Comfortable

Yesterday was our ninth anniversary; I've written a few different anniversary posts over the last few years, but I still think my favorite is this one. Since the baby is a good sleeper and no longer nursing we decided to take a little staycation this year. Mr. Fob's sister was a fabulous auntie and came to spend the night with our three kids on Friday while we escaped to Salt Lake for the night. First we checked into our hotel; we've stayed there before, and while our room did not have a jacuzzi tub, it was very comfortable and affordable without feeling like the Super 8 motel. From our hotel we walked over the The Copper Onion; the food was fabulous and we left feeling completely stuffed. We shared a cheese plate and then I ordered the beef stroganoff and Mr. Fob had the fettuccine carbonara. Those may sound like ordinary entrees, but the cooking was amazing. We will definitely eat there again some time, but our budget can probably only handle it once a year. Then we walked over to the Gateway to watch the new Harry Potter movie in Imax; it was good--I'll review it on my monthly movie post. After a stop at the frozen yogurt shop we walked back to our hotel. We've decided that we really would like a king-size tempurpedic mattress of our own, but we sleep better when there aren't drunk people yelling in our hallway in the middle of the night (we've stayed at this hotel before and not had that problem). In the morning we went to breakfast at a little place called the Front End Grille. More tasty food (and cheap), with a pleasant little hole-in-the-wall ambiance and a very kind waitress. On the way home we stopped at Ikea to do some window shopping and pick up a few little kitchen essentials. The kids survived without us and it was nice to spend time together without two people talking at once all the time in an effort to get our attention.

One thing I have noticed lately is that I have finally reached the point where I am truly comfortable in our relationship. Now, this isn't so much Mr. Fob's doing as it has been mine; as I have become more comfortable with myself, I'm much more relaxed and sure of myself. Yes the early years are great when you are giddy and newly in love and everything is exciting. But I'm really enjoying the fact that I don't spend extra energy trying to hide the fact that sometimes I say or think dumb things. Or sometimes I'm grumpy or upset or just plain rude. And Mr. Fob accepts all of it. Like I said before, he hasn't changed. Even when we've gone through times where we didn't like each other much, he's never been rude to me or treated me badly. But I think I spent a number of years keeping up my old habits of trying to always seem poised and to never let my guard down and never let him think I'm less than perfect. And now I just don't care.

Things are more fun this way; the other day on the freeway I thought I saw a bumper sticker that said "Nobody's born a robot", and when I shared my mistake with him we could just laugh about it. This comfort in my relationship is rubbing off on my ability to be honest with other people too. Today I was asked to accompany a group of women who will be singing a song in Relief Society in a few weeks. I was given the music shortly before the practice, and while I can sight read pretty well, I was not sure about a few things and my playing was less than perfect. In the past I would have spent the entire practice feeling self-conscious about my playing and trying extra hard not to draw attention to myself or let anyone know that I had just received the music. Today, I simply said "I need to practice this more, but I'll do my best" and asked them about a few sections that weren't clear to me. It felt so much better to just be honest about my shortcomings; as I'm learning, they are almost always met with understanding. No one thinks I'm as incompetent as I think I am, and I'm grateful to be married to someone who has taught me that lesson over and over again.

Comments

Th. said…
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I appreciate you expressing this idea so clearly. I've experienced this change myself, but seeing it in words makes it seen. Thanks.
Desmama said…
It's so interesting to me that I've felt similarly the past couple of years too. And I was talking to Ang (my editor friend, you know her) just the other day and we concluded we both started feeling just comfortable in our own skin around the same time. Not sure why, but it is a nice feeling. You've articulated it quite well.
skyeJ said…
Competence is overrated. :)
Earth Sign Mama said…
One of my favorite things about dad is that same feeling of not ever throwing up to me my failings, since the day we got together. I was always all right to him. I had to learn to be all right to myself.
The best part is that when you feel comfortable just to BE yourself, it is also easier to be your BEST self. Especially with one who so readily accepts you for how you are.
Evelyn Theresa said…
And you know what? You're still amazing, even if you do have things that make you feel incompetent or foolish.

You write so wonderfully, thank you for sharing such a personal insight.

Happy anniversary.

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