Yellow Wallpaper

The thing about a planned c-section is that it makes for a pretty boring birth story. Not much action and suspense, although since we had that last time with Little Dude's birth I'm pretty happy that this time around was a bit more boring. This baby still needs a blog name--Mr. Fob thinks she should be P Bibby, but I don't really like that so I'll have to think of something better. I just thought I'd write down a bit about how things went so we'll remember them in the future. Last Wednesday morning we had to be at the hospital by six o'clock; thankfully Mr. Fob's sister was nice enough to get up early and stay with our kids during the morning. My surgery was the second on the schedule so we didn't get into the operating room until after eight. The nurse who worked with me that day was really great and we spent the prep time chatting. By the time I went in for surgery both Mr. Fob and I felt relaxed and excited. Everything went well; it's not a pl...

I've been counting down until February 4th for quite some time now, so when the doctor's office called yesterday to reschedule I'll admit that I wasn't quite happy. Even though we're having the baby a day earlier than we thought I've still been stressed because it's a change of plans. Yes, people, I am that neurotic. But, like it or not, the baby has to come out and the time has come. Today I alternated between being excited and having wierd panic attacks about having a baby. I kept having to remind myself that this is scheduled, it's happening on time, I'm not bleeding to death, I'm not in the middle of graduate school, people are available to help with the kids, and so on. I though I was over the stress of the last time around, but I guess not. And I always stress when I have to leave my kids and house in the care of others, no matter what the reason. Hopefully tomorrow will just go smoothly and holding our sweet new baby will make up for every...

The 'nesting instinct' is a common trope of pregnancy; there's something about a new baby that triggers women to want to clean, purge, organize, and otherwise get everything 'perfect' for their new arrival. I have been feeling that a bit of late, though moving last month certainly helped to quash most of my desires to do any heavy cleaning or organizing. I'm not much of a decorator and we don't have a designated nursery so I haven't done much of that kind of nesting either. For some reason this time around my nesting instincts have gone in an entirely different direction: food storage. This doesn't surprise me that much. I've always found it easier to blow money on food (boxes of cereal are easier to justify than new clothes or furniture), and we just moved into a new house with a lot more storage room. Several local grocery stores had their case-lot sales last month and so I indulged a bit. I do think food storage is important and right now I...

Did February sneak up on anyone else? I can't believe that Monday is already February. I've always liked it better than January because it's shorter and because it contains Valentine's Day. I love Valentine's Day; this year I don't have any big plans since I will have a ten-day-old baby. I hope Mr. Fob is planning to pamper me (hint, hint). Last June February seemed so far away, and yet now it feels like I've been pregnant forever. I can't remember what it was like to be able to bend down. I vaguely remember my 'real clothes'. I don't think the writhing and kicking in my belly are very cute anymore. This time around I have actually felt pretty good while pregnant, but I hit the wall a few weeks ago. Suddenly I feel huge and grumpy and just plain 'done'. I mostly writing this post to remind myself that there was a reason why I wanted to actually have the baby. Because I know in a week or two I'm going to be exhausted, sore, leaky, ...

That's how much more time I have until my c-section date. Up until last week or so, I'd actually been feeling pretty good. I don't know if it was the end of the holidays or what, but suddenly I feel very done with being pregnant. The baby seems to have had a growth spurt and my belly feels huge. Things like putting on clothes, rolling over in bed, getting up from chairs, bending, and even breathing are difficult. Plus I've actually had some contractions, not something I experienced a lot of with my other two kids. Today I had appointments with both my therapist and my OB. Mentally things are going well and we talked about strategies to keep them that way. I'm grateful to know that I've got support in case my brain gets weird again, but I'm also grateful that my life is in a much better place this time around. Even if I do end up with an emergency delivery again this time it will probably not be quite so traumatic to my brain. My other appointment also went ...

I had my first meeting with my new therapist today and it went really well. I think that this time it might actually work, and I hope so because I'm sick of not feeling like myself. Obviously part of the problem is the pregnancy, but I haven't been coping well with things for a few years. It felt really good to have someone say "your life is stressful and has been for several years and I'm impressed that you're coping as well as you are." I was really worried about going in and worried that the diagnostic sheet would show that there was nothing wrong with me. I'll admit that I'm pretty good at deflecting help and pretending that things are fine (just call me 'stiff upper lip'). Thankfully my brain really is under stress and there are reasons why I'm acting so crazy; that means that we can do something to fix them. He said he'd rather hold off on medication for a while, and preferably until after I have the baby because we'd end up a...

