Today we're happy

Well, I watched myself on camera and I did not die. I sound a lot like my sister, I think. I also didn't look at the camera much, but it was hard to tell where to look when they were filming. I was also relieved that our apartment didn't look too much like a dank little starving student hole (it's really not that bad, but it's kind of small and brown). Overall, I thought both segments were well done and that it was good coverage of this issue. I'm sure the Evergreen bit will be a little controversial--their position is hotly debated among gay Mormons. I like that she ended with words from Dr. Beckstead about how the important thing is to have realistic expectations going into a relationship and to explore all options.

One area of emphasis that I didn't like particularly was the fact that people keep focusing on the fact that we "struggle sometimes with intimacy". Um, which married couples out there don't? Sexual intimacy is a hard thing for partners to agree on and I really don't think that we are that different from other couples. The line about how I like kissing more than he does comes from Mr. Fob's essay, and he had a straight friend who read that point out that he and his wife are often on different pages when it comes to that too. We do have sex, sometimes not as often as one or the other of us would like, but we talk frequently about that aspect of our relationship and try to respect each other's feeling as much as we can. I just don't usually feel comfortable discussing that aspect of our relationship in detail because I feel like it's sacred and private.

The other emphasis that makes me a little uncomfortable is that people keep focusing on how we "make our marriage work". Again, who doesn't? Relationships don't just magically happen, they take work. Perhaps some of our issues and challenges aren't the same as those of other people, but I don't think we're forcing things any more than other people.

Overall, I do want to say that I feel good about the whole experience. I kind of wish I'd given her the contact info for the Straight Spouse Network so they could put that on the website, but hopefully the resources given will help people out. I don't know if we'll be on camera again any time in the future, but I think this was a positive experience for us. I hope it was for everyone who watched it.

Comments

amyjane said…
As usual, I'm impressed with you for putting yourself out there in the public eye. As for me, I watched the whole clip oohing and aahing over your cute kids and your cute haircut. You all look great and your apartment looks cute too.
amyjane said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Th. said…
.

You came off well, Foxy, and you're right on all your points. And most people aren't media-savvy enough to figure out such obvious things for themselves. Which is something else wrong with tv news.
Th. said…
.

I'm sorry.

That made little sense.

Anyone who couldn't be bothered to read it twice in order to figure out what the heck I was saying is forgiven.
Samantha said…
Do you think you could post info for the Straight Spouse network here or leave it on my blog? Darrin thinks he might be interested in learning more, even though it's probably geared toward women.

Th.: I got what you said the first time...which I find sort of scary.
Silly Marie said…
I agree with you and Th. And Th. I understood the first time too. Don't you worry.

I didn't get to see the clip, but everything you said is very true. My husband and I have very different ideas of touching and intimacy. I'm a very touchy-feely kind of person. I like hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. etc. He doesn't so much. One hug (if that) and two kisses a day (off to work and before bed) is about enough to put him over the edge of his comfort level. And I can't even THINK of holding hands. Not allowed.

So, yes. At least it is my experience in a "straight" marriage that you still have to make it work. You have to mesh two people's wants, needs and ideas of how things should be done. That's hard regardless of orientation.
Kengo Biddles said…
Foxy, I'm happy with the rebuttal you gave here...it's exactly what Miki and I said to each other on our way to sleep.

I hope you and the FOBmeister feel good about how you were represented, and thanks for putting yourself out there. It helped to bring up some conversation points with Miki that I've been struggling to come up with.
Edgy said…
Like everyone else, I'm going to throw you a hearty Amen.

Dec and I have disagreements about intimacy. I always assumed that's part of being a couple. I don't know why people assume that if you have the same orientation you aren't going to have discussions (assuming you communicate) about intimacy. That's part of making a relationship work.

And I'm glad you and Fobby work to make your relationship work. Because I like you guys.

Oh, and I thought you looked very good on the news. It's very obvious why S-Boogie and Little Dude are so cute.
noelle feather said…
I just watched the video clip and will ditto all the comments here. I know I don't know you and your husband, but even so, I'm very impressed and touched and even enlightened by your story. Thank you.
TK said…
I think Master FOB is lucky to have such a supportive wife!

And I appreciate the effort both of you are making to put your situation a little more 'out in the open' in an effort to educate people (at least that's what I'm seeing). I'm sure there are many that have felt like they were the 'only ones' b/c people don't usually talk about these relationships. And for others, unfamiliar with situations like yours, it's good for them to understand that basically, you and MFOB are just like everyone else - 'struggling to make things work'.

And I totally agree with you - EVERYONE has to struggle in some area or another, to create a good, lasting relationship. You might say, it's not the things that you have to struggle with, but the things that you have in common PLUS the degree to which you're both are committed to work on the things that you don't have in common. And when I say 'you', I mean 'people' in general.
skyeJ said…
I liked it. I realized as I was watching it that I've never heard S-Boogie speak such big sentences. I was hoping for a little blurb from LD, but then I realized the camera people really weren't concerned with the voices of my niece and nephew that I haven't heard EVER or at least in the last eight months. Wow. They are getting SO BIG. I liked the whole piece. I liked your rebuttal, as well. Well put, all of it. I'm glad there are such well-spoken folk out there when it comes to news interviews.
TK said…
'Work as two people against a problem, not as one against another.' - I read this somewhere and copied it. I was impressed b/c I hadn't ever thought about it like that before.

So I was REALLY impressed when you basically said the same thing in your news interview! - Did you just answer off the top of you head, or did they let you know ahead of time what they might be asking, so you could think about it first?

And Th. - I still don't get it, and I've read it more than twice. Someone please explain.

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