The Year is Dying in the Night

Tomorrow starts a new year; I still can't believe it is 2012. My brain is in a bit of a time warp and has a hard time accepting the fact that we have moved past 1999. Obviously if I look in the mirror or realize that I have an eight-year-old, I can see the passage of time. It's just hard to understand that I have come to the point in my life where I feel much younger than I look.

This is also a natural time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the next one. As most people would probably guess, 2011 was not really my favorite year. I think it could have been a great year; we had a nice home, good jobs, stable income, healthy growing kids, opportunities for travel, and so on. I guess it goes to show that the external trappings of your life are not what define you or what can make you happy. Yesterday as I was glancing through the 2011 calendar my stomach dropped when I looked at a note in January marking the business trip Mr. Fob went on. I know now that the trip was not really the catalyst for what happened, but I still can't think of that week with any happiness at all. It's easy to divide my life into "before" and "after". It's also fairly easy to look at my blog and see when I decided to stop talking about my life. I think I spent most of 2011 hiding from people and from myself. One of my goals for next year is not to do that.

I am looking forward to a new year with optimism. I expect good things. I still have some things in my life that I am sad about, but in my core I feel peace. I feel strong. I miss my old life in many ways and I miss the person I used to be (and I especially miss the life my kids could have had), but I am also determined not to let that define who I am or who I can be. In 2012 I want to be an optimist. I want to be a kind and charitable person who reaches out to help others. I want to be a good friend and family member. I know that when you are setting goals it is better to set specific, measurable goals. I don't feel like doing that this year. My main goal is to look back at 2012 and to be able to say that I am sad to see it go.

Comments

Jenny said…
You are such an incredible, insightful and articulate person. We have the same resolution this year.
Julie said…
HUG!!! You're a rock.
Rachael said…
I think you are great, and I hope this year is wonderful for you.
AmyJane said…
What Jenny said. You amaze me from afar. I hope this year brings happiness and peace, even if it's not the way you expected once upon a time.
Kristi said…
Ditto to all the above. I hope this year is kinder to you, and that your kids can feel at peace with you at the helm of your little family.
LDS_Publisher said…
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FoxyJ said…
Yay, a prize!
Desmama said…
Yes, what everyone else has said. (Well, except the one about the prize.) ;)

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