Yellow Wallpaper

Lately I'm beginning to think Little Dude is secretly a Muslim. He keeps saying "Allah" and " halal ". Then this afternoon it sounded like he was chanting "A Jew, A Jew". Hmm...

This is another post about my health problems, so if you don't want to know, stop reading now. I just got off the phone with the nice receptionist at the outpatient surgery clinic and I have an appointment to see a surgeon on Thursday. The good news is, there is one procedure that they may be able to do right then that will solve the problem without cutting. The bad news is, from what research I've done I don't think it's the right thing and that I probably still have to have surgery on my bum. I really don't want to have surgery on my bottom, but if it will clear up the problem, I guess I can deal with it. They don't have any openings for operations until at least February 13 th or 14 th , which means I have would to wait two weeks. I secretly hope that I'll get there on Thursday and he'll decide that I shouldn't wait that long and do something about it now. (Oh, we realized the other night that we still had a few days to add me to Master Fob's...

I've been trying to write a little bit about each month of Little Dude's life, so that someday I will have some sort of record of his first year or so. I probably won't get around to doing a scrapbook or anything like it until he's at least in college, so this will have to do for now. Little Dude's eighth month has not seen any major milestones, but he is slowly growing and maturing. He can now sit up quite well, but rarely does it because he would rather be scooting across the floor on his tummy. He continues to ignore his toys in favor of electrical cords, books, and stale cheerios from under the table. He is almost crawling and will often get up on his hands and knees, but then decides that it's faster to just drag himself around by his elbows. Little Dude also started eating Cheerios this month; his pincer grasp isn't very well developed, so he just mashes hand fulls of them into his mouth and manages to get one or two of them in (the rest end up in his ...

I haven't posted for most of this week, but not because I haven't had anything going on. Unfortunately, I've had a lot of things going--mostly rather personal health issues. I've been debating whether or not to blog about them. Then I remembered that I spent most of my pregnancy last year whining about being constipated and having hemorrhoids . It's been a while since those days, so I guess it's time for a little trip down memory lane. My parents are in town for a few days, so on Wednesday evening we decided to head down to a nearby wetlands area for a sunset nature walk. It was beautiful: we saw an eagle, Mt. Ranier in the sunset, a heron, and lots of Canada geese. As sometimes happens after a lengthy walk, my bottom was feeling sore when we got home. Only this time it got progressively worse. I won't even describe what's going on down there, but it's really not pretty. According to the internet I should have a doctor take a look at what's goi...

If Abercrombie and Fitch is trying to sell clothes, why aren't the models wearing any? Even though I think seasonal dishes are a frivolous waste of my money, I really like these ones from Pottery Barn. Especially the rick rack design on the glasses. I'm a sucker for Valentine's Day. If I had money to spend on clothes, I'd probably buy some from Eddie Bauer. I really like their clothes. Does that mean I'm a geek? Or just a fifty-year-old woman who likes gardening and boating? I also like the clothes from Anthropologie , but I can't imagine myself ever wearing them. Williams Sonoma had a display of Moroccan spices and tagines , and I missed my sister. And I felt a little jealous of the fact that she lives in a place less dominated by commercial interests. But I have clean running water, so I guess I'll be happy where I'm at. I really can resist the smell of warm, freshly-baked pastries. Especially when I leave my wallet at home. I enjoy window shopping...

28 And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains? 29 And Enoch said unto the Lord: How is it that thou canst weep , seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity? 32 The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands , and I gave unto them their knowledge , in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency ; 33 And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood; --Moses 7 This is one of my favorite passages of scripture; I love the image of God weeping in heartbreak as he watches His children. LDS theology has some distinct views on the nature of God and the na...

