A Prayer Story
Although I mostly love social media, one of the few things that gets me down is when single friends of mine start dating. It's so stupid and one of the things I dislike about myself, but I always feel bad when people I know manage to find a special someone. Especially if they have gotten divorced since I have--it's been seven years for me and I still feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. So many other people make it seem so easy! I feel bad even typing this, because I'm sure one of my friends is going to read it and feel bad, and that is not what I want to have happen. They aren't doing anything wrong at all, and I'm mostly happy for them. I'm just a little sad for me.
I wrote a post about this several years ago over at Segullah, which touches on the mixed feelings I have about being single and alone. I had a hard time dating in high school and college too, although when I was 21 it was a lot easier to be optimistic about my chances because I had a lot of life ahead of me. For a while after getting divorced I was fairly optimistic too. Over the last seven years I have tried a number of different dating sites, all with limited success. I've also tried going to 'singles' activities a few times; that's always been a horrifically awkward experience.
Earlier this year, I tried praying about dating for the first time. I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before; perhaps I was just feeling too ambivalent about the whole idea. I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to leave my comfort zone and risk rejection. It's hard. Plus, as I've discovered, just saying "I want to start dating" gets me nowhere because there's nowhere to go. So I tried just praying something along the lines of "I know you want people to be happy, and I know you want people to connect with each other, so maybe you could help me find someone." I also signed up for a new dating app that I hadn't tried before.
Then in July I got a message from someone whose description made him seem like the perfect sort of person for me. He actually responded to my messages we agreed to meet for milkshakes. I was terrified and almost chickened out several times on my way to the restaurant. It was a pleasant time and we chatted quite a bit, but I didn't feel anything compelling me to get to know him more. We messaged a bit more and tried dinner, but with the same result. Not much chemistry going on at all. After seven years, that has been my one dating experience. I'm not sure if I was supposed to learn that people can seem like a good match, but chemistry is also important. Or that I'm a total weirdo and should learn to live alone (probably not, but sometimes I wonder). I haven't tried praying about dating since then, but I'm thinking about trying it again. Who knows what will happen next?
I wrote a post about this several years ago over at Segullah, which touches on the mixed feelings I have about being single and alone. I had a hard time dating in high school and college too, although when I was 21 it was a lot easier to be optimistic about my chances because I had a lot of life ahead of me. For a while after getting divorced I was fairly optimistic too. Over the last seven years I have tried a number of different dating sites, all with limited success. I've also tried going to 'singles' activities a few times; that's always been a horrifically awkward experience.
Earlier this year, I tried praying about dating for the first time. I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before; perhaps I was just feeling too ambivalent about the whole idea. I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to leave my comfort zone and risk rejection. It's hard. Plus, as I've discovered, just saying "I want to start dating" gets me nowhere because there's nowhere to go. So I tried just praying something along the lines of "I know you want people to be happy, and I know you want people to connect with each other, so maybe you could help me find someone." I also signed up for a new dating app that I hadn't tried before.
Then in July I got a message from someone whose description made him seem like the perfect sort of person for me. He actually responded to my messages we agreed to meet for milkshakes. I was terrified and almost chickened out several times on my way to the restaurant. It was a pleasant time and we chatted quite a bit, but I didn't feel anything compelling me to get to know him more. We messaged a bit more and tried dinner, but with the same result. Not much chemistry going on at all. After seven years, that has been my one dating experience. I'm not sure if I was supposed to learn that people can seem like a good match, but chemistry is also important. Or that I'm a total weirdo and should learn to live alone (probably not, but sometimes I wonder). I haven't tried praying about dating since then, but I'm thinking about trying it again. Who knows what will happen next?
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