Uncertainty

What I hate most about my life right now is the uncertainty. Everything is waiting for me to get a job; then I will be able to to find a place to live and create a budget and all that. So far, however, I have gotten no response other than one postcard thanking me for applying and one job that couldn't interview me because I'll be in Utah. For some reason I thought the difficulty was going to be in deciding between offers. Instead, I can't even get an interview, let alone an offer. I've been trying to be picky, and I'm still waiting to hear from a few jobs that recently closed, but I'm also starting to feel a little panicky. I hate the waiting game so much.

Right now I also feel really bad because I just got a call from the lady at UW's preschool program. S-Boogie was the last one on the waiting list picked for their program in the fall. But I turned her down because I don't know where we will be in the fall. Even if we are in the city, S-Boogie will need full-time care, and this is just a part-time preschool. I think the reason why it hurts the most is because it really means that my life is changing. My vision for next year included staying home with my kids and having S-Boogie go to a free, high-quality preschool for a few days a week. And that is not the life I have any more. Letting go of the dream is the hardest part.

Comments

Desmama said…
I wish I knew what to say--even a feeble attempt--to comfort you. Maybe the only thing is to tell you that, in truth, my heart aches and my eyes well with tears.
Th. said…
.

We all love you.
AmyJane said…
I don't think it's a dream that anyone of us could let go of easily. The truth for me is that I cry for you and then I want to go kick some teeth in for you. Is that bad? I think I may have more of a temper than I previously thought.
I hope and pray that something works out soon. Do you have a backup plan if this takes too long? Do you have family/people who could help if necessary? I know that would be a hard choice but, if it comes to it...well, you know. Anyway, I worry about you and your kids a lot. Keep us posted on developments.
Kengo Biddles said…
It's horrible, it's scary, but you're taking the step into the dark. The path will light up in front of you, at least a step or two.
Cricket said…
I know the feeling. It does SUCK ((hugs))
Anonymous said…
It's called GRIEF...and you are being smacked with it. I feel for you. I know my situation is different...but I can relate to the feeling of life (as you know it) being pulled out from underneath you!

You are so right, things will look up as soon as you gain a little more control, i.e. get a job and then things will start falling into place. I once heard that it is a month for each 10 grand of salary you expect. So if you are looking for a job that pays about 50K, plan on 5 months. So be patient and know that lots of people are praying for you! =)
Angie said…
There is a reason that you are still home with the kids right now. Just enjoy it while you can because once you go to work you will most likely never see days like this again.

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