Yellow Wallpaper

Remember when I started this blog and S-Boogie was only two? And she was my only kid? Tonight she got in a car and drove herself and her two siblings over to her dad's house. It was weird. She doesn't have her own car and probably won't for a while (I can't even afford paying for my own car, let alone a second one). This weekend she borrowed her dad's car since she went on a date and also to a party with friends. It was easier for her to borrow a car than to use mine and leave us here at home without one.  Somehow my kids all grew up and I'm suddenly the parent of two teenagers and a kid who is only six months away from a double-digit birthday. We're talking about dating and jobs and college and AP classes. Two weeks ago I threw out all the old Play-Doh and recycled the coloring books, and no one cared. I thought that maybe P would care, but she just shrugged a little and went back to reading Harry Potter.  For the past few summers we have decided to sav...

Seventeen years ago today, I got married. Some years I don't think about the date very much. This year it's also a Tuesday, which was the same day of the week our wedding was on. Even more weirdly, the weather pattern is the same--warm and sunny today, with snow predicted for Thursday. I've been thinking a lot about the wedding today. However, I haven't really been sad or angry. It just feels so far away and so long ago. I'm a very different person now, I have a different life, and the world is a different place.  When I got home from work, I found a thank-you note from S-Boogie for me. I'll be honest and say that raising older kids is hard. Of course, being a teenager is hard too. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear some good feedback from my kids until I got it. They really are good kids and are mostly doing all right. I'm also grateful that Mr. Fob is still a good, involved dad and a reasonable co-parent. In fact, I often hate it when people ...

1. I wanted to try NaBloPoMo again to see if I jump start my writing and creativity again. I've spent the last few years feeling increasingly uninspired and spending more time reading things on the internet rather than producing them. I have no idea if anyone is still reading this--I'm one of the few people I know who still uses a feed reader and actively reads blogs--and I think most of what I've posted so far has been drivel, but I'm going to keep trying. 2. Today was another busy day, all day long. Five or ten years ago I thought things would be easier when the kids were bigger. They are easier in some ways, since they can all feed and dress themselves. However, expectations are higher, problems are bigger, and they definitely all have personalities and priorities of their own. Plus we are just busier with more activities and homework and other things. The three kids are at three different schools (elementary, middle, and high school) for the next three years, and ...

A few weeks ago P. Bibby helped me unload the dishwasher. She arranged the plastic cups on the counter and declared "these are the kings of Enchantia!" in a loud voice. She was wearing a rainbow tutu and her cape that is supposed to be Elsa, but looks more like a Mexican wrestler since it was purchased at some tourist trap in Ensenada. It was one of those small, but memorable moments that I want to remember forever because it was weird and cute and hilarious.  Most days I can't believe that my baby is five-and-a-half, can dress and feed herself, and is going to kindergarten every day. In many ways, the intense baby years are behind us and are not coming back. I'm slowly getting rid of baby toys, board books, wipes, and other paraphernalia stashed in the corners of my house. Longtime readers of my blog will probably know how happy I am to leave those years behind--the stress and angst of the last decade are quite thoroughly chronicled here. At the same time, I feel a...

The first week of February was a good one and I was optimistic about the rest of the month. I had thought I'd post a little more often on the blog, but I didn't after all. Now I want to catch up on February and can't seem to remember anything significant happening. I got really sick during the second week of February--I went to bed on Tuesday night feeling fine, but at some point during the early morning hours I started feeling hot and restless. Thankfully the kids were at Mr. Fob's, as they usually are on Tuesday nights, because by Wednesday morning I felt like I had been run over by a truck. It's been a while since I have been that sick. I managed to crawl out of bed long enough to send some emails to people letting them know I wasn't coming to work. I also took my temperature, confirming that I had a fever, and went back to bed. I knew that if I could get up and fix myself some food, and take some medicine, I'd feel better. I just couldn't do it. Fina...

It's been almost a month since I last wrote a post on here. I keep thinking "I should write a post; I have stuff to say." And then I don't end up writing anything after all. Stuff has happened--it's been a mostly good month I guess. I might write a better post about the last month at some point later this week. Here, however, is a quick glance into a typical evening around here.  5:30--Get home from work and talk to the babysitter a bit before she leaves. Put away my things and figure out dinner. I actually made a menu plan and bought supplies for meals this week, but no one is feeling excited about breakfast for dinner (too many pancakes at their dad's house over the weekend).  5:45--Decide to make some veggie soup and biscuits for dinner. It's a bit ambitious, but uses up food I have on hand and sounds tasty. P. Bibby "helps", which mostly means getting in my way while I try to quickly make dinner. At least we get to spend some time togethe...

I briefly mentioned in last week's post that Little Dude had been sick with strep throat and that last Sunday S-Boogie wasn't feeling very good either. Unfortunately she did not sleep well on Sunday night and woke up with a fever Monday morning. I decided to take a sick day from work (so grateful for a job with good benefits), dropped P-Bibby off for the morning with her babysitter, and took S-Boogie in to the doctor for a strep test. It was positive. We stopped by Target to fill the prescription and grab a few things, then came home to spend the rest of the day resting.  This would have all been fairly normal and routine, but Monday was the day for the last two performances of the musical that she had been working on for nearly three months. They had a matinee and an evening performance; this was also the day for cast photos and professional videotaping of the show. I had planned to take the afternoon off work to watch the show with Little Dude and P. Bibby. It was the worst ...

