The Cicada Challenge

Since the blog world is buzzing with morning routine competitiveness, I thought I'd share mine with everyone to see if you all could top it. I have some better post ideas in my head (including birthday thank yous to all those fabulous people who have commented, sent cards, called, given me stuff, etc.) but I'll get to them tomorrow. Here's what my morning routine looks like lately:

6:00 Stirred to consciousness by a small person in pink pajamas asking if the sun is awake yet. Groan that it is not and scare her back to bed. Realize that the other person in blue pajamas is awake and quacking.
6:10 Retrieve smaller child from crib.
6:12 Make bottle with one hand while balancing child on hip with the other.
6:13 Power up lap top and start checking email, reading blogs, checking the weather, and other important parts of morning computer routine with one hand while feeding baby with the other.
6:35 Realize that baby has finished bottle. Substitute pacifier for bottle and pray for sleep. Continue surfing internet.
6:45 Note foul odor coming from baby and realize that poopy pants make going back to sleep difficult.
6:46 Wrestle two layers of pajamas (our apartment is old and drafty) off baby and change dirty diaper.
6:50 Go to bedroom to drop diaper off in garbage and realize pink pajamas is still awake. She catches my eye and interprets this as permission to get out of bed.
6:55 Get baby in high chair with cheerios.
6:57 Negotiate with pink pajamas about what type of cereal she will eat, which color of bowl, cup, and spoon with which to eat it, what kind of juice will go in cup, and whether or not milk will go on the cereal.
7:02 Argue with pink pajamas about which chair she will sit in at the table.
7:03 Start to pour a bowl of cereal for myself.
7:04 Realize that baby is quacking indignantly and give him more cheerios.
7:05 Finish pouring bowl of cereal. Get milk out of refrigerator.
7:06 Retrieve baby's cup of juice from floor. Repeat three times before taking it away.
7:07 Pour milk on cereal. Open drawer to get out a spoon.
7:08 Grab washcloth to comfort pink pajamas who is distraught about milk dripped on her favorite jammies.
7:09 Get spoon and take bowl of cereal to the table.
7:10 Eat cereal. Have random elliptical conversations about giants and dinosaurs and whether we live "up or down"
7:15 Put bowl in sink; help pink pajamas put her bowl in sink.
7:16 Get out fruit and yogurt for baby.
7:17 Go to bedroom to inspect pull-up to determine that yes, it is wet.
7:18 Return to kitchen to get out a bowl.
7:19 Go to bedroom to remind child to go potty before putting on clean panties
7:20 Kitchen--spoon
7:21 Bathroom-remind to wipe, flush, then turn on faucet and dispense soap
7:22 Assist child in choosing clothes that somewhat match (no stripey shirt with polka dot pants, please)
7:25 Remember baby abandoned in high chair, now wailing because he's out of cheerios.
7:26 Mix up yogurt and fruit. Grab two spoons and head for table.
7:27 Leave yogurt on table while returning to bedroom to help untangle pants and zip them up.
7:29 Start feeding baby yogurt
7:35 Finish feeding baby yogurt and begin clean-up process
7:40 Get baby out of high chair and get out toys.
7:41 Start cleaning kitchen and washing dishes
7:43 Turn off faucet to intervene in fight
7:44 Wash dishes
7:49 Fight
7:52 Dishes
7:56 Kids
8:00 Dishes
8:05 Continue to alternate between kids and kitchen until dishes are done and obsessive desire for neatness is satisfied (they usually play fairly well, I just have to keep the three year old from sitting on the baby or pulling his legs off)
8:30 Finish cleaning kitchen in time for three-year-old to decide she needs a snack. Negotiate snack time until later.
8:35 Get clothes for baby and change him out of his pajamas.
8:40 Start load of laundry because somebody's jammies are soaked with pee or poop or spitup (not mine, usually)
8:45 Grab pacifier and rock baby to sleep
8:50 Find something quiet for three-year-old to do while showering.
8:52 Try to find clean underwear and realize that it's in the dryer. Pick one of three usual outfits to wear.
8:54 Start shower and get naked. Hear three-year-old yelling for help in living room and start panicked hissing to get her to be quiet so baby doesn't wake up while mommy is showering.
8:55 Get in the shower
8:57 Inspect artwork through shower curtain
8:58 Quietly summon child back to shut bathroom door so I don't freeze to death in shower.
9:08 Finish shower in peace. Wonder why child hasn't bothered you for 10 minutes.
9:09 Child enters with marker all over her face. Grab washcloth and start scrubbing.
9:10 Apply deodorant and put on underwear. Respond to toddler queries about grown-up anatomy
9:11 Apply facial moisturizer. Remind child not to put lotion all over her own face in emulation of mommy, because it usually ends up in eyes and causes distress.
9:12 Put on clothes
9:13 Clean ears with Q-Tip. Respond to requests to do this by the adoring child with a vague "maybe tonight after your bath"
9:15 Exit bathroom
9:16 Put underwear in dirty clothes, remember laundry in washer.
9:17 Put laundry in dryer on the bed; transfer clothes from the washer.
9:18 Notice marker on kitchen table. Grab washcloth to wipe it off.
9:19 Go to bedroom to "quickly check email"
9:40 Realize that baby is now awake from short nap and decide to forgo drying hair for the day.
3:00 Remember that I didn't ever brush my teeth, but that it's too late in the day to bother.
5:00 Notice that pajamas never got put away.
9:30 Fold clean laundry so I can get in bed

I think I might have missed some steps in there, but that's more or less how it goes.