better than other people)". Saving money is not a bad thing, but I've done some pretty dumb stuff just to feel like a saver, because if I don't save money then I must be 'bad'. I already wrote about some of the results of my money issues in this post about not buying the sweater I wanted because it wasn't on sale.

This morning I went to Smiths to get a few things that we needed. As usual I had my list of things that were on sale along with my coupons to match them. One of the things I had on my list was the fact that earlier this week I had loaded an electronic coupon to my savings card. It was for a 'free deli tray' and was good for up to $10. I picked out a vegetable tray that was on display and went to buy my stuff. The tray coupon didn't come through, and though I was tempted to not make a big fuss and just pay for it, I didn't feel like buying a veggie tray (I wouldn't normally buy one at all, but we are having a birthday party tomorrow for P. Bibby). I had the cashier put the tray back and went to check at customer service. She told me that the tray I had tried to buy was from produce and that I would need to pick out a tray from the deli department. When I went there I found that the only trays that were $10 were some that had carrots and celery. That's all: carrots, celery, and some ranch dip. I briefly thought about not getting the tray; I could buy a bag of baby carrots for $1 and easily get a few other nicer vegetables for less than the price of the tray. Or I could take my mother-in-law up on her offer to bring a veggie tray. But unfortunately by now my mind was in the grip of 'money madness'. I wanted my free veggie tray, even if it was lame. So I even was willing to endure the humiliation of having to get the manager to help ring up my order because my card still wasn't working right. All of that just for a bunch of lame carrot and celery sticks. See what I mean about 'money madness'?

Reading Roundup: January 2011

2011-02-02T13:05:00.001-07:00

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick

This is the book I've been talking to everyone about for the last month. It was an amazing read and I think it will go on this year's list of recommended books. I think part of the appeal is the fact that before reading it I didn't know very much about North Korea at all. Every thing in the book was new to me, and the author describes things so clearly that you feel as if things you'd never imagined were completely familiar. She also tells the stories of several different people and their disillusionment and escape from their own country. I did not expect the book to be such a page-turner; the subject doesn't seem that exciting but the way it is written really makes it compelling.

Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson

This was a nice little break in between two more difficult, darker books. This is a nice love story about two very interesting people, but I also liked the fact that it didn't gloss over some uncomfortable contemporary realities. It was a fun book that still felt substantial.

Unbroken: An Extraordinary True Story of Courage and Survival by Laura Hillenbrand

This is another 'in' book that I've heard everyone talking about. After reading it I will agree with others who have listed it as one of their favorite books of the year. I especially liked the fact that she included the story of the protagonist's life after surviving the war rather than tying things up into a neat little ending. It enhanced the book by presenting him as a more complex individual.

Adventures of the Soul: The Best Creative Nonfiction from BYU Studies Ed. Doris Dant

I love the personal essay and thought I would love this collection. There were some pieces in it that I absolutely adored and others that I didn't really think were all that interesting. That is the nature of any anthology. I'm still thinking about some of the essays and some new insights they gave me, so I guess that is a sign of the worth of this volume.

The Outside World by Tova Mirvis

I wanted to like this book more than I did; the subject was interesting and I really liked Mirvis' other book that I have read. She is an Orthodox Jew and one of the things I like about reading her books is the chance to see how a religious person writes about her religion and culture for outsiders who don't much about it. This book raised a lot of interesting questions in my mind about my own life and my own writing, but ultimately I wasn't that impressed with it. I felt like she created many interesting characters and inner conflicts, but didn't do much with them or use them in a meaningful way. I did not feel committed to reading the book and at the end I felt myself wanting more.

Movies

Shrek Forever After

We've watched all the Shrek movies and thought they were hilarious. This one didn't seem to be all that funny and it felt a little tired. I guess it's a good thing it's the last one.

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest

This was also the last movie in a series and I thought it was interesting to note how different this was from the first two. It felt a little like Law and Order, since the focus is more on tying up all the loose ends from the first two movies and bringing justice to the world. I still liked it, but it wouldn't stand on its own as well as the first two.

Howl

Several reviews of this movie mentioned it's fragmented nature as a problem. It contains several different elements that don't always work together that well. I still liked it and learned a lot more about Ginsberg than I had ever known before and I thought the acting was well-done.

The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and The Return of the King

Until about six or seven years ago I had little interest in Tolkien, or even fantasy in general. Then I read the books and watched the movies and I feel like I can understand why they are so popular. We've been rewatching the movies since we got a projector and they are even better on the big screen. Now I can't wait until my kids are older and we can watch them all together.

Through the Day

2011-01-25T21:45:00.002-07:00

If I had been blogging at 10 this morning I would have told you that my day so far had been fantastic. I got up and rode the exercise bike for a while, then helped the kids with breakfast, and started cleaning. I vacuumed the entire upstairs, did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and then swept and mopped the kitchen floor after the baby went to bed. Oh, and I make bread this morning.

If I had been blogging at 2 this afternoon I would have told you about whiny the baby was. And I would have told you about how I gave in to Little Dude's pleading to make a volcano like the one in the Super Science Book. It's an extra special volcano where you add some red Jell-O powder to make it look cool. It was a lot of fun until I foolishly left the room for a few minutes to change the baby's diaper and came back to a giant puddle of sticky red gelatin-infused vinegar dripping all over my cabinets and freshly washed floor.

If I had been blogging at 4 I would have shared my excitement about the email I got from Jeopardy! inviting me to an in-person audition in Salt Lake in March. I had taken the online test almost a year ago, but assumed that since I had not heard anything that meant I had not passed. I guess I did after all, and the bonus is that the tryout is on a Thursday morning so it doesn't conflict with work. Hopefully the third time is it and 2011 will be the year I get on Jeopardy.

If I had been blogging at 5 I would have discussed my regret over having realized that we had gone several months without a major illness. The baby woke up from her nap sad, hot, and shaky--she had a fever of 103! Little Dude was drooping too so I took his temperature and found that he was at 102. They both got ibuprofen and drinks and an hour of snuggling on the couch with me. By then the medicine seemed to be working and they were feeling good enough to have some dinner (baked potatoes are a good back-up plan) and get to bed early. Hopefully we will all get a decent sleep.

Right now I need to get to bed. I spent too long creating a new lesson plan for tomorrow because I didn't like my old one. I hope it will work well. I also hope the baby is well enough to go to her appointment tomorrow. I scheduled a visit with an office that makes shaping helmets to see if she is a good candidate for one and talk about her options for fixing her flat head because we weren't feeling comfortable about 'wait and see'. More on that soon. Now it's time for one more lemon bar before going to sleep. My biggest wish is that I will be spared this illness. Part-time instructors don't get substitutes.

This Week in Review

2011-01-21T16:25:00.004-07:00

I always seem to hit the wall on Friday afternoons. I've been so busy all week that I just feel done. Right now the kids are watching cartoons and I don't care. We got a projector a few weeks ago and they still love the novelty of watching stuff on the wall. Their favorite game right now is 'movie theater' where they make tickets and pretend refreshments and invite us down to the basement to watch DVDs. It's fun for the whole family. This past week Mr. Fob and I have been re-watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy; it's fun to see them on the big screen (or wall, as it were). Now I'm anxiously waiting for someone to turn Return of the King in to the library so we can complete our experience.

This week I feel like I've been doing a good job trying to stick with my motto of 'use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without' when it comes to food. I thought I my budget was doing great until I realized that for some reason in Excel it wasn't adding up the first few items in the groceries column. Oops. We still have enough money and food to get through the rest of the month, but it's less than I thought. On Monday we had mini-pizzas that used up some tomato sauce I had leftover from last week (sadly we had no olives to make faces on them), Tuesday I made enchiladas with the corn tortillas, summer squash, and leftover pork roast languishing in my fridge. Wednesday we had Indian food and I was feeling too lazy to make naan so I discovered that fresh cooked tortillas are an excellent substitute. I think pre-made tortillas that you cook yourself are the best new thing since pre-shredded cheese. Lately I've also been in love with toasted nuts; if you toast your nuts before putting them in salads or cookies they are infinitely more tasty.

