Today we're happy
Well, I watched myself on camera and I did not die. I sound a lot like my sister, I think. I also didn't look at the camera much, but it was hard to tell where to look when they were filming. I was also relieved that our apartment didn't look too much like a dank little starving student hole (it's really not that bad, but it's kind of small and brown). Overall, I thought both segments were well done and that it was good coverage of this issue. I'm sure the Evergreen bit will be a little controversial--their position is hotly debated among gay Mormons. I like that she ended with words from Dr. Beckstead about how the important thing is to have realistic expectations going into a relationship and to explore all options.
One area of emphasis that I didn't like particularly was the fact that people keep focusing on the fact that we "struggle sometimes with intimacy". Um, which married couples out there don't? Sexual intimacy is a hard thing for partners to agree on and I really don't think that we are that different from other couples. The line about how I like kissing more than he does comes from Mr. Fob's essay, and he had a straight friend who read that point out that he and his wife are often on different pages when it comes to that too. We do have sex, sometimes not as often as one or the other of us would like, but we talk frequently about that aspect of our relationship and try to respect each other's feeling as much as we can. I just don't usually feel comfortable discussing that aspect of our relationship in detail because I feel like it's sacred and private.
The other emphasis that makes me a little uncomfortable is that people keep focusing on how we "make our marriage work". Again, who doesn't? Relationships don't just magically happen, they take work. Perhaps some of our issues and challenges aren't the same as those of other people, but I don't think we're forcing things any more than other people.
Overall, I do want to say that I feel good about the whole experience. I kind of wish I'd given her the contact info for the Straight Spouse Network so they could put that on the website, but hopefully the resources given will help people out. I don't know if we'll be on camera again any time in the future, but I think this was a positive experience for us. I hope it was for everyone who watched it.
One area of emphasis that I didn't like particularly was the fact that people keep focusing on the fact that we "struggle sometimes with intimacy". Um, which married couples out there don't? Sexual intimacy is a hard thing for partners to agree on and I really don't think that we are that different from other couples. The line about how I like kissing more than he does comes from Mr. Fob's essay, and he had a straight friend who read that point out that he and his wife are often on different pages when it comes to that too. We do have sex, sometimes not as often as one or the other of us would like, but we talk frequently about that aspect of our relationship and try to respect each other's feeling as much as we can. I just don't usually feel comfortable discussing that aspect of our relationship in detail because I feel like it's sacred and private.
The other emphasis that makes me a little uncomfortable is that people keep focusing on how we "make our marriage work". Again, who doesn't? Relationships don't just magically happen, they take work. Perhaps some of our issues and challenges aren't the same as those of other people, but I don't think we're forcing things any more than other people.
Overall, I do want to say that I feel good about the whole experience. I kind of wish I'd given her the contact info for the Straight Spouse Network so they could put that on the website, but hopefully the resources given will help people out. I don't know if we'll be on camera again any time in the future, but I think this was a positive experience for us. I hope it was for everyone who watched it.
Comments
You came off well, Foxy, and you're right on all your points. And most people aren't media-savvy enough to figure out such obvious things for themselves. Which is something else wrong with tv news.
I'm sorry.
That made little sense.
Anyone who couldn't be bothered to read it twice in order to figure out what the heck I was saying is forgiven.
Th.: I got what you said the first time...which I find sort of scary.
I didn't get to see the clip, but everything you said is very true. My husband and I have very different ideas of touching and intimacy. I'm a very touchy-feely kind of person. I like hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. etc. He doesn't so much. One hug (if that) and two kisses a day (off to work and before bed) is about enough to put him over the edge of his comfort level. And I can't even THINK of holding hands. Not allowed.
So, yes. At least it is my experience in a "straight" marriage that you still have to make it work. You have to mesh two people's wants, needs and ideas of how things should be done. That's hard regardless of orientation.
I hope you and the FOBmeister feel good about how you were represented, and thanks for putting yourself out there. It helped to bring up some conversation points with Miki that I've been struggling to come up with.
Dec and I have disagreements about intimacy. I always assumed that's part of being a couple. I don't know why people assume that if you have the same orientation you aren't going to have discussions (assuming you communicate) about intimacy. That's part of making a relationship work.
And I'm glad you and Fobby work to make your relationship work. Because I like you guys.
Oh, and I thought you looked very good on the news. It's very obvious why S-Boogie and Little Dude are so cute.
And I appreciate the effort both of you are making to put your situation a little more 'out in the open' in an effort to educate people (at least that's what I'm seeing). I'm sure there are many that have felt like they were the 'only ones' b/c people don't usually talk about these relationships. And for others, unfamiliar with situations like yours, it's good for them to understand that basically, you and MFOB are just like everyone else - 'struggling to make things work'.
And I totally agree with you - EVERYONE has to struggle in some area or another, to create a good, lasting relationship. You might say, it's not the things that you have to struggle with, but the things that you have in common PLUS the degree to which you're both are committed to work on the things that you don't have in common. And when I say 'you', I mean 'people' in general.
So I was REALLY impressed when you basically said the same thing in your news interview! - Did you just answer off the top of you head, or did they let you know ahead of time what they might be asking, so you could think about it first?
And Th. - I still don't get it, and I've read it more than twice. Someone please explain.