Some Days

 I started this post a few weeks ago when I had a pretty crappy day. I got in an argument on Facebook, which I almost never do. I usually avoid commenting on anything controversial, but this time I jumped right in and fired off something without really thinking about it. It was the kind of issue where knee-jerk reactions are common, but it's complex enough that it probably shouldn't be a subject for Facebook discussion. I immediately felt bad about that, and then some other crappy things happened that day that I can't even remember. The next day, however, was great.

Then a few days later I had another crappy day--I didn't sleep well the night before and there was heavy snow when I left for work, making my commute twice as long and much more stressful.The rest of the day didn't go so well either. That's pretty much how things have been for the month since my last post--some days are good, some not so good. My baby step goal of writing a little in a journal every day has been working. I haven't been perfect at it and some days I don't write very much. I've missed some days, but I've been forcing myself to work past the "I messed up so now I'll give up" mindset, and I think it's working. In February I had planned to start reading scriptures every night before bed instead of another book, and again I didn't get started for the first week of the month (my excuse is that school started again and my class this semester is pretty reading and writing intensive). Instead of giving up, I'm trying, even if I'm not doing it perfectly every day. It feels good. 

Today was Valentine's Day and I really enjoyed spending it with the kids. We had church in the morning and the Primary kids sang the song "I'll Walk With You" in sacrament meeting today. I'm the pianist right now and I was just glad I didn't make too many mistakes. I thought it was a great song for the holiday. We spent the afternoon hanging out--getting through the afternoon without people getting too antsy and bothering each other has been a bit of a challenge this year. Some weeks go better than others. Today Little Dude was having trouble finding things to do besides bothering his sisters, and the fact that S-Boogie only wanted to read a book instead of playing games with him didn't help. We survived the afternoon without too much hassle and had a festive dinner with decorations, homemade tomato soup with heart-shaped croutons, and strawberry-spinach salad. We like to do FHE on Sundays, so for our lesson tonight we passed around papers and had everyone write something they loved about each person in our family. It was a lot of fun. Some days with the kids aren't great and I go to bed feeling like a total failure; thankfully we have good days like today to add a little perspective. Hopefully my kids will remember all the fun times. 


The Weed said…
Yes. Your description of having goals, and then just plugging forward with them even after "failing" is so much of what I'm learning in life too. A goal is not perfect execution. Goals that matter are the things that we keep going back to over and over and over, failure after failure after failure, because it is something we really want to be, do, or have. That is stamina, and that is perseverance. And then, as the good and bad days collect, those small habits over time are what shape the trajectory of our life. Thanks for the great post.
Seeker said…
I struggle with feeling like I've failed at a goal when I mess up. I tried a New Years resolution of reading scriptures with the kids every day, and it just didn't happen every day. Then someone said something that really helped. She said, "When you forget to brush your teeth you don't thing 'Gee, I totally screwed up. I guess I'll never brush my teeth again.' You just brush your teeth the next time." It's so simple, but struck me hard. So I've been trying to remember that for the past month or so. (And yes, I'm behind on reading your blog. But I'm so glad you write!)

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