I really, really don't like conflict of any kind--it makes me physically ill. I will go out of my way to avoid conflicts, because as soon as a disagreement comes up I start to shake, sweat uncontrollably, and feel nauseated. I've gotten good at lying about how I feel or avoiding situations just so I don't have to deal with differences of opinion or things like that. It is a sucky way to live sometimes, but life keeps giving me opportunities to try and realize that I can disagree with people and not die. (Yeah, I and know conflict avoidance is not the best thing for a marriage, but we're working on it, I swear.)
Once on my mission I got transferred to a new area with a very strange companion. She totally refused to talk to me; she would get up early and shut herself in the spare bedroom to study for most of the morning. After a day or two I gave up on trying to have companionship study. When we were out on the street or riding the bus, she'd read a book (even walking down the street!). She was fairly green still, so I don't know if she hated me or was simply extra zealous. I was too scared to find out. I did finally say something to the mission president, and he wanted me to talk to her before we did anything else about the situation. So I got up the next morning and sat on the edge of my bed steeling myself to go knock on the door and interrupt her studying. I sat there for nearly 45 minutes without doing anything--I just couldn't make myself move. Finally I decided that it was time to shower and get ready, so I never did talk to her about things. She got transferred within a few weeks and I was very relieved.
So anyways, today I went visiting teaching and my companion and the lady we were in got into an argument, while I was sitting in between them. I really didn't know what to do or say, and I could understand where each one was coming from. It was even worse because I'm the primary president, and my companion is a teacher and they were arguing about something the other woman's daughter had done during class. I probably should have been saying or doing something "official", but I just couldn't. I actually wanted to bolt for the door and drive home. Now I feel terrible and all shaky and yucky, and I don't think the issue is just going to go away. I hate dealing with stuff like this. Some days I don't want to be a grownup anymore, I just don't like the responsibility. Personal growth is a wonderful idea, but it really sucks while it's happening.