What next?
Right now I'm still trying to find a job; I'm hoping it will be something I enjoy and that I'll want to work at for a while. Or it may not be--things are still a little uncertain at this point. The thing I am realizing, however, is that I need more than a job, I need a career. Yes, I've been working on a master's degree for three years now and that should be able to help me launch a career. It probably will, but I'm not sure what kind of career I want. If I want to teach I should go on to get a PhD. Otherwise I will be teaching community college for the next twenty or thirty years. I should decide by the end of this summer, because the application process can be somewhat involved and difficult and most applications are due in December or early January.
Teaching, especially at a college level, makes a lot of sense. The hours are flexible and definitely more family-friendly than a regular, full-time job. Also, I love ideas. I love being in the classroom and discussing and learning. I'm pretty sure I can get into a good program--my grades are good, I have several presentations and publications already, my GRE scores are great, and my professors love me enough to give me good recommendations. I don't think I'm being arrogant to say that I'm a good candidate for anyone's program. I think I'd even make a decent professor some day; if nothing else, I like to talk. A lot.
At the same time, the idea scares me to death. I don't feel like I'm really that smart, and there are so many things I don't know. I'm also a lazy student--I still leave things to the last minute and then throw together some random theory and turn it in without really critiquing it as much as I should. Plus it would mean another three or four more years of school. And the gruelling task of qualifying exams and writing a dissertation. Then there's the details of probably moving somewhere else to do school (Cornell--not so exciting, Berkeley--maybe, University of Arizona--I think I'd melt).I am also somewhat torn about entering academia--on the one hand ideas excite me, on the other I worry about the somewhat closed nature of academic discourse and whether I want to commit my life's work to such narrow pursuits.
But, like someone wisely told me, the next three or four years will pass whether I'm in school or not. Life will go on, my children will grow up, and I'll be farther down the road. I don't know if I want to be the one in student housing whose obnoxious school-age kids are always beating on the littler ones on the playground, but I also don't want to spend the next twenty years slaving away at a full-time job that doesn't totally fulfill me in the way teaching does. Of course, getting a PhD could finally destroy my last vestiges of self-esteem and sanity. It's so hard to tell. I think I'll see what kind of position I get during the next month and keep thinking about this some more. Dr. Foxy might just be a fun new title to try out...
Teaching, especially at a college level, makes a lot of sense. The hours are flexible and definitely more family-friendly than a regular, full-time job. Also, I love ideas. I love being in the classroom and discussing and learning. I'm pretty sure I can get into a good program--my grades are good, I have several presentations and publications already, my GRE scores are great, and my professors love me enough to give me good recommendations. I don't think I'm being arrogant to say that I'm a good candidate for anyone's program. I think I'd even make a decent professor some day; if nothing else, I like to talk. A lot.
At the same time, the idea scares me to death. I don't feel like I'm really that smart, and there are so many things I don't know. I'm also a lazy student--I still leave things to the last minute and then throw together some random theory and turn it in without really critiquing it as much as I should. Plus it would mean another three or four more years of school. And the gruelling task of qualifying exams and writing a dissertation. Then there's the details of probably moving somewhere else to do school (Cornell--not so exciting, Berkeley--maybe, University of Arizona--I think I'd melt).I am also somewhat torn about entering academia--on the one hand ideas excite me, on the other I worry about the somewhat closed nature of academic discourse and whether I want to commit my life's work to such narrow pursuits.
But, like someone wisely told me, the next three or four years will pass whether I'm in school or not. Life will go on, my children will grow up, and I'll be farther down the road. I don't know if I want to be the one in student housing whose obnoxious school-age kids are always beating on the littler ones on the playground, but I also don't want to spend the next twenty years slaving away at a full-time job that doesn't totally fulfill me in the way teaching does. Of course, getting a PhD could finally destroy my last vestiges of self-esteem and sanity. It's so hard to tell. I think I'll see what kind of position I get during the next month and keep thinking about this some more. Dr. Foxy might just be a fun new title to try out...
Comments
Now, I have an extreme bias, but, believe me--you're really that smart!! And furthermore, advanced degrees require perseverence as much (if not more) as they require "smart". Let me again admit my bias, but my experience with your ability to choose a course and follow it through to the (illustrious) end leads me to believe that you certainly have it in you to accomplish this.
Yes, the years will go by anyway. Might as well be somewhere you're pleased with at the end of them.
Come to Berkeley - 'spoza and I would love the company!
But I'm wondering if waiting until the kids were both in school would make it easier on all three of you? There's going to be plenty of adjustments to make in the immediate future. And a couple more years to refine your plan might help it to run more smoothly.
But most of all, having more time when the kids are in school, to do what all YOU have to do should make your life a little easier and perhaps less stressful.
It's a lot of work, but I really like what I'm doing and I know that I'll get to have the kind of job that I want when I'm done. Which is pretty wonderful.
I doubt teaching at a Jr. College would be as strenuous, and might be more family friendly. However, it won't pay as much and may not be as fulfilling for you. So you have to figure out what you want/need out of it...
You can do anything you decide you want. You're smart and know how to work hard. Who wouldn't hire you?!
Also, my brother wrote an awesome piece on what not to do when applying for a Doctorate (since he is on the board at NYU for choosing candidates in his field). It's geared toward Enligsh and writing candidates, but it may be helpful. I'll email it to you if you want.
To cut to the quick of a lot of observations - if I had to pick one - I'd do community college. As someone else wrote, the Ph.D's are expected to publish a TON and make money for the school in order to receive tenure.
The community college ones are more likely to be expected to work with some on campus organization. There's a LOT of money flowing thru community colleges now. And so many awesome opportunities. My friend was a community colege professor and has become a Dean and makes well into the 6 figures. She always raised her 3 kids while working. Don't short change the community college - and they're very likely to hire you right now....and you can keep working on that Ph. D. (I have one friend who took that route - and then the community college paid for the Ph. D. while she was an adjunct. Double winner!!)
I can think of a couple more plusses in Berkeley's column.
One of which is ice cream.
Also, it's a great testament to the value of education that you have so many choices and opportunities to pursue. That's one thing my parents really strove to teach me, and while I'm not sure I understand it when I was younger, I sure do now.