Yellow Wallpaper

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion This was an interesting read. It's as close to 'pure' creative nonfiction as you can get: Didion uses writing to work through her grief after the sudden death of her husband. There aren't any big lessons or morals, just exploration of thoughts, ideas, and memories. The Big Rock Candy Mountain by Wallace Stegner Yes, I've been on a bit of a Stegner kick lately. I plan on reading even more after this, so be prepared. This one started slowly and I wasn't sure about it for the first hundred pages or so. Then it really started to pull me in and I could barely put it down. I can tell it's an earlier work and I didn't think it was quite as polished as some of his later ones, but it's still a good book just the same. Stones from the River by Ursula Hegi I've had this book on my list for years, but for some reason it just never sounded interesting to me. It turned out to be one of those books that you miss wh...

I was reading a magazine a little while ago in the doctor's office that suggested the idea of monthly resolutions. Rather than making a few big goals at the beginning of the year, make one or two small improvements each month. In theory, you should be able to incrementally build up good habits by focusing on one thing for a time before adding something else. I've been thinking about this idea for a while, especially since the beginning of this year hasn't been a good time to do much besides nurture a baby. I have a few health-related changes I'd like to make, but it seems like the timing will be better later in the year when I am more fully recovered and when the weather is better. I also like this idea because I feel like I have so many changes I'd like to make. For the last few years I've lived in a bit of a fog, just getting by until the next big move or other change. Now that we're more settled I want to spend more time on myself. Some of my goals that I...

Even though things have been kind of crazy with the move and the new baby we've still been trying to talk about a country every week. Most weeks we've just read a few books, colored the flag, and had some food that's somewhat related to the country we're talking about. So far the kids are still having fun and they really like learning new things. Canada: I wasn't really sure what to cook for Canada, so we ended up having baked salmon with rice pilaf. The kids really liked the salmon and they liked learning about the fact that Canada is close to the United States and that they have two official languages. China: I found a bunch of different books about China at the library and we found some coloring pages about Chinese animals as well. For our dinner I made these noodles as well as some stir-fried tofu with veggies and rice. The kids really wanted to try chopsticks, so they didn't end up eating much of their dinner because it was too hard. We also checked out a ...

This should be the point where I say "wow, the last two weeks have really gone by fast!" They haven't, really; the days (and nights) have been kind of long but the time does seem to have flown. I've been trying to take a Zen-like approach to life and slow down my usual anxiousness by thinking 'one day at a time', so a total of fourteen days does seem like a lot. Now I'm looking forward to the next milestone: one month. While I'm anxious for P. Bibby to get bigger, I'm mostly anxious for my body to get better and so I can get back to 'normal' (hah!). Mr. Fob has a lot going on with work and I feel somewhat stressed about adding childcare, cooking, cleaning, and shopping on top of all that. I don't think he minds too much, but I hate feeling useless. And, weirdly enough, I miss grocery shopping. A break from that is good for my budget at least. I did go in for my two-week check at the OB today and everything looks good so far. My incision...

This post has a specific purpose, which is to ask advice from my readers who have successfully (or unsuccessfully) nursed babies in the past. If you haven't, you're still welcome to read, but consider yourself warned. I nursed S-Boogie for an entire year before she weaned. I generally felt that things went well, although she did not gain a lot of weight very quickly. With Little Dude we got to about four months or so before I realized that his extreme fussiness was probably related to hunger and we switched to a bottle because I couldn't get the supply back up. There were a lot of things going on in my life at the time, including a major move and his emergency delivery, so I'm not surprised that my body flaked out on me. Since then, however, I've been doing a little research on hypoplastic breasts, which are basically those that don't have enough milk-producing tissue. A big sign of that is the fact that they don't change size during pregnancy (mine don'...

The thing about a planned c-section is that it makes for a pretty boring birth story. Not much action and suspense, although since we had that last time with Little Dude's birth I'm pretty happy that this time around was a bit more boring. This baby still needs a blog name--Mr. Fob thinks she should be P Bibby, but I don't really like that so I'll have to think of something better. I just thought I'd write down a bit about how things went so we'll remember them in the future. Last Wednesday morning we had to be at the hospital by six o'clock; thankfully Mr. Fob's sister was nice enough to get up early and stay with our kids during the morning. My surgery was the second on the schedule so we didn't get into the operating room until after eight. The nurse who worked with me that day was really great and we spent the prep time chatting. By the time I went in for surgery both Mr. Fob and I felt relaxed and excited. Everything went well; it's not a pl...

I've been counting down until February 4th for quite some time now, so when the doctor's office called yesterday to reschedule I'll admit that I wasn't quite happy. Even though we're having the baby a day earlier than we thought I've still been stressed because it's a change of plans. Yes, people, I am that neurotic. But, like it or not, the baby has to come out and the time has come. Today I alternated between being excited and having wierd panic attacks about having a baby. I kept having to remind myself that this is scheduled, it's happening on time, I'm not bleeding to death, I'm not in the middle of graduate school, people are available to help with the kids, and so on. I though I was over the stress of the last time around, but I guess not. And I always stress when I have to leave my kids and house in the care of others, no matter what the reason. Hopefully tomorrow will just go smoothly and holding our sweet new baby will make up for every...

