Wookin' Pa Nub

(If you haven't seen "Buckwheat sings", you should click here )

A few months ago I was reading a blog discussion about how long people who are divorced should wait before they start dating again. Interestingly, some people who responded were bothered by anything that seemed like it was 'too soon'. There is apparently a lot of judgement out there about how people who divorce should act or not act after the fact. Even a few months ago I wasn't sure I wanted to date again any time soon.

Even though it's only been a few months since things were official, I think I do want to try dating. Part of me feels excited by it. The thought of meeting new people and doing fun things together is appealing. The other part of me feels scared. There are a lot of strange people out there and I don't know if I'll find anyone who appeals to me. I also don't know if I will appeal to anyone either. I don't have a lot of dating experience. As I explained a long time ago in this post, Mr. Fob was really the first person to ask me out and the only person I've really had a relationship with. But, I feel like I am a different person than I was ten years ago and I have a lot more life experience so maybe dating will be a little better this time around.

I have been trying two different dating sites online during the last few weeks. I've decided to try looking online because I'm not sure how else to meet other single people my age. I'm also on the internet a lot and I feel comfortable communicating online with people. I first signed up for LDS-Singles; I like that they make searching and matching up with people easy, but so far I haven't really found many people that catch my interest. A few people I know suggested that I try OK Cupid, and I signed up there earlier this week. So far I'm liking it quite a lot. It does seem to be harder to sift through people to find ones that are a good fit for me, but there is a wider variety of guys on there and the amount of information you can submit makes it easier to find compatible matches.

I find it interesting that I'm mostly finding people a little younger than me or significantly older than me. I've also been surprised by the number of guys in their early thirties that are just finishing up college or going back to school. I've also decided that I don't like the guys who can't spell, who don't like to read (duh), or who message me little impersonal things like "I like your smile". That's creepy. So far I'm having fun and I've even messaged a few people to see if I can get to know them better. That's the step that mystifies me the most--what do I do then? I don't want to be too pushy but I also don't want to miss out on a chance. Maybe during the next little while something will click and I will actually go on a date. If I do, and I don't die from nervousness, I will report back here on how it went.

Comments

Th. said…
.

Good luck, Foxy.
skyeJ said…
shudder. I hate dating. With a passion. but... apparently if you want to have a relationship with another person you have to meet them somehow first.

Yeah, I do actually talk about this with my shrink. Why do you ask? :)

Good luck. Don't listen to the judgey types. Everyone thinks they're entitled to give an opinion about your dating life for some reason. Do what you want, when you want.

Be yourself. It is pretty a awesome self! :) You already found one awesome match for ten years, you can do it again! You don't want to be with someone who doesn't like you for who you are anyway.
C. L. Hanson said…
Re: But, I feel like I am a different person than I was ten years ago and I have a lot more life experience so maybe dating will be a little better this time around.

This is almost certainly true. You've gained relationship experience over the past ten years. Even if you've only been in one romantic relationship, even your experience having platonic friendships with other adults can be helpful when getting to know the people you're dating.

Have a great time, and don't stay out past 11! (J/K on that last bit.)
sarah ahlstrom said…
My friend our age has had a great time being involved with the "midsingles" group in her area...they provided a fun group with people our age that she was able to enjoy life with and eventually got engaged to one of the people in her "group"
jana said…
I've loved dating and being single (but I also loved it before I was married). I didn't wait very long--I thought it would be easier if I just jumped into things. If memory serves, I was dating again within a week of the ink drying of the Separation Agreement...
Good luck with that! I hope you can have fun!!
skyeJ said…
Thought you might want some of the more choice morsels of wisdom I recall from my many many years of Chastity Talks in singles wards.

Don't forget:
1. The Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight.
2. Keep all four feet (you and your date's) on the floor at all times.
3. NO LYING DOWN. (See number 2.)
4. No boys in the bedroom.
5. No touching (even outside of clothing) where a bathing suit might go. (That, or garments. Depending on the person giving The Talk.)
5. Don't do anything with your date you wouldn't do in front of your bishop/parents.
6. By ALL means, never wear clothes that make men think bad thoughts. Only YOU can prevent erections in sacrament meeting. (Okay, this last sentence wasn't ever uttered in a Chastity Talk.)

:)

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