Yellow Wallpaper

I have been forcing myself to get more sleep for the past few nights and I'm feeling a lot better. I also realized yesterday why I was in such a bad mood for the few days before that. This kind of thing happens once a month, and has for the last 20 years, so you'd think I'd figure it out by now. We have a copy of this book on the new book display, and every time I look at it I feel a little thrill. That guy's tight pants are sexy! I'm beginning to understand why people sometimes go a little crazy after a relationship ends. It's been nearly a year without any physical affection in my life and I definitely miss it. Not that I'm planning on going out and doing anything stupid, but it is a bit tempting. (And no, I'm not going to read the book. It's probably not as exciting as the cover) On a somewhat related note, one disadvantage of living in a college town is that many of the cute guys around here are a lot younger than me. I don't feel that old, ...

Hopefully this week will be a little better; today is starting to feel that way, especially since right now I'm home alone because Mr. Fob took Little Dude with him to run an errand and my fabulous sister-in-law took S-Boogie to go have fun with her cousins. I should probably be lying down on the couch right now but decided to take a chance and blog instead. Last week was fun, but crazy. Mr. Fob has six siblings, three of whom live in Hawaii. Last week two of his sisters and their families came to visit, plus his dad, so we all went up to a cabin by Bear Lake for a few days. It was fun and a little crazy at the same time. Since we were already most of the way up there, we took a quick day trip up to Wyoming and rode horses at my aunt's house. It was fun, even though the horses were acting kind of crazy since we had some from my uncle and some from my aunt and they weren't too happy about getting together (and no, I didn't get on a horse this time--not a good idea in my ...

Long-time readers of my blog are probably wondering what happened to all of my disgusting posts about poop and various other topics that were certainly TMI. My body has actually been pretty normal for the last six months or so. However, since I'm desperately trying to come with something interesting to say each day for an entire month, it's time to have a little bit of overshare. Actually I don't think that this topic is really all that gross, just a little personal. A few months before we got married I started taking birth control pills. At the time they were one of the most fabulous things that had ever happened in my life. Suddenly I wasn't debilitated by excessive bleeding or by massive craziness for half the month. My life felt great. They worked well until I decided to get pregnant with S-Boogie. My relationship with contraception since then has been rocky; I guess your hormones really do change as you age and after you have children. But I'm still thankful t...

Because I'm avoiding writing the syllabus for my class and because this blog has become too boring lately. 1. Even though I'm morally opposed to junk food and I'm trying to cut down on processed foods, I'm in love with Cheetos. I adore them. 2. I also think I have a crush on Gwen Stefani . She is so cool. Her name is Gwen and I love that name. And she breastfeeds her kids in public. Not to mention the fact that she makes awesome music and wears funky clothes. 3. When we were at a beach in Hawaii that didn't have a bathroom, I hid behind some bushes and changed my tampon. I've never done that before. 4. My first semester teaching I had a girl in my class who was in a wheelchair and had a helper dog. They sat up at the front of the class every day. One day I had really bad gas and I just couldn't keep it in, so I let a bit slip out. At the end of class a girl sitting up front turned and said to the dog "Misty, you are so stinky today!". I didn't ...

My male readers should go find something else to read right now. Believe me, you will not be interested in the contents of this post. Fortunately I can get sympathy from all the ladies, because they know exactly what I'm talking about. So last month I decided to start taking birth control pills again. Normally you should start taking them on the Sunday after starting your period, just to be in sync with your cycle. I was impatient and decided to start taking them the week before my period. I was somewhat hopeful that this would mean I could skip for a month. The first week was fine and I started to get excited that maybe I was just going to reset my body. Then during the middle of the second week my period started. As if that wasn't bad enough, my body decided to punish me by making it extra yucky. And it lasted ten days. Ten days! Things finally calmed down this last Sunday, which also marked the start of the "off week" in which I was supposed to be having a period....

This has been a rather crazy week for us. Monday and Tuesday were actually fairly normal. Then Tuesday night my stomach started feeling bad. It felt like gas pain, and I've had quite a bit of digestive trouble over the last few months so I didn't think much about it. I went to bed and after a while managed to get a bit of sleep. Then I woke up at 2 to feed the baby, fed him, and realized that my stomach hurt so much I could barely stand up. I finally decided to wake up Master Fob and ask him what he thought we should do. After an internet search determined that I had most of the symptoms of appendicitis, we decided to go in to the emergency room. Master Fob's brother was nice enough to come over and sleep on our couch at 4 AM so we didn't have to leave S-Boogie home alone, and we took Little Dude with us (he was also nice enough to just sleep in his carseat during the entire trip to the hospital). At the hospital they hooked me up to a nice IV with fluids and morphine...