This time of year I long for winter in California, especially when it is cold and brown and everything is covered with dirty snow. I miss the cool fog and the pounding rain storms. I miss the fact that winter is green there. I wish I could magically live in San Luis Obispo for half the year and Orem the other half. Or that I could magically transport all the people I love to San Luis Obispo so we could all live happily there.

I've had a lot of good posts in my head, and yet I have again failed to write them all down before they went away. Lately I feel like I'm busy all the time and yet never accomplishing anything that I want to. I've been trying to figure out why this is and how to fix that, starting with a Family Home Evening on Monday to help the kids remember what their responsibilities are and help them set some goals. Hopefully it will help.

One-Third of My Life

2011-01-16T22:50:00.003-07:00

The other day I noticed a link to a post on a blog that I don't normally read and I really liked it. She writes about the last decade and sums up her life during those years. I realized the other day that we have already spent one decade in the 2000s, and my brain keeps thinking it is still 1998. A decade went by fast, but it was one-third of my life so I think it is interesting to look back.

The year 2000 started for me on my mission in Spain. I spent that entire year in Spain and came back early in 2001. I lived with my parents in Maryland for a few months, then came back to school at BYU in Provo. My husband and I got married at the end of 2001 and spent a few more years in Utah. We moved to Seattle and then to California before coming back to buy a house in Utah. When this last decade started my parents lived in Maryland but they have moved closer to us in Las Vegas. My mother-in-law lived in Hawaii during the first few years of marriage but she has also moved to Utah. My husband and I have lived in seven different homes during the last nine years.

During the last ten years I acquired a husband and three beautiful children. I got to experience pregnancy, childbirth (only c-sections, no labor), related health issues, depression, anxiety, and a lot of dirty diapers. Plenty of joy along with those times, too. We're still married despite many of the things we've dealt with during the last 9 years.

When I got home from my mission I needed to finish my undergraduate degree. Since then I finished my bachelor's degree with a double major, earned a master's degree, and spent a year in a PhD program. My husband finished his bachlor's degree and completed two master's degrees. We've gone from being dirt-poor students who owned some books and a couch to owning our own home and car, and a whole bunch of other stuff (we still have most of the books but have been through many couches in the interim).

When we got married we had a computer and internet, but have since discovered blogging, Facebook, and many other ways to connect with people. Both through my husband's writing and my own I have made many new, dear friends and have had some great times with them. We have also travelled to see friends and family in Hawaii, Oregon, California, Arizona, Wyoming, and Nevada.

Unfortunately we've been to a lot of funerals. My friend and her husband died in 2002 and then two weeks later my brother-in-law also passed away suddenly. The next year I lost a great uncle. Two years after that, my aunt. The next year, my grandmother. The next an uncle. Then another uncle the year after that. And then my grandfather. So many good, sweet people that I hope to see again some day. My grandmother's house in Wyoming has now been completely emptied and remodeled--there have been many shifts in my extended family.

We've also welcomed several in-laws and nieces and nephews. I've come to love my husband's family and feel like they are my own and I have always been a part of them.

I feel like so much has changed during the last ten years of my life. Most of this change has been positive. I'm very happy with where I am at in my life right now and look forward to the future. Looking down the road another ten years I hope to be in the same house, with older children who have some goals for their lives, and with the same sweet husband who loves me. I hope we don't have so many funerals to go to and that we can go to more happy occasions like weddings and baptisms. More than anything I hope to be more kind, more faithful, and more confident in myself.

I was surprised

2011-01-13T20:20:00.002-07:00

Remember how last week I said that I would be very surprised if P. Bibby didn't have craniosynostosis? Well, according to the doctors she doesn't. That's a relief since I spent the last week pouring a lot of mental energy into figuring out how to work major surgery for my baby into my life. I'm very glad that we won't have to do anything major to fix it. I do admit still feeling a little worry simply because we just have to wait for the problem to correct itself and I hope it does. The CT scan showed normal bone growth in her head and so the doctor feels that the problem is plagiocephaly, or distortion cause by her sleeping position. That often shows up as a flat head, but there are other manifestations such as P. Bibby's case where her head has apparently been pushed from the side so much that the right said has been pushed forward and the left hasn't caught up yet. Considering how much she sleeps and the fact that she sucks the fingers on the right side, it makes sense. Like I said, I just hope her head won't look like that forever.

Although our day was long it went pretty well. My cousin's wife emailed me earlier this week to see if they could help us out, so we went up to Salt Lake last night and stayed in their home. It was nice to see them and it meant only a 15-minute drive with the baby this morning instead of an hour-long (at least) drive through morning traffic. The scan was not as scary as I had anticipated; they just needed to look at her head so the scan itself was short and they used a sedative that didn't make her completely unconscious, just really out of it. It was a little scary to see her so 'gone', but they were monitoring her and the entire time period for the sedation was only about half an hour total. We are feeling very relieved that we don't have to do anything worse to her than that. The final thing that made my day was when the eye doctor I saw last week called us back tonight to follow up on the scan and the results. He is an awesome person and one of the nicest doctors I have ever dealt with.

It's not a tumor

2011-01-08T10:26:00.002-07:00

I don't actually remember seeing Kindergarten Cop when I was young, but for some reason the "it's not a tumor" line (in Arnold's voice) was a popular saying around my house. It's come to mind during the last few months as we have been trying to figure out what is going on with P. Bibby's eye. When she was about six months old we noticed that her left eyelid was looking somewhat droopy and the skin around her eye was red. I mentioned this at a checkup she had with the doctor, but she had an ear infection at the time and he thought it might be related to that. It seemed to be getting worse, and was definitely not getting better, so I asked again at her nine-month appointment. This time the pediatrician gave me the name and number of a pediatric ophthalmologist. When I called I was disappointed to find out that their closest appointment was in February, but I scheduled it anyways. Her eye was still bothering me and I decided to call back and plead for a better appointment time. We were able to move it to this past Thursday and I'm very glad that I did.

The eye doctor was very pleasant and I felt very at ease with him. I was amazed by all the things he did to be able to examine the eyes of a very wiggly, eleven-month old baby. He told me that her eye looked fine, but that her face was asymmetrical. In fact, the way he said it sounded like he assumed that I already knew that. I was shocked and somewhat embarrassed that I had never noticed it, but once he pointed it out the difference between the left side and right side of her face was glaringly obvious. His receptionist was amazingly helpful with getting us appointments in Salt Lake next Thursday for a CT scan of her head and a consultation with a pediatric craniofacial specialist.

The tentative diagnosis the eye doctor gave me is craniosynostosis, which means that one of the bones in her skull fused too early and so the left side has not been able to grow. At first I thought it might likely be the other possibility, which would be a flattened skull from sleeping on the same side, but when I found these pictures I was convinced. Several of them look exactly like P. Bibby's face. If we don't get a diagnosis of craniosynostosis next week I will be very surprised.

I'm actually glad I did some searching on my own so that I can know what to expect. The only real treatment for it is surgery and I'm glad I have some time to prepare for that possibility. Mr. Fob and I have already talked through the logistics and the emotional issues and I think we are prepared for that option. It will probably have to be sooner rather than later since she is nearly one year old. 2011 is already shaping up to be a much crazier year than I expected.

Reading Roundup: 2010

2011-01-05T12:22:00.000-07:00

(click here for 2007, 2008, and 2009)

This year I read 86 books; I thought I had read fewer than I had in previous years, but it was more than both 2008 and 2009 . Since having a baby at the beginning of this year and then starting to work part-time I feel much more pressed for time than I used to; it doesn't look like my reading time has suffered nearly as much as I think it has.

