Feeling Lighter Already
Even though I decided a few months ago that I was done with grad school and that we wanted to move on to something else I've still been feeling a lot of angst about the decision. This morning was S-Boogie's end of the year program at school and I felt some pangs of regret while watching her singing in Spanish along with all her friends. My decision to drop school and our decision to move back to Utah aren't totally related, but as much as we like living here it's still far from our families and expensive. But it keeps feeling like the right thing, even though in many ways it looks like the wrong one. This afternoon I had a little meeting with the graduate advisor and it was much better than I had expected it to be. I basically told her that I'd loved the program here (really, it's an awesome place for grad school), but that it just wasn't the right choice for me in my life right now. And she agreed. She told me that I'm young, I have small children, and I have years ahead of me to figure out if I want to come back to school or not. I think she's right. And as I was leaving the building I had that feeling; I knew I was making the right choice. The right choice for me in my life right now. Other people might have made a different one, but I am all right and on the right track. During the last few months I've been acting on faith that this is what I wanted, but now I know that my life isn't over because I'm no longer in graduate school. And I'm really looking forward to the chance to be pregnant without having school hanging over me. This is my last baby and it will be nice to just enjoy it as much as I can.