The Plan
I have been away from home for over three weeks now and I'm anxious to get settled down somewhere. My original plan had been to stay in Utah for a little while and then go back up to Seattle if it didn't feel right or things weren't working out. Then when I got here I decided to just stay and look for jobs. Now I've changed my mind again and I'm going back up to Seattle. I feel like this is the right decision. I've prayed, pondered, received a priesthood blessing, and gone to the temple. And I watched all four sessions of conference and really listened to the Spirit speaking to me rather than the speakers. After studying it out in my mind I realized the following things: I like the climate and the culture of the Northwest, the job market is better for the kinds of careers I want, and my children will be closer to their father. I will be farther away from family and some of my friends, but I'm trusting my mind and my heart on this one.
I'm a little nervous about going back to pretending like my life is normal. We live in a fairly closed community in our little apartment complex and a number of ward members are my neighbors. The bishop and Relief Society president know what's going on, but I don't feel like telling the entire ward. Master Fob is looking for a new apartment, and I will find one when I get a job. I think I will just keep a low profile and I'm sure most people won't notice that he is not around as much. The truth is, as much as people seem to mind other people's business, most people don't really notice what's happening in the lives of others. If I need help with babysitting I know I have it and I don't have to give reasons. I'm also a little nervous about how S-Boogie will feel because we already withdrew her from her school since we weren't sure what we were doing. I'll make sure we do lots of fun things during this time to make make up for that.
My first priority will be to get a job. I'm expanding my search to areas within a few hours of Seattle, since the cost of living is cheaper outside of the city. I am applying for a teaching position at a nearby community college, but they don't need anyone until next January, so I need something immediate. I'm a little nervous because my resume isn't very full and I haven't even worked at all for two years now. Here in Utah I applied for four jobs, interviewed for two, and got hired by none. The last time I had to find a job I ended up interviewing about fifteen times, and that was just trying to find student employment on campus. I hope things go a little better this time around. I am going to give myself a few weeks to look for the "ideal" jobs before I start going for the less than ideal ones. I need something soon, but I'm not too desperate yet. I guess I just have to keep acting on faith--it's what's gotten me this far in life.
I'm a little nervous about going back to pretending like my life is normal. We live in a fairly closed community in our little apartment complex and a number of ward members are my neighbors. The bishop and Relief Society president know what's going on, but I don't feel like telling the entire ward. Master Fob is looking for a new apartment, and I will find one when I get a job. I think I will just keep a low profile and I'm sure most people won't notice that he is not around as much. The truth is, as much as people seem to mind other people's business, most people don't really notice what's happening in the lives of others. If I need help with babysitting I know I have it and I don't have to give reasons. I'm also a little nervous about how S-Boogie will feel because we already withdrew her from her school since we weren't sure what we were doing. I'll make sure we do lots of fun things during this time to make make up for that.
My first priority will be to get a job. I'm expanding my search to areas within a few hours of Seattle, since the cost of living is cheaper outside of the city. I am applying for a teaching position at a nearby community college, but they don't need anyone until next January, so I need something immediate. I'm a little nervous because my resume isn't very full and I haven't even worked at all for two years now. Here in Utah I applied for four jobs, interviewed for two, and got hired by none. The last time I had to find a job I ended up interviewing about fifteen times, and that was just trying to find student employment on campus. I hope things go a little better this time around. I am going to give myself a few weeks to look for the "ideal" jobs before I start going for the less than ideal ones. I need something soon, but I'm not too desperate yet. I guess I just have to keep acting on faith--it's what's gotten me this far in life.
Comments
I'm sure the Lord will take care of you; the hard part sometimes is waiting for 'His time'. But I know you're very capable, skilled, and willing to do what you need to do.
I continue to pray for all of you.
I know I don't know you or anything, but I'm praying for you and your family. The Lord loves and watches over and cares for single mothers - I learned that watching my mom. Do what you know to be right, and things will fall into place.
As one who has been through a similar experience (and I realize it's not that similar in most respects--simply that I found myself alone and hurt, and a single mom), I would like to offer you my sincere condolences and best wishes.
If you ever feel that there is the slightest chance that I could provide any kind of insight or support that you need, please do not hesitate to call on me. I received some very healing and helpful support from the most unlikely quarters when I was struggling through the first months of my ordeal, so I throw that out in all sincerity.
I am in awe of the woman you are, and believe it will all turn out right, whatever "right" is for your family.