59 books were fiction and 27 were nonfiction; I thought I had been reading plenty of nonfiction, but I guess I was wrong. Several of those nonfiction books were memoirs; this must have been a year for narrative. I do like nonfiction and maybe next year I'll read more. In 2007 and 2008 the numbers were almost evenly split between fiction and nonfiction, but the last two years have been heavily weighted towards fiction.

48 books were written by women and 38 by men, nearly an even split. This seems to continue a trend that I've seen over the past few year.I also read a lot of LDS books, something I have been trying to do more of during the last few years. I also read a few 'classics' and would like to increase that number, as well as the number of books in translation.

In no particular order, here are some books that stood out to me:

Fiction
Dispensation: Latter-day Fiction ed. Angela Hallstrom
Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann
Stones from the River by Ursula Hegi
These is My Words by Nancy Turner
In the Company of Angels by David Farland
North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell
The Passage by Justin Cronin
Room by Emma Donaghue
People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks
The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall

Nonfiction
Nurtureshock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman
Nothing Was the Same by Kay Redfield Jamison
Yearning for the Living God by F. Enzio Busche
Where Men Win Glory: The Odyssey of Pat Tillman by Jon Krakauer
When a Crocodile Eats the Sun by Peter Godwin
Every Man in this Village is a Liar by Megan Stack

We only watched 38 movies last year; that's more than in 2009, but still not as high as earlier years. I love movies and we just bought a projector for our family room, so hopefully in 2011 we'll watch even more. Some of my favorites were:

The Best of Youth
The Lovely Bones
Up in the Air
Avatar
Shutter Island
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Reading Roundup: December 2010

2011-01-03T21:58:00.001-07:00

The Orchard: A Memoir by Adele Crockett Robertson

This is a beautiful little book; it is an incomplete manuscript discovered and published by the author's daughter after her death. I wish she had finished it during her lifetime because her writing is keenly observant and very beautiful. The author has the kind of voice that really sticks with you for long after reading the book and leaves you feeling like you really know her.

When the Emperor was Divine by Julie Otsuka

This book surprised me; it is a novel about the internment of Japanese-Americans, and yet takes such a unique approach that I found myself deeply touched in a way I had not been by other novels about the same subject. Each chapter focuses on a different member of a California family (that remains unnamed) and a different aspect of the journey to the camp and back. I think the spare prose and the focus on small details really made the story so much more poignant and vivid to me.

Raven Stole the Moon by Garth Stein

A review of this book led me to believe that it was literary fiction; after a short while of reading it I realized that it was a supernatural thriller. That's not really my favorite genre and I didn't like this book that much, but I went ahead and read it anyways. The story was interesting and a good mix of native legend with contemporary mystery, but I really disliked most of the main characters and had a very hard time feeling any sympathy for them. The writing is also pretty choppy and spends too much time telling us about people, generally in stereotypical prose.

Picasso's War: The Destruction of Guernica and the Masterpiece that Changed the World by Russell Martin

I already know quite a lot about the recent history of Spain, but not a lot about Guernica, so I thought this book would be an interesting read. It might be good as an introduction to both the painting and the history of Spain after the Civil War, but I found it very boring. The topic was interesting and I learned a lot of new things, but there was something about the writing that really lacked any kind of ability to keep the reader's interest.

Glimpse by Carol Lynch Williams

Williams is a versatile author and I have loved everything I have read by her. She can be really funny sometimes, but she can also write so well about hard subjects that will just make you cry. This is one of her 'harder' books, but the fact that it is written in verse, with each page only offering a 'glimpse' of the story really makes it compelling. I especially liked the fact that she managed to build suspense both into the exterior story and the interior story of a girl learning and accepting the truth about her mother.

Every Man in this Village is a Liar: An Education in War by Megan Stack

I think this book will stick with me for a long time. Stack is a foreign correspondent for a major newspaper who spent a number of years living in countries in the Middle East. Her writing in this book is much more personal than any newspaper story; she puts in many little details that really drive home the impact of violence and terror on individuals, not only the violence of bombs but also the psychological violence of totalitarian regimes.

They Marched Into Sunlight: War and Peace, Vietnam and America, 1967 by David Maraniss

This book is very dense and took me a long time to read, but it was worth it. It paints a broad picture of events that took place at the same time in different parts of the world: an Army operation in Vietnam and peace protest back home in America. I really liked the way he brought in many different people and profiled them and how the events of that time affected them both then and now. This book was fascinating in the way that it really brought together what seemed to be two widely different worlds and showed how really connected they were (and yet also showing how hard it was for one to understand the other at the time).

The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall

I really didn't want to read this book because I had strongly disliked Udall's first novel. It just felt too much like other contemporary fiction where every character is incredibly quirky, flawed, and a little seamy. I have to admit that the tone is fairly similar here, but for some reason I found myself really liking this book (despite my initial intention not to). Despite the fact that the protagonist is horribly quirky, flawed, and seamy, he is still deeply sympathetic and it is hard not to like him or at least sympathize with him. I still don't think this is the Great Mormon Novel, but I'm willing to give it status as a Great Utah Novel (I need to write another post about this; hopefully I will someday).

Movies

Inception

As Mr. Fob put it, we expected this movie to be perfect and it wasn't. I also felt like it reminded me too much of Shutter Island, in the music, the cinematography, and in the way the Leonardo Di Caprio portrayed his character (who was rather similar to his character in that movie). Perhaps I'll have watch it again some other day when I'm in a more charitable mood.

It's that time of year again

2011-01-01T22:55:00.003-07:00

Everyone is compiling their yearly highlights and reviewing their accomplishments (or failures) from the last year. I have been contemplating what I would like to do for the past few days and still have not reached any firm conclusions. On the one hand, I feel ready to make some resolutions and attempt changes. Last year I gave myself a pass because the stress of moving and having a baby pretty much destroyed my sanity and I didn't need any more pressure on myself. Now we have had a year of stability in our home, family, and job situations and things feel much better. I still hesitate to make resolutions because they never seem to happen. As I look back on posts labelled 'goals' I see many of the same themes: read my scriptures, lose weight, eat fewer treats, and so on. I want to change many of the things I've been failing at for years and so I feel rather daunted by the fact that I've been trying for nearly a decade to change the same things about myself.

I think what I would like to do instead is to set monthly goals. One piece of the puzzle to work on each month; perhaps accomplishing small, measurable things will help me make some lasting changes. For January I am going to get back on a regular sleeping schedule. I will be in bed with the light off at 10:30 and during the week I will get up at 6:30 (either to exercise or to get ready for work). I do have goals for exercising and scripture study that I'd like to do in the morning, but for this month I will focus on sleep. I will report back at the end of the month.

Today

2010-12-29T14:53:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was a glorious day with clear blue skies and reasonable temperatures. I doubted the forecasted winter storm, especially when it was still clear at eleven last night as I went to bed. We woke up to several inches of snow and more falling hard. It's finally stopped now, but as I look out the window I'm grateful that we did our errands yesterday and can just stay home today. We're a little low on baby formula but should have enough to last through tomorrow.

I've had a few moments of panic when it comes to keeping the older kids busy all day. Thankfully they're finally getting old enough to mostly just entertain themselves and they've spent a lot of time playing together quite nicely. It makes my mommy heart proud to see how well they are getting along today. It also makes my teacher brain happy because I'm finally figuring out my challenging class schedule and syllabus for next semester (I have one section that meets twice a week and one that meets only once a week--yuck). Just for today I'm glad to sit on the couch with my laptop watching the snow fall while I think and type. Maybe by Friday we'll be a little stir-crazy. So far, however, today is just fine.

