Alternate Universe

I'm discovering more and more that living with a 2-year-old is like living in an entirely different world. Our rules just don't apply anymore.

First of all, it takes much, much longer to do anything. Eating a bowl of cereal can take up to half an hour, and getting dressed involves a lot of negotiation. Walking across the street to the library is a big deal, and once we are inside everything must be examined and explored in minute detail. It can be a little maddening to know that something which can be accomplished in 2 seconds is taking 5 minutes.

There is also no logic in this world. Cause and effect have not been established, and "why?" is a futile question. There is no reason why we can't wear the purple pants, why all the salt must be dumped out into a pile onto the table, or why waking up time has been moved back to 6:30. There is no reason. It just happens. And never start an argument with a two-year-old. It will go something like this:

Mom: Please stop hitting me.

S-Boogie: I hitting right now.

Mom: Yes, I know you are hitting. If you do it again, you go in time out.

S-Boogie: No time out! No do that.

Mom: You aren't going in time out unless you hit again. You aren't hitting right now. Thank you.

S-Boogie: No go time out!

At which time she starts crying and I try to explain that it was a warning about what will happen next time. But, just like there are no reasons, there is no future, just right now.

Actually, there is some sort of logic. We just haven't figured it out yet. Certain standards of performance must be complied with or there will be great pain and suffering. Coats must be completely zipped or buttoned. You must wear gloves whenever you are outside. Mom and Dad must put on their glasses as soon as they are awake. Blankets must be put on with the patterned sides up so we can see the animals. Occasionally there is order in the chaos.

The most exciting thing about this world is the imaginative power that is here. I can deal with the frustration because I am in awe of the brainpower of this child sometimes. The other day Auntie Skye's warm up pants were dubbed "jacket pants". Last night S-Boogie picked up the two suction cups that hold up her toy bag in the bathtub. She held them up to her ears and announced that she was "listening to music (zik-it)". She likes to bite her graham crackers into different forms and tell us what they are (house, train, airplane). I often get treated to fabulous imaginary creations involving chicken, yogurt, tomato soup, ketchup, and noodles that she has created for me in her little kitchen. The other day she told me that a tissue she was holding was a caterpillar, and pointed out its eyes, nose, and mouth.

Sometimes I wish I really could live in the two-year-old dimension. But, then again, I'm glad I'm just a visitor.

Comments

AmyJane said…
Cute post! That age group really is a peice of work (my 12 year old students are remarkably similar...). It's true though--toddlers wouldn't make it through those years alive if they weren't so interesting to be around. It's like the newborn phase--if they weren't so gosh darn cute, you wouldn't be willing to get up with them all night long!
TK said…
Thanks for sharing. Reading this post made me want to be there to give her a big hug!
Desmama said…
TexTot turns two next month. I am looking forward to this stage, in spite of all the orneriness that accompanies it. She's just beginning to talk and try new words spontaneously (speech delay due to hearing problems--hopefully we have them fixed with tubes). It's been fun. Edgy tells me Sophie is cute. She sure sounds like it.
Earth Sign Mama said…
This is the age that also influences family-speak for many years to come. This is why we have a "nana-moon" instead of the crescent moon (it resembles a banana). This is why we now call it Kitty-cat chicken, instead of Fiskies. This is why we call pachyderms "effalents". All caused by two year olds. Life viewed through the lens of two is a really fascinating place.
This morning Sophie explained to me that one spoonful of Kix was a Christmas tree, the next was jingle bells, and the next was lights.
Th. said…
.

To the Big O, alas, everything is just one more possible opportunity to get his parents to take him trainwatching.
Cricket said…
I often had to remind myself that having a child in this stage is God's way of reminding us to slow down.

It is because of this stage that I believe I have ADD. I don't have the attention span to examine the fish tank at the library for even 30seconds, much less the 12 minutes that baby T wants. I cannot sit still through one episode of the Wiggles, and feel like reading 7 board books takes too long. Alas, I will probably give babyT ADD by pulling her away from things too soon and changing activites too often...
Lady Steed said…
Foxy-

Am amazed by Sophie's imagination and speaking ability. Though I know it was not your intent, this post has made me feel that perhaps the Big O is not up to where he should be.....ahhh my child is inferior to yours!!! SOB!!! Sophie will never want to marry O for he is not as imaginative as she!!! CURSE ALL TRAINS!!!! CHOO CHOO!!
FoxyJ said…
Ah, but Lady Steed, they are simply establishing their gender stereotypes early. As a girl, Sophie talks and talks, and all Big O has to do is grunt occasionally. I think they're right on track :)

Seriously, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Some kids are just big talkers. I knew two sisters that were a year apart. The older one was constantly talking, and the younger one never said anything (they were 3 and 2). Each kid is different. Somedays I wish she didn't talk so much. Like I said, arguing with a two-year-old is a frustrating, pointless endeavor. Language skills have developed way more quickly than thinking skills here.
Melyngoch said…
I had all sorts of interesting thoughts on language acquistion and scope functions and verb aspect and then I decided that probably, no one else will be quite so enchanted with S-Boogie's use of aspect. But she's definitely a linguistically fascinating two-year-old.
FoxyJ said…
Actually, Melyngoch, I'm quite fascinated by Sophie's linguistic abilities. I keep urges to follow her around with a tape recorder and transcribe what she says so I can analyze it. Her latest thing is adding "times" to stuff to talk about how "sometimes" we do things. Like "Times I go church". Oh, and the other day she invented "Mommyself" to tell me that she wanted me to do something "Mommy do it mommyself". It was amazing.

Word verification: "efnrtt"
My thoughts exactly.

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