Last Friday morning S-Boogie got her tonsils and adenoids taken out. Her pediatrician had noted for a number of years that her tonsils were quite enlarged, and she was a very noisy sleeper, but since she didn't get sick that often I wasn't sure if it was worth it to get surgery. A few weeks ago I finally called and made an appointment with an ENT for a consultation, and sure enough he recommended that we get both her tonsils and adenoids removed. Thankfully we were able to fit the surgery in before the start of school (next Tuesday!). I had spent the last few weeks worrying about it and was glad that things went smoothly. We got to the hospital for same-day surgery at 9:30 in the morning, there was about an hour total of prep time while they did various things and we had to wait for our turn. Then they wheeled her back to the operating room and I sat out in the waiting room reading for an hour before they called to tell me she was waking up (the surgery was only half an hour bu...

Monday seems to be my new day for posting. Happy Monday to everyone out there in blog land. I actually like Monday morning; it's the day I go in to work late so I can stay later in the evening. Once I get the older kids off to school I have a few hours to run errands, catch up on housework, and recover from the weekend before starting a new week. (Don't ask me how I feel about Mondays later tonight. A busy morning followed by 8 hours of work usually leaves me exhausted by 10).  I've been re-learning a few lessons these past few weeks: 1. Not everyone is going to like me or like the things I do. I recently got called to be in the Primary presidency as the secretary. While I'm thrilled to be in a more active calling and I love being in Primary with the kids, I'm remembering what it is like to serve in a presidency and to be more exposed to the gossip/complaints/opinions of those in the ward. I've been running into similar problems at work,...

I don't know if I've blogged before about how much I love October. I love the cooler temperatures, the fall leaves, the fact that the first weekend is almost always a mission reunion for me and General Conference. Next week the kids have a few days off for Fall Break and we are going on a little trip down to southern Utah to see Zion National Park and a few other things. I love going on road trips and I hope this will be fun for everyone. Today we had parent-teacher conferences at the kids' school. I always like hearing about how other people perceive them and getting feedback on how they are doing. S-Boogie's teacher loves her and thinks she is very sweet. Interestingly, her school teacher, her Activity Days leaders, and her church teacher always describe her the same way: 'such a little doll--such a sweet girl'. S-Boogie is right on grade level as far as her skills go; she is a very fast reader, but her comprehension scores are a little low. I have noticed t...

Now that Halloween is behind us and November has started, I feel like I'm staring straight down the barrel of the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving and I love Christmas, but they can also be stressful. I've also already started feeling sad because those holidays, especially Christmas, used to mean a lot of spousal love and togetherness--things that I don't have anymore. I was in the storage room tonight getting something and I noticed the wrapping paper, and I realized that I'll be wrapping the kids' presents alone this year. Maybe I should buy blue wrapping paper in honor of the occasion. Christmas every year always brings up mixed feelings for me when it comes to gifts. I've always struggled with buying good gifts for people, and I always struggle with the fact that I feel like a grinch when I realize that we don't need anything. I know gifts are not about need , but it feels silly to ask for anything when we have so much. I look around at the cupboar...

I really want to get back in to blogging more regularly. Despite the fact that people seem to regularly declare blogging dead these days, I like it. I still have a lot of post ideas in my head. However, I worry about the fact that my posting this year has been about half of what it used to be, and most of those posts are declarations similar to this one. So now I'll stop dithering and dump some random crap on you (isn't that what blogging is all about?) This weekend really kicked my butt. I should be in bed catching up on sleep since I still haven't made up for losing so much over the weekend. I'm teaching two classes that meet Monday and Wednesday. Last Monday my students turned in papers. Due to the fact that I'm working two part-time jobs, I didn't even get to the papers until Thursday. That gave me four days to grade 40 papers, which doesn't account for the fact that I also have a life. By Sunday morning I still had 20 papers to go. So I stayed up ver...

I have to admit that for the last few years the thought of summer vacation has made me feel a little panicky. We have a great routine during the school year and S-Boogie really thrives in the classroom with her friends. Being at home together can sometimes be difficult for all of us, as I'm sure is true in many families. Thankfully this summer is going by quickly and so far it is going well. Last year I tried making a schedule that included a variety of different things, including some learning time. If I had been better about following it, it might have worked out. Instead our enthusiasm petered out after a week or two and it fell by the wayside. Even though I read a lot of different blog posts from other families with varying levels of structure for the summer, this year I felt like I would rather keep things more simple and flexible. So far it is working out well. I typed up some basic 'summer guidelines' for the kids. They have certain things they have to get done in th...

