Yellow Wallpaper

On Friday morning I experienced another run-in with one of the Annoying People at Work. I know all of us have had to work with at least one Annoying Person. They are varied in their presentation, but generally make life difficult. This person complains and makes the atmosphere negative, no matter what we try to do. After dealing with this person I went back to my desk and began to complain to two of my coworkers. While I was in the middle of my little diatribe, the Annoying Person came walking by and we immediately stopped talking. Of course Annoying Person noticed and said something, and of course I felt really bad because I was acting like a petty little junior high student instead of a professional. Then yesterday in Primary we began learning the song "If the Savior Stood Beside Me". And I had to sing the line "If the Savior stood beside me, would I say the things I say?" about twenty times in a row. I felt bad. Because it's true--this person is difficult a...

I think I forgot about posting yesterday. In other news, this is post number 1000 on my blog. It seems like we should have some kind of celebration but I just don't feel like it. I've been pretty cranky for the last week or so. Change is hard--I feel like I'm throwing a bit of a tantrum. I don't want a new job. I don't want to have to hire a babysitter. I don't want to spend this summer working while my kids play with someone else all day. I don't want to have to do that each summer for the rest of their lives. I don't want my life anymore; I want someone else's. I know that this is the right step for me and for my family. I have had a clear answer that this is where I need to go. And yet, it is still so hard. But I know I'll keep surviving; I have in the past and I can keep going. My mantra lately is "the only way out is through." After a bit of time on Google I found out that this line actually comes from a Robert Frost poem; that one...

I usually avoid controversy on this blog and I generally try not to get too opinionated about things. I have many reasons for this, but I'm not going to go into them here. I recently read an article about the controversy whipped up by a mommy blogger who posted pictures of her son dressed up like Daphne for Halloween. I'm fine with the fact that she is willing to let her son dress up as whichever character he chooses, and I'm mildly uncomfortable with the fact that she seems to be doing so as some sort of political statement. What I'm most uncomfortable about is the fact that she titled her post "My Son is Gay." I'm sorry, but just because your five-year-old wants to dress up like a girl doesn't mean he's gay. Being gay means that you are attracted to people of your same gender. Some gay men dress as women, but cross-dressing is not always related to homosexuality. There are plenty of cross-dressers that are straight as well. Gay men do not neces...

I have occasionally seen people who can pull off posts complaining about stuff that other people do that they just don't understand. Despite the fact that I'm pretty opinionated I generally tend to avoid those kinds of posts since I just can't figure out how to do it without offending. I'm just not a clever/snarky blogger. Today I've decided to blog about something I really don't understand: people who don't recycle. My family has recycled for my whole life, even before it was cool or became a political issue. I have years of memories of packing up newspapers, cans, and bottles to haul down to the recycling center. I still can't put a newspaper in the trash; it just feels wrong. Today the kids were in the backyard playing, and when I went outside to check on them I discovered that they had two large, rusty metal stakes they'd discovered in the dirt. I confiscated the stakes and went out to the front to put them in our garbage can that was waiting at ...

18 degrees should not be a high temperature. It really shouldn't. And children should not get conjunctivitis, even though we're trapped in the house due to the snow. They really shouldn't develop stomach pain and a fever along with their pinkeye that mean Mommy has to take them to after-hours at the pediatrician at eight o'clock at night. Because that means driving around while various signs say it's either 11 degrees, 5 degrees, or 8 degrees. That's just wrong. Hopefully today my vow to never leave the house will be fulfilled. Especially since I couldn't sleep last night because it was too cold.

To be honest, the biggest reason why I haven't shopped at WalMart for a few years is because it is not close to my house. I'm lazy and would rather drive to a closer store that only takes two minutes rather than ten. Today my mother-in-law asked me to pick something up for her at WalMart, and since I needed some groceries anyway I was happy to oblige. When I hit the produce section I started to question my laziness, because many of the produce prices were lower than my usual store and the produce was just as fresh. But then I tried to find some spinach in the frozen foods section and they were completely out. I had a similar experience trying to find hair detangler for S-Boogie and they only had one set of the curtains my mother-in-law wanted me to buy. Then when I got to the cash register I had to wait several minutes while the cashier chatted with another one who was apparently replacing her. No one looked at me or said anything to me like "sorry, we're changing shif...

This morning I had a meeting for an interdisciplinary conference I'm participating in on Friday. One of my colleagues is an anthropology student and is presenting a paper on the use of cars in China. She brought up a term that is often used in anthropology and cultural studies when talking about the study of people and their interactions with cars: automobility. I thought this was an interesting term, and the things she had to say about the impact of rising car ownership rates on China were fascinating. It got me thinking about cars and their impact on my own life. I didn't own a car for my first three years of college; I just walked or biked to where I needed to go, and often ran errands with roommates or friends that had cars. Generally my life was pretty simple and I didn't have much need for a car. When Mr. Fob and I were dating, he got a car so we've had one for our entire married life. During those years we've gone through various stages of car usage. I will a...

