Yellow Wallpaper

January has never been my favorite month and this year wasn't much of an improvement. First of all, January is way too long. We even had five Sundays this month so it felt like things were really dragging. The weather was really cold and extra snowy--which is great for keeping away the inversion and excellent for this summer's water prospects, but terrible for travel and everything else. Thankfully we're now in February, which is not only the shortest month of the year but also the month for Valentine's Day and P. Bibby's birthday and other wonderful things.  Actually, January this year really wasn't bad other than being excessively cold and snowy. I started doing yoga a few weeks ago and have mostly kept up with my goal of doing it for five days every week. One of these days I want to be able to go to bed early, get up early, and ride the exercise bike vigorously for half an hour before work. That isn't happening at all yet. However, I decided to start sm...

I've never set specific reading goals before, but I feel like last year I didn't read as many of the books I wanted to, and I read too many books that were fun but not satisfying. I also tend to read too many similar books and want to branch out and challenge myself a bit. I've seen a few reading challenges around on the internet, but would rather create my own. Here are some of the goals I have in mind: At least three books in Spanish Five books in translation from other languages Three Mormon nonfiction books Two books of poetry One nonfiction book every month Read all the Whitney finalists in the adult categories I don't think I'll set any goals in relation to movies, other than to watch more of them. Also, in the past I haven't blogged about movies I watch with the kids, but I'm going to change that and start listing them. When they were younger and I was at home, we watched and re-watched a lot of shows, but now that they're older we do...

I write a lot of things in my head and never manage to actually get them down somewhere more permanent. Sometimes I wonder if other people live like this, with a constant stream of narration in their own heads. I don't usually talk to myself directly and I feel weird doing that, but I like to comment on my day, analyze things, and describe them to other people. I've always liked to process things out loud, and since getting divorced this has been a lot harder since I don't have anyone around to do this with. Hence, trying to get back into blogging and journaling. I just need to sit down more often to write out the things I'm thinking.  We had a good Christmas this year. I hadn't been feeling much of the Christmas spirit since our schedule was compressed and the kids and I were at work and school through the 22nd. During the earlier part of the month I was also still recovering from my surgery, and so we didn't do very many festive things like we usually do. I ...

The middle of winter is actually not a great time for starting a new year. It's too cold and dark for me to feel like I have energy to do anything new. On the other hand, we've just passed the solstice and the days are starting to get a bit longer. Plus we just had Christmas and all its decadence, so perhaps the time is right for change after all. We're two weeks into January and I'm not sure yet if I want to make any resolutions. I'm a bit behind, as evidenced by my recent attempts to catch up on book reviews.  Christmas was quite lovely this year. My parents came to town and we had a nice dinner on Christmas Eve with my brother and his family. I woke up the next morning to fluffy white snow everywhere, and a quiet house filled with sleeping children. Unfortunately I also woke up with a sore throat and headache that only got worse as the day went on. The kids had a great morning and loved their new presents. I was actually grateful that Mr. Fob came to pick them ...

A few weeks ago I had a moment of insight after reading a blog post about self-care. The author described learning to take of herself after having a moment with a needy child, and realizing that she was good at taking care of her children by feeding them nutritious foods, helping them get enough sleep, and so on. I've read a lot about "taking care of yourself" and I thought I was doing that, but after reading the article I think that I really haven't been. I've always been the kind of mom who really worries about the physical needs of her children--I try to feed them good food, buy them comfortable clothes they like, limit their screen time, and enforce appropriate bedtimes. And yet, as soon as they aren't home or are in bed, I stay up late, use the computer too much, and eat way too much unhealthy food. Because I'm an adult.  Well, if too little sleep and too much sugar are bad for my kids, why do I do that to myself? Why hadn't I thought of this be...

Desmama commented on my last post to ask me if I had read Gretchen Rubin's new book Better than Before , which is about forming new habits. I actually did read it last month, and if I ever get around to reviewing all the books I read last month (I read a lot of books), I will write a brief review of it. I have, however, been planning to write a longer post about the book and some of the thoughts I had about it. First of all, I enjoyed the book but I didn't love it. It didn't feel as life-changing or revelatory as some similar books I've read like The Power of Habit or Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. I think some of the reason why I didn't like the book was just personal preference--the book is written more like a memoir than other similar books I've read, and in order to enjoy it you have to like the author and feel like you can relate to her. I didn't always feel that way--my life is very different from hers and I didn't feel like ...

I'm not a fan of January--I'm sure you can look back through this blog and find plenty of posts describing all the reasons why this is not one of my favorite months. It's long, cold, and doesn't have any birthdays or anything to make things exciting. The first part of the month is always swallowed by recovery from Christmas break, and I always set too many high expectations for the new year. This January was a mixed bag. The weather was ugly--the entire western part of the country has been stuck under a high pressure ridge that's pushing all the cold and snowy weather to the east. It's been a moderately cold, hazy, polluted month around here. I've barely seen any rain or snow, and it's gotten warm enough for trees to think they need to pop out some buds. I like winter weather and feel sad that we haven't had any this year.  I've settled into work and made plans through the rest of the year. At the end of last November I interviewed for a posi...

