Making peace

One of the semi-profound lessons I have learned during the last few years is that life will never go the way I want it to, and it always takes me a while to adjust to this fact. Before I left on my mission I still assumed that I wouldn't get married and would simply graduate and go off somewhere fun (and near the beach) for grad school and such. I also made fun of people who married someone they had known as missionaries. So then I married a fellow missionary a little less than a year after we both came home. I also planned on getting out of Utah as soon as I could, but it's taking a little longer than I had originally planned on. And then I thought that we would wait a while before having kids, and "a while" was not as long as I'd originally planned. The thing is, I'm totally, completely happy with my life as it is right now. I don't know how I would feel if my original "plan" had all worked out. Who knows. I've tried not planning on things, but I'm a planner by nature. My latest cosmic kink that I'm trying to work through is the fact that my body does not want to have babies the natural way. I know there's not much I can do about it, but for some reason I'm having trouble getting over it. Logically I've accepted this fact, but there's still a little part of me pouting that I can't just have a baby and be back on my feet in a few days (or even a few weeks, blah). But I think I'm really beginning to accept this fact. I think tomorrow I will call the midwives and volunteer to just switch practices. They're right--no point in seeing them when they can't help me have the baby in the end. And I might be doing the doctors a favor-they thought my uterus was pretty interesting during my c-section before, so now they get the privilege of seeing it again.