Random Thoughts

2010-12-20T21:09:00.003-07:00

I haven't blogged for a week now. The other day I said to Mr. Fob 'why do I feel like my life is so amazingly busy right now?' Well, I had a third child, I started working part-time, and my computer is usually downstairs in the basement office where my husband is working. This is good for reducing my internet usage, but also bad because it reduces my internet usage. Plus I need to have a clear mind to blog and lately my mind is not clear very often.

Last week I had to grade 32 papers. I should have had more, but both my classes had several people flake out. That's to be expected at the school where I'm teaching, but still a little disheartening. I've had one student who managed to miss nearly half the class days this semester who has repeatedly sent me emails trying to figure out some way to avoid having to take the class again. Sorry dude, the first lesson you need to learn in college is the importance of showing up for class and doing the work.

I also went to four different Christmas programs last week. S-Boogie and Little Dude both had programs for school (pictures on the kids' blog). On Thursday night I went to a concert done by a community chorale that my neighbor recently started, and then on Saturday afternoon Mr. Fob and I went on a date to a concert that another friend was performing in. The music was all lovely and it has really helped me get into the Christmas spirit.

I've also been busy the last few days working on some homemade gifts for family. While I can understand the sentiment behind the push for handmade Christmas, it can be a lot of work and I'm not always sure it's worth it. For the last six months Little Dude has been talking about the Play-doh popcorn popper. So I bought it for him; yes, it's a $10 toy from Target, but at this age it's easy to fulfill his hopes and dreams so I might as well.

We've actually ended up getting the kids more presents this year than we usually do. The two older ones are each getting five things from us alone, and I know that they'll be getting a few things from relatives too. However, those things include a CD for each of them, a set of books, and pajamas. S-Boogie isn't even getting any toys this year; we're getting her a desk for her room. We do have a bit more money this year and it has been fun getting stuff that we know they'll really love. Next year I think we should make some kind of a budget and a plan to stick to, though. I'd like to plan on doing more for others, like a Sub for Santa or something like that.

We may not have any money left after the new year thanks to the lovely new leak in our roof. The good news is that so far the water damage is only in our garage, the bad news is that is complicated because our chimney is weird, and the really bad news is that they can't fix it until next week because of the weather and the holiday weekend. Owning a home can be great and not so great at the same time. Thankfully we can find the money, it's just that we would rather spend it on something a little more exciting.

Despite my crazy business lately I am truly excited about Christmas. My kids might have a few too many presents, but I know that each one they open will be something they will love. We may be feeling a little frazzled as we celebrate, but it's only because we have so many good things to choose from and so many fun people to do them with. Nothing wrong with that.

Sibling Dynamics

2010-12-12T22:05:00.002-07:00

Last week S-Boogie was trying to write something and asked me to spell a word. Before I could answer, Little Dude stepped in and spelled it for her. Perfectly. Today in church he finished coloring his picture, turned it over and drew a church, then wrote "This is hevinly fathers cerch" on it, without asking me how to spell the words. He is four-and-a-half, she's seven, and he has nearly caught up with her in his spelling and reading abilities. A few months ago Little Dude figured out how letters work and took off running. He can read and spell really well. S-Boogie is actually on grade level as far as reading goes and recently brought home a report card that had perfect grades in all her academic subjects (her only low grade was in 'school behavior', which encompasses staying on task and following directions).

This new dynamic has honestly had me a little worried. I have a brother who is slightly less than two years older than me. I started reading when I was three and would sometimes help him with his kindergarten homework. School has always been easy for me, and even though my brother is smart, it wasn't as easy for him. All of my life I looked up to my brother because he seemed so much cooler than I was. He was in band, he did swim team, he had cool friends. I was saddened a few years ago to find out that he had often resented me for being the smart one who did well in school. I worry about that happening with my children, and I admit that I've been trying to not make a big deal about Little Dude's reading abilities for S-Boogie's sake. The other day she brought home a flyer outlining the requirements for district testing for gifted programs in third grade. As I read through it I realized that she really didn't fit the criteria and so I threw it in the recycling bin, but not without a small pain that she isn't more like me. I also realized that Little Dude will likely fit those criteria in a few years and we'll have to deal with some of the issues that come from having kids in two different schools and different programs. For now, however, I have put those concerns on the back burner. He's still in preschool and we have a few years to see how school agrees with him.

Perfect grades and stellar school performance are not the only measure of a child's worth. And that, for me, is what I'm realizing is the important thing for S-Boogie to know and understand. She knows it right now and I hope she always does. A few weeks ago on NPR I was listening to a program about sibling dynamics and the fact that small differences between siblings often end up being exaggerated, both by parents and the kids themselves. So while both kids might be extroverted, the one that is more obviously that way will become more so and the other one will become more introverted in compensation. I hope that doesn't happen with school in our family; I want all three of my kids to like school and to feel like we approve of their efforts. S-Boogie is smart but just not in the same ways that Little Dude is. Plus she just doesn't have his powers of concentration and probably never will. He has weaknesses that she doesn't have either. Right now she loves school and has many friends there, plus if you ask her she will tell you that she is the smartest student in the class. The other day we were driving by the high school and the kids started asking me about what it's like there (this is a frequent topic since we live right by the school). S-Boogie decided that she wants to be on the soccer team, take cooking classes, and take some math classes because she loves math and is the best at it. I hope she still has that attitude when she actually gets to high school some day.

The Letters P & R

2010-12-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

We ended up skipping countries that start with O and only did one with R.

Peru: We read a few books about Peru and colored the flag. For dinner we got together with my sister-in-law who had served her mission in Peru. We ate papa a la huancaina, lomo saltado, rice, and chicha morada. It was all delicious, even though the kids didn't like it very much.

Philippines: We read some books; I found a few good story books that the kids liked, especially this one. For dinner we had two of my favorite foods, pancit and lumpia. Neither turned out quite as well as I remembered my Filipino friends making them when I was a kid, but I guess that just means that I'll have to make them again some time.

Poland: We read books and colored the flag; I had a hard time finding any story books about Poland and so we didn't get to read any. We did eat some pierogi, which were really tasty and big hit with the kids. I also tried making some cabbage rolls stuffed with brown rice but they didn't turn out so well.

Russia: The kids liked reading about Russia, and I was able to find a book about a girl who lived in Russia that they thought was really interesting. They especially were impressed with the size of the country. I was feeling somewhat lazy that week and so just had beef stroganoff with mashed potatoes. I did also include a side dish of beets to be more Russian.

Easy to Love

2010-12-07T22:28:00.003-07:00

This afternoon S-Boogie had a dress rehearsal for her dance class. Waiting the hour for her class to finish has become increasingly difficult as P.Bibby has gotten older, and I knew that today would be especially torturous for both the baby and Little Dude because we were in the Senior Center and there was nothing to do (plus the heat was on high and it was exceptionally stuffy). Today's weather was somewhat moderate for December so I decided to take the kids over to the park next door for a little bit of playground time.

When I got there I realized that P. Bibby was probably big enough to try out one of the swings for babies. I was right; when I put her in the swing and started gently pushing it, her face lit up in a big grin and she began giggling. I love her giggling; she is my first child to giggle so freely and so often at such a young age. She really is a delightful baby and nearly every day I think about how much fun she is and what a joy it is to be her mom.

And every time I think this I feel a little guilty, because I haven't always enjoyed being a mom with my other kids (it wasn't always their fault, a lot of it was me and my crazy stress/PPD). I don't know if P. Bibby will always be this easy-going; I'm sure she'll develop some opinions of her own some day. I think I feel guilty because loving her is easy because she is so compliant. She sleeps well, eats well, and likes to play when I put her down on the floor. When we come in the room she lights up and reaches for us. I feel like I love her more than my other kids simply because I can spend more time loving her and less time stressing about trying to 'fix' her because she generally behaves in ways that make my life easier.

