Yellow Wallpaper

I've been a bit obsessed with Hamilton for the past month and I think I have most of the lyrics memorized. Don't be surprised if you see more posts with lyrics for titles--maybe someday I'll even write about my feelings and why I love the show so much. Mr. Fob's mom died three weeks ago. When people ask if it was expected or not, I'm never quite sure what to say. Everyone thought she'd be around much longer, since her mother just died five years ago and was in her nineties, and her grandmother lived to be a hundred. With that kind of longevity in the family, seventy-three feels kind of young. But, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last summer and the fact that she made it nearly a year after diagnosis is quite remarkable, especially without undergoing any treatment. She had also been fairly stable until about a month or so before she died, and then the decline was swift. I feel a little bad because I haven't been very involved during the last year-...

I wrote this yesterday and sat on it for a while. I probably should have just put these thoughts in my journal, but I decided to put them up here instead. I always hesitate to post serious stuff, because usually by the time I get it out of my brain and onto the screen I feel better, and then I just end up feeling sheepish when people try to give me sympathy. It's Leap Day again. Just like it was four years ago when I wrote this post. Early 2008 was a good time in our lives; we had a good year from the middle of 2007 until the fall of 2008. I don't regret too many things, but sometimes I regret the fact that I didn't just listen to my feelings and stay in Utah during the summer of 2008 instead of moving us to California. At the same time, I think regret is kind of silly. The past is done and over, and it is impossible to imagine redoing it because the threads of so many decisions wind together to make our lives. How can I judge the decisions of the past through my current...

This is a picture of me and my roommates at the beginning of my junior year of college. The girl in the pink dress is my roommate Lexi. She moved into our apartment the year before, when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. I had moved into the apartment with two of my roommates from the dorms the summer after our freshman year, and so we were a little hesitant when someone new moved in a few months later. Even worse, she was a brand new freshman (since we were so much more mature as sophomores). I really wasn't sure if Lexi and I would get along. We were opposites in so many ways. She always had lots of friends, especially boys, over to hang out; I was socially awkward and had trouble convincing guys to even talk to me. I loved to cook and sew, but Lexi had no domestic skills. She was an engineering major because she loved science and math, and I was an English major. I'm neurotic about details, and she forgot where she parked her car (more than once). But we lived toget...

I know I just posted about the great blessings in my life. And I have a lot right now. But for the last few weeks I've been feeling pretty down. I'm sure part of it is the cold, rain, and darkness around here. Plus it seems like every time I look at my computer the headlines are just horrible. The night before Christmas a girl in a town near here decided to kill her whole family, including her young niece and nephew. She shot her mom while she was wrapping presents for the grandkids. I keep seeing updates on the pregnant girl that got killed and burned and on the guy who decided to kill his children. Then there's the girl in Utah who was shot by her ex-husband. On her birthday. In front of her mom. Drunk drivers, child abuse, war--it's just getting to be too much. Especially since many of these stories involve people my age or who have children the same ages as mine. I've always enjoyed reading the news, but it's really getting me down lately. It's not only...