This is my seven hundredth post. I can't believe I've been blogging for nearly four years now. I haven't run out of things to say; unfortunately many of my greatest posts end up lost in my head somewhere before I can write them down and publish them. My life over the last few years has been through a lot of ups and downs, and this blog has been a reflection of that. Apparently I still have an audience, so I guess there is still some interest in my life. I'd like to think that I would keep writing even if no one were there to read it, but sometimes I'm not sure how much of this is dictated by the simple need for self-expression and how much is dictated by the positive reinforcement of comments. After four years I still don't feel like I have found my voice or my online identity.

We were having a rough evening today and I spent a lot of time writing a really whiny post in my head about how frustrating life is right now. The economy and the possibilities of finding a job are really weighing on me. We both love living here, but can barely afford it and we are so far away from our families. But I think the best thing for us would be to try and stay here if at all possible; we apparently don't have the mental reserves to survive major moves. I was also feeling frustrated by the fact that my kids just always seem to make the mistakes and do the same difficult things over and over again. I've been having a rough few weeks and been feeling kind of down about my parenting. But then tonight (after some major yelling, several trips to time out, and other bad parenting moves), the kids actually stepped up and listened. S-Boogie had dumped out a puzzle that we'd just asked her to put away and was whining for someone to help her put it back together (it's a small puzzle of the United States). It took a lot of convincing to get her to try it, but she put the entire thing back together by herself--yes, she knows where every state goes. Then after dinner she went off and got completely ready by herself: pajamas, teeth brushed, going potty, and everything else. That was great because I am so incredibly tired of the constant battle every morning and night to keep her focused and on task so she can get changed, brush her teeth, and go potty. She usually won't do any of those things without constant reminders and help. Tonight as I was putting her to bed we talked about good and bad choices, and she told me "my heart feels happy because I did good things."

So I guess this is a typical blog entry for me; what better thing for post seven hundred? A little down, a little up. Just a little slice of my life right now.


Th. said…

"...unfortunately many of my greatest posts end up lost in my head somewhere before I can write them down and publish them."

You and me both, sister.
Lindsay said…
Happy 700! Also, a second amen to the above comment. Sad, but true.
Desmama said…
I've so enjoyed reading your blog. I've liked reading your honesty about the ups and downs of your life because they are a reflection of what I feel but don't have the clarity of expression to write down all too often. So keep posting!

Also, I'm impressed S-Boogie knows where all the states go on her puzzle. For what it's worth, my impressions are that you're a good parent. ;)
Julie said…
Speaking of moving, the other day Joshua asked me if by next Halloween we would be moving to another house. My poor kids just think they are bound to move constantly their whole lives I think.

Good luck on the job search, I know it's rough out there, and there's a reason we left CA (being only cost of living, Jonathan would love to live there!)
My life feels a bit "second verse same as the first" most of the time too. The question of blogging for myself or for others is never quite far from my mind either. Maybe you haven't found a "voice" because you didn't need to find one. You just are yourself. There is something to be said for that.
rantipoler said…
I just thought you should know that yours was the first blog I ever read, and here I am, still reading it. I think your online "voice" rings out loud and clear.

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