In saying this, I don't mean to imply that I love my other kids less than I love my baby. I'm pretty sure that I do, but sometimes I'm not so sure. I'm realizing that it is easier to feel like I love the people who are like me or who behave like I want them to. That's normal, but it's also something we as human beings should be striving to overcome. It's funny that I've come this far in life without really internalizing this lesson; love is a verb and sometimes it can be harder to do than at other times. Love isn't just for the people that do what I want them to do or who share my opinions or who look like the way I think people should look. Love is for everyone, even my other children who complain about what I serve them for dinner, get upset when I try to help them do things, stay up two hours past their bedtimes bothering me with the reasons why they can't sleep, and other such 'hard' things. True love is really caring about people who are inconvenient, annoying, and incomprehensible. I need to work on remembering that.

The First of December

2010-12-01T22:26:00.002-07:00

A few weeks ago I found a deal online for half-off a fresh Christmas tree, delivered to your home. I'm always a fan of a bargain, plus I'm lazy and liked the idea of home delivery, so I ordered a tree. I thought it was going to be here over the weekend but it didn't show up until today. It is spectacular: a giant noble fir with thick, green needles and an overwhelming smell of pine. The tree takes up an entire corner of our living room. Its heavenly.

So we let the kids stay up late decorating the tree and drinking hot chocolate. We listened to Frank Sinatra and discussed all of our special ornaments, though I think my little candy canes that I bought at Pic-n-Save twelve years ago have finally bit the dust. The kids were thrilled with the tree and I am so grateful to have a lovely home with room for a beautiful tree and a mantel just right for hanging stockings. I have a feeling that this is going to be a wonderful Christmas; the kids are old enough to be excited about everything and able to do somethingwith their excitement, and the baby is just getting big enough to really respond to the twinkly lights. I can't wait until tomorrow when she wakes up and sees the giant tree in our living room. Today Little Dude brought me a list he had written of things we need to buy for making gingerbread houses: kandy, m on ms, kandy kanz, ginger, gliters. We all need more 'gliters' in our life.

A Better Day

2010-11-29T22:39:00.002-07:00

I hate it when I write a post about a bad day and then don't have time to come back and blog for a few more days. There are negative moments in life, but generally things are all right. I think I'm starting to recover from this last week (for the record, it wasn't totally bad, but there were bad moments). Yesterday and today were generally pretty pleasant days, although I really do need to find a better way to manage my time so I can get enough sleep.

Yesterday morning I woke up to snow. This actually made for a good day; I love looking at snow and it wasn't enough to be horribly inconvenient. Mr. Fob shovelled the driveway so I could get out and go to church, and when I got there one of my friends had saved the bench in front of her family for me so she could help with my kids. They were actually well-behaved during sacrament meeting, but it was nice to have someone else spend some time holding the baby because she has become a super wiggly monkey lately. I did get the baby to sleep during Sunday School so I got some quiet time in the mother's lounge to read my scriptures while I was rocking her. Then I had some other lovely people come sit on the front row with me in Relief Society to hold the baby while I played the piano. My ward is so awesome.

We also put up our Christmas decorations over the weekend. We still don't have a tree, but I love our nativity sets and we got some cool lighted garland to go on the mantel to hide our stocking clips. Mr. Fob also put up some colored lights in the window and I love sitting in our festive living room listening to Christmas music. Today I took things easy and spent time enjoying some good music, a lovely white landscape outside the window, and bean-and-bacon soup in the crock-pot. The kids wanted to make some 'christmas tree cakes' they found in a craft book and so we did that, even though all we had to decorate them with were Halloween sprinkles. I still have worries and sorrows but taking the time to enjoy some of the good things makes life a little better.

Roller Coaster

2010-11-27T23:12:00.002-07:00

So remember how I posted last weekend about how wonderful and happy my life was? This has been a rough week and I'm trying to find that happy place again. The real culprits have been my lack of sleep (and yes, I'm posting this at 11:15 when I should be in bed) and my stupid hormones which always make me morose and weepy for at least one week in every five. Sleep deprivation, cold weather, and PMS are not a good combination to have when you're hosting a family gathering. The truth is, Thanksgiving went really well. We managed to find a lovely new (to us) dining table just in time for the celebration, my little brother survived the blizzard in Seattle and made his flight here on time, my parents drove up safely, and all the food was tasty and prepared without mishap. But it's still been a rough week. We finally received some news about a long-lost family member; this is mostly happy, but the story is not finished yet and emotions have been pretty high all week. Then on Thursday night I decided to browse the paper online and found out that one of my students was killed in a car accident that day. I have been having a hard time getting over this news; I especially feel bad because she was somewhat quiet and I felt like I didn't get to know her that well. I also feel worried about her family, but I don't know them at all and I feel frustrated by the fact that things like accidents show up for one day in the news and then we never hear anything again. It also seems to be bringing up memories of several other people I have known that suddenly died during the last few years. I think more than anything I just need a good night's sleep and hopefully I'll find my way back to the proper perspective.

Comfortable

2010-11-21T22:29:00.002-07:00

Yesterday was our ninth anniversary; I've written a few different anniversary posts over the last few years, but I still think my favorite is this one. Since the baby is a good sleeper and no longer nursing we decided to take a little staycation this year. Mr. Fob's sister was a fabulous auntie and came to spend the night with our three kids on Friday while we escaped to Salt Lake for the night. First we checked into our hotel; we've stayed there before, and while our room did not have a jacuzzi tub, it was very comfortable and affordable without feeling like the Super 8 motel. From our hotel we walked over the The Copper Onion; the food was fabulous and we left feeling completely stuffed. We shared a cheese plate and then I ordered the beef stroganoff and Mr. Fob had the fettuccine carbonara. Those may sound like ordinary entrees, but the cooking was amazing. We will definitely eat there again some time, but our budget can probably only handle it once a year. Then we walked over to the Gateway to watch the new Harry Potter movie in Imax; it was good--I'll review it on my monthly movie post. After a stop at the frozen yogurt shop we walked back to our hotel. We've decided that we really would like a king-size tempurpedic mattress of our own, but we sleep better when there aren't drunk people yelling in our hallway in the middle of the night (we've stayed at this hotel before and not had that problem). In the morning we went to breakfast at a little place called the Front End Grille. More tasty food (and cheap), with a pleasant little hole-in-the-wall ambiance and a very kind waitress. On the way home we stopped at Ikea to do some window shopping and pick up a few little kitchen essentials. The kids survived without us and it was nice to spend time together without two people talking at once all the time in an effort to get our attention.

One thing I have noticed lately is that I have finally reached the point where I am truly comfortable in our relationship. Now, this isn't so much Mr. Fob's doing as it has been mine; as I have become more comfortable with myself, I'm much more relaxed and sure of myself. Yes the early years are great when you are giddy and newly in love and everything is exciting. But I'm really enjoying the fact that I don't spend extra energy trying to hide the fact that sometimes I say or think dumb things. Or sometimes I'm grumpy or upset or just plain rude. And Mr. Fob accepts all of it. Like I said before, he hasn't changed. Even when we've gone through times where we didn't like each other much, he's never been rude to me or treated me badly. But I think I spent a number of years keeping up my old habits of trying to always seem poised and to never let my guard down and never let him think I'm less than perfect. And now I just don't care.