Yesterday after we came home from church, S-Boogie asked me about something she had heard in a talk. "Mom, why would that girl say you can't be a missionary and a mom?" We had a lovely youth speaker who generally did a great job with her talk. I don't know her well, but her family is one that I admire a lot for many reasons. Her talk was on missionary work, and as part of it she mentioned the fact that her mother had really wanted to serve a mission but chose to get married instead. This confused S-Boogie, since I served a mission before getting married and having children, and so did four of her aunts. I have sometimes heard this dilemma presented in this way before: the woman who sacrifices going on a mission in order to get married and have children. This frustrates me because, as is proved thousands of times each year, it is entirely possible to do both. There is not a dichotomy and girls shouldn't feel like their only two choices at 21 are to get married or t...

Last week S-Boogie was trying to write something and asked me to spell a word. Before I could answer, Little Dude stepped in and spelled it for her. Perfectly. Today in church he finished coloring his picture, turned it over and drew a church, then wrote "This is hevinly fathers cerch " on it, without asking me how to spell the words. He is four-and-a-half, she's seven, and he has nearly caught up with her in his spelling and reading abilities. A few months ago Little Dude figured out how letters work and took off running. He can read and spell really well. S-Boogie is actually on grade level as far as reading goes and recently brought home a report card that had perfect grades in all her academic subjects (her only low grade was in 'school behavior', which encompasses staying on task and following directions). This new dynamic has honestly had me a little worried. I have a brother who is slightly less than two years older than me. I started reading when I was th...

This afternoon S-Boogie had a dress rehearsal for her dance class. Waiting the hour for her class to finish has become increasingly difficult as P.Bibby has gotten older, and I knew that today would be especially torturous for both the baby and Little Dude because we were in the Senior Center and there was nothing to do (plus the heat was on high and it was exceptionally stuffy). Today's weather was somewhat moderate for December so I decided to take the kids over to the park next door for a little bit of playground time. When I got there I realized that P. Bibby was probably big enough to try out one of the swings for babies. I was right; when I put her in the swing and started gently pushing it, her face lit up in a big grin and she began giggling. I love her giggling; she is my first child to giggle so freely and so often at such a young age. She really is a delightful baby and nearly every day I think about how much fun she is and what a joy it is to be her mom. And every time ...

This week has been busy and I suddenly realized tonight that I hadn't posted for over a week. Oops. I'm really looking forward to next week's Fall Break when we don't have school for two days. Well, I only get one day off, but S-Boogie gets two. It should be fun. 1. Monday I canned twenty-four quarts of peaches with my sister-in-law (we each kept a dozen). She had never done canning before and so I offered to do it with her. I discovered that canning goes a lot faster when you do it with someone else to help you. Since I had already canned a dozen quarts before, I now have a total of twenty-four quarts of peaches in my basement. I haven't had home bottled peaches for years so I'm looking forward to eating them. 2. S-Boogie has become good friends with a little boy who is in her class at school as well as her class at church. They had two playdates this week and they get along so well. I felt sad when she told me that some other kids were teasing them at school f...

Starting teaching this year has really done a number on my psyche; I think I'm struggling because things were going well for quite a while and I felt like my life was in control and not too full. Plus I have not been giving myself enough sleep. I need to sleep or things get crazy. Don't ask me why I am blogging instead of going to bed like I should. Maybe because reaching out to other people helps me feel better. I'm also hoping that shaking this cold that has been plaguing my entire family (myself included) will improve my mood. I can tell when my brain isn't doing well because I start obessing over things instead of doing something about them. First of all, I feel like a constant refrain for the last year or so is "Little Dude is driving me crazy". He is really clingy and I have a hard time getting him to entertain himself much. I'm discovering that the hardest part of having S-Boogie do so many activities is dealing with a four-year-old who won't ge...

I shouldn't be blogging; I should be working on my syllabus or going to bed. School starts in two days and I'm fully in the 'if I don't think about it, it doesn't exist' mode of dealing with stress. My syllabus is mostly written and my goal tomorrow is to get it completed so I can make copies on Tuesday. My other goal this week is to get back in the habit of going to bed by 10:30, not 11 or later because I have to get up early and no one will be happy if I am a crankypants. The title of this post has to do with nursing the baby; we switched Little Dude to formula when he was about six months old (thanks blogger for reminding me). He had been a total crankypants for a while and we realized that he was mostly just hungry. Breastfeeding got off to a much better start this time around and I thought we were doing well. During the last few months, though, I've started noticing little things that made me worry. My baby has been wearing the same clothes for the last...

I've been a wee bit stressed this week since we are leaving for our big vacation on Saturday morning. To add to the excitement, tomorrow is S-Boogie's birthday and we're having a party. I've tried to keep things simple, but she is friends with everyone in the world and so even paring down the guest list resulted in having twelve kids on their way to my house tomorrow afternoon. I had planned a simple party with slip-n-slide, some water games, snacks, and cupcakes. But today has been blustery and stormy and I'm so freaked out that tomorrow will be the same. I don't really have a backup plan. Maybe we'll just let the kids play in the rain in their swimsuits. And of course the best thing to do when you're stressed is to run a bunch of errands. Between yesterday and today I've been to five different stores gathering stuff for the party and for camping. Thankfully I've found a lot of good deals and it has been rather cheap. Then to top it off I spent ...