Making peace

One of the semi-profound lessons I have learned during the last few years is that life will never go the way I want it to, and it always takes me a while to adjust to this fact. Before I left on my mission I still assumed that I wouldn't get married and would simply graduate and go off somewhere fun (and near the beach) for grad school and such. I also made fun of people who married someone they had known as missionaries. So then I married a fellow missionary a little less than a year after we both came home. I also planned on getting out of Utah as soon as I could, but it's taking a little longer than I had originally planned on. And then I thought that we would wait a while before having kids, and "a while" was not as long as I'd originally planned. The thing is, I'm totally, completely happy with my life as it is right now. I don't know how I would feel if my original "plan" had all worked out. Who knows. I've tried not planning on things, but I'm a planner by nature. My latest cosmic kink that I'm trying to work through is the fact that my body does not want to have babies the natural way. I know there's not much I can do about it, but for some reason I'm having trouble getting over it. Logically I've accepted this fact, but there's still a little part of me pouting that I can't just have a baby and be back on my feet in a few days (or even a few weeks, blah). But I think I'm really beginning to accept this fact. I think tomorrow I will call the midwives and volunteer to just switch practices. They're right--no point in seeing them when they can't help me have the baby in the end. And I might be doing the doctors a favor-they thought my uterus was pretty interesting during my c-section before, so now they get the privilege of seeing it again.

Comments

Mandi said…
they thought my uterus was pretty interesting during my c-section before, so now they get the privilege of seeing it again.

Now that's the spirit!!!
JB said…
I'm a planner too and I've been surprised how my life's turning out. I love it, but it's still a surprise!
Tolkien Boy said…
My life has done everything EXACTLY as planned.

Okay, the incident of all last year was a little unexpected. But still...
amyjane said…
You know, after my shall-we-say, intesting delivery process, I decided that having babies is God's way of yanking back the control we women so desperately want to have. NOTHING went according to plan, but my baby and I are here and alive. I asked the dr at my 2 week check what would have happened years ago in a labor like mine and he said we both "probably would have died." So, while I'm into control, I'm more into living. You'll do just great!
earth sign mama said…
It is a curiousity that labor is the one time of a woman's life when you are definitely just going along for the ride. It was an amazing shock to me to get to the point in the process when the "breathing" did not work. So, the only thing to do was just go with it. It's like surfing: you're riding on this huge force with no ability to change course.
FoxyJ said…
Yeah, my mom's encouraging words to me before were something like "well, if you had been a pioneer woman you probably would have died". I really am grateful for modern technology--it's a good thing to have.

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