Another Sunday, Another Post

This past week flew by for me; I think it was the Monday holiday that messed with my mind. We spent the day at home; it was cold and there was snow in the forecast and I didn't feel like going anywhere. We made some chocolate chip cookies and didn't do much else. When I look back on the rest of the week it feels like a blur. Tuesday evening I had a meeting to go to at school and then a Relief Society activity. I worked on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, and then all day on Saturday. When I think about the week I generally feel like things went well, but trying to remember any details is difficult.

I've been planning to make Little Dude a scripture bag for a while and I even bought the fabric a few weeks ago. Last night I finally got over my inertia and decided to do it. Things went well for the first part of the project, but when it came time to make the straps I ran into major problems. I had bought quilted fabric to make the bag because I thought it would make it sturdier and it wouldn't need a lining. But after sewing the straps, I found that the thicker fabric made it impossible to turn them right-side out. After trying a variety of tricks, I finally gave up and made new straps that were twice as wide as the first ones I had done. I was able to turn these straps the right way, but when I tried sewing them to the bag, my machine freaked out about the thick fabric and the needle broke. By that point it was quite late and I was too tired, so I gave up. I need to figure out how to sew thicker fabrics on my machine, and possibly buy a different needle, but for now I'm not willing to go back and give it another try.

I didn't even get an interview with either of the jobs I applied for a few weeks ago. I really wasn't expecting one because I wasn't very qualified for either job, but it still feels a little frustrating. I did apply for a job that closes this Friday and I really feel like I have a good chance for an interview. It's not a career I had considered before, but I think I would enjoy it and it would be a good direction to go with my life. As much as I would love to find a good, stable job with benefits, I'm still not really invested in the job search because I love my current job. If I could work there full-time forever I would be happy (heck, if I could make working part-time a realistic option I would love to do that). Teaching is also going well this semester so far, and I like the fact that my current schedule allows me to be home with the kids so much. Of course, I'm mostly home during the day and I don't have many free weekends or evenings, not to mention the fact that I don't get paid time off. No matter what happens, I still feel good about my life and I have a feeling that something will work out in the 'right' way. I just have no idea what that is yet.

P. Bibby's birthday is coming up in a little less than two weeks. I can't believe it's been nearly two years since she was born. The time goes so fast. Lately she's become really talkative and I love the insight into how her thinking works. Today the older kids were telling me all about their trip to the aviary with their dad yesterday. P.Bibby kept piping up with things like "see birds", "stroller", "eat cookie", "daddy house", "owls". She knew what we were talking about, she remembered her trip, and she wanted to talk about it too. I love it. Lately she'll come up and tell me long sentences that are mostly intelligible. She has a very sweet personality and I am thoroughly enjoying her right now.

Little Dude is also doing well and impressing every one. Today he was assigned the scripture in Primary and read the entire thing: 2 Nephi 2:27. It's a long scripture with big words. I admit to feeling a bit of pride when people are astounded by his skills, but the truth is that I had nothing to do with it. He simply figured out how phonics work and just took off. I have a conference with his kindergarten teacher on Wednesday so I will find out if he's not too bored at school, but from what I can tell he's doing fine. At home he reads chapter books and looks at his new atlas and tells me all kinds of interesting new facts. School is valuable for kids, but learning at home is great too. I'm curious to see how first grade goes for him next year.

Since I talked about the other two kids, I should mention that S-Boogie is doing fine too. She loves school and loves reading, and even though she is not ahead of grade level or anything like that, she does well. As long as she enjoys learning and is confident about the things she does, I feel proud as a parent. Despite my desire to not go overboard with activities, she is involved in so many things. She is doing piano lessons and we signed her up for a weekly youth theater class. On top of that, she has Activity Days from church and she has been going to a Native American dance class with my sister-in-law. Plus at school she is on the team for "Battle of the Books". It's funny because I didn't intend to have her do so many things, but it just ended up that way. Things can get a little hectic with the schedule juggling I already do with my jobs, so I'm thinking that next year we might just do piano and no other paid extras like theater classes or sports. I'm still deciding on that.

