Reading Roundup: December 2009

The first few books here are ones that I forgot to write down in November for some reason.

A Death in Brazil by Peter Robb

This book caught my eye on the library shelf so I picked it up without knowing anything about it. It turned out to be a strange combination of memoir and history book; the style is rambling and sometime it's hard to tell what happened when, and to whom. It took me a while to get through it, and in the end I mostly enjoyed it although it wasn't necessarily my favorite book.

The Midwife's Tale by Gretchen Moran Laskas

This was a quick and interesting read, but in the end I did not feel fully satisfied. Though it is well-written and I was drawn into the story and the characters, it ultimately felt just like many other books I've read that are set in Appalachia. I liked it but did not like the derivative feeling.

Fire Lover by Joseph Wambaugh

I don't read very many 'true crime' books, but this one caught my eye because it was about arson (rather than murder) and because Wambaugh is known for being one of the better writers in the genre. I thought it was pretty fascinating, but the second half of the book went really slowly since it was basically just a rehash of the trial and all the legal wrangling that went into it.

Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey

This is another 'classic' that I finally got around to reading (as opposed to just reading about it). It really is a good book; well-written and evocative of the time and place in which it was written. And though Abbey begins it with the caveat that he doesn't want any more casual tourists descending on the desert, it still made me curious about getting to know that area that I've never really spent any time in.

The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon

This is the first thing by Chabon that I've read; about halfway through I realized that the main problem I had with it is the fact that I just don't like noir detective books. I like them as movies, but I'm not a fan of 'hardboiled' stories. That said, I still liked the book enough to finish it. Chabon is a gifted writer and I think deserving of the praise he gets, especially in his ability to create an alternate universe and compelling characters. The style and subject of this novel just weren't my cup of tea.

Abinadi by Heather Moore

This was a book that I did not think was my style and turned out to be much better than I thought. I heard about through the Whitney Awards last year and I've read a few posts discussing it around the blog world, so I thought I'd check it out. I've never had much desire to read novelizations of scripture stories, especially not ones with footnotes about historical research, but this book changed my mind. I was especially intrigued by the characterization of Alma and how the author portrayed both his time in King Noah's court and his repentance. Our modern conception of prophets and their lives is quite different from many of those in ancient scripture. I thought she did a good job fleshing out all the characters and really bringing the story to life. The ending left me hoping for a sequel about Alma.

Columbine by Dave Cullen

This book is getting a lot of buzz as an 'important' book and one of the best of this year. After reading it, I would agree with the reviewers. Cullen has spent the last ten years investigating the shootings, particularly the psychological aspects of the two killers. He is also a good writer and the book reflects his ability to both think and write clearly. It is also extremely difficult to read; I kept finding myself sucked into reading it and yet horrified by what I was reading (not just the graphic language). The hardest thing about the book is that it ends up leaving you with more questions than answers; the real truth is that there is no easy way to explain the shootings.

Waiting for the Light to Change by Annette Haws

This was another Whitney winner from last year that I thought looked good. I really liked it; I think it's a good example of where Mormon fiction can go: characters that struggle with real dilemmas and don't always find easy answers but still keep their faith. The main character is actually not even that likeable or sympathetic, but that just makes her growth through the book even more believable. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a good, uplifting read that still feels like it deals with real people and real issues.

The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

I put off reading these for some time, mostly because I tend to be hesitant about jumping onto the latest book bandwagon. But after Mr. Fob read them and recommended them I decided to give them a try. Also, the plot description and the fact that they are speculative fiction didn't do a lot to interest me. However I do feel like they deserve the hype they are getting. While the plot is fast-paced and very readable, it feels real and had many twists that I didn't see coming. The characters are all likeable and I found myself rooting for them along the way. The only thing I didn't like was the level of violence; I've read other violent things before and this one was probably right at my threshold for what I've what I'm willing to tolerate.

Christmas Wrap-Up

Mr. Fob and I both agree: this year was a good Christmas. It was nice to not go anywhere and to just enjoy some time with family and friends. We've also been overwhelmed with generous gifts and I'm excited because the kids really like everything they got from everyone. Yesterday we spent the day making and decorating gingerbread cookies, and then we drove around delivering them to friends and caroling. We had meant to get out earlier in the day, but we were lazy and didn't finish up until evening. Thankfully we still caught a few people at home and were able to sing to them.

