Who Are You?

Mr. Fob and I attended the Sunstone Symposium today; we really did not have the time or resources to attend the entire event over the last few days, but perhaps at some future time we will. Today was a nice experience for both of us. The sessions we attended--together and separately--were enriching and it was nice to spend a day away from the children focusing on adult contact. I had been a little nervous about asking my sister-in-law to watch them for a full day but they enjoyed themselves and were also happy to see us when we picked them up.

I will admit that one of my motivations in attending events like Sunstone is meeting people. After typing that sentence I realized that I made it sound like a bad thing. It's not a bad thing to be sociable and to be part of community. I do feel a little silly when meeting people that I perceive as being somehow 'cooler' than me and acting like a giggly fangirl. It's silly because I realized today that we are all working together to build a community, even if some of us are more visible and known than others.

I was also talking to someone today about one of the problems inherent in blogging. I love blogging and I like being a 'blogger'. I think I will keep doing it for a long time, even though there might be some more fallow periods along the way (I feel like I've been going through one lately). She and I were talking about blogging and the false intimacy it can sometimes foster with people. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable to meet people who know many of your darker secrets, things you might not have shared in other forums. There can be a tendency to categorize people by the things we know about them, especially those things that set them apart from others. Many people there, both those who read us online and those who don't, know Mr. Fob and I from our writings and interviews about our marriage. It can sometimes be a little weird for people to know me as 'that woman who married a gay man'. I have a lot of other facets to myself and we have a lot of other dimensions to our marriage. On the other hand, I still am convinced that our visibility has been mostly positive. We have been able to form several close friendships with other couples in similar situations, and I often have people reach out to me about a variety of difficult topics. It also places the issue on the table and invites others to discuss it with us. Sometimes I've had people apologize, especially when they express opinions about things like gay men marrying women (don't worry, I don't usually recommend it either). I know that by being open I run some risks. Openness can leave you vulnerable, but it can also give you more opportunities to connect to others. I hope that as I keep writing and participating in communities, both virtually and in 'real life' I can keep discovering more depth to myself and to others.