First Week of the Semester

Apparently I have abandoned thoughtful, well-written posts in favor of random, scattered updates on my life. I have neglected writing this week because I have been disciplined about getting myself to bed on time. It feels good to get up early and get my day off to a good start, and it feels even better to do that after a decent night's sleep. There also hasn't been much to say this week, plus I have five more books that I need to read for a deadline at the end of the month so I've been focusing on that.

As I mentioned, I've generally done well with getting myself to bed and getting up on time. This was the first week of class, and it is going well so far. Every semester seems to get easier and I am enjoying teaching. I have also had a very stable class roster this time around too, so that always helps. My schedule has given me more free time since I am now around when Little Dude is at school in the afternoon and P.Bibby is napping. It's been great; so has being home when the kids get home from school. Of course, I need to remember that I'm only getting paid to teach one class rather than two, but I'm not too worried about it. My schedule at the library will also be changing in a few weeks so I might miss some of those naptimes again.

The other day I got the urge to set up the extra room downstairs as a guest room. I have a lot of fun ideas for decorating it, and it would give me an excuse to buy myself a new bed for my room (and move the old one downstairs). Then my neighbor got on the Facebook page for the foundation she runs; they provide assistance to schools in rural Uganda. The school year there starts at the end of January and they had a few students that still needed sponsors for the year. I realized that I can probably afford to get a new bed at some other time this year, so I impulsively made a pledge to be a sponsor. It's really not an enormous sum of money, but more than I've ever given to charity. I'm mostly proud of myself for breaking out of my rut and doing something rather than just thinking "I'd like to do that some day". (By the way, they have sponsors for the next year, but they always take donations for school supplies and other projects if you are interested: click here).

For the past little while I have really been craving more healthy food. I love all the treats we have at the holidays, and for some time now I have been slipping back into eating a lot more meat and more processed foods. Last week I went shopping at Smiths, which I haven't done in a while, and then I felt disappointed because the produce was all so overpriced and poor quality. So yesterday I went to Sunflower Market and got excited about produce again. Today the kids had strawberries with their lunch and grapes with dinner and I'm planning on yogurt with berries and granola for breakfast (I made some granola tonight). I made myself a batch of ratatouille for dinner, even though I knew the kids wouldn't like it. Interestingly, I served some fish fillets and the kids gobbled them up (they were the frozen breaded kind, but still pretty healthy and fresh tasting--and not that fatty or anything) . None of them touched the macaroni and cheese I had reheated for them as a side dish. Granted, it wasn't that great a batch of mac and cheese, but they surprised me. They even loved the homemade tartar sauce I put on the fish.

The more I eat 'real' homemade food, the less patience I have for processed food. I've discovered in the past year or so that I've become picky about treats. I still eat too many, but it's becoming easier for me to resist eating stuff. I'm learning that I don't want to waste calories on something that's sweet if it doesn't taste very satisfying. I become even more of a food snob every day; if I only I could convince my children to think the same way. Yesterday S-Boogie redeemed some practice points at her piano lesson and went to a birthday party and so she (and the other two kids) spent the entire day sneaking candy from the large bag she had on the counter. It seems like whenever I manage to get rid of treats, more appear from somewhere to take their place. Oh well. We eat healthy food most of the time.

I should finish this up and get to bed; I shouldn't give myself exceptions when there is no school the following day. Getting out of my routine does my body no favors. Tomorrow is expected to be quite cold and snowy, so I'm planning on staying in and hanging out all day. Hopefully it will be a pleasant day and we won't all hate each other by the time it's through.

This Week's Random Brain Dump

This week was nice because the kids went back to school but I didn't have to start teaching yet. It felt good to have a little break and relax a little. I rented the first season of the TV show The Closer from the library and spent a lot of my free time this week watching it. I also cooked a lot, including homemade bread and enchilada sauce from scratch.

I start teaching again tomorrow and I'm not really looking forward to it. I only ended up with one class this semester--which is partly the department's fault for not reading my request form correctly and partly mine for not having a more flexible schedule. I think it feels particularly onerous because it is a class that meets three times a week for fifty minutes. So three mornings a week I get to get up, drive to campus, teach for an hour, and drive home. However, I did the financial calculations and I just can't do without the money right now. At least I only live about 10 minutes from campus; if I lived farther away it wouldn't be worth it.

