Book Reviews: Mothers and Daughters
Hillbilly Gothic by Adrienne Martini
This is a memoir about a woman who checks herself into the psych ward two weeks after having a baby, and what her troubles with depression lead her to find out about her family heritage and herself. It was well-written and I found a lot of her insights interesting, but overall I wasn't very wowed by this book. One of my fears in writing a memoir would be that my life really wasn't that interesting to other people; I think in some ways some of this book feels that way to me. More women need to speak out about depression, but I felt like too often she was talking around things in such a way that I didn't get a very good sense of what was going on. But it was still a good read and I would recommend it to anyone who likes to read memoir.
West of Then by Tara Bray Smith
Another memoir, this time by a woman who grew up in Hawaii. She alternates between the present problem of trying to track down her mom, who is now a homeless junkie in Honolulu, and life growing up in Hawaii as a white girl with a very dysfunctional family. She also puts in a lot of interesting things about the history of Hawaii and how her family has managed to go from owning half of Kauai to having a descendent who lives on the streets (but with very little sense of "poor haole" sentiment or entitlement). The writing is really well-done and she does a good job trying to make sense of her life and that of her mother. This book actually made me very grateful that my parents made different choices and that I didn't end up in the same situation. It can be sad to see how so many adults are so selfish with their lives.
The Ghost in the House by Tracy Thompson
This is a book I am now going to start recommending to most women I know. Go read it, now. Thompson has written another memoir on depression, which I found interesting but not one of my favorites. This time, she decided to write about her experience with being depressed while raising her children. Instead of just writing a memoir, she got together with a professor from Emory University and conducted a survey of women with depression. While acknowledging that their sample size is limited and not representative of some socio-economic groups, the insights they found are fascinating. More than anything, they emphasize the fact that maternal depression manifests itself differently from depression among other people and that it should still be recognized. For example, most mothers who are depressed look like they are coping. Even if they want to totally withdraw from others, they really can't. Motherhood is one of the only full-time jobs where you can't quit, and most days not showing up isn't an option. Depression is a dysfunctional reaction to stress, and mothering is one of the most stressful jobs out there. The book outlines various ways that depression manifests itself in mothers ("hyperirritability" sound familiar to anyone?) and what they can do to cope. I found the chapter on generational patterns most interesting. The problem with depression, like many illnesses, is that it can be genetic. But, as she points out, genes don't have to determine your fate. Coping strategies are also passed on from parents to children, and it's important to learn good coping strategies and teach them to your children. She actually mentions the "optimistic child" book a few times and the author's findings on "learned optimism". Anyways, this review is way too long. I loved this book--it manages to be personal and general at the same time. It also manages to convey the importance of getting help and dealing with your problems without inducing guilt (at least it didn't for me). More than anything, it reminded me once again that I'm not alone in my weirdness and that I'm not a failure.
This is a memoir about a woman who checks herself into the psych ward two weeks after having a baby, and what her troubles with depression lead her to find out about her family heritage and herself. It was well-written and I found a lot of her insights interesting, but overall I wasn't very wowed by this book. One of my fears in writing a memoir would be that my life really wasn't that interesting to other people; I think in some ways some of this book feels that way to me. More women need to speak out about depression, but I felt like too often she was talking around things in such a way that I didn't get a very good sense of what was going on. But it was still a good read and I would recommend it to anyone who likes to read memoir.
West of Then by Tara Bray Smith
Another memoir, this time by a woman who grew up in Hawaii. She alternates between the present problem of trying to track down her mom, who is now a homeless junkie in Honolulu, and life growing up in Hawaii as a white girl with a very dysfunctional family. She also puts in a lot of interesting things about the history of Hawaii and how her family has managed to go from owning half of Kauai to having a descendent who lives on the streets (but with very little sense of "poor haole" sentiment or entitlement). The writing is really well-done and she does a good job trying to make sense of her life and that of her mother. This book actually made me very grateful that my parents made different choices and that I didn't end up in the same situation. It can be sad to see how so many adults are so selfish with their lives.
The Ghost in the House by Tracy Thompson
This is a book I am now going to start recommending to most women I know. Go read it, now. Thompson has written another memoir on depression, which I found interesting but not one of my favorites. This time, she decided to write about her experience with being depressed while raising her children. Instead of just writing a memoir, she got together with a professor from Emory University and conducted a survey of women with depression. While acknowledging that their sample size is limited and not representative of some socio-economic groups, the insights they found are fascinating. More than anything, they emphasize the fact that maternal depression manifests itself differently from depression among other people and that it should still be recognized. For example, most mothers who are depressed look like they are coping. Even if they want to totally withdraw from others, they really can't. Motherhood is one of the only full-time jobs where you can't quit, and most days not showing up isn't an option. Depression is a dysfunctional reaction to stress, and mothering is one of the most stressful jobs out there. The book outlines various ways that depression manifests itself in mothers ("hyperirritability" sound familiar to anyone?) and what they can do to cope. I found the chapter on generational patterns most interesting. The problem with depression, like many illnesses, is that it can be genetic. But, as she points out, genes don't have to determine your fate. Coping strategies are also passed on from parents to children, and it's important to learn good coping strategies and teach them to your children. She actually mentions the "optimistic child" book a few times and the author's findings on "learned optimism". Anyways, this review is way too long. I loved this book--it manages to be personal and general at the same time. It also manages to convey the importance of getting help and dealing with your problems without inducing guilt (at least it didn't for me). More than anything, it reminded me once again that I'm not alone in my weirdness and that I'm not a failure.
Comments
(Yeah, I know you should italicize book titles, but I'm feeling lazy)