This morning the kids slept until about 7:30 and then got us up to unwrap presents. They got quite a lot of nice things this year. We got S-Boogie a Barbie house and Little Dude a firetruck and some racing cars. They also got some books from us and from Grandma and Grandpa (my parents). Their books from my mom included matching stuffed animals, plus she got them some fun puzzle games from the 'teacher store'. We used some money from our other Grandpa to get them each their own easel from Ikea; I feel somewhat indulgent getting them each their own rather making them share, but it really will cut down on fights and they're are very happy with them. This year I bought Mr. Fob a sweater; I have hardly ever bought him clothes besides socks and pajama pants so I was nervous, but he looks great in it and received quite a few compliments from everyone today. He got me a food processor, which is something I've been wanting for quite some time. Now I can finally make some decent hummus and pesto, and it will be perfect for making baby food next summer. Now I can leave the blender for making smoothies.

This afternoon we got together with Mr. Fob's family and had a very tasty Christmas dinner. Then there were even more presents; everyone has been very generous this year. We got some more games to play with the kids as well as the DVD of Up. It was a fun day and the only thing missing was being able to spend some time with my family. Hopefully they'll be here next week for New Year's Eve. I hope everyone else had a merry Christmas this year.

The Letter B

We only did three countries that start with B; we did Barbados because we have a family connection there, so I suppose if we do this another time we could try Belgium, Bhutan, Bangladesh, Botswana, or any of the other "B" countries we left out.

Barbados: We just read a few books that we could find at the library, colored the flag, and ate some fish with macaroni pie. They eat a lot of fish there; I 'cheated' and baked some pre-breaded fish fillets from Costco. I did make a fresh mango salsa for the grownups that was tasty, and I used a very yummy family recipe for the macaroni pie (it's kind of like baked macaroni and cheese).

Bolivia: We also just read a few books and colored the flag. I tried a recipe for 'picante de pollo', which is basically a stewed chicken dish, but I must have bought the wrong peppers because it wasn't very spicy at all. We served it with some boiled potatoes and quinoa.

Brazil: The library had a lot of interesting books about Brazil, so we read one about the country in general, one about festivals and holidays, and one about the Amazon. We also colored the flag and a book about rain forest animals that I downloaded from this website. The kids liked learning about all the different animals, and we had coincidentally checked out a Diego video about butterflies from the library so Little Dude can now tell us all about the Blue Morpho butterfly from the Amazon. The kids also loved dinner that night; I made some black beans in the crockpot and served them with rice, plus I made this limeade. They loved both the beans and the limeade, and then a few days later I made some passionfuit mousse for a treat as well (the recipe I linked to uses pulp, but I used some juice concentrate--you can find either at Mexican markets). Mr. Fob and I didn't have time to watch any Brazilian movies; there are several good ones out there. I've heard lots of good things about City of God but haven't watched it yet because I'm squeamish about violence; one favorite of mine is called Central Station.

Follow Up

I had my first meeting with my new therapist today and it went really well. I think that this time it might actually work, and I hope so because I'm sick of not feeling like myself. Obviously part of the problem is the pregnancy, but I haven't been coping well with things for a few years. It felt really good to have someone say "your life is stressful and has been for several years and I'm impressed that you're coping as well as you are." I was really worried about going in and worried that the diagnostic sheet would show that there was nothing wrong with me. I'll admit that I'm pretty good at deflecting help and pretending that things are fine (just call me 'stiff upper lip'). Thankfully my brain really is under stress and there are reasons why I'm acting so crazy; that means that we can do something to fix them. He said he'd rather hold off on medication for a while, and preferably until after I have the baby because we'd end up adjusting things with my fluctuating hormones anyways. I have seven weeks to work on some of my other coping skills before the baby gets here, and one of those is taking plenty of time to rest and relax.

So, it was a good visit and I feel like things are going to work out. I was also happy that he agrees with me that my marriage is not the problem in my life right now and that the fact that my husband is an atheist and gay does not mean we should get divorced. That's a big improvement over the last two times I tried counseling. Another thing we discussed was the fact that, for a variety of reasons, I really need some stability and permanence in my life. The last few years have not been good for that and the current real estate limbo isn't helping. Part of me wants to just give up, but I know in the long run buying the house will be good for us. I'd love to be the kind of person who can cheerfully move every year or so and try new things, but I'm not. It makes me crazy. We talked to our realtor yesterday and found out that the seller's bank has stuck our house in their short sale department. Which is annoying because even though the current value is technically below the loan value, it's not like we're getting a great deal or anything. We're just getting some stress and anxiety. So we could be closing next week or we could be closing in a month. We'll just keep hoping. In the meantime I'm going to go ahead and take care of some things I've been putting off and try to relax and enjoy Christmas.