Last week I applied for two positions at another library that I would really like to have, but I have not heard anything back and I'm not holding my breath for an interview. I still feel like it is best to just wait for a good job opportunity rather than applying for anything possible, because I'm doing all right financially, I'm home a lot during the day time when the kids are, and I really love my part-time job. I just feel impatient because I want to figure out how the rest of my life will go (as if getting a full-time job is really a guarantee of that).

Today I had the opportunity to be with Mr. Fob's family when his sister's husband blessed their baby. I briefly debated going, but we all still love each other and they still consider me family (and I feel the same way about them). As we were sitting in the chapel I realized that just three years ago none of us there had any idea that this event would be taking place in the future. She was a single mom for quite a while before she got remarried, and then had to wait through a lot of heartache for this precious baby. While we were at her house afterwards I sat and talked with her for a while and it was such a blessing to me. I'm glad that I have such good people in my life.

I am writing this post much too late in the day and I really should publish it and get to bed. We switched to morning church, so now I have to be up and ready to go somewhere nearly every morning of the week. This next month is the time for me to get serious about my goal of going to bed on time. Too much random internetting is destroying my sanity.

Reading Roundup: 2011

This year I read 95 books, which is just a few more than last year. You would think that with having three kids and working two jobs I wouldn't have time to read, but as I talked about in this post, it's a bit of a compulsion. Plus I'm in a book club, I work in a library, and I have other things that need to read books for. We'll see if I really do read fewer books in 2012.

60 were fiction and 35 were nonfiction; that seems to be pretty similar to the ratio I've had every year since I started keeping track of things. I like nonfiction a lot, but fiction books are often faster and easier to read. This year 62 books were by women and only 33 were by men. I don't know if that means anything at all; there were a few authors that I read more than once this year and most of them were women. I also read a lot more books by LDS authors this year, but among those there didn't seem to be more women than men.

Once again, here are my favorites for the year (in no particular order):

Fiction
A Sense of Order (and other stories) by Jack Harrell
Rift by Todd Robert Petersen
The Lost Books of the Odyssey by Zachary Mason
Alma the Younger by H.B. Moore
The Wednesday Wars by Gary Schmidt
State of Wonder by Ann Patchett
The Call by Yannick Murphy
After by Amy Efaw
Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson
The Buddha in the Attic by Julie Otsuka

Nonfiction
Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
Nothing to Envy by Barbara Demick
The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabelle Wilkerson
Home Waters by George Handley
The Disappearing Spoon by Sam Kean
Bossypants by Tina Fey
Maphead by Ken Jennings
The Panic Virus by Seth Mnookin

I only watched 30 movies this year; it actually sounds like a lot when I add it up, but there were some months when I watched 5 or 6 movies and other months when I didn't watch any. I haven't had time to watch many during the last few months because of my work schedule and need to get stuff ready for teaching. I hope to watch more movies next year because I love them. Some of this year's favorites:

Taking Chance
Undertow
Inside Job
The King's Speech
The Fighter
Reel Injun
Temple Grandin

Reading Roundup: December 2011

The Pharaoh's Daughter by N.C. Allen

This was a fun historical mystery that made for a nice read while waiting for my car to get a new battery installed. I felt like there were a few too many characters and I sometimes had trouble keeping everyone straight, but that was the main flaw that I found.

The Art Detective by Philip Mould

I learned a few things about art history and restoration from this book, but generally I felt like the author was pretentious and not very good at explaining things clearly.

The Call by Yannick Murphy

The narrative voice of this book is very distinct and I had a hard time really getting into it at first. I'm glad that I persevered because it ended up being one of the best books I've read all year.

American Widow by Alissa Torres

I had to read a graphic novel this month for work so I chose this one. Technically it's a graphic memoir, and I thought it was really well done. The story has the potential to be horribly maudlin, but the spare writing and illustrations do a good job portraying her grief without being too overbearing or sappy.

Beyond this Valley by Millie Chidester

The cover and summary did not do much to inspire me to read this book, but I was pleasantly surprised. The plot was not surprising in any way, but the characters were all people I wanted to spend time with. They felt very real to me and I enjoyed the time I spent reading this book.