First of all, thank you to everyone who has commented or emailed or called to lend me support. I appreciate knowing that people care; I did keep my appointment today. Actually, Master Fob and I decided to go in as a couple and do mostly couple work initially. I think it was a good choice for us. The counselor noted (fairly acccurately, I think) that many of my stresses and anxieties have built up due to my inability to talk about my emotions and needs with anyone. And Master Fob and I have several major issues that we have been avoiding for a while. The other day I was messing around on the internet and ran into a post on "Feminist Mormon Housewives" that was called "renavigating your marriage". I really liked it; it was specifically about the adjustments made as spouses wax or wane in their commitment to the church, and generally about how marriages call for a lot of adjusting over time. I think it wasn't just coincidence that I clicked on that post just a few ...

It seems to have slipped out the back door when I wasn't looking. This morning I turned off my alarm instead of going out walking. Also, I've now managed to blow two "no treat days" in a row this week. Yesterday someone offered me a brownie and I scarfed it down without thinking twice. About an hour later I realized that I was supposed to be saying "no" to treats all day. Then tonight S-Boogie and I had dinner from Jack in the Box. I'm not sure if it counts or not, though, because it wasn't a pleasant experience. I only do fast food once every few months, and each time I remember why I hate it so much. Tonight I was supposed to meet a lady after she got off work in order to buy a baby bunting she was selling on craigslist . It's a pretty nice thick bunting from REI , so it should keep Little Dude warm for the rest of the winter. After picking up the bunting, I realized that we were only a few blocks away from Jack in the Box and that we didn...

Today in Relief Society our lesson was on the plan of salvation and the purpose of life. Our bishop's wife taught it, and she did a wonderful job. She's a smart, confident woman with a lot to share. We were talking about the purpose of life and what we're supposed to do here on earth, when she told a little story about something that had happened to her years ago. She had started the tradition of making a special mincemeat pie for an older gentleman in their ward for Christmas each year. One year she had the pie all warm and ready and placed it on top of her car for a moment while she unlocked the door. As she did that, the pie slid off and shattered all over the garage. She says that she stood there stunned for a minute and thought about what to do. She could go buy a new pie, or even just call her friend and explain what had happened and hope he understood. Instead, she cleaned up the mess and went inside to make a new pie. When she took it to her friend he was overjoyed ...

I was excited to start college my freshman year at BYU , but also a little nervous because I had been warned by a number of people that I would be plagued by RM's who would want to marry me before my first semester had even ended. In a small way, this also excited me because I had precious little experience as the object of male affection and looked forward to a change in my dating life. Unfortunately, I was the only one of the six girls in my dorm room who ended the year with virgin lips. And I kept those virgin lips until shortly after my twenty-third birthday. But that doesn't mean I didn't have a few crushes along the way. My biggest crush my freshman year was on a fellow teammate from College Bowl. Not the famous one, and not just the other freshman guy who sort of dated me. That was a crush too, but it's not quite the same because we actually did go on a few dates, talked on the phone a lot, and even snuggled in the BYU van on the overnight drive to Berkeley. No...

S-Boogie completed her first full week of preschool today. She spends four hours at school on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings and is really enjoying her time there. I feel much better about her going than I did before she started. I was feeling guilty because the initial decision for her to go to school was precipitated more by my needs than hers and before she started I felt a lot of anxiety about this being a good idea. It turns out that it is, and I've been able to use my mornings for getting a lot of work done on thesis research (hopefully I'll start writing soon; I tend to do a lot of planning before writing). I had wanted to find a setting that was a little more "school" and a little less "day care", but I've realized that the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. She is attending a child care center and most of the kids are there all day. But she has two wonderful teachers and their schedule is filled with a nice mix of learning a...

Since Master Fob has been doing a series on his girl crushes, I decided to follow his lead, however painful it might be for me and the parties involved. I know I've already written on here about how my love life pre -Master Fob was a series of unrequited crushes and painfully awkward attempts at connection with guys. Now you get the full story with all the ugly details. I don't remember having any crushes until fourth grade. When I was in first and second grade, my friend and I would spend recess " cockroaching " the boys--we would chase them around, and if we managed to touch one, they were " cockroached ". Not sure where we came up with that one. In fourth grade I was living in Mountain Home, Idaho and I had a crush on a guy in my primary class. His first and last name started with the same letter and I loved the alliteration. Also his big sister taught me piano lessons, so every week I got the chance to sit in his house on his couch and even use his bat...