I don't often get political on this blog, and I'm hoping that this post doesn't result in an all-out flame war (please), but I just wanted to get the word out since I'm tired of hearing about this in my inbox. I've been getting a bunch of emails lately about FOCA , the Freedom of Choice Act . I just wanted to say a few things about it, and I'd rather do it here than in email. First of all, I appreciate receiving correct information about things rather than speculation. The bill is intended to provide federal government support for reproductive rights, to give an overall framework that would surpass the current network of state laws that vary greatly depending on the state you are in. It still has not passed Congress or the Senate (you can read the actual text of the bill here ). With the current Democratic majority in the House, it may pass. If you do not like this, write to your congressman and let him know that you don't want him or her to vote on it. Writ...

We had another great Saturday; it seems like we have had quite a few of those lately. It's nice to always have the weekends free; well, free from work. I try to get my homework done during the week, but sometimes I need to take over a Saturday. Today I didn't have anything pressing so I skipped the school stuff. My classes are MWF this quarter, so it's great to have Monday off. Plus we're on the nice side of the weather system right now and enjoying warm, sunny weather. This morning we spent some time cleaning the house together and then went for a bike ride. There's a bike loop that goes through the entire town on various trails and we rode the whole thing. It's about twelve miles and I can't believe I did it. Since we were starving by the end of it we decided to splurge a little and ate a yummy burger spot downtown. I had a very tasty veggie burger with sprouts and avocado on it. Then Mr. Fob took the kids home and I spent a little time shopping with so...

For any of the parents among my readers: do your children scream all day long? Mr. Fob and I have come to the conclusion that our mental health is suffering serious damage because our children make noise all the time. With Little Dude it's the usual toddler lack of volume control. Especially if you leave him in his chair at the table too long, he'll just start screaming his head off. Then S-Boogie will get sick of him screaming and start yelling at him to stop yelling. And then they have a nonsense argument at top volume. S-Boogie mostly just has a constant stream of noise coming from her. Usually it's some sort of humming or imaginary conversation, but sometimes it's highly annoying yelping. She's also decided that when she's scared or excited, the best thing to do is to scream as loud as she can. Oh, and then there are the numerous times during the day when one of them decides to take off running and screaming through the house, which means the other one has ...

It seems that every year around General Conference time I hear some variation on the following theme: "The Church is so ethnocentric/American/Western because they make everyone give their talks in English." Although I'm all for diversity and I love languages, I understand that it really is much more practical to have one standard language. First of all, it's not unusual or even prejudicial for a large international organization to pick an official language. The Church did start in the United States and is still headquartered here. The Church also has a massive translation department and does an incredible amount of work providing texts in more than one hundred languages. Also, most of the General Authorities have at least some command of English. English is an internationally recognized language and in many countries it is required as a second language. I could add a rant about the lack of second-language education in the United States, but let me just say that many e...

Apparently some sort of cosmic force heard last week's rant about church, because I was completely struck down on Saturday night. I went to bed feeling a little sore, but I thought it was just the bike riding we had done. After a fitful night of sweating and bad dreams I woke up feeling dizzy, achy, and delirious. Then I took my temperature: 102.8. Nice. I spent most of Sunday alternating between reading, sleeping, and sweating. I can't believe how exhausted I felt. Monday morning my temperature was back up, but thankfully by the evening it dropped. Unfortunately my throat is still sore and my glands in my neck feel like painful golf balls. All I want to do is lie around and eat ice cream, but my kids won't let me get away with it. But at least I'm getting better and tomorrow S-Boogie starts kindergarten (yay!). The only bad news is that we're having a "mini heat wave" and the high temperature tomorrow is supposed to be 105 (boo!). Maybe next week will be ...

I think this is probably the longest amount of time I've gone without posting since I started blogging three years ago. We've had some trouble with getting the internet hooked up in our new place, which has been a headache not only for my personal use but also because Mr. Fob needs it for work. Today we finally found out that AT&T delivered our modem to us last week, before we even moved in and despite telling us that they couldn't get service to us before we had moved in. Thankfully the office had the modem and we were able to hook things up, but we are still very annoyed with both AT&T as well as Comcast for being entirely confusing and unhelpful when it comes to installing internet for us. Blah. But we made it and our now in our lovely spacious new apartment. And California decided to bless us with a heat wave this week in honor of moving in. It's going to be 100 degrees today, and the wall unit in the living room mostly just cools the living room and kitc...

Part of the reason why I started blogging was to be able to share my opinion about various topics that are important to me. I think it's interesting as I read to see what people are passionate about. It seems like I had seen a meme going around inviting people to step up on their soapbox and rant about a pet issue, but I can't find it. I thought it was a little interesting, since I figured that that was what blogging was supposed to be about: getting on your soapbox. Since having kids, I've really become passionate about car seat use and car safety. I'm not sure why this is, exactly, but I guess it's just because there are clear-cut rules that people should follow, and I'm all about following the rules. I also think it's so sad that many kids each year die in car accidents because they're not properly restrained. Did you know that car accidents are the leading cause of death for children? A few weeks ago there was an accident in Provo in which a mom lost...