After by Amy Efaw

If you are squeamish about graphic medical descriptions or about children being hurt, don't read this book. If you can handle the subject manner, then you really should read it. I thought it was an excellent example of how to make even the most unsympathetic character believable; it's one of the few novels I've read recently where characters really undergo substantial change. It also truly surprised me with the ending, and that doesn't happen often either.

Miss Delacourt Has Her Day by Heidi Ashworth

It took me a while to get into this book because I don't read many Regency romances and I had not read the first book. I did feel like the author had the characters spend too much time explaining everything that happened in the first book; it would have been better just to keep going with the story after one brief explanation. Once I got into the story and the rhythm of the book I enjoyed it quite a lot.

Attack the Lusitania! by Jerry Borrowman

I appreciated the fact that this book was obviously well-researched and historically accurate, but I liked it even more because the author has created believable, sympathetic characters that make you want to keep reading. We know what is going to happen to the boat from the beginning of the book, so it is good to add more to the story to make it a good read.

The Wednesday Wars by Gary Schmidt

I have actually been listening to this as an audio book for the last few months (I have been trying to exercise regularly without much success). The plot outline of the book did not appeal to me, but I soon found myself sucked in by the characters. This was a fabulous book, and the version I listened to had a great narrator that made it even better.

The Buddha in the Attic by Julie Otsuka

This is the second book I've read in the last few months that takes big chances with the way it is written. I thought it was amazing; other reviews I have read have been mixed, but I loved this book. It is short and seemingly simple, but really it is quite profound and deeply touching.

The Year is Dying in the Night

Tomorrow starts a new year; I still can't believe it is 2012. My brain is in a bit of a time warp and has a hard time accepting the fact that we have moved past 1999. Obviously if I look in the mirror or realize that I have an eight-year-old, I can see the passage of time. It's just hard to understand that I have come to the point in my life where I feel much younger than I look.

This is also a natural time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the next one. As most people would probably guess, 2011 was not really my favorite year. I think it could have been a great year; we had a nice home, good jobs, stable income, healthy growing kids, opportunities for travel, and so on. I guess it goes to show that the external trappings of your life are not what define you or what can make you happy. Yesterday as I was glancing through the 2011 calendar my stomach dropped when I looked at a note in January marking the business trip Mr. Fob went on. I know now that the trip was not really the catalyst for what happened, but I still can't think of that week with any happiness at all. It's easy to divide my life into "before" and "after". It's also fairly easy to look at my blog and see when I decided to stop talking about my life. I think I spent most of 2011 hiding from people and from myself. One of my goals for next year is not to do that.

I am looking forward to a new year with optimism. I expect good things. I still have some things in my life that I am sad about, but in my core I feel peace. I feel strong. I miss my old life in many ways and I miss the person I used to be (and I especially miss the life my kids could have had), but I am also determined not to let that define who I am or who I can be. In 2012 I want to be an optimist. I want to be a kind and charitable person who reaches out to help others. I want to be a good friend and family member. I know that when you are setting goals it is better to set specific, measurable goals. I don't feel like doing that this year. My main goal is to look back at 2012 and to be able to say that I am sad to see it go.

Off Balance

I read 10 books in November. I knew I had been reading a lot, but the number surprised me when I added them all up. Reading books is good, right? I've usually thought so and I've spent most of my life proudly identifying myself as a reader. However, a few years ago I was talking with a therapist and he asked me what hobbies I had. "I read," I responded. "What else?" he asked. I was surprised--isn't reading good? Isn't it virtuous? Aren't I better person because I read a lot? Well, as he gently pointed out, even reading can be a problem if it is being used as an escape from life or when it crowds out other more important things. Sometimes reading is best, but sometimes it's just good and there might be something better.

I realized that this was what happened last month. Many of those books were finished in the wee hours of the night when I should have been sleeping. Or during other times when I should have been doing other things. I set a goal last month to get to bed at a reasonable hour in order to get sufficient sleep, and I didn't meet that goal any night in a month. That's a problem; insufficient sleep wreaks havoc with the rest of my life. As much as I love reading, I also am realizing that I need to make room for other things like being well-rested, being patient with my kids, exercising, completing my school things on time, and so on.

So I think one of my New Year's resolutions will be to read fewer books. Weird, I know. But this will take more willpower than many other things I could do. I want to try more things and to diversify my life more. We'll see how it goes.