Yellow Wallpaper

Tonight I re-read a cover letter I wrote four years ago when I applied for a different position at the library where I work. At the time, I had only been in my current job for about eighteen months, but had been wanting to work in another department and move up the ladder a bit. I still feel that way, and was re-reading the letter while writing a new one for a different position that has opened up. As I was reading the letter, I realized how much I've changed and how much I have learned since that time. I was upset not to get hired in the different position and thought I was qualified, and I'm not completely convinced I wasn't, but it was amazing to me to see how much more I know now. It was a good reminder to me of why it is important to stay humble and to remember that there are always opportunities to grow and change.

This past week was not very good. I was tired and didn't sleep well most nights--I should have been writing a draft of my paper that is due next Sunday, but I haven't done it yet. There were several nights where I felt exhausted and decided to try going to bed early instead of writing, and instead I didn't fall asleep right away so I was still tired and I have no draft of my paper. I also spent most of the week stressing about our final exam that took place this morning. Spoiler alert: I took the exam and think I did a pretty reasonable job even though it's hard to write seven decent short essays in 75 minutes. We're all adjusting after the death of our sweet kitty last Saturday. Surprisingly the kids have been mostly fine with the new state of things. My other kitty spent the first few days wandering the house and meowing, which was more heartbreaking than actually saying goodbye to the other cat. She peed on the couch on Monday but has otherwise not changed her ...

Yesterday I was going to write a blog post about how tired I have been feeling this summer. Physically tired, emotionally tired, mentally tired. Just tired. My yard has giant brown spots on it and my flowerbeds are sprouting weeds that are taller than I am. The garden has been a total bust due to my neglect and the only things still surviving are the pumpkin vines and the tomato plants. I haven't cleaned the bathrooms for about two months, there are piles of papers and books all over the house, and I'm at least four weeks behind on the reading for my class (at least all my assignments have been turned in on time). I have 10 shirts in my closet that haven't been worn for 2 months because I can't bring myself to iron them. I've been in a slump for a while--as evidenced by the dark circles under my eyes, the massive amounts of books I've been reading, and my inability to make simple decisions or to email people back about things.  When I was on my trip to Portlan...

Now you can all have that Alanis Morissette song stuck in your head too. You're welcome.  Earlier this year when I was interviewing for my current job, one of the questions I was asked was something about a life lesson I had learned recently (I don't remember the exact wording). I responded by saying that I had been working on owning my choices--both good and bad. I (like many people) have a tendency to backpedal on mistakes I've made, by blaming the circumstances or other people. Another common reaction to mistakes is to spend hours, days, or weeks berating yourself for being a 'bad' or 'stupid' person. I don't think that's healthy either. Another part of why I answered that way was was that one problem I had in my last job was a work environment that often made me question or defend my decisions. That was often stressful, but it also taught me to clearly articulate why I had made certain choices, both to myself and to others. Sometimes I was wron...