Little Dude has also been doing moderately better with going potty. We instituted an M&M system where he gets one for trying and two for actually producing something. It has generally lowered the intensity and he's hardly had any accidents. The hardest times of day right now are morning and night, because he's been used to wearing Pull-Ups to bed and so just peeing in them during the evening or morning. We're trying to phase out the Pull-Ups for cost reasons and because I think it will be easier for him to just wear underwear all the time. The change in routine has been a bit difficult and he has been resisting a lot. I think that with time that will fade and we're on a good track. Part of the reason why I've been anxious to move is just to get it over with for Little Dude's sake since he doesn't handle change well. Me having a baby is not going to be very fun for him. Plus we have to switch wards and he's starting Sunbeams in January so that transition won't be fun either. I just keep reminding myself that we'll get through all this somehow and by next summer things should be a lot better around here!

Trying to Stay on the Bright Side

I haven't posted since Wednesday night, and that was a downer of a post. The reason why I haven't been posting is because I don't want to keep writing things like that. And I know part of the problem is simply the fact that I'm 32 weeks pregnant, tired, and hormonal. Today I finally sat down and emailed a therapist that a friend recommended; I don't want this blog to degenerate into what it was a few years ago. Even more importantly, I don't want to get that crazy again without recognizing it and getting help. This time around I think Mr. Fob is a lot less patient with my alternating bouts of anger and crying meltdowns. The truth is, I'm not so patient with them either.

This has been a rough week for all of us. Last weekend the kids both came down with pinkeye, though I'm pretty sure it was not the viral kind and just a bad coincidence. Little Dude spent most of the week battling a bad sinus infection, including complications like the pinkeye and bloody noses. S-Boogie's eyes got some sort of irritation in them, and then her skin issues flared up resulting in swollen eyelids and more irritation. The extreme cold and dryness did not help either of them very much. I'm glad that on Thursday I finally looked closely and realized that her eyeballs were clear and that it was mostly the skin around her eyes that was a problem. Thankfully some Vaseline cleared up the redness and flaking and she was able to go back to school on Friday.

I've also been trying not to complain about our housing situation too much but it's really driving me up the wall. We've lived in older houses before, but they always had good management that maintained them well. Here that has unfortunately not been the case. Our furnace has been acting wonky for about two weeks, and according to the manager the repairman was supposed to be here on Tuesday. Nothing happened. And of course, Saturday morning he managed to show up during the one hour of the entire week when we were actually not home. By the time I called he was on his way somewhere else. Thankfully tonight it's blowing hot air again and tomorrow I will be making a few phone calls to see if we can get things cleared up. I'm also toying with the idea of calling the bank that is holding our house hostage, but we'll see how indignant I'm feeling in the morning.

Tonight I was also reminded of the need for patience. Things kind of blew up this evening for us. The house had been cold all day, Little Dude had been having a terribly defiant afternoon, S-Boogie was complaining about her stomach hurting and then threw up her dinner, the toilet clogged, and I thought I was going to explode. But, the world didn't end. The vomit was well-contained, Mr. Fob was able to unclog the toilet, S-Boogie announced that her tummy felt much better (and she'll hopefully go to school in the morning), both children went right to sleep, and I remembered the cookies my mom sent me. So I grabbed a cookie and settled in to read a book on the couch. It was nice; good to remember that everything passes eventually and that we'll keep going somehow. Especially if we have enough cookies.

The weather forecast makes me want to cry

18 degrees should not be a high temperature. It really shouldn't. And children should not get conjunctivitis, even though we're trapped in the house due to the snow. They really shouldn't develop stomach pain and a fever along with their pinkeye that mean Mommy has to take them to after-hours at the pediatrician at eight o'clock at night. Because that means driving around while various signs say it's either 11 degrees, 5 degrees, or 8 degrees. That's just wrong. Hopefully today my vow to never leave the house will be fulfilled. Especially since I couldn't sleep last night because it was too cold.

Time for a bribe?

I'm realizing that one reason to have more than one child is to keep yourself humble. Everything that worked well with the first one will inevitably fail miserably with the second. We're having that problem with potty training. S-Boogie was, frankly, a breeze to potty train. We put it off until she was a little older than three, then one day announced we were switching to underwear. After a few days she really got it and after that we were more or less accident-free. The end.

We tried to use the same approach for Little Dude. A few months ago we bought him some underwear (he'd been wearing pull-ups for a while and we'd been talking about potty training, so he decided it was time for underwear). I could tell that physically he wasn't quite ready since it took longer for him to figure out when he needed to go and to get to the potty in time. After two months, though, I'm realizing that the problem is no longer physical but psychological. Today we were discussing using the potty while I was (yet again) cleaning pee off the floor. When I asked him "when do you go to the potty?", he replied "when Mom and Dad tell me to."