The 'nesting instinct' is a common trope of pregnancy; there's something about a new baby that triggers women to want to clean, purge, organize, and otherwise get everything 'perfect' for their new arrival. I have been feeling that a bit of late, though moving last month certainly helped to quash most of my desires to do any heavy cleaning or organizing. I'm not much of a decorator and we don't have a designated nursery so I haven't done much of that kind of nesting either. For some reason this time around my nesting instincts have gone in an entirely different direction: food storage. This doesn't surprise me that much. I've always found it easier to blow money on food (boxes of cereal are easier to justify than new clothes or furniture), and we just moved into a new house with a lot more storage room. Several local grocery stores had their case-lot sales last month and so I indulged a bit. I do think food storage is important and right now I...

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien I read The Lord of the Rings for the first time a few years ago, but had never read The Hobbit . I read it this time planning to read the series again. I still haven't started it, and I hate to say that this book killed my enthusiasm a little. It was all right, but not really my favorite and not nearly as compelling as the rest of the series was. I guess it's time for a reread in order to remember what I liked so much. Manhood for Amateurs by Michael Chabon I'm not a man or a father but I still enjoyed this book quite a lot. It's a series of essays about a variety of topics, some related to parenthood and others related to life in general. I thought it was a lot of fun to read and even laughed out loud in a few spots. Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay In an interview in the back of the book the author mentions that she particularly likes the novel Rebecca for its elements of the g othic as well as its exploration of how the past in...

Did February sneak up on anyone else? I can't believe that Monday is already February. I've always liked it better than January because it's shorter and because it contains Valentine's Day. I love Valentine's Day; this year I don't have any big plans since I will have a ten-day-old baby. I hope Mr. Fob is planning to pamper me (hint, hint). Last June February seemed so far away, and yet now it feels like I've been pregnant forever. I can't remember what it was like to be able to bend down. I vaguely remember my 'real clothes'. I don't think the writhing and kicking in my belly are very cute anymore. This time around I have actually felt pretty good while pregnant, but I hit the wall a few weeks ago. Suddenly I feel huge and grumpy and just plain 'done'. I mostly writing this post to remind myself that there was a reason why I wanted to actually have the baby. Because I know in a week or two I'm going to be exhausted, sore, leaky, ...

Last week we finally closed on the house; yes, we've been living here for three weeks now and thought we were going to close much more quickly. It has been a long and weird saga and none of us understand why the seller's bank felt such a need to make things difficult. But now Mr. Fob and I are the proud owners of our very own home and a mortgage that looks pretty daunting from this point of view (seeing 2040 on several papers kind of freaked me out a bit--hopefully we'll pay it off sooner than that). The only thing that has kept me going has been the assurance that this is the right place for us. I really don't know how to explain it any more than that; this whole time I've had a feeling that we are supposed to live here for some reason, and that somehow things would work out. It wasn't just the house itself, though it is perfect for us. I've had some doubts because it is pretty big. The family that owned it for a long time had 10 children; we only have thr...

Little Dude lately is in the throes of that preschool stage where they want to do everything themselves. Generally this works out well, because at three-and-a-half he is pretty capable. He loves to help me unload the dishwasher, do the laundry, set the table, and many other tasks around the house. Being the worrywart and perfectionist that I am, I know I respond too anxiously sometimes and want to jump in too frequently to 'fix' things. The other night we were having pancakes, and he naturally wanted to put butter and syrup on his own. Usually I help him cut, so after watching him hacking away at his pancake I asked "can I help you with that?" He looked up at me and replied very sincerely: "I'm doing a good job, Mom!" My heart melted; yes, he was doing fine and I should be careful not to be so hasty to jump in and imply that his efforts aren't good enough.

I think it's very easy for most of us to think of things that we aren't very good at. For a lot of reasons there is a human tendency to play down our accomplishments and to focus on the negative. There can be good reasons for this, because no one likes a narcissist, and because humility helps us see the things we can improve on. Lately, though, I keep feeling like I've been blessed with the ability to see ways in which I've made progress in my life. Sometimes I think it's good to take time to acknowledge ways in which we're doing well. Here are a few things I've recognized today: As I grow as a mother I really do have days when I feel like "hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this" (of course they're always followed by those days that are humbling in the worst way). This morning we got up and went to Church as usual; during Sacrament meeting Little Dude was particularly whiny and clingy and kept wanting to sit on my (nonexistent) lap. Afte...

That's how much more time I have until my c-section date. Up until last week or so, I'd actually been feeling pretty good. I don't know if it was the end of the holidays or what, but suddenly I feel very done with being pregnant. The baby seems to have had a growth spurt and my belly feels huge. Things like putting on clothes, rolling over in bed, getting up from chairs, bending, and even breathing are difficult. Plus I've actually had some contractions, not something I experienced a lot of with my other two kids. Today I had appointments with both my therapist and my OB. Mentally things are going well and we talked about strategies to keep them that way. I'm grateful to know that I've got support in case my brain gets weird again, but I'm also grateful that my life is in a much better place this time around. Even if I do end up with an emergency delivery again this time it will probably not be quite so traumatic to my brain. My other appointment also went ...