Today is the last day of NaBloPoMo, and I almost made it except for totally forgetting yesterday. Oops. I'm sure no one minded; it's been a long month and it will probably be nice to get a little break from my ranting and raving. By the way, if anyone knows of a good therapist in Utah County and would like to recommend someone, write a comment or shoot me an email. I'm starting to feel a little pre-partum craziness and think I should get on board before baby gets here and I'm too paralyzed by hormones to fix myself. I also think part of the problem I'm having is sleep deprivation. Every time I sit down on my couch I fall asleep. And then my children go nuts and I wake up grouchy and disoriented. Not fun. I feel much more fatigued this pregnancy than I did with the other two; thankfully I haven't had quite so much hip pain this time around. The good news for today is that I am now 30 weeks pregnant. I like this because I'm not going to make it to 40, so it...

For the record, today was slightly better than yesterday. I managed to keep my positive attitude despite not receiving the anticipated phone call from the bank. If we're not in our bigger house with a dishwasher before Thanksgiving we might just go ahead and have pizza for dinner that day. With paper plates. Anyways, today only had a few rough spots. I'm sure that part of the problem with Little Dude lately is his lack of sleep; he woke up again freaking out in the middle of the night. Tonight he confided in me that he doesn't like his bed and he wants to sleep in mommy and daddy's room all night (yeah right!). It's weird because last week when we were talking about what we're thankful for he specifically mentioned his fire truck bed. He talks about it all the time, but apparently sleeping in it is not OK. Today I had another checkup at the doctor's office. The good news is that baby is growing well, my blood pressure is nice and low, and I've gained le...

Remember how I asked if pregnancy makes you crazy? I'm glad so many other people understand where I'm coming from; for the record, PMS tends to do the same thing to me too. I generally have a few days each month where I cry over everything and get frustrated easily by little things. Like some of my irrational obsessions that take hold of me now and then. This morning I headed over to Target to get a few things that we need. Yesterday I found a coupon online to try new gingerbread Pop Tarts. I'm not usually a big fan of Pop Tarts, but I love gingerbread and though they'd be a fun treat. Sadly, Target had no gingerbread ones anywhere. I ended up in a bad mood because they were also clean out of several other things that I had planned on buying. I really hate it when I go to a store and they don't have what I'm looking for in stock. It's been happening way too much to me lately. Even though I had Little Dude with me I decided to go to Walgreens since I needed s...

1. I really like hosting parties and cooking for people, even when it does take me all day. I'm really looking forward to having a home with a better kitchen that is more equipped for entertaining. 2. Hosting a party when you're almost 7 months pregnant isn't really the best idea. I kept going through the day, but now I'm exhausted and my hands and feet are swelling up. Looks like I might have to put off some of my bigger holiday plans until next year. 3. My brain is divided into two parts: irrational and rational. The rational part believes my doctor and the ultrasounds and trusts that chances of something bad happening again are slim. The irrational part freaks out about every little twinge and pain. It could be a long twelve weeks from here on out.

Last night we watched The Office , and I realized that one of the jokes being brought up lately is the fact that Pam is crazy because she is pregnant. I asked Mr. Fob if I should be insulted or if I should laugh, because it is unfortunately true. This time around it's been nice to experience pregnancy without the added stress of school, but we still have had the endless rounds of sickness and issues with buying a house. Not to mention the fact that I'm beginning to have trouble sleeping anytime except during the middle of the day when my children need me. I think those things alone give me the right to be a little crabby, but I've also noticed that in general my emotions seem to be a little 'off' lately. I just feel a little off-kilter. If you've been pregnant, did it make you crazy too?

Today I finally broke down and bought a big bag of Halloween candy at Target. I'm probably going to have buy another one next week because I don't expect this one to last until next Saturday. Tonight I just realized that the advantage of having a baby in February means that I have free reign during the holidays to eat whatever I want. Awesome.

We had our 'big' twenty-week ultrasound today, and to be honest it was sort of anti-climatic. I guess that's part of having three kids; with each one the newness wears off a little. The baby also wasn't moving around very much and insisted on being face-down the entire time so we also didn't get a very good look at much that was cute. We did get to measure all the important things and everything looks great. First of all, we are definitely having another girl. Mr. Fob and I both pretty excited about this; I'd been mentally preparing myself for another boy just so I wouldn't get my hopes up, and was therefore excited to realize that I'm getting what I want after all. Everything looks nice and healthy, and the placenta is at least towards the top and back of my uterus, which is a better place for it than other spots could be. Hopefully the next twenty weeks will just go smoothly and we will have a more calm and peaceful delivery this time around.

I haven't said much about my pregnancy on this blog, especially compared to the last time. That's mostly because there hasn't been a lot to complain about. I spent the first trimester feeling yucky; I didn't have a lot of the more traditional nausea, just severe indigestion and heartburn. It felt like food was just sitting there instead of doing anything after I ate it. I have had phases of nausea as well, especially the kind where everything smells terrible and makes me gag. But I am mostly feeling better right now and hope things start looking up from now on. Thankfully I haven't had too many of my other digestive issues; I think that's because we've transitioned to a mostly vegetarian diet and I am proactive about eating a lot of fiber. I will also confess that I've hardly ever taken my vitamins because the extra iron makes me feel terrible, but I know I'm going to need it even more from this point on so I'm trying to figure out how to work wi...

