One More Try

Just when you thought you knew everything about me, I got tagged again. This time by Kengo Biddles, who I think is cool. The interesting twist on this particular meme is that it has been dubbed "The 8 Random Gay Mormon Facts", probably because it is circulating among the Gay Mormon bloggers. I am not Gay, but I am Mormon, so I will go ahead and answer.

1. Part of the reason for posting this today is because I recently wrote a post on Northern Lights and I know I am getting new visitors who were linked from that post. I thought they might want to know more about me than cookbook reviews and musings on my lack of cleavage.

2. I mostly submitted that post to Northern Lights because it felt funny to put it on my blog. I started this blog two years ago as my personal space, and so it deals with all facets of my life, not just my relationship with Mr. Fob. I will probably contribute occasionally to Northern Lights because I like what they are doing and I feel better about contributing to the dialogue there rather than here in this space.

3. I have been somewhat uncomfortable with the celebrity/notoriety we have gained for being so public about our relationship. The truth is, I mostly encouraged Mr. Fob to publish his essay so we could earn a little money (and so he could get some publications under his belt). I really didn't intend to set ourselves up as "experts" in any way.

4. The other two public appearances were voluntary and I actually don't regret them too much. We were willing to put our names and faces to an issue that most people don't want to address publicly. I've discovered that ignorance and prejudice are a lot harder to sustain once you get to know people.

5. I went to high school during the early 1990s in California. My school was diverse and liberal, but this was before the days when coming out in high school was cool so I really didn't know any gay people. Most of my exposure to homosexuality came from movies like The Birdcage or Philadelphia. At the same time, my parents are very loving and tolerant and I do not remember learning, at home or at church, that homosexuals were evil or perverted or anything like that. For most of my life, homosexuality was basically off my radar.

6. The first time I went to the Evergreen conference I felt very uncomfortable. We were still at the point where we both felt that our marriage wasn't very affected by things; we didn't talk about problems, so we assumed they didn't exist. When I attended a session for spouses it mainly turned into a venting session with women sharing stories of the horrible ways in which they had been betrayed by their husbands. I hope that during the last five years things have changed somewhat and that there is a little more emphasis on the diversity of relationships. Basically I felt weird because at the time I was the only woman there who hadn't been cheated on and who hadn't found out about her husband's homsexuality through betrayal.

7. We have a variety of friends that are gay, straight, single, married, actively Mormon, inactively Mormon, parents, childless, etc. I can honestly say that I feel the same about all of them. I will admit that the first time we had a gay friend and his boyfriend come over for dinner I felt a little weird about it. Mostly because it was a new experience for me. But now I love them both and have never felt weird around them. Or any of our other friends.

8. Mr. Fob and I have decided that for now we would like to stay married and work things out. Some issues have not changed: he still doesn't want to attend church with me, I still want a PhD. But other things have changed; we've both been in counseling these last few months and have made a lot of changes in our attitudes and our interactions. I love him, he loves me, and we are recommiting to making our marriage work.