There is always something to feel bad about

I read an interesting book a while ago that stated that the reason why we treat people badly is usually because we are feeling guilty and anxious about things we know we aren't doing right but don't really want to admit it to ourselves, and so we project our negativity onto other people and then blame them for our unhappiness and problems. That idea really resonated with me, because sometimes Ifeel like I'm just a giant walking ball of anxiety and guilt. Then, my anxiety and guilt over things that I'm not doing right makes me avoid resolving issues and so I feel worse, and then some days I just want to go curl up in a ball and hide in my closet for a day or two until it all goes away. But, the world is too much with me and I am too much with the world to do that, and every now and then I have a breakthrough:

Reasons why I no longer feel guilty tonight:

I took care of most of the phone calls I was procrastinating for my calling and found a sub to take two of the classes for this Sunday.

I have done all of my reading for tomorrow and even looked up the words I didn't know in the poems rather than just guessing.

I went to Target today and only bought the things I went in there for.

I did not get annoyed with my mom the entire time she was here and actually look forward to seeing her again soon.

Reasons why I still feel guilty:

I should be in bed right now so I can get up early and exercise, since all of my pants are getting too tight.

I put off my visiting teaching until the end of the month and ended up not being able to go see one of the women on my list.

Today I ate a BLT, fries, and a milkshake for lunch; then I had a chili dog for dinner and I just had 4 chocolate peanut butter cookies. No wonder my pants don't fit anymore.

I am really not enjoying my Cuban poetry class very much, but I feel like the only one in there who is not really, really into it.

Well, I should just post this and go to bed so I won't have to feel bad about going to sleep late, since that will make me tired tomorrow and I will feel bad about being tired in class, and then I will feel even worse about falling asleep while doing my homework and then I will feel bad about trying to do reading when S-Boogie wants me to play with her, etc. etc. etc.

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