Yellow Wallpaper

One thing I don't like about myself is that my brain has this weird panic reaction when plans change or things don't go as I had expected they would. I know what you're thinking--isn't that how life is every day? Things never go like they should, so aren't I freaking out all the time? Well, yes and no. I've learned to deal with it most of the time and generally I can roll with the punches. But, if I'm already stressed out or something, the automatic reactions take over and I end up looking like a crazy person.  Today at the beginning of Primary I had a weird interaction with someone. This morning I got a call from one of the counselors in the presidency asking if I might be willing to help with piano a bit during junior primary. Our regular pianist was going to be gone for that hour and we had a found a substitute, but she wouldn't be available until later in the hour for singing time. Playing the piano is not a problem for me at all so I agreed to do ...

All my friends lately keep raving about the book Quiet , which is about introverts and how they are undervalued in our society. Apparently I have a lot of introverts for friends. I am also never quite sure if I'm an introvert or not. This seems to change each time I take a personality test. I've always wanted to be an introvert but I just can't help myself. I like people and I want them to like me. Right before my senior year of high school my family moved across the country to Maryland. Before we moved, I decided that I was going to try to change my public persona in my new high school. At my old school in California there was a boy in my grade who never talked. I always kind of envied him; I think I wanted to be mysterious, and I didn't want to bug people. Whenever I made comments in class or talked to other people, I was extremely self-conscious about looking silly or about bothering people. Yet, at the same time I craved connection and I liked sharing my thoughts. I...

Shortly after we moved in to this house my parents brought up my cedar chest that I've had since high school. We've never lived in a place that's really been big enough for it, and we've moved around a lot, so they've been storing it in their house. Obviously I haven't put anything in it or even looked in it for a number of years. I had a lot of fun when I opened it up and started going through it. I found a few wonderful gems that just have to be shared. The first one comes from a journal I kept for a while when I was eleven and twelve. I've never considered myself an artist but for some reason I felt a need to add illustrations to my entries. I think they are the best part:

Or, maybe not. For most of my life I have thought of myself as somewhat shy and introverted. I feel uncomfortable in large group situations and I'm generally not very assertive. I don't like to call people on the phone and I rarely go up to people I don't know and introduce myself or start up conversations. I also really hate being in charge of a group; telling other people what to do gives me anxiety like nothing else--another reason why I'm not sure I want to be a teacher. One of my professors shared with me the letter of recommendation she had written: she stated that I had a tendency to be soft-spoken. I've heard that description of myself numerous times and I would agree that I generally tend to have a "quiet voice". On the other hand, I think most people who know me in real life would hesitate to call me an introvert. Once I'm comfortable with people, I tend to take over and talk their ears off. When I come home late from visiting teaching or pre...

We had a good President's Day weekend; Saturday was spent running errands and making sugar cookies shaped like hearts. That night our home teacher and his wife watched the kids while Mr. Fob and I went out on a date. I had made a nice, budget-friendly plan that would include a stop at the falafel place and then bowling. But then we decided to be spontaneous and try a Thai restaurant. The food was't that great and it ended up costing a lot more than we had planned for our date, but I still enjoyed the chance to have a nice, quiet dinner together without interruptions from little people. I've been tagged by a bunch of different people on Facebook asking me to reveal interesting things about myself, but I'm still deciding how much I want to participate in Facebook and I feel like I've already done just about every meme on the planet here on my blog. But, just to satisfy the curious masses, here are two more bits of weirdness that I'm willing to share: 1. I'm te...

Sometimes it's seems like I've done all the little memes floating around there in blogland, but new ones keep popping up. Mr. Fob tagged me to do the book one, but I've done it before . Silly Marie recently did this post and I thought I'd go ahead and tag myself to do it: Rules: 1. Link to your tagger and post these rules. 2. Share 5 facts about yourself that: a. explain how you got your first or middle name My parents got my first name from a country singer who was Waylon Jenning's wife and released a number of hit albums in the 1970s. They did change the spelling a bit. My middle name is from my grandmother on my father's side. She died when he was only ten years old, so I look forward to someday meeting her because many people tell me I look and act a lot like her. b. where you were born I was born in San Diego, CA nearly 30 years ago. In my parents' living room. c. your favorite fruit I love a lot of fruits: lemons or cherries when cooked in things, r...

The first time I heard about the Color Code personality test was when one of my new freshman roommates asked me about it on our way to Shop Ko to buy dishes for our apartment. She was very, very "yellow" and was sure I was "white". She was right; according to the test I was mostly white, with a little blue mixed in. Over the years I've migrated to being fairly split between blue and white, but I'm definitely not red or yellow. I've taken other personality tests since then. I find them interesting, but I don't feel like they define everything about a person. Today on another blog I read, someone pointed out in the comments that you can often tell a person's personality by the way they respond to conflict on threads. Several people referenced the Myers Briggs test , which I don't think I've taken before. So I decided to take it. It apparently measures four different areas with two possibilities in each area and so is thought to be somewhat...