Today didn't feel very much like New Year's Eve to me. I had to go to work--this year they changed the paid holidays to the 1st and 2nd to give everyone a four-day weekend. There weren't very many people at work and not a lot to do and I ended up leaving early in order to go to the grocery store and check out some movies at the public library before it closed. We got back from our vacation on Monday night and my brain is still adjusting after being gone for a week, especially since the weather here turned bitterly cold and snowy while we were away.  According to many articles I've seen around the internet, 2014 was kind of a crappy year. Outrage on the internet, Ebola, crazy weather, unrest and protests all over the world, airplane disasters, and so on. I get it--I don't feel like 2014 was my best year either. It feels like the year flew by before I had a chance to even catch my breath and get my feet under me. I spent a lot of time doing homework and not much els...

Only three more days are left in April, which means that it's less than a week until my birthday and only a month until Little Dude's. Even more importantly, the kids only have 5 weeks of school left before summer break. Unfortunately our favorite babysitter from the last two summers won't be available because she has an internship she has to complete, so I've to start looking for someone new. I've only got about 2 weeks of school left and am happily looking forward to a little break. I am taking a class over the summer but it doesn't start until June 1st. April and May always end up being such a busy time; it seems like all the programs and recitals and things end up happening during these months. I'm just looking forward to summer vacation so I don't have to drag everyone out of bed and hustle them all out the door every morning.  Tonight as Little Dude was going to bed, he told me "I'm tired of parties". I don't blame him--he's...

Why is January always so crappy? I wish I knew. Actually, this January was slightly better than January was last year. Last year the weather was much colder and Little Dude had a broken foot. At least this year the temperatures were closer to normal winter weather, though we've had very little snow and way too many days of nasty, hazy inversion. If I'm going to live in a state with winter, I'd like some decent winter weather.  About two weeks ago P. Bibby got sick with a fever and a cough. I knew a virus was going around and thought that she'd be sick for a few days and then get better. She had a fever Monday and was still sick on Tuesday. Then, on Wednesday when I got home from work she looked much worse, rather than much better like I had hoped. I took her temperature and watched the thermometer climb up to nearly 104! I was able to get her in to see the after-hours doctor and was actually relieved when he looked in her ears and diagnosed them as both infected. In m...

As I sit here Sunday night, I feel anxious about jumping back into our routine tomorrow morning. After two weeks of being off school and having plenty of lazy mornings for everyone I think re-entry is going to be rough. This week was pretty relaxing, even with three days of work included in it.  I had to work on Monday, but the kids didn't have to be anywhere so it was nice to just get up and get myself ready instead of having to try and get all of us out the door. The workday was a bit stressful simply because it was our last day of 2013 and we had things that needed to get done. This was my first year in this job doing all the year-end tasks and I've been stressed out for the last few weeks with making sure everything gets done right. Doing something for the first time is always tricky and I hope next year will be better. Monday night was a fairly typical night and I tried to get the kids to bed at a reasonable time.  Tuesday morning we started out with homemade waffles ...

Two weeks ago I mentioned that I had started exercising again and had successfully met my goal of working out three times a week. Unfortunately during the next two weeks I didn't do such a great job. The next week I exercised on Tuesday night; then on Thursday night I had my book club and came home late. I thought I would at least exercise on Saturday morning, but I stayed out too late on Friday and was completely exhausted Saturday. This was past week wasn't much better. I worked out on Tuesday night, but Thursday was Halloween and we were trick-or-treating instead (at least I was walking around quite a bit, so I think that counts). Then yesterday morning I did not get up and exercise; however, we spent two hours outside raking leaves and getting the yard ready for winter. Meeting my new exercise goal and getting into better habits has been a bit uneven but I am still committed to making it happen and having some positive changes in my life.  Those last two weeks have been b...

Last week I set goals to reduce the amount of time I spend on personal internet business at work and to not be on the internet in the evening between work and the kids' bedtime. Honestly, I didn't do a great job with either goal at all last week. I started out the week tired and things went downhill from there. It becomes a spiral, where I'm tired so willpower is harder, and then I don't do the things I want to do so I just decide to give up and have no discipline and stay up late wasting time. Then, when I'm tired at work I feel more distracted and am more likely to spend time on the internet. I have a few excuses for things, like the fact that it's summer and we have family visiting and so everyone's schedule is out of whack, but the reality is that there will always be distractions and I need to just live with them instead of waiting for 'normal' to arrive. I also found myself rebelling somewhat against my self-imposed goals--including wanting to ...

Last week I talked about my desire to cut back on my use of the internet in the hopes that I could gain more willpower to make other positive changes, as well to find more balance in my life. I decided to start by simply logging my internet use in an attempt to understand exactly how much time I was spending and how I was spending it. For Monday through Saturday I wrote down all the times I spent on the internet and what I was doing during that time. I don't have a smartphone, partly because I didn't want to always feel tethered to the internet and the opportunity to constantly check my email and Facebook. However, after logging the amount of time I spent, I've realized that between the fact that I'm on a computer all day at work and the placement of my laptop in my bedroom, it doesn't really matter that I don't have a smartphone. I think that, like most things, the internet is just a tool and can have many uses, both negative and positive. At this point in my ...