Happy pills

I just took my first dose of antidepressants tonight. I'm a little nervous to see how it goes--I think I'm most afraid that drugs won't do anything and that I really am just a miserable person. The psychiatrist I talked to today was very optimistic that we could find something that will work for me, but now I have to wait a few weeks to figure out if it's working or not. I actually still feel drained from my appointment with him. This is the second time in the last few weeks that I've spent nearly an hour telling a total stranger all about my life. I worry because most of the time I choose to focus on the positive and I don't think my life is all that bad compared to most people I know, but when I'm telling people all the possible reasons that I may be anxious and depressed, their eyes widen a little and they just nod in agreement. Both the counselor I've been seeing and now the psychiatrist I saw today think that I really do have a lot of major "stressors" in my life. The truth is, I do. But I also generally tend to feel like they shouldn't be a problem since they are things that I chose to do, so I just ignore them and pretend that everything is great. I think the internal confusion is a big part of my problem.

Also, both mental health people I have talked to recently have basically told me the same thing: it would be better to wait and have a baby when I am a little more stable emotionally. They both were careful to add the caveat that it is a decision for me and my husband to make, but I think that they have a good point. I'm getting close to finishing up my course work, and it is still possible to finish my thesis and graduate by next August (what I want to do with my life is, of course, best left for another post). It probably is better to get school completely out of the way before adding another "stressor" to the mix. I need to think and pray about it a little more, but I'm really feeling like they are right. It's a good thing Master Fob's sister is having a baby soon so I can get my newborn fix.

Comments

Cricket said…
"...I really do have a lot of major "stressors" in my life. The truth is, I do. But I also generally tend to feel like they shouldn't be a problem since they are things that I chose to do, so I just ignore them and pretend that everything is great. I think the internal confusion is a big part of my problem"

Hello, I came to your blog from Master Fob's, from Theric's whose blog I ran across about a month or so ago while snooping around this here website.You may or may not have heard of me, LOL.

ANYWAY- I would very much like to talk to you.(see: www.tanmandee.blogspot.com) Please email me? I'm on gmail as email4mandi (you can ask Theric- I'm legit :))
9/20/2005 2:13 PM
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