Sometimes it's not a choice
There's a bumper sticker I've seen around a few times during the last few weeks that's been irritating me. I actually don't mind politically motivated bumper stickers, and sometimes they even make me laugh (like "Who would Jesus bomb?"). But this one just bothers me: "My child was born at home." It's a simple statement, but I hate it because it just seems so divisive.
I'm certainly not against home birth. I was born at home, as were my three younger siblings. I think it can be a great option for many women, and I wish we were a little closer to the British system in which home birth with a midwife is the default option. I wish more states would license midwives that attend home births and that more babies could be born peacefully at home without unnecessary interventions. I also think it's sad that the current climate of insurance costs and lawsuit fears has pushed doctors to do whatever it takes to produce a healthy baby, even at the expense of the mother's health (see here for more on that).
But, I wish those on both sides would tone down the rhetoric. I'm tired of the "culture wars" that seem to take place over every little thing in life these days. I don't think that home birth will ever become a good option because of the emotional fear-mongering on either side. A more balanced approach that recognizes that some home births don't go well, and that many uncomplicated births could take place at home. Unfortunately neither side wants to give in and so each one digs in further. Although I'm an advocate for home birth and I feel that many things in our medical system could change, my children were born in the hospital. It wasn't really a choice I made, since our lives were in danger due to complications. And that's something I wish people on both sides of the issue would realize. During the last few decades everything I've read about birth sets it up as something a woman is in charge of; it's your body and you are in charge. But birth is a natural process, and it is in charge. I think we do ourselves a disservice as women by promoting this idea, because I know many woman who struggle because they didn't have the birth experience they had planned for themselves. I guess that's why the bumper sticker bothers me. I'd rather have one that says "Home birth is a positive choice" or "Home birth works". Or maybe I should just get my own that says "My baby's life was saved by an OBGYN. In a hospital."
I'm certainly not against home birth. I was born at home, as were my three younger siblings. I think it can be a great option for many women, and I wish we were a little closer to the British system in which home birth with a midwife is the default option. I wish more states would license midwives that attend home births and that more babies could be born peacefully at home without unnecessary interventions. I also think it's sad that the current climate of insurance costs and lawsuit fears has pushed doctors to do whatever it takes to produce a healthy baby, even at the expense of the mother's health (see here for more on that).
But, I wish those on both sides would tone down the rhetoric. I'm tired of the "culture wars" that seem to take place over every little thing in life these days. I don't think that home birth will ever become a good option because of the emotional fear-mongering on either side. A more balanced approach that recognizes that some home births don't go well, and that many uncomplicated births could take place at home. Unfortunately neither side wants to give in and so each one digs in further. Although I'm an advocate for home birth and I feel that many things in our medical system could change, my children were born in the hospital. It wasn't really a choice I made, since our lives were in danger due to complications. And that's something I wish people on both sides of the issue would realize. During the last few decades everything I've read about birth sets it up as something a woman is in charge of; it's your body and you are in charge. But birth is a natural process, and it is in charge. I think we do ourselves a disservice as women by promoting this idea, because I know many woman who struggle because they didn't have the birth experience they had planned for themselves. I guess that's why the bumper sticker bothers me. I'd rather have one that says "Home birth is a positive choice" or "Home birth works". Or maybe I should just get my own that says "My baby's life was saved by an OBGYN. In a hospital."
Comments
But I also don't think the other one was as in-your-face as you may be percieving it.
When I read it (before reading your personal comments) it felt as harmless as a "my child is on the honor roll" sticker.
Now, if it had said something like "My family is better than yours because we home-birthed" I would be a little honked-off too. But I don't think that's what they meant by it, personally
I like your observation on the whole thing. Words mean so much more than what we see face-value. I soapbox about how great midwives are (because my first experience has been great, and the new one I met for a hopefully upcoming pregnancy has seemed good so far, too) but I certainly don't look down on people for not seeing them.
My favorite part of your post is the idea that a woman isn't in charge...birth is. I can definitely second that observation. Anyone who's ever tried to stop a contraction should be able to, too.
Having just experienced the birth of my 3rd child I can definitely say the birth is in charge!!! But it was by far the best of the three.
AMEN! Why can't people just agree to disagree and move on with their lives? I'm getting tired of the pettiness of it all. Where you have your baby, like so many choices in life, is just that: a choice. It's not right. It's not wrong. It's just there. I wish people could be more accepting and less argumentative about that.
Anyway, lovely post. You've verbalized well what I've been thinking about a lot recently.
Recently two of my friends gave birth. One was willing to get an epidural if the pain overrode her fear of needles and the other absolutely wasn't getting one no matter what. The former didn't get one and the latter did. And I don't think anything's wrong with either scenario! I think you have to go with what works for you and the situation at hand. It did bug me, though, when the husband of the girl who didn't get an epidural said that she didn't need one because she was doing it right and if people just did it right they'd be able to go without it too. I really think each situation is too different for broad statements like that.