Ambition, Education, and Default Choices

This is a post that's been rolling around in my head all week, but we've been busy and I haven't had time to write it down and post it. Now it's late and I worry that my thoughts won't be very coherent, but I still thought I'd try and write it out to see what I come up with.

The title of this post was inspired by a few things I've read recently on blogs by a variety of people. One poster works with the young women in her ward and has been troubled by their lack of ambition. They don't seem to have solid plans for their future and don't feel a lot of motivation to get educations or to even plan for much besides motherhood. Another post was on Segullah, discussing the importance of education for woman as a component of provident living. A third source was this article from the New York Times that discusses vocational education and manual labor, as well as the role that our chosen careers can play in determining our character and the quality of our lives.

First of all, I think that education for women is just as vital as it is for men. Over and over I have seen the benefits for women I know of having options that come from degrees and experience. At the same time, I don't think that everyone, man or woman, needs a four-year degree to be happy and productive. I think we need to consider carefully our futures and figure out what our ultimate goals in life are. I've also struggled with balancing getting the education and skills I need for a good career, "just in case" while trying to maintain my family in the present moment. I don't want to spend so much time prepare for future uncertainty that I neglect the present moment. And I've realized that I don't want a career in academia and I'm tired of getting education just for education's sake. As in all things, we need to proceed with wisdom and order, setting flexible goals for our long-term progress. I can see myself working outside the home in ten or fifteen years, but for right now I just want to stay at home as much as possible. But I'm open to change (and maybe some part-time teaching).

The other issue I've been thinking about a lot is the fact that the young women seem to be feeling aimless and undefined. On the one hand, I think that's a fairly normal state for youth to be in. When I think back fifteen or so years to that time in my life, I had a hard time seeing my future and feeling like I knew what I wanted. I've never been a particularly ambitious person and I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. As I've thought about myself as a teenager I've realized that I spent my years of my life with a sort of inferiority complex. I often excepted myself in my mind by assuming that others were more capable of doing things that I was; one of my most common thoughts was "I'm not the kind of person who..." It's not that I didn't want to grow up and get married, I just assumed that was an impossibility. I'd never had a guy show much interest in me or even ask me out. I didn't have much to offer besides geeky glasses and a love for trivia. The other day, though, I realized that I've finally moved beyond this stage in my life. I feel so normal it's refreshing. I'm so glad that I don't have this sense of awkwardness and exceptionalism anymore, or maybe it's just that I've realized that most people feel uncomfortable at times too. I've also learned that I'm capable of doing things, of learning new things, and of trying stuff that's new and sometimes uncomfortable for me. I've also learned that I can know what I like and that if I don't like things that others do, that's OK. I do sometimes feel geeky and awkward around other women because I don't like to shop or craft and I read several books a week. But I've found friends that share my interests and I've grown more comfortable in my own skin.

So I guess that's what I'd say if I were working with the youth. I think all women should figure out their own interests and be comfortable with themselves. Even if they are just going to grow up and make the 'default' choice. Just because you are a mother doesn't mean you're not a person with a life and interests beyond that. They don't have to be the kinds of things you earn money from or that are flashy. But they should help you become comfortable in who you are. And, bringing this back to the issue of education, that's why I think it's valuable. Even more than an 'investment' in a future or a backup plan, I think attending college or learning some sort of manual skill is a way to open our minds and see ourselves in a new way. To put ourselves into new territory and figure out what we're really capable of.

This week I finally realized that what has been bothering me is the fact that for me the PhD program was the 'default' choice. For many people it's not; it's something they've been struggling for and working towards their entire lives. I'm good at school, it's what I do. Acing the GRE and getting great letters of recommendation was not a problem. But I've also realized that graduate school is only a means to an end; I'm a great student and a terrible teacher. I dislike teaching and writing, and if nothing else this year has helped me clarify myself a little better and to see that there are other choices for me out there. I don't know what they are just yet, but I'm feeling excited to leave this behind and for us to move on to a different point in our lives.