That thing with feathers

First of all, thank you to everyone who has commented or emailed or called to lend me support. I appreciate knowing that people care; I did keep my appointment today. Actually, Master Fob and I decided to go in as a couple and do mostly couple work initially. I think it was a good choice for us. The counselor noted (fairly acccurately, I think) that many of my stresses and anxieties have built up due to my inability to talk about my emotions and needs with anyone. And Master Fob and I have several major issues that we have been avoiding for a while. The other day I was messing around on the internet and ran into a post on "Feminist Mormon Housewives" that was called "renavigating your marriage". I really liked it; it was specifically about the adjustments made as spouses wax or wane in their commitment to the church, and generally about how marriages call for a lot of adjusting over time. I think it wasn't just coincidence that I clicked on that post just a few days ago and have had time to think about it a lot before this morning. Hopefully over the next few months we can make some progress and move on to a better phase in our lives. This is going to take a lot of emotional work both from me and from both of us. I don't know if I'll blog about it much, since even though I appear to be fairly open about my life, I'll be making a lot of changes and exploring a lot of things that I don't want to make part of the permanent, public record. I think I'll start writing in my journal again, since I haven't done that for a few years (and then I'll burn it).

So, I didn't die and Little Dude had a great time at the babysitter's. He only cried for a few minutes and he managed to take a fairly lengthy nap for her (she has a quiet bedroom that is on a different floor from the playing children--what a luxury). Master Fob and I both like the counselor a lot and feel comfortable with him. Tonight I feel happier, more confident, and in general "lighter". This evening a friend called and needed my help on a dark day of her own. I was glad that I was in a position to help, and I felt honored to be needed by someone. I think it was also a confirmation to me that I will only be able to serve others after taking care of my own needs. I've been trying to avoid doing both of those things for too long. I think we're going down a good path here; I hope we can stay on it and that it leads to somewhere better than where I've been at for a while.