Things are more fun this way; the other day on the freeway I thought I saw a bumper sticker that said "Nobody's born a robot", and when I shared my mistake with him we could just laugh about it. This comfort in my relationship is rubbing off on my ability to be honest with other people too. Today I was asked to accompany a group of women who will be singing a song in Relief Society in a few weeks. I was given the music shortly before the practice, and while I can sight read pretty well, I was not sure about a few things and my playing was less than perfect. In the past I would have spent the entire practice feeling self-conscious about my playing and trying extra hard not to draw attention to myself or let anyone know that I had just received the music. Today, I simply said "I need to practice this more, but I'll do my best" and asked them about a few sections that weren't clear to me. It felt so much better to just be honest about my shortcomings; as I'm learning, they are almost always met with understanding. No one thinks I'm as incompetent as I think I am, and I'm grateful to be married to someone who has taught me that lesson over and over again.

Reading Roundup: November 2010

2010-11-14T21:59:00.006-07:00

The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan

I had read many good reviews of this book, but I never felt that interested in reading it. It turned out to be much better than I had expected. I realized that I had read much about the Great Depression, but nothing specifically about the actual Dust Bowl (they're not the same thing), and Egan's writing is both clear and compelling. He made this time period really come alive to me and a month later I still find myself still thinking about some of the stories he relates.

People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks

This is another book that I'm kicking myself for not reading earlier; I think I had a misconception of what it was about from something else I'd read, but it wasn't what I was thinking at all. It was actually just my kind of book; I love 'literary mysteries' and I love historical fiction. The protagonist was someone I didn't particularly love, but at least I could understand her even when I did not agree with her.

Room by Emma Donoghue

This is one of the new 'it' books, and I can understand why. Sometimes it's hard to review books like this that are so different in their storytelling; the uniqueness of the story and its narration are so captivating that it can be hard to step back and really critique the book. That being said, I generally liked the book and felt like Donoghue was able to pull it off quite well. It left me with lingering questions, but when you are reading a story narrated by a five-year-old that is bound to be the case.

American Rust by Philipp Meyer

After checking this book out from the library I noted that a blurb on the back recommended it for fans of Cormac McCarthy or Dennis Lehane. While I have liked some of McCarthy's stuff, he's not my favorite and Lehane is really too dark for me. So this book was a bit hard for me to read although the story was enough to keep me going. I thought it was well-written, but it went places I wasn't expecting and the style and tone were not what I like to read.

Movies

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

I still haven't read this books yet, and now after seeing the movies I'm not sure if I will or not. The movie was really good and I liked a lot of aspects of the story and the characters. It is pretty graphically violent and I remembered that I have a higher tolerance for violence on the page, but I really don't know if I like it much in either place.

Invictus

I felt like this movie was a bit slow in getting started but generally it was well-done. It is hard to watch Morgan Freeman and think of him as anyone but himself; he did an admirable job trying to be Nelson Mandela. I've generally liked Clint Eastwood's recent movie but this one was probably my least favorite just because it felt a bit too much like any other sports movie. I had been hoping for something different.

Iron Man 2

This was a decent sequel that was a lot of fun to watch. I did not find the plot as interesting as the first one, simply because the origin story was much more unique than the standard conflicts brought up in this movie.

The Girl Who Played With Fire

I actually liked this movie a little better than the first one; I thought the plot was more complex and compelling. I also found it interesting that the two main characters are not ever in the same place at the same time during the movie. I'm looking forward to watching the third one. I'm not sure if I want to see American versions of these movies; they work so well as Swedish films I have hard time imagining them in English.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1)

We saw this in Imax for our anniversary and I enjoyed it a lot. It is darker than the other films and a good bit of it is spent wandering around in the woods being angsty. I'm looking forward to seeing the second half next summer.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

I watched this movie when I was having a really bad week and it was the perfect antidote. I laughed and laughed. It is really weird and does a lot of strangely post-modern things with editing and such. I like that kind of thing; I probably would have hated this movie ten years ago but thankfully I've learned to like pop culture and think stuff like this is really clever.

Sherlock Holmes

I haven't read much Sherlock Holmes stuff and I'm not a big fan; I mostly saw this movie because it looked like a lot of fun. It was quite fun and another good 'escape movie' for when you're in the mood to watch action movies that don't involve blowing up cars (just their nineteenth-century equivalents).

Counting my blessings

2010-11-14T21:31:00.002-07:00

For the past two years I have done NaBloPoMo, but I just didn't feel up to it this year. The year before that I posted two weeks of 'thankful' posts. Neither of those things is going to happen this year; don't worry, I'm still thankful for the same things I've posted about before. I just wanted to share a few of the good things that have been happening lately. Life still has its little annoyances and I never feel like I have enough patience, time, or sleep; that doesn't mean that there's not good to be found everywhere.

We've been in our house for nearly a year and I love being here. I love our home itself; it's just the right size for us and so comfortable. I'm looking forward to hosting Thanksgiving with many of my family members here and I love having a home that gives me space to have family gatherings.

During the last few days the older two kids have been playing together really well. A week or so ago we had a scary incident where they got in a fight when I couldn't intervene and they were throwing toys at each other (large toys--it wasn't good). But they've redeemed themselves by being amazing together for a few days now; this morning they went downstairs and took a bath together and got ready for church together all on their own. It took them an hour, but we had that kind of time since we went to a missionary farewell instead of our usual ward.

Yesterday when I went to Target to get a few things I found some meat that was marked down to half-off. I also happened to have some coupons for meat so I got it for an even cheaper price. We don't eat meat that often so it will last us a while.

My mom is very sweet and sent me some money to help pay for hosting Thanksgiving. I thought of being proud and refusing the help, but instead I choose to accept it with a grateful heart. I will still use it wisely, but now I know I can afford to buy pecans for pecan pie (they're pricey, aren't they?)

The university offered me two classes to teach again next semester. They aren't the ideal scheduling I would have liked, however they are the same course that I'm teaching now so that will help a lot with writing my syllabus and everything else.

We're planning a big vacation to Hawaii next June and have already booked a place to stay. We haven't been since Little Dude was one and so I'm really excited to go again. We thought it would be nice for us to rent our own place for a little while and then it ended up turning into a little family reunion. I've never stayed in a beach house before and I'm looking forward to spending a few days hanging out with family. It's giving me motivation to try and stay in my budget for the next few months.

Slow Down

2010-11-11T21:52:00.004-07:00

Some days are just slow days. I woke up this morning and realized "I have nothing to do today." Obviously there are plenty of things I could get done, like cleaning my baseboards, organizing my pantry, preparing lessons for next week, cleaning my shower, and so on. There just wasn't anything pressing. I know that I have been blogging about how busy my life is lately, and most of the time it is, but this week is a slow one for a lot of reasons. We've also suddenly hit winter weather and all I want to do is hibernate

So today I sat on the couch and read: part of a book, the new Ensign, my scriptures. I took pictures of Little Dude making block towers for the baby to knock over. I packed up Little Dude and the baby and took them to play at the mall playground for an hour. When my sister-in-law came over to use our scanner, I just hung out with her and looked at her pictures. Tonight I made an easy dinner of scrambled egg burritos and smoothies. Mr. Fob and I watched TV together. It was a slow day.

When I have days like this I worry that I'm never going to catch up. Sometimes I get in a rut where I just let inertia talk me into avoiding the dishes, letting the messes pile up, and ignoring it all with my head in a book. On the other hand, I've always managed to get my energy back again after a few days. I guess I shouldn't think of days like today as slow; I'm just recharging.

Your Son is (Probably) Not Gay

2010-11-09T20:36:00.002-07:00

I usually avoid controversy on this blog and I generally try not to get too opinionated about things. I have many reasons for this, but I'm not going to go into them here. I recently read an article about the controversy whipped up by a mommy blogger who posted pictures of her son dressed up like Daphne for Halloween. I'm fine with the fact that she is willing to let her son dress up as whichever character he chooses, and I'm mildly uncomfortable with the fact that she seems to be doing so as some sort of political statement. What I'm most uncomfortable about is the fact that she titled her post "My Son is Gay."