(Here are 2008 and 2007 ) In 2009 I read 80 books; this is slightly more than 2008 and slightly less than 2007. I was in school for half the year, but many of my classes used novels, and I still did some 'fun' reading on the side. I read 54 fiction books and only 26 nonfiction; it felt to me like I had read more fiction this year than in the past. Looking at my previous posts, that is certainly the case; during the last two years I've kept track it's usually been more evenly divided. I'm sure that part of this is due to the nature of my classes during the first half of the year; literature programs generally concentrate more on fiction and narrative than nonfiction (although we did do some memoir). 49 books were by men and only 31 by women. Not sure if there's a really good reason for this not; in 2007 women greatly outnumbered men and last year they were evenly divided. Who knows. We'll have to see how 2010 shakes out. Once again I didn't do a great j...

I love the conversational aspect of blogging and consider my readers, even if I haven't met you in person, to be my friends. In that spirit, I'm asking for some advice today (I'm sure I've done this before). First of all, I'm trying to decide if I should by an ERGO baby carrier . They're pricey , but I've heard from a lot of people that they are worth the money; I could probably find the money to buy one, but worry that it would be another baby item that just sits around without getting a lot of use. With each of my two babies I've been earnestly trying to give babywearing a try. I loathe carrying around the carseat (and really physically can't for the first two months or so), and babies are too little to sit up in a shopping cart or stroller for several months at least. I've tried two different slings and have pretty much relegated them to Mr. Fob. I'm pretty short and have a short torso, but with Little Dude we had a Snugli -type carrier ...

Last Tuesday I came home from an appointment and Mr. Fob greeted me by asking 'what's the happiest news I could give you right now?' I guessed, correctly, that it had something to do with our house. The seller's bank finally did whatever it was they needed to do for us to close on it, so we scheduled closing and moving. Since we were anxious to move and we had time off for the holiday we made plans to move last Friday. This was probably one of our craziest moves yet, though not as bad as the time we suddenly had to switch apartments due to water damage a few years ago. We spent most of Thursday packing what we could. Mr. Fob's sister was awesome and helped us out for most of the day as well. I avoided lifting anything but still ended up completely exhausted for the entire weekend. I tried getting in touch with our home teachers on Thursday and wasn't able to, so reluctantly had to call Friday morning to tell them we were moving within a few hours. Amazingly we h...

The first few books here are ones that I forgot to write down in November for some reason . A Death in Brazil by Peter Robb This book caught my eye on the library shelf so I picked it up without knowing anything about it. It turned out to be a strange combination of memoir and history book; the style is rambling and sometime it's hard to tell what happened when, and to whom. It took me a while to get through it, and in the end I mostly enjoyed it although it wasn't necessarily my favorite book. The Midwife's Tale by Gretchen Moran Laskas This was a quick and interesting read, but in the end I did not feel fully satisfied. Though it is well-written and I was drawn into the story and the characters, it ultimately felt just like many other books I've read that are set in Appalachia. I liked it but did not like the derivative feeling. Fire Lover by Joseph Wambaugh I don't read very many 'true crime' books, but this one caught my eye because it was about ars...

Mr. Fob and I both agree: this year was a good Christmas. It was nice to not go anywhere and to just enjoy some time with family and friends. We've also been overwhelmed with generous gifts and I'm excited because the kids really like everything they got from everyone. Yesterday we spent the day making and decorating gingerbread cookies, and then we drove around delivering them to friends and caroling. We had meant to get out earlier in the day, but we were lazy and didn't finish up until evening. Thankfully we still caught a few people at home and were able to sing to them. This morning the kids slept until about 7:30 and then got us up to unwrap presents. They got quite a lot of nice things this year. We got S-Boogie a Barbie house and Little Dude a firetruck and some racing cars. They also got some books from us and from Grandma and Grandpa (my parents). Their books from my mom included matching stuffed animals, plus she got them some fun puzzle games from the 'teach...

We only did three countries that start with B; we did Barbados because we have a family connection there, so I suppose if we do this another time we could try Belgium, Bhutan, Bangladesh, Botswana, or any of the other "B" countries we left out. Barbados: We just read a few books that we could find at the library, colored the flag, and ate some fish with macaroni pie. They eat a lot of fish there; I 'cheated' and baked some pre-breaded fish fillets from Costco. I did make a fresh mango salsa for the grownups that was tasty, and I used a very yummy family recipe for the macaroni pie (it's kind of like baked macaroni and cheese). Bolivia: We also just read a few books and colored the flag. I tried a recipe for 'picante de pollo', which is basically a stewed chicken dish, but I must have bought the wrong peppers because it wasn't very spicy at all. We served it with some boiled potatoes and quinoa. Brazil: The library had a lot of interesting books about ...