Surfacing

I hesitate to even say it for fear that it won't last, but lately I'm starting to feel like my brain is stabilizing a bit. I know a lot of my struggles the last few months have been due to hormones and external stressors like having a baby, moving, and dealing with all the upheaval of Master Fob's jobs and school (and my school), etc... Life seems to be evening out a little more; if nothing else, I know we'll be here for a while and so I don't have the terrible anxiety about the future that I was living with for most of this year. Little Dude is still pretty cranky and I often feel kind of trapped by his neediness, but I'm learning to plan my days better and to do a better job of self-evaluation of my thoughts and reactions. S-Boogie's behavior is still a big source of stress, but Master Fob and I are searching for solutions. Getting to bed at a reasonable hour and going walking several times a week are proving surprisingly helpful. I still haven't made it in to talk to my bishop about counseling; it's on my list, since I have a strong desire to attend the temple and I need a new recommend. So yeah. Life isn't looking so gray on the inside anymore, most days. And, if you're wondering what depression feels like, this column is fantastic. He describes watching other people like they are in a movie and he can't participate; that's how I've felt too often lately. But more and more I'm able to step in and take my part. And I'm grateful for that.