I Can (?) Do Hard Things

This last week was hard, but I made it. Master Fob moved out last Monday. Friday afternoon was the first time I took the kids over to his place. One of the hardest parts of the whole thing was actually getting in our car. We don't have much privacy here and the only way to get everyone and their stuff out to the car was to walk right by the playground where a bunch of women from my ward were sitting around with their kids. And of course they all wanted to know where we were going, since we had suitcases and stuff. I think we just mumbled something and kept going. And then I had to leave the kids at their dad's house and drive away all by myself. I'm really glad that I invited some friends over that night, because it gave me something to do. I love to cook for people, and they repaid my hospitality by listening to me talk for nearly four hours. Saturday I did a bunch of things that are hard to do with kids, like going to the library's annual book sale and deep cleaning the house. But I still got lonely. But I survived. The kids survived. I picked them up this morning and we went to church. I'm learning that action is better than inaction. Last week the primary asked if I could play the piano for them while their regular pianist is on "maternity leave" for a few weeks. I said yes because I love to play and because it seemed like a refuge from the well-meaning questions of other people that I'm not ready to answer yet. Then I started to worry because I had Little Dude with me. But he just sat on the floor behind the piano and played the whole time, and I was glad to be able to serve others, and it was helpful to me to be needed. Everything feels so wrong lately, but I was glad for a chance to do something right for a change.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I remember the first time I walked away from leaving my kids with my husband's girlfriend! I can't remember if I was crying - or just felt like it! It's not easy.

But you planned well, to have friends over to talk to. And it is kind of nice to have some time to do those things that are difficult to do with kids!
4/23/2007 12:07 AM
TK said…
'I was glad for a chance to do something right for a change.'

I'm glad that you had the chance to do something that made you feel good. But I also hope you're not really believing that you *haven't* done things right!

I used to think that if things weren't 'right' then *I* must be doing something wrong. But I learned that since I'm not the only one with free agency, things will never go as simply as I've envisioned. I'm still trying to remember that 'God is in charge' and that I can only choose what *I* will do and trust that eventually things will work out for the best. But it's hard to see things in that perspective while you're living in the middle of them, I know.
4/23/2007 12:40 AM
Lindsay said…
You are a very strong person, FoxyJ. I admire that.
4/23/2007 7:32 AM
Desmama said…
Yes, ditto on what Lindsay said. You are a strong person. "I can do hard things" is almost the exact phrase I've had to use several times in my life when I was struggling with something. It's simple, but it's also amazing how much it helps to tell yourself that.
4/23/2007 9:26 AM
Jenny said…
I think I am seriously going to write down 'I can do hard things'. Because otherwise I wouldn't remember it, much less actually do the hard things. Also, thanks for the recipes in the last post, I'm excited to try some of them out.
4/23/2007 10:05 AM
Tolkien Boy said…
It's amazing to me that I've known you for so long and never knew you play the piano.

As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
4/23/2007 10:13 AM
Anonymous said…
Every wife who's husband is struggling with SSA has envisioned this scene. I am only sorry that for you it has happened. You are SO strong. An inspiration to all of us. Never lose that faith, or selfless devotion to others.You are in our thought and prayers.
4/23/2007 10:59 AM
AmyJane said…
We used "We Can Do Hard Things!" as a motto with our school kids one year. They'd scream it at teh top of thier lungs, and it totally worked. Of course, we were talking about algebraic equations and new literature which don't even stack up against your "hard things." Good luck in the days and weeks (and months and years...yikes) to come. You are pretty amazing.
4/23/2007 11:50 AM
Janci said…
You don't know me, so this feels a little bit like an intrusion to me, but what you said reminded me of something I posted in my livejournal a while ago.

http://raisinfish.livejournal.com/67636.html

Life is hard. I'm so sorry that you're going through a particularly hard spot right now, but I'm also glad that I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes.
4/23/2007 10:33 PM
Nemesis said…
I'm glad there are people who will let you talk to them for 4 hours. If you lived near me I would do the cooking and let you talk. It sounds like you are doing the absolute best that you can, and we all admire you to pieces.
4/24/2007 4:51 PM
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