The other night on the freeway I saw a Jeep and suddenly had a flashback to that time in my life when I thought that was the coolest car in the world. I'm not really a "car person", but over time I have been obsessed with a few. I thought it was interesting to look back on them and what they say about the kind of person I was at the time. Toyota Corolla I remember being about five or six and deciding that I wanted a Corolla. It had to be almond-colored. I don't think I really even knew what a Corolla was, but somewhere I had heard the phrase "almond-colored Corolla" and decided that it sounded fascinating. There were a lot of phrases I fell in love with as a kid, even though I didn't really know what they meant. For a number of years my sister and I were obsessed with Weight Watchers, even though we had no clue what it involved. I just loved the alliteration of the phrase. Geo Storm When I was about 11, the Geo Storm appeared on the scene. I thought the...

I've probably done stuff like this before, but I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon since three of my friends have done it. Five things I Was Doing Ten Years Ago 1. Getting ready for finals. Hating myself for taking dumb classes like Psych 101 or History 122 just because they sounded "fun". 2. Working for the Youth and Family Programs office. At this point in the year I think we would have been gearing up to get ready for EFY registration by phone. 3. Going to College Bowl practice a lot. 4. Finding a Christmas present for the boy I wasn't really waiting for (we didn't really date), but was writing on his mission. I don't remember what I sent him, but I must have sent him something. 5. I honestly don't remember anything else from this time in my life. It was my second year at BYU and nothing much happened that year that was too memorable. Oh, one of my roommates that I had also roomed with freshman year was engaged. Uh, yeah, that's all I remembe...

Your Five Factor Personality Profile Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness.Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.Most things in your life are organized and planned well.But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness.You're generally a friendly and trusting person.But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism.It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium.You are gener...

Just when you thought you knew everything about me, I got tagged again. This time by Kengo Biddles , who I think is cool. The interesting twist on this particular meme is that it has been dubbed "The 8 Random Gay Mormon Facts", probably because it is circulating among the Gay Mormon bloggers. I am not Gay, but I am Mormon, so I will go ahead and answer. 1. Part of the reason for posting this today is because I recently wrote a post on Northern Lights and I know I am getting new visitors who were linked from that post. I thought they might want to know more about me than cookbook reviews and musings on my lack of cleavage. 2. I mostly submitted that post to Northern Lights because it felt funny to put it on my blog. I started this blog two years ago as my personal space, and so it deals with all facets of my life, not just my relationship with Mr. Fob. I will probably contribute occasionally to Northern Lights because I like what they are doing and I feel better about contrib...

I got tagged by Becca , who is a friend of some friends of mine, to share eight things about myself. Since I've already shared a number of things about myself , I was trying to figure out what you possibly couldn't know about me. Hopefully these will be 8 unique facts: 1. Even though the entire process is a pain, I love having parties and entertaining. I'm not that big into making things look great (a la Martha Stewart), but I love to cook and I love to invite friends over to hang out and eat. We celebrated with friends tonight and it was a lot of fun. 2. I ran a red light the other day. I really didn't mean to, and the more I think about it the more freaked out I am. I just keep imagining a car running into the side of my car and smushing S-Boogie, and it would be my fault. Thankfully that didn't happen. 3. I used to hate capri pants. When they first started being the fashionable thing to wear, I thought they were ridiculous. Finally a few years ago I realized ...

1. I broke my left wrist twice while I was growing up. 2. I don't get grossed out by very many things, but other people's spit makes me want to gag. I can't be in the bathroom when someone else is brushing their teeth because I want to throw up. 3. I didn't like Oreos until I was in college. 4. I don't like strong cheeses, pesto sauce, or raw onion. 5. I also don't like sushi or most Japanese food because I can't stand the taste of nori (seaweed). 6. I have never skipped school. 7. I've never been to a BYU football game. 8. My parents didn't have a television until I was about eight years old. 9. I used to be a card-carrying member of The American Cetacean Society . 10. I've never seen Newsies , Annie , or Anne of Green Gables. 11. I met Chuck Woolery when I was 12 and he gave me some fake money from Scrabble . 12. I have a widow's peak. 13. When I was in high school I grew out my bangs, but because of the widow's peak a small section...

1. I don't wear any jewelry besides my wedding ring. Once upon a time I wore earrings and even sometimes necklaces, but I haven't done either for years. I've always hated bracelets. 2. Those tall leather boots with big heels really scare me. 3. Actually, I don't like to wear any shoes with heels. I prefer not to wear shoes at all, so the less shoe the better. 4. I like to wear jumpers. With white cotton knee-highs underneath to keep my legs warm. I don't really like to wear shirt and skirt combos, so I'm counting down until Little Dude stops nursing so I can wear dresses to church again. 5. I hate wearing makeup and I have no idea how to put it on. I will sometimes wear some powder, mascara and lip gloss if I want to be "fancy" and distract people from looking at my zits. 6. I don't like wearing black clothes. I don't like white clothes either, because I'm always afraid of getting them dirty. 7. I hate layering clothes, so I've never go...

