The Year is Dying in the Night
Today didn't feel very much like New Year's Eve to me. I had to go to work--this year they changed the paid holidays to the 1st and 2nd to give everyone a four-day weekend. There weren't very many people at work and not a lot to do and I ended up leaving early in order to go to the grocery store and check out some movies at the public library before it closed. We got back from our vacation on Monday night and my brain is still adjusting after being gone for a week, especially since the weather here turned bitterly cold and snowy while we were away.
According to many articles I've seen around the internet, 2014 was kind of a crappy year. Outrage on the internet, Ebola, crazy weather, unrest and protests all over the world, airplane disasters, and so on. I get it--I don't feel like 2014 was my best year either. It feels like the year flew by before I had a chance to even catch my breath and get my feet under me. I spent a lot of time doing homework and not much else. No promotions at work, no dates, no game show appearances.Several good friends from my neighborhood moved away. Not much changed in my life and I didn't make much progress on any of the goals that I set.
However, there were some positives to the year. No one got seriously ill, the house didn't need major repairs, and I didn't flunk out of my classes or lose my job. S-Boogie got braces, went to several fun camps this summer, and started sixth grade. Little Dude got baptized, started third grade, built a million Lego creations, and started piano lessons. P-Bibby finally figured out potty training, started a music class, is learning how to read quite a few words, can tell hilarious jokes, and loves her daycare/preschool. Today at work I had to write up my accomplishments from the year and I realized that I did a lot professionally and that I love my job. And we just spent a week in Hawaii for Christmas, so what do I have to complain about?
The biggest stress for me this year was school. When I started my program last fall, my plan was to take as many classes as I could and get through the program as quickly as possible--the quick and painful method. However, after a year of intense classes I have realized that this is not the best approach. I've spent most of my free time doing homework and still ended up behind and not getting as much out of each class as I probably should. Realistically, there isn't much benefit at this point of finishing the program more quickly. If an opportunity comes up to move to a different position at work, the fact that I'm halfway through my degree is just as valid as if I had it finished. I think that during the last little while I have found it very difficult to plan my life more than short-term. I have a hard time relaxing and believing that there will be time to get things done and that I can just enjoy the present moment. I've been living in my house for five years now and in my current job for more than eighteen months and I finally feel like I'm learning how to settle in and be satisfied with where I'm at.
So, next year I'm still going to do school, but only one class a semester. Graduation will be about two years out. I'm hoping, though, that those years will have other things in them besides just school and stress. With the change in the year and the break in the semester I have right now, I feel an itch to change. To declutter my house and get rid of excess stuff. To start getting into healthier habits and taking better care of myself. During the last few months (while I wasn't blogging), I did end up spending time working with a therapist at the school's clinic. We had a lot of good sessions, and by December decided that I was ready to try taking care of myself; at this point, I've worked out a lot of my bad thinking patterns and learned some new healthy habits. The scary thing is that now it's up to me to determine how I feel. I know what I need to do but doing it is hard. I've already stayed up past midnight to write this post and I know I shouldn't do that.
In my mind I have some ideas for 2015 goals, but I haven't set any just yet. Right now my main goal is for movement: physical, spiritual, emotional. I want to end 2015 in a different place from where I am right now. Hopefully I can make that happen.
According to many articles I've seen around the internet, 2014 was kind of a crappy year. Outrage on the internet, Ebola, crazy weather, unrest and protests all over the world, airplane disasters, and so on. I get it--I don't feel like 2014 was my best year either. It feels like the year flew by before I had a chance to even catch my breath and get my feet under me. I spent a lot of time doing homework and not much else. No promotions at work, no dates, no game show appearances.Several good friends from my neighborhood moved away. Not much changed in my life and I didn't make much progress on any of the goals that I set.
However, there were some positives to the year. No one got seriously ill, the house didn't need major repairs, and I didn't flunk out of my classes or lose my job. S-Boogie got braces, went to several fun camps this summer, and started sixth grade. Little Dude got baptized, started third grade, built a million Lego creations, and started piano lessons. P-Bibby finally figured out potty training, started a music class, is learning how to read quite a few words, can tell hilarious jokes, and loves her daycare/preschool. Today at work I had to write up my accomplishments from the year and I realized that I did a lot professionally and that I love my job. And we just spent a week in Hawaii for Christmas, so what do I have to complain about?
The biggest stress for me this year was school. When I started my program last fall, my plan was to take as many classes as I could and get through the program as quickly as possible--the quick and painful method. However, after a year of intense classes I have realized that this is not the best approach. I've spent most of my free time doing homework and still ended up behind and not getting as much out of each class as I probably should. Realistically, there isn't much benefit at this point of finishing the program more quickly. If an opportunity comes up to move to a different position at work, the fact that I'm halfway through my degree is just as valid as if I had it finished. I think that during the last little while I have found it very difficult to plan my life more than short-term. I have a hard time relaxing and believing that there will be time to get things done and that I can just enjoy the present moment. I've been living in my house for five years now and in my current job for more than eighteen months and I finally feel like I'm learning how to settle in and be satisfied with where I'm at.
So, next year I'm still going to do school, but only one class a semester. Graduation will be about two years out. I'm hoping, though, that those years will have other things in them besides just school and stress. With the change in the year and the break in the semester I have right now, I feel an itch to change. To declutter my house and get rid of excess stuff. To start getting into healthier habits and taking better care of myself. During the last few months (while I wasn't blogging), I did end up spending time working with a therapist at the school's clinic. We had a lot of good sessions, and by December decided that I was ready to try taking care of myself; at this point, I've worked out a lot of my bad thinking patterns and learned some new healthy habits. The scary thing is that now it's up to me to determine how I feel. I know what I need to do but doing it is hard. I've already stayed up past midnight to write this post and I know I shouldn't do that.
In my mind I have some ideas for 2015 goals, but I haven't set any just yet. Right now my main goal is for movement: physical, spiritual, emotional. I want to end 2015 in a different place from where I am right now. Hopefully I can make that happen.
Comments
It sounds like your poised for a really wonderful 2015--and I believe in you and you're aim to achieve movement and change. Especially now that you'll have more time on your hands because you're taking school more slowly.
PS--I think staying up past midnight is okay sometimes ;-)
Apparently I'm having an off grammar day today. At least with "your/'re"