So Much Trouble in the World

28 And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains?
29 And Enoch said unto the Lord: How is it that thou canst weep, seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity?

32 The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency;
33 And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood;

--Moses 7

This is one of my favorite passages of scripture; I love the image of God weeping in heartbreak as he watches His children. LDS theology has some distinct views on the nature of God and the nature of good and evil. A central problem in philosophy is the origin of good and evil; if God created everything, then did he create evil? I don't have all the answers, but I feel most comfort with the idea that evil and good are eternal problems that existed before God and will continue to exist forever. God is bound by eternal laws that are greater than He is; who created these laws, I don't know. More mysteries upon mysteries. I also believe that we are both spirit and body and that one of the main purposes of this life is to test our spirits and help them grow. God has given us agency, which is not just the freedom to choose, but the power to act and to be held responsible for our actions. I also believe that someday we will be judged for our actions, but not in any sort of judgement of the type that we know here on earth. Our goal here is to spiritually mature, not just accumulate righteous actions or to somehow earn celestial points or something like that. God repeats throughout the scriptures that we are supposed to become something different.

So, we know the cliche about how this life is a test. That would explain all the pain and suffering in the world, right? We often hear talk about how the Book of Mormon was prophetically "written for our time". I've realized more and more that the situations in it too often reflect what we find in our contemporary society: racial prejudice, a society constantly involved in war, struggles by religious leaders to truly guide the people, poverty and wealth juxtaposed in a single society, etc. I read in Alma about a group of Christian women and children who were burned alive in front of their husbands and fathers. When the missionaries who had taught this group cried out to God in horror, his answer was to let the killing continue. God allowed innocents to die in order to truly prove the depravity of their killers. According to the Book of Mormon, God allows evil as the ultimate test of His people. How can we tell the depths of evil that a person can find if he is not allowed the freedom to choose? And if innocent people are hurt and killed, we believe that their spirits will be saved and they will have passed their test valiantly.

This sounds rather glib, and the truth is that it is a pat answer. It is easy to figure out the equation that freedom to act now will bring eternal consequences. The hardest part is figuring out what to do about life here on Earth, where pain and suffering surround us every day. I think for many people their test during this life is physical; they are born into poverty, war, slavery, etc. But at the same time, I realize that I am being tested too. I will probably never have to endure civil war, sexual slavery, displacement, torture, or any of those things. Given my education level, mental health and family support, I probably won't even be homeless or jobless at any point in my life. I think the true test for many of us is what we do when we are faced with the suffering of others. What is my reaction when I see movies like Hotel Rwanda, The Constant Gardener, or Schindler's List or read books like A Problem From Hell? Do I calmly keep eating my popcorn? Do I cry during the credits and then go write a post like this one about my guilt? Do I sell my stuff and move to Africa? Do I donate extra money to the "right causes"? Do I put all my stuff in storage and join the Peace Corps? (Go Skye!) The truth is, I don't know what I can or should do. But I do know that I want to do something. If I believe that my test here on Earth is to refine my spirit to become like God, then I must do something. I can't kill off all the wicked people with a flood. I can't change centuries of corruption and exploitation that pervade human history. I'm fully aware that there are many problems that increased foreign aid and even international intervention cannot fix.

And here is where I always get stuck. What to do besides watch movies and read books about the suffering of others, while I am surrounded by my nice warm house, my healthy children and my plentiful food. And I know that there is plenty of suffering to go around, even right here in my own neighborhood. Homeless people freeze to death down the street from me and I saw a woman on craigslist selling her children's things so she can pay her rent. I barely have enough money to pay my own rent most months. I'm still trying to figure out how to truly become like God. I live simply and help others when the opportunity crosses my way. I occasionally try and seek out those opportunities. But most of the time I just end up feeling frustrated that I cannot do more. I really do want to be like God; most days, I just hope that "shedding forth [my] tears as the rain upon the mountains" is a step in the right direction.