You are a Social Liberal (61% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (18% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Four Jobs I've Had 1. Early morning paper delivery person 2. Taco Bell slave 3. Secretary 4. Spanish teacher Four Movies I can watch over and over 1. Moulin Rouge! 2. Disney's Robin Hood 3. Little Women 4. Some Like it Hot Four Places I've Lived 1. California 2. Maryland 3. Spain 4. Utah Four TV Shows I Love 1. The Simpsons 2. Jeopardy 3. Law and Order 4. Most stuff on the Food Network Four highly regarded and recommended TV shows that I've never watched a single minute of 1. 2. 3. 4. Um, what are some highly regarded shows? Four Places I've Vacationed 1. Wyoming 2. Hawaii 3. California 4. New Mexico Four of my favorite dishes 1. Anything Thai, especially chicken satay, sticky rice, curry, or that coconut chicken soup 2. warm homemade brownies 3. oreo milkshakes 4. arroz con leche Four sites I visit daily 1. NY Times 2. Yahoo Weather 3. Salt Lake Tribune 4. 100 Hour Board Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now 1. San Diego 2. The beach at Ko Olina 3. A nice hot...

I am usually not into things that are very cheesy. I don't scrapbook (well, I'm still working on a baby book, but that doesn't count), my little girl has never worn ruffles or bows, I don't decorate my home with dried flowers or cutesy sayings, etc. I don't like cheese unless it's the kind you eat. But, I love Valentine's Day. I really do. I know it's one of the cheesiest holidays ever, and I know that it's popular to be bitter and hate it, but I can't avoid liking it. I love how everything is red and pink and has little hearts on it. I like the rose petal shaped bath salts I saw in the bookstore the other day, and that adorable baby outfit that Target is selling that features tiny pants covered in hearts. Besides, this is the holiday that you can celebrate with mass amounts of candy and you don't even have to humiliate yourself by putting on a costume to get it. Not to mention the fact that you can write love notes for your friends and famil...

I am not a morning person. Anyone who has ever lived with me--friends, family, former roommates, Master Fob--can tell you that it is fruitless to try and talk with me until I have been awake for nearly an hour. No matter how much sleep I get, although the grumpiness does increase with less sleep, I just don't like to wake up. And I usually wake up in a bad mood. Also, over the years I have decided that the best way to avoid being too much of a wolverine in the mornings is to be able to follow my own little routine. Ideally, I like to be able to get myself out of the bed, stumble immediately to the bathroom and take a long, leisurely shower. For some reason I need a long, hot shower to really wake up and feel good about the day. Ideally this shower would be followed by a quiet bowl of cereal and maybe some time to sit in solitude and read my scriptures. This whole routine thing is a big reason why I hate camping. You can't usually get right up and take a nice hot shower. Also, ...

I was going to post something else, and then I realized that I was at post number 100. So I thought I'd make it special. And, since pictures are worth at least 1000 words, this actually adds up to more than 100 things: I was a biker chick in a previous lifetime. Even though I object to Barbie and don't want S-Boogie to play with them, I did and I turned out all right. Also, I don't know why I am wearing boy pajamas at my birthday party. I totally loved my pink bike with the banana seat and I was very sad when it got left in the driveway and run over by a car. And I thought that rainbow suspenders looked really cool with my bright pink pants. When I was in first grade, my teacher had some pet rats in the classroom. One day, they had babies. We could take one home if our parents said yes, so I got my dad to agree to it. This is me and Ratty with our first "Rat Day" cake. Every year for many years thereafter we would celebrate the anniversary of my first cake by mak...

Since Master Fob made me do it.... 2 names you go by: Mama (must be yelled very loudly) and Faye (my mom made that one up and she has no idea why) 2 parts of your heritage: polygamists and bootleggers 2 things that scare you: having another c-section; causing a car accident 2 things you are wearing right now: maternity pants (my belly has decided to do a preemptive expansion) and underwear 2 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment): Emmylou Harris; U2 2 favorite songs (at the moment): Roses in the Snow by Emmylou Harris; China by Tori Amos 2 things you want in a relationship (other than real love): lots of laughter; physical contact 2 truths: I still pick my nose sometimes; my feet are too big to fit into S-Boogie's socks 2 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex): good looking hair (on their head); no extra hair on the back or fingers or any other place that hair is not supposed to be 2 of your favorite hobbies: reading; cooking 2 things you want...