You're doing it wrong!

This morning was, unfortunately, like too many other mornings on school days. The kids dawdled through breakfast and getting dressed while I spent my time repeatedly saying things like "go get dressed", "stop talking and eat breakfast", "we don't have time for that", and so on. By the time we were out the door walking (running) to school I was pretty upset. I realized today that part of the reason why I was upset was because I was just as mad at myself as I was at the kids. Because it's all my fault that they don't get up on time, my fault that they can take thirty minutes to eat a bowl of cereal, my fault that S-Boogie still can't focus enough to get herself dressed without my help.

I realized while walking home today that I've fallen into the trap of feeling too much guilt and responsibility. Lately I feel like everything I do is wrong, that everything is totally my fault, and that I'm an utter failure. The problem with this mindset is that it doesn't do anything productive. Instead, I just feel worse and go out and eat some donuts or vegetate on TV to avoid thinking about what an awful person I am. It really is all just mental. I need to take a deep breath and change my thinking. There are some things that I'm doing right and others that I could change. First of all, not all problems are solely my fault and I am not responsible for solving them all by myself. Second of all, just because I make mistakes or I fall short doesn't mean I'm a moral failure or that I can't fix things or try again.

Now that I've realized this and written it down, I need to try and put it into action. There are a few things I've been struggling with lately: the kids' routine, my budget, and my calling at church. Today I'm going to think about how I can realistically make some changes there and get a better idea of what I can do and what I can't. At least we don't have to get up and get ready for school for the next few days. I do know that I'm quite good at sleeping in and being lazy on Saturday mornings.