When I was in Las Vegas last month, my mom and I went to the mall to buy me some new shoes. We went to a store that sells quality, comfortable shoes. Their image is very practical and certainly not flashy like many of the other apparel stores in the mall. I thought it was the sort of store where you go to buy some sturdy, basic shoes that will keep your feet happy for a while. Then I got home and opened up the catalog they had slipped into my bag. I was confronted by a full-page picture of a lady with sand stuck to her butt. And a guy staring at her (notice that he's not looking at her shoes--I didn't notice them at first either). All the other pictures in the catalog are just as ridiculous. Lean women in tiny sports bras and shorts--oh, and athletic shoes. A girl hiking in a ridiculous looking tube top. A close up of a woman holding flip flops at her waist, so the picture is just flip flops and bikini bottom. I don't know if all the ads come from the shoe companies (like ...

Shortly after we moved in here I got a phone call from someone soliciting money on behalf of Navy veterans. I agreed to donate twenty-five dollars, since my dad is a Navy veteran and has spent some time overseas before. Apparently that was a bad idea, because despite the fact that each time they call they tell me "we only bug you once a year" it feels like a lot more often than that. Even though they seem to call only once a year for each different cause, I get a new phone call every few weeks for something different. It's obviously some kind of call center, but they don't have very good internal communication. They're very pushy and can't understand why I won't pledge the small amount of twenty-five dollars for their charity. I would, except that if I gave that much every time they called I would go broke fast. Plus I prefer to spend more time thinking about where I'm going to give my money and I'm unlikely to donate to someone on the spur of the ...

I guess I'm starting to feel better because I'm getting fired up over the news today. To be blunt, I get really pissed off when people use the tragedies of others for their own political agenda. I've had a few sudden deaths in my family over the years and so I have a lot of empathy for Heath Ledger's family and friends right now. I really don't get why people are freaking out because, as an actor , he pretended to be a homosexual man in a movie . Um, that's what actors do. Why don't we condemn everyone who plays child molesters, mass murderers, adulterers , torturers, and so on? How many people were picketing Marlon Brando's funeral? Also, has anyone who thinks Brokeback Mountain promotes a "gay agenda" actually seen the movie? If you can call living a life of quiet desperation, sleeping with prostitutes, breaking up your family, and getting beaten to death some kind of gay idyll, then I think you're pretty strange. While it's true th...

Tonight we went out to take my sister to the train station. I thought of staying home, but I felt like I needed a break since I had spent all day sitting on the couch. Mr. Fob was grateful that I came to help navigate around the yucky traffic, and I was glad I had not been home when we got back to our apartment and discovered this . Stupid football. Stupid alcohol. Stupid college students. Stupid rivalry. PS--We have double pane windows so there is no glass in our apartment and no cold air coming in. We talked to the university police and hopefully we'll get it fixed by housing on Monday. I'm also going to talk to the housing office about some sort of fence around our patio, because I'm tired of things getting stolen and people throwing trash on our porch.

The weather is still cold and wet, and Mr. Fob is still sick, so we mostly stayed inside this weekend. I discovered that staying in the house for two days is not the best way to promote family harmony, especially since S-Boogie is used to going to school with her friends every day of the week. I tried to watch conference and discovered that combining a laptop with cranky children is a bad idea. Little Dude has figured out how to climb on a chair and then up to the table. One of these days he's going to dive through the pass-through and crack his head open on the kitchen floor. That child has such an appetite for destruction--nothing in our house is safe any more. It really wasn't all that bad. Yesterday S-Boogie and I escaped for a while to the library and a wonderful bakery (Grateful Bread Baking Company, ha ha). I bought a hot cocoa to share, but she insisted on orange juice. Such a health nut. When we got home I discovered that Mr. Fob had cleaned the bathroom and trimmed L...

I know this sounds like blasphemy to many of you, but I really don't like Halloween. I don't like dressing up, I don't like creepy or gross decorations, and I don't like the fact that it's basically an excuse to buy lots of junk and feed kids candy (well, most holidays have now been co-opted by corporate America, so I guess it's not all that different from any other holiday). At least since having kids I have come to enjoy dressing them up in costumes because they look so cute, but it still isn't high on my list of favorite things. I love pumpkins and fall and all that fun stuff, but Halloween is not for me. I'm also really not a fan of the 'trunk or treat' thing. I don't get how wandering around in a dark, cold parking lot is going to be any fun at all. Why can't we just go inside? In my old ward we had a Halloween activity inside the church where people decorated classrooms and then the kids could go around trick or treating to the room...