Saturday, February 23, 2013

Confessions

Friday night I didn't want to come home from work because the kids were here. I just wanted to come home to an empty house and not have to fix anyone dinner or anything. It didn't help that I was out of groceries and out of good meal ideas. Finally I decided to make creamed tuna and serve it with leftover rice that was sitting in the fridge; it was a major hit with the kids, surprisingly. Everyone had two helpings. Last night turned out to be a better night than I thought it would after all.

I realized the other day that part of why I feel like I have blogging writer's block lately is because I spend so much of my time at work, but I can't write about work. My job is not great for many reasons, but I don't dare blog about it. I'm also still trying to figure out my emotional balance in order to not let my job dominate my life. It's hard sometimes.

For a while I was only listening to NPR in the car. Then last year I switched to listening to pop music on the radio; this is somewhat weird because for years I only listened to CDs because the radio bugs me. It still does--I can't stand commercials or morning shows so I just switch back and forth between a few stations. I really like cheesy pop music even though sometimes I make fun of it. I like One Direction, Taylor Swift, and Kelly Clarkson. I kind of like some of Katy Perry's stuff, but a lot of time her voice sounds strained like she's yelling instead of singing.

I've had to drop Little Dude off at school for the past two months and I'm getting so sick of it (usually the kids just walk). I'm a terrible, judgemental person every morning in the carpool lane because I think mean thoughts about most of the other parents. We've had bad air pollution lately and yet everyone is still driving a few blocks to drop their kids off. They probably have good reasons but I still think mean things about them. I really shouldn't.

I have had really bad eating and sleeping habits lately, and I haven't been exercising at all. I am fully aware that my bad habits make me fat, tired, and cranky and yet I keep indulging. I need to find my desire to change I guess, but I don't know where it went. Maybe it will come back in the spring.

The other day I made banana oatmeal muffins as a healthy snack but no one wants to eat them. I've been eating them covered in Nutella because they're really tasty that way.

I haven't watched any of the latest season of Downton Abbey even though I love that show. I don't mind reading all the discussion of each episode, spoilers and all. I think at this point I'd like to just wait for it to come out on DVD and then spend a few days watching the whole thing at once.

3 comments:

Blue said...

Jessiegirl!
Sorry you're going through it right now. One of the things my therapist has taught me that helps me ALL THE TIME now (literally daily), is a three-word phrase: They Get To.

They get to ____________. Insert any annoying thing. Any thing I'm feeling judgmental or critical of. Anything they're doing different than I would do it. Remembering this helps me not take on the world psychologically. To not assume some kind of responsibility that isn't actually there. I'm prone to create anxiety and stress over something that has nothing to do with me, or is in no way mine to manipulate, control, worry over or change. Totally outside my stewardship.

By remembering these words when someone does something frustrating or annoying, I stop myself from jumping into the Drama Triangle (Victim/Persecutor/Rescuer...google the phrase The Drama Triangle for more info). The less I play that game, the less frustrating and stressful my life is. So when someone doesn't let their kid walk to school, or leaves their engine idling for 20 minutes while waiting to pick them up...They Get To. Someone is insensitive...they get to. Insert ANYTHING with these three words, and let go.

And remember YOU GET TO, too! You get to choose to be a kind, loving, person with healthy boundaries. You get to choose to let others choose, just like heavenly father lets ALL of us our agency to do whatever we choose to. We all get to. And He gets to love us anyway, and his example is the one that we can look to for how to respond to people being annoying, lettings us down, dropping the ball, making poor choices (in our opinions).

Anyway, just thought I'd share that because it's been one of the most empowering realizations I've implemented in my life. People will let you down-they always will. They get to. Ex's, bosses, neighbors, co-workers, family and even friends will all do things at some point that we think they should not do, or should do differently. They get to. And I don't have to let myself get riled up, or take on any kind of ownership over them. My anxiety is SO much better when I remember those three magic words.

Also, I can send you links to all the DA season three episodes to watch in a DAFest if you like. I watched them online, commercial-free, as they came out in Great Brittian last fall cause I couldn't wait. LMK if you'd like that.

Hope this week is easier for you. Between roast beef and key lime pie, sounds like it's off to a great start! ♥

Jenny said...

It's February. February is rough.

Josh Frome said...

Speaking of Nutella: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=t6Mg5j-l-Sg

(Note, I only watched the beginning of this, and the sound was off, but a little goes a long way.)