AWOL

I haven't been posting very much over the last few weeks. Part of it has been the whole chaos of moving, plus people visiting and me going out of town. And I haven't been feeling very inspired as of late. As much as I've been trying to fight it, I really feel down lately. Some of that is due to adjusting to a new area, difficulty getting our finances in order and finding jobs that will cover the rent, the fact that Little Dude still just wants to spend all day in my arms, etc. But I also realized the other day that my life doesn't have to be as hard as it feels. I have way too many days where I don't even want to get out of bed, where things like getting dressed or brushing my teeth feel like they take too much effort, and I just want to go hide under a rock somewhere. I also realize that I can't fix this myself--it's there in my brain and I can't make it go away. The other day at a bookstore I stumbled on a book about post-partum depression and it was like reading about myself. It also mentioned that women with a history of depression, or who had a traumatic delivery, or who have colicky babies can be more at risk for PPD. Hmmm... I need to get my temple recommend renewed, so I think I'll ask my bishop about getting a recommendation for LDS family services for counseling. We don't have insurance yet, plus I think an LDS therapist would be more understanding of certain issues I have. I just don't want to feel this way any more, and I think I'm ready to do whatever it takes to get better.

Comments

Samantha said…
The wonderful thing about seeing a therapist is that, regardless of whether the depression is mild or severe, you're doing something about a crippling state of being. That alone, the fact that you're no longer trying to fight by yourself, will help you cope with so much of what seems overwhelming.

There really have been so many elements that have contributed to the frustration you're feeling. I hope you're able to find good help so that you can continue to have joy in your life.
10/17/2006 6:15 AM
Anonymous said…
I hope you start feeling better soon and can get a good referral for a counselor. I went to the temple after a long break when I was visiting my parents and I'd forgotten how much I need to be there so I can get through the week and cope with things. It definately doesn't fix everything for me, but it does help more than I had remembered.
10/17/2006 7:23 AM
AmyJane said…
I think that's a great idea. I felt like I suffered a mild bit of depression after baby, especially with all teh nursing complications. I think you have so many factors that talking to someone qualified could only help you feel better. Good luck.

Ooh, also a second on getting to the temple itself. Sometimes when things are tough I just sit there and wish that I never had to leave. But even when I do have to walk out, things have a way of getting better after.
10/17/2006 9:55 AM
Cricket said…
I'm glad you can see through your own difficulty and are willing to get help. Best wishes and prayers for you.
10/17/2006 2:17 PM
Anonymous said…
Sigh. After about.... 10 years of looking, I still haven't found a therapist I can talk to. Maybe BYU's CCC can help me. Good luck.
10/17/2006 6:12 PM
skyeJ said…
Do. It. Now!!! It can only make things better, in my opinion. That's because it worked for me, though! Don't let anyone tell you that all you need is to focus spiritually, either. With God, nothing is impossible. That is true. However, sometimes God wants us to use what was put on this earth for our benefit. Sometimes pills and talking are the answer to the prayers.
10/18/2006 6:25 AM
Anonymous said…
skyej: AMEN!!!
10/18/2006 6:07 PM
N.F. said…
Good luck. It will do wonders for you. After I lost my dad, I went thru this huge funk. To be honest, I'm not 100% sure I'm out of it. My Bishop brought it up about me seeing someone--and, maybe in my area we were lucky, but my counselor was LDS. She was fabulous. I'm so thankful to have seen her. Also, I hope you feel better soon, too.
10/19/2006 11:15 PM
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