Yesterday morning I read an interesting article in the LA Times health section. I'm not going to post a link, since most of you probably don't want to read it. It was about how the latest trend in plastic surgery for women is getting a, um, certain part that starts with V "redone" to look "better" (aka, more like a porn star). Needless to say, I was rather shocked that people actually worry about how that looks and that they have boyfriends/husbands who will actually compare them to porn stars. But yeah, I'm still getting over the fact that a lot of women shave or wax themselves, so surgery really is a mind boggler . Anyhoo --in my brain that sort of evolved into a post about how I feel grateful that I don't have body issues. I really don't think that I do. I've had plenty of roommates that had eating disorders and were convinced that they were fat because their size zero dresses were getting a bit snug around the hips. I could definitely not...

Yesterday on another bulletin board that I pop in on from time to time someone asked the question "If your husband could be pregnant and have kids, would you want him to take a turn?" The funny thing was that most of the women responding were rather forceful in their possession of the sole ability to bear children and wouldn't want to share it. I thought it seemed like a great idea. Partly because I want Master Fob to share in that wonderful miracle that is pregnancy, and partly because being pregnant is really not that comfortable. I don't feel that bad most of the time, and I don't even mind the fact that I'm getting fatter. But, I am getting tired of being constipated (my fancy new vitamins did nothing for me) and of feeling like I waddle when I walk. I've discovered that your pelvis is actually made up of several bones all held together by cartilage and ligaments. And when you are pregnant, this hormone called relaxin starts softening all of those thi...

I have gained 4 pounds in the last 4 weeks. This is a good thing. My blood pressure is also fine and baby has a nice strong heartbeat. And we scheduled an ultrasound for next Wednesday afternoon so we can stop calling the baby "it" (hopefully). And the doctor gave me a different vitamin that includes a stool softener. I have spent the last 20 weeks in mortal fear of going to the bathroom, so I'm hoping this makes my life easier.

99.9% of the time I am totally happy being a woman. Seriously, I love my gender and I really wouldn't want to be a man, even if I could have the priesthood. There are, however, a few days out of every month where I want to rip my uterus out and ship it back. I don't want to be a woman today, it hurts too much. And today is the day that Master Fob gets to work both jobs and I get to be home alone all day with S-Boogie (except for that one hour of class). Hurray. I think that we shall sit on the couch and watch a lot of television.

I have recently discovered what a "Brazilian wax" really is, and I am horrified. There is a bulletin board for LDS women that I frequent and for some reason the subject of what to do with your "hair down there" came up (it's amazing what people talk about online that they would never, ever discuss in real life). Anyways, I was shocked at the number of women who admitted that they shave or wax it off, on a regular basis. Some are even willing to pay money to have a total stranger apply hot wax to their private areas! I am partly shocked that people do this, and also shocked to realize that I am apparently one of the few women left on this planet that has no desire to get rid of her pubic hair. And, many of them said that their husbands approved and actually encouraged this sort of thing. I was discussing this this evening with Master Fob and I was greatly relieved to note that he seemed even more horrified than I was by the whole thing, and so I am eternally gra...

Warning: this post is about reproduction, so feel free to ignore it if you want As much as I have lived the last two years in fear of getting pregnant before I'm ready (like 2 months after I have a baby), I've decided that the whole accidental pregnancy thing is probably much less stressful than the deliberately trying thing. The problem is, there are only one or two days out of the entire month where it is physically possible to get pregnant. That's it--your only chance. So, you have to monitor your body very carefully and then try to figure out when those special days are. Then you have to do what it takes to get pregnant on those days, and generally the hormones will make you want it, but not always (and there's always all the other life factors that get in the way too...). On top of all that, you won't know if what you did worked or not for at least another two weeks or so, and if it didn't then you have wait a few more weeks to try again! I don't know w...

I haven't posted for a while because I was hoping that something funny would happen to me, since I feel like this blog has been kind of a downer for the last few posts. But then I realized that it's that unfortunate time of the month when absolutely nothing is funny and nothing will ever be funny again, so just get me some chocolate ice cream and leave me alone.

Yesterday I ate a rather large bag of Doritos that I had been saving for a picnic. This morning I got mad at S-Boogie because she was kicking me while I was trying to change her diaper, so I slapped her on the leg. She looked at me and slapped me on the arm and said "mommy owie too". I guess I won't do that again... I've been getting S-Boogie ready for bed in time to watch Jeopardy at 7:30, even though I know TV rots her brain. Sometimes I pick my nose while I am driving in my car. I like to read the obituaries and am especially fascinated by younger people dying in strange and tragic ways. Some days I don't brush my teeth until I go to sleep at night. I really like that song by George Michael about having a quickie in his car and that one about being "too close" because they turn me on. I haven't vacuumed my living room floor for over two months.