Follow Up

I had my first meeting with my new therapist today and it went really well. I think that this time it might actually work, and I hope so because I'm sick of not feeling like myself. Obviously part of the problem is the pregnancy, but I haven't been coping well with things for a few years. It felt really good to have someone say "your life is stressful and has been for several years and I'm impressed that you're coping as well as you are." I was really worried about going in and worried that the diagnostic sheet would show that there was nothing wrong with me. I'll admit that I'm pretty good at deflecting help and pretending that things are fine (just call me 'stiff upper lip'). Thankfully my brain really is under stress and there are reasons why I'm acting so crazy; that means that we can do something to fix them. He said he'd rather hold off on medication for a while, and preferably until after I have the baby because we'd end up adjusting things with my fluctuating hormones anyways. I have seven weeks to work on some of my other coping skills before the baby gets here, and one of those is taking plenty of time to rest and relax.

So, it was a good visit and I feel like things are going to work out. I was also happy that he agrees with me that my marriage is not the problem in my life right now and that the fact that my husband is an atheist and gay does not mean we should get divorced. That's a big improvement over the last two times I tried counseling. Another thing we discussed was the fact that, for a variety of reasons, I really need some stability and permanence in my life. The last few years have not been good for that and the current real estate limbo isn't helping. Part of me wants to just give up, but I know in the long run buying the house will be good for us. I'd love to be the kind of person who can cheerfully move every year or so and try new things, but I'm not. It makes me crazy. We talked to our realtor yesterday and found out that the seller's bank has stuck our house in their short sale department. Which is annoying because even though the current value is technically below the loan value, it's not like we're getting a great deal or anything. We're just getting some stress and anxiety. So we could be closing next week or we could be closing in a month. We'll just keep hoping. In the meantime I'm going to go ahead and take care of some things I've been putting off and try to relax and enjoy Christmas.

Little Dude has also been doing moderately better with going potty. We instituted an M&M system where he gets one for trying and two for actually producing something. It has generally lowered the intensity and he's hardly had any accidents. The hardest times of day right now are morning and night, because he's been used to wearing Pull-Ups to bed and so just peeing in them during the evening or morning. We're trying to phase out the Pull-Ups for cost reasons and because I think it will be easier for him to just wear underwear all the time. The change in routine has been a bit difficult and he has been resisting a lot. I think that with time that will fade and we're on a good track. Part of the reason why I've been anxious to move is just to get it over with for Little Dude's sake since he doesn't handle change well. Me having a baby is not going to be very fun for him. Plus we have to switch wards and he's starting Sunbeams in January so that transition won't be fun either. I just keep reminding myself that we'll get through all this somehow and by next summer things should be a lot better around here!


skyeJ said…
Its always nice to find a therapist you feel comfortable with. It is scary to put yourself out there and ask for help and be that vulnerable. It does feel good to have someone to just let it all out to with no consequences, however. The house situation is one that would drive anyone crazy. You have LOTS of people around you for help when it is needed.

I'm sick of moving around, too. I really love Portland, and it feels really good to just like where you live and not have to "make the best of it" until something else happens.
Julie said…
Maybe that's my reason for my own craziness, all the moving my husband has made me do! ;) Good luck!
Aerin said…
Glad to hear things are going better - sometimes just opening up and talking about things helps. Any therapist who immediately encourages a person to leave their relationship (unless that relationship is abusive) is suspect in my view.

And as for potty training - I won't say too much about how difficult that was for my kids, but it was rough. Then you talk to them now - a year later - and they can't IMAGINE not using the potty. Insert rolling eye emoticon here...
Katya said…
It's always nice to find a counselor who isn't trying to break up your marriage! And yes, your life has been very stressful over the last few years (even happy changes can be stressful), so you shouldn't be beating yourself up over anything.
Desmama said…
It is nice to know things will get better. You will get into a home. The baby will come and you will have your body back. It will get warmer. Things will be okay. :)
The last few days I've had to keep reminding myself that this is actually the life I WANTED. Marriage, home, family, kids. None of it was an accident.

It doesn't change the difficult, sometimes mind-numbing monotony, but it is still marginally helpful.

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