I'm sorry, but just because your five-year-old wants to dress up like a girl doesn't mean he's gay. Being gay means that you are attracted to people of your same gender. Some gay men dress as women, but cross-dressing is not always related to homosexuality. There are plenty of cross-dressers that are straight as well. Gay men do not necessarily want to be women; as many of my gay friends have told me, they are simply men that are attracted to other men. I know that one major objection to reparative therapy is the implication that homosexuality arises from a faulty gender identity. Most gay men that I know are not 'gender confused; they definitely feel masculine in many ways. In general I'm often bothered by people assigning adult feelings to children's behaviors. I've never liked it when people look at kids who have friends of an opposite gender and say things about having 'boyfriends' or 'girlfriends'. Yes I know that many people start feeling attracted one way or another at that age, but I think it is very premature to start making assumptions and assigning labels to things like friends or 'crushes' or whatnot.

In sum: please remember that not all children who 'cross-dress' (if you can even call it that at such a young age) are not homosexual. Not all adults that cross-dress are gay either.

The end.

Reading Roundup: October 2010

2010-11-03T21:11:00.000-06:00

Books

When a Crocodile Eats the Sun by Peter Godwin

Mr. Fob looked at my book and said "That title sounds pretentious." It does, and I suppose some could argue that this book is a bit pretentious; it's a memoir written by a man who has grown up as a white person in an African country and is now watching both his country and his father die. Some of the circumstances of his life seem almost too incredible to believe, but the book remains deeply personal and not pretentious after all. I was mesmerized by his writing and his story--I think this is one of the best books I've read this year.

The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton

I've read this a few times before, but it was our book club pick for the month and I thought it would be great to read it again. This time I was struck by the nuances of the story; for some reason I had never noticed them in quite the same way before. Wharton is an amazing writer and I think I could easily read this book a few more times and enjoy it just as much.

The Tiger by John Vaillant

This was the second fascinating non-fiction book that I read this month. Vaillant doesn't just tell the story of a man-eating tiger who starts stalking people in Siberia, he discusses all the political, social, and economic circumstances that created the collision between man and animals in Russia. The story is compelling (man eating tigers!), but the writing really makes this an extraordinary book.

Movies

A Single Man

I'm somewhat curious to read the novel that this movie is based on, because the plot itself was not that interesting to me. Otherwise, I thought it was a well-done movie. The cinematography, costuming, and acting were excellent.

The Lovely Bones

I didn't have high expectations for this movie based on reviews I'd read, and based on the fact that I loved the book so much. I was pleasantly surprised; it did change a number of things from the book, but it still worked well. I particularly liked the casting choice for Susie Salmon--she was perfect.

Grizzly Man

It was fascinating to watch this movie while I was reading a book about the interaction between humans and animals. This is one of the best documentaries I've seen in a while; both the original footage as well as the scenes filmed by Timothy Treadwell were equally powerful. I expected the movie to be simply about animals and people, but it gets into issues of film, identity, and fame in unusual ways.

The Letter N

2010-11-02T15:28:00.000-06:00

Netherlands

We read some books about the Netherlands; S-Boogie particularly liked this one. For dinner I made hutspot with smoked sausage. It was really tasty. We also watched the movie Hans Brinker and ate some apple cake that I made from a recipe that I got from a kids' cookbook.

New Zealand

We read books and colored the flag; the kids insisted on reading this book many times and really liked it. We also listened to some music from New Zealand and ate meat pies for dinner. They were really tasty and a big hit with the kids--I cut the meat in half and added some diced potatoes. I don't have little pie dishes so I cooked them in custard cups; they were a bit of work, but a really tasty dinner and something I want to make again. If the kids were a little older I would watch Whale Rider with them, but they aren't quite big enough yet. I also wanted to make pavlova and I just didn't have time that week, so I felt a little sad about it.

Nigeria

Mr. Fob and I liked the food I cooked quite a bit: baked fish, roasted plantain, and some greens stewed with coconut milk and cayenne. The kids weren't really fans, but they liked the music and reading this book.

Norway

We ended up having a busy week and didn't really get to read many books for this country; I had checked out this picture book and I thought it looked interesting, but we never read it with the kids. I had trouble finding some Norwegian recipes online, but this pork roast seemed to fit the descriptions I had read so we ate it with some mashed potatoes and a salad. I thought it was pretty tasty. I also made an almond cake but ended up eating a lot of it myself because that was the weekend everyone got a stomach virus.

A Halloween Feast

2010-10-31T21:00:00.002-06:00

We had a church party on Friday night and then went trick-or-treating last night, so my kids certainly got plenty of Halloween this year. But since today was the actual holiday I wanted to do something a little special for them. I found a bunch of cute recipes and we had some 'spooky food' that was actually pretty healthy (except the hot dogs--once in a while can't hurt, right?). The kids loved the meal and generally ate most of it without a complaint. We had potato ghosts, hot dog mummies, fruity jack-o-lanterns, and witch fingers. I think this is going to be a new tradition in our house.

A Day in My Life

2010-10-25T12:34:00.005-06:00

I've seen a few posts like this around lately and thought it would be fun to do. Every day our schedule is a little bit different, but today was a pretty 'typical' day for us.

6:00 Wake up because Little Dude is screaming/crying. He's been having some sleep issues lately that have been affecting all of us. Thankfully he doesn't wake up the baby (in the next room) and he falls back to sleep.

6:30 Wake up for real with my alarm clock. Take a very long, hot shower. I feel guilty every morning for taking long showers that are very hot, but it's cold and dark and I am very tired.

7:00 Warm up some oatmeal and eat my breakfast. I like to make a big batch of oatmeal and keep it in the fridge to warm up on other days. Then I go blow dry my hair, get dressed, and do my makeup. I bought new makeup the other day and I'm still not sure I like it. Instead of just powder I bought a creamy foundation that has a powder finish. It seems fine; it is just a bit more obvious that I'm wearing makeup and I feel self-conscious about it. I've never liked wearing makeup, but I don't feel professional without it.

7:40 Run downstairs to get my computer bag and check on S-Boogie. She should be awake, so I open her door and turn on the hall light. I get in my car and drive to school. The one advantage of teaching an 8:00 class is that I can still get a good parking spot.

8:00 Teach my first section; about half the class is actually there, but a few more straggle in as the hour goes on. Attendance in this class has really dropped. Some days it bothers me, but I figure it's not really my problem. It's a freshman course and most of my students are in their very first semester of college and still figuring things out. I nearly failed an 8:00 class my freshman year too. Today goes well and I feel energized when class is over. I was trying to teach them about how to read an academic text, as well as introduce the idea of different approaches to a topic. I printed out different journal articles about Harry Potter and had them look at them in small groups to get a feel for what academic writing looks like. We have a good discussion about understanding different angles of vision for topics (things like economics, literature, law, etc) and about taking notes while doing research.

9:00 Run to the next building to teach my second section of class. Thankfully they are pretty close to each other. Teach the same lesson and feel happy when it goes well also.

10:00 By now the parking lot is pretty busy so leaving school takes a while and I have to dodge many jaywalking students. I decide to stop at Rite Aid on the way home because we need a few photo mailers and I know that they have some good couponing deals this week. Spend some time figuring out the best combination of items to buy to maximize my savings. Sadly, they are out of photo mailers and they don't have any more of the lotion that could be free after coupons. Maybe I'll check back later in the week to see if they have restocked. Monday morning is usually a good time for shopping there, but sometimes if you get there too early they won't have finished stocking the shelves. At least I get some conditioner that ends up being free after coupons.

10:30 Get home, change, and go downstairs to talk to Mr. Fob about how the morning went. He's on the phone, so I plug my computer in and check email and look at blogs. I start a DVD for Little Dude and ask how his morning went; he tells me he slept in until 9 and I am grateful for that. He is in a good mood and I think the extra sleep helped him.