That, right there, is the problem. Accidents don't phase him; he has no sense of the fact that you're 'supposed' to use the toilet. As long as his only motivation is Mom and Dad telling him, he's never going to use the toilet because as a three-year-old his main job right now is to find ways to assert his independence by defying what we tell him to do. I thought S-Boogie was pretty stubborn as a preschooler, and she was, but Little Dude is a whole different animal. Although S-Boogie is pretty persistent in what she wants, emotionally she is also very flexible. She adapts to new situations easily and gets over hurt feelings quickly. She's also a people-pleaser and is always interested in 'the rules'. Little Dude is none of these things. He needs a lot more time to process things, he sulks and broods, and he has a lot of anxiety. Moving, potty training, and having S-Boogie start school this year have been hard on him. I've realized that his potty issues are starting to become about his need for control and minimizing his anxiety more than anything else. Moving to yet another new house and having a new baby are not going to make things easier for him or me.

Hence, the bribe idea. Right now the way things go is that every few hours Mr. Fob or I will remind Little Dude to go potty. He will refuse and fight back, or sometimes go into the bathroom for a minute then come out and tell us "nothing came out" (when he didn't try). Right now his entire motivation is simply to either make Mom and Dad happy or to make himself feel better by fighting back. He doesn't 'own' the problem. Most of the consequences right now are supposedly negative, but peeing in your pants or being in time out don't seem to phase him. Even getting cleaned off in the shower (he hates showers) or having to wipe up the pee himself isn't doing it. I have never really used reward charts or anything like that with my kids. That's another post for another day, but I'm not big on external rewards for things and have found that usually the satisfaction of accomplishment is enough for them. But with Little Dude I think we need to introduce something positive into the equation before this gets to be a bigger issue. I'm tired of fighting him all day and I'm tired of cleaning up accidents. He loves candy so I'm thinking something simple and immediate like one M&M every time he actually goes in the toilet. My main concern is that it is still an artificial consequence, but none of the negative 'natural' ones are working. I hope it will simply switch the situation over to something more positive and will give him something positive to work towards, since right now going potty is mostly just negative.

Writing this out has helped me clarify my thoughts and I think I'm going to try this out to see if it helps. For anyone who has used rewards for things like potty training, when do you phase them out? Is that something that happens naturally? Should I not even worry about that at this point?

All I want for Christmas

...is to be in our new house! Well, and a million dollars. Seriously, though, I'm only writing a post with my Christmas list for the benefit of the few readers out there who are already thinking of buying me a present. Didn't know where else to put it, so I apologize to everyone else for my self-indulgent post.

Chocolate--I always like chocolate, preferably dark. I like Sees chocolates, Ghiradelli squares, or basically anything tasty and good quality. Or Ritter Sport bars with cookie in them.

Gift cards for Target or Ikea--I've got bad nesting urges going right now, plus we're moving into a new home.

A sewing machine--speaking of crafty urges, I'd love to get back into sewing again.

Subscription for Irreantum or the New Yorker

Money for a massage, pedicure, or a new haircut

Diapers (not for me, for the occupant of my uterus who will be exiting soon)

I've also been thinking about family gifts and I think money for S-Boogie to take dance classes, a swimming pool pass for next summer, membership for the dinosaur museum (or Thanksgiving Point in general), or a renewal of our Costco membership would be awesome.

Of course, positive thoughts in the direction of the real estate venture or personal visits and phone calls are the best gifts of all.

Like a box of chocolates

Yesterday morning I decided it was time for another trip to DI with Little Dude. I love thrift store shopping and have done it for years; some days it's a total bust and other days it's a gold mine. Thankfully yesterday was a good day and I got a lot of useful things: two new maternity shirts for me (warm ones, thank goodness), pants for Little Dude, a crib bumper, size 6 snow pants that are black so they can be passed down through several kids of either gender, and a bunch of books to give the kids for Christmas. I got a big pile of Magic School Bus books for S-Boogie. Personally I hate reading those out loud, but she loves them and is just starting to figure out reading on her own so I'm hoping they'll help her practice. That means our Christmas shopping is almost done since we're keeping things fairly simple this year for the sake of our budget.

One of the main reasons I went to DI yesterday was to buy myself some new pajama pants. Mine have developed a big hole in them and they aren't fitting around my belly anymore. Apparently in December the featured item at DI is pajamas because they have an amazing amount on on display now. I found some nice extra-large ones that should work for at least the next two months. They were quite cute blue flannel with stars; I took them home and washed them and then put them on right before bed last night. As I was climbing into bed with the lights off I noticed something and started laughing really hard. My new pajamas glow in the dark! Amazing what you can get for just four dollars.