Get Confident, Stupid!

Yesterday was a better day, even if I was in a brain fog from going to bed so late. I did some chores around the house, and even cleaned my refrigerator (I know it's been at least six months since I last did that). I also took a little walk with S-Boogie and made some banana chocolate chip cookies. Also, I checked out some books on depression from the library. I've started with the one from Deseret Book and it's really not too bad at all. It was published a few years ago and is directed primarily towards women. The coauthors have both dealt with depression and one is a therapist, so it's not just a "pray harder and serve others" type of book at all. Actually, they keep pointing out that "depression is a physical illness and not a spiritual defect". I already knew that, but there are plenty of people out there who don't.

Last night I was reading the chapter on triggers of depressive episodes and brain chemistry that makes you vulnerable to being depressed. One thing that I wanted to read more on is developmental psychology, or the idea that life is a series of stages that we progress through. The authors pointed out that for women, certain developmental stages are inherently more likely to trigger depression because of their difficulty. I thought it was interesting that they said a major time for depression in women is when they have been married for about 5-10 years and have several small children at home. (So hanging out with preschoolers will make you crazy after all.) I guess it's a bad combo of finally settling into the realities of marriage, struggles for authority with kids that are finally speaking their own minds (albeit in an irrational way) and the fact that at that point many husbands are starting to get really involved in their careers and experiencing an upswing in their lives.

So right now the plan is to be aware of what's going on, try and work on physical things like diet and exercise, and to go to the counseling center when I start school again. I'm not sure I need medication, but I'm open to the option. I think I'm one of the only people in my immediate family who has not yet taken psych meds, so I might as well join the party (By the way, big thanks to my brother for stopping by last night. That was really, really appreciated by me.) Yeah, so maybe I can get my life a little more under control and start feeling happy again. That would be a nice feeling.

Comments

Lindsey said…
Howdy. I was led to your blog by a trail of links on other Utah blogs. Anyway, I don't know what to say other than "I know how you feel." I've had a lot of experience with the whole depression thing, and especially with dealing with people who think it doesn't really exist, and that you're just feeling sorry for yourself. I just want you to know that you're not alone! While I was going to BYU, I used their free counseling service, and it really helped a lot. I was also on Zoloft for a while, and it did seem to help, but now I'm off it and doing better than I was when I was on it. So I guess it just depends on the intensity of the depressive episode you're currently experiencing. Anyway, sorry for blabbing on for so long. Just know that there are people out there who know what you're going through!
Desmama said…
I, like Stella, found your blog through a trail of other Utah/BYU blogs. You're not alone, if it helps. I'm feeling very similar.

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