As I've mentioned on here before, our apartment complex is conveniently located right next to a large shopping center. I quickly figured out that it is nearly as far to walk to my car as it is to walk the other direction to the grocery store, so driving to get groceries would be pointless since it would still involve hauling the food from the car to our home. Right after we moved in I bought us a folding metal grocery cart , and it has worked out really well for shopping trips. Our faithful cart can hold two gallons of milk and several bags of groceries, perfect for one of our little biweekly trips to the store. I do end up going to the store more frequently because our cart doesn't hold as many groceries as my trunk, but I've learned to spend less on each trip and we've been able to increase our consumption of fresh fruits and veggies by buying them more often. Unfortunately, our little shopping system has started to hit a snag. Little Dude is getting too big for me to...

We had an enjoyable Dia de los Reyes party on Friday night with some friends. Their little boy Dylan brought his Batman cape and mask, so S-Boogie got out her Supergirl cape and they had a great time fighting crime together. It's too bad we couldn't convince them to fight crime anywhere except in the living room. I think it will take me a while to get used to the fact that Master Fob now has Friday nights off after working Fridays for the last three years. I didn't get anything productive done yesterday. I spent way too much time online. I think I spend several hours most days browsing the internet . Yes I read a lot of news and I love to keep up with my friend's blogs, but it's getting to be a little excessive I think. The problem is I haven't figured out yet how to bottle feed and read a book, but I can sort of hold the bottle and use the mouse. And the internet requires small fragments of attention wheras books do not. But, I think my escapism is reachi...

I actually did set some goals for this year, even if I didn't get around to posting them before today. Master Fob and I have been pretty good about setting goals for the last few years, and even moderately successful at achieving them. I like to set some global, general goals for the year, and then we make up charts with specific, quantifiable goals for the next few months. So, my big goals for this year are: 1. Finish my thesis and graduate This is a big goal, and I really hope it happens during the first part of the year. Right now I'm trying my darndest to devote free moments to study and writing. Unfortunately, I don't get very many free moments. And I keep doing things like hosting parties (last night) that use up my time on things like cooking and washing dishes. We did have a fun party, but I think our next will not be happening until after the thesis is done. 2. Lose some weight and get in better shape. The good news is, I'm only about 15 pounds off from a hea...

When I picked up S-Boogie from the Fun Center at the store today, the nice lady in charge said something about three-year- olds cutting their own hair. At first I didn't quite catch what she said, but even when I understood I didn't make any effort to correct her and just mumbled something affirmative. Yes, my pants are officially on fire. But I'm too embarrassed to admit that I can't cut hair any better than a preschooler.

It's funny how kids will do something and you'll realize that they've never done it before and that they are just as excited about this new step as you are. Tonight we were eating dinner and Little Dude was playing with his new favorite toy, the plastic place mat that came with the feeding chair. For some reason he loves holding and mouthing thin things, like the edge of the rug, the changing pad, and any tags or labels he can get his hands on. So he was playing with his place mat and held it up over his face. Then he took it away and started giggling. Then he put it back again. He played peekaboo with us for a while, until S-Boogie and I were totally giggling too. It was amazing--I've never seen him do that before. It was also amazing to watch his little face light up as he realized his power to do something on his own. I also can't begin to describe how beautiful his little laugh is. It's still a somewhat rare occasion, but it is so welcome after the months ...

I am never going to try and cut S-Boogie's hair again. I tried to trim her bangs this morning and they look horrible. I had to stop before they got any shorter, but now she gets to go to preschool tomorrow looking like an urchin. Maybe they'll give us a scholarship. I guess it's time to start shelling out money for real haircuts.

My first meal of 2007 was caramel popcorn. I hope this is a good sign.