11:00 Little Dude's show is over so I go upstairs to make him some lunch. I also eat a banana with peanut butter for a snack. I hear the baby making noise in her crib, so I go back downstairs to ask Mr. Fob what time she started her morning nap. She really shouldn't be up yet, so I ignore her and go to the kitchen to do the dishes. When Mr. Fob comes upstairs a few minutes later he says she is still awake. I decide to just let her get up and play so that she can possibly take a nap during Little Dude's school time. After I put her down in the living room I realize that I need to sweep the entryway because there is a bunch of dried mud there. I have to sweep fast since she follows me around trying to eat the dirt. After I sweep, I feed Little Dude lunch and finish emptying and reloading the dishwasher (all the while moving the baby back to the living room with her toys instead of under my feet). I play with the baby while supervising Little Dude as he finishes getting ready for preschool.

12:00 Our neighbor picks up Little Dude for preschool. I feed the baby a bottle and put her down for a nap (for real, I hope). Then I eat my lunch--leftover soup and salad. Usually Mr. Fob and I can eat together, but he had a meeting on the phone and then he needed to leave to go to Toastmasters. Then I spend a little too long on the computer checking blogs before I tear myself away to grade papers.

12:45 Start grading papers; get into a groove and manage to grade for an hour until S-Boogie gets home from school. Monday is her early-out day, when she gets out at 1:30 instead of 3:00. I did get one section of grading finished, but I still have another class to do. It seems to be so hard to get grading done because I can't do it while kids are around.

2:00 S-Boogie calls a friend and he comes over to hang out for a while with her. I leave to get Little Dude and his friend from preschool. Pick them both up and drop off his friend.

2:30 Supervise the putting away of school papers and the homework. Grade one last paper before realizing that it just isn't going to happen with the kids around.

3:00 Baby wakes up and I make her a bottle. Then I make popcorn for the bigger kids to have a snack. I decided today that I won't be buying popcorn for a few more years until the baby grows up because the other kids can't avoid dropping it on the floor and then she manages to get it in her mouth.

3:30 The older two are playing the game Life with S-Boogie's friend. For some reason they are all yelling instead of talking, and all at the same time. I put some potatoes in the oven so we can have baked potatoes for dinner. I thought I'd make them early since we might still go to the library in after the friend leaves. Then I decide that I want to make some zucchini muffins for our FHE treat and I start making the batter. I manage to make muffins while supervising the game, repeatedly reminding the kids to use regular voices, and repeatedly moving the baby back into the living room.

4:00 S-Boogie's friend goes home with his mom and she keeps playing the game with Little Dude. I decide not to go to the library after all. We usually go on Mondays, but it's getting late in the afternoon, it's cold, and I'm tired. There are things I need to get done, but none of them are happening with the kids all awake and home. I decide to just sit on the floor and read a book/play with the baby while I wait for the muffins to finish baking.

4:45 I take the baby downstairs to check my email and do a little computer surfing. This doesn't really work because the baby is feeling hyper, and Little Dude wanders in to sit on my lap and mess with stuff on the desk. Mr. Fob is still working and I don't think he really appreciates our interruption. S-Boogie is done with her game and the kids are kind of bored, so I break our usual rule and let them watch an hour of TV before dinner.

5:15 I give up on computer time with the baby in the room and take her upstairs to feed her dinner (squash and peaches with yogurt). Then she eats Cheerios while I finish getting our dinner ready and served.

6:00 Mr. Fob comes upstairs and helps me get the dinner on the table. We all eat. S-Boogie isn't very hungry and we have to remind her about a hundred times to stop turning around to play with the baby.

6:30 Dinner is done and it's time to get the kids ready for bed. S-Boogie goes downstairs to shower and get herself ready. I coerce Little Dude into the shower while Mr. Fob puts the baby's pajamas on. Then I feed her a bottle while Little Dude dries himself off and gets his pajamas on. I love having two kids old enough to do a lot of their own maintenance; Little Dude still takes some coercion, but he is capable of doing a lot on his own.

7:00 Baby is off to bed and we do FHE. Tonight we decide to carve our pumpkin that we grew in our garden. Little Dude wants it to look like a dog and S-Boogie wants a cat; we tell them to work it out and they decide on a cat/dog. Mr. Fob is our resident artist and so he carves a pumpkin that has one side of the face like a dog and one side like a cat. The kids eat zucchini muffins and milk while we watch him carve the pumpkin.

8:00 The kids brush their teeth and get in their beds. We usually like them to be in bed at 7:30 and give them some reading time, but FHE generally makes bedtime later. As usual, Little Dude refuses to lie down in his bed and pops out of his room every thirty seconds to tell us that he can't sleep. I finish loading the dishwasher, hand-wash the things that need it, and tidy up the kitchen.

8:30 Although I'd love to have more time for grading and other things, I need to return some library videos that were due today. While I am out I stop by a different Rite Aid for photo mailers and to buy some other cheap things (candy and body wash) with coupons. Then I also swing by Maceys where I get some frozen juice (more coupons) and a small-ish pumpkin for S-Boogie to decorate for the school contest.

9:15 Get home and congratulate myself on running my errands super quickly. Spend time checking email and chatting with Mr. Fob about our vacation for next summer and some other things.

9:40 Eat pie and chat with Mr. Fob in the kitchen. Eating dessert every night is bad for our diet, but it's one of our favorite things to do. We are both mystified by the fact that our kids have refused to eat this apple pie that I made a few days ago.

10:00 I should be in bed, but I come back downstairs to enter grades for my class that I have finished grading. I do a few other computer-related things for school and I enter today's shopping totals in my budget. This takes longer than I had planned on.

11:00 I'm typing a blog post when I should be in bed sleeping. I feel disappointed that I didn't get a chance to read more of my book tonight. But, even though I don't have to teach tomorrow morning I do need to get up and ready on time because I'm volunteering at S-Boogie's school for an hour. Before I go I want to get some stew in the crockpot for tomorrow's dinner. I'm already thinking about how tomorrow I need to grade papers, take S-Boogie to dance class, make appointments for visiting teaching, make bread, and a few other things. It never ends!

Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't

2010-10-17T15:11:00.003-06:00

This morning P. Bibby was really crazy in sacrament meeting. She wasn't loud, but she didn't want me to hold her and she didn't want to play on the floor; there was a whole lot of wiggly craziness going on. Lately I've been trying a new trick of skipping Sunday School to sit with her in the mothers' lounge in hopes that she'll fall asleep. It didn't work out last week, but I thought I'd still give it a try. Thankfully today she conked out after just a few minutes of rocking and we were able to have some nice quiet time before Relief Society. I actually like our Sunday School teachers, but having to deal with a baby for three hours of church in class just is not working for me. I'm trying to sort through my feelings about just leaving her home to nap until she is old enough for nursery. I'm not sure yet what the best decision is. We have plenty of wonderful sisters who love to hold her during Relief Society when I play the piano, but three hours of church is kind of exhausting for both of us and it will only get worse when we switch to afternoons in January.

Then this evening we thought we'd have a fun fall excursion with Mr. Fob's mother. She can't drive, so we offered to take her and Mr. Fob's grandmother (who is living with my mother-in-law) for a little drive to see fall leaves. First of all, we got started a bit later than we had planned. Then, when we put the baby in the car she started screaming. Sometimes she does that initially but then calms down after the car gets going. This time she didn't. She screamed for most of the hour-and-a-half that we were in the car. At one point she stopped because we realized that we had a bottle in our bag, and we found a church and ran in to fill the bottle up with water from the drinking fountain so we could make her some formula, but once the bottle ran out she was mad again. I'm still not sure what she was mad about, but it turned a possibly pleasant drive into a major stress-fest. At least the leaves were pretty.