Just so you know, when I pregnant or otherwise hormonally impaired I am a crier. Good things, bad things, stupidly sappy things that I know are just emotionally manipulative. Like today I was reading a stupid picture book about a dog named "Santa Paws" and I started tearing up. That was lame. But some things aren't: First of all, I actually won a random blog giveaway. And not just any giveaway, but a really awesome one. I don't read Seriously, so blessed! very often, but I decided to stop in the other day for some laughs. There was a giveaway and I decided to enter, assuming I wouldn't win. Not only did I win, but I got the biggest prize, which is a certificate for a getaway at the Homestead in Midway. Mr. Fob and I usually try to do something special for our anniversary and have often been able to spend a night away. This year we decided to move it up a little because late November won't be a great time for me to be far from home and I don't think I...

I can't believe that nearly a week has gone by without a post; we've all been adjusting to living in a new home in a 'new' place. Some things are good, like the fact that we have family members close by that love to visit and even like to have our kids over for sleepovers. Others are mixed blessings, like the fact that Mr. Fob got promoted to full-time at his job. Yes, it's a blessing, since the money is great, but it's an adjustment for all of us as he transitions to working that many hours a week. Plus his company is too small to offer benefits so we've spent many hours this week trying to arrange some sort of insurance coverage for us. I'm hoping Mr. Fob will get some sort of benefited position at a local library before next February so this baby doesn't bankrupt us. If not, at least we're saving our money now. I've also been avoiding posting because I don't want to spend all my time moaning about how crappy I feel. I already did that ...

When I started this blog four years ago I didn't realize that it would turn into a chronicle of the constant upheaval that has marked our lives for the last few years. A quick look at the archives reveals over twenty posts labelled " moving ", and reading through them brings back such strong memories that the stress hormones start racing through my blood all over again. I thought this time would be different because we had a nice house picked out and we were moving somewhere familiar and cheaper. Plus we weren't dragging things out over several days or weeks and Mr. Fob actually still has a job. Well, I discovered that moving is never fun. This move was a little less painful than others, but more in the way of ripping off a band-aid rather than peeling it slowly. Still hurts. Friday morning we picked up the moving van and loaded it up. That morning actually went pretty well; we had a lot of people show up to help us load the truck and clean our apartment. I was so gra...

Even though I decided a few months ago that I was done with grad school and that we wanted to move on to something else I've still been feeling a lot of angst about the decision. This morning was S- Boogie's end of the year program at school and I felt some pangs of regret while watching her singing in Spanish along with all her friends. My decision to drop school and our decision to move back to Utah aren't totally related, but as much as we like living here it's still far from our families and expensive. But it keeps feeling like the right thing, even though in many ways it looks like the wrong one. This afternoon I had a little meeting with the graduate advisor and it was much better than I had expected it to be. I basically told her that I'd loved the program here (really, it's an awesome place for grad school), but that it just wasn't the right choice for me in my life right now. And she agreed. She told me that I'm young, I have small children, an...

There's a bumper sticker I've seen around a few times during the last few weeks that's been irritating me. I actually don't mind politically motivated bumper stickers, and sometimes they even make me laugh (like "Who would Jesus bomb?"). But this one just bothers me: "My child was born at home." It's a simple statement, but I hate it because it just seems so divisive. I'm certainly not against home birth. I was born at home, as were my three younger siblings. I think it can be a great option for many women, and I wish we were a little closer to the British system in which home birth with a midwife is the default option. I wish more states would license midwives that attend home births and that more babies could be born peacefully at home without unnecessary interventions. I also think it's sad that the current climate of insurance costs and lawsuit fears has pushed doctors to do whatever it takes to produce a healthy baby, even at the ex...

On Sunday evening we went to editorgirl's house to watch a movie, and I just barely came home today. I should probably be lying down instead of blogging, but Master Fob is at Target picking up my Percocet so I might as well be uncomfortable and blogging instead of lying in bed feeling uncomfortable. So yeah, most of you have read what Master Fob posted for me, and hopefully some of you read his nice gory post about what happened. And there are some cute pictures of the baby on S-Boogie's blog, just remember that I felt as bad as I looked in that one picture of me. Basically, I feel bad now for ignoring my nagging feeling last weekend that something was wrong and that I should get my crampiness checked out. Instead, I kept going and went ahead with my weekend plans. On Sunday night we went over to editorgirl's to enjoy a movie and chocolate cake (I'm also glad I didn't have a second piece of cake, since the first one barely stayed in my stomach). About 9 o'clock...