One percent
Tonight Master Fob and I watched most of a program on KUED about teen suicide, because a friend of ours was going to be appearing on the program (good job, by the way). It was interesting and enlightening and I thought it was pretty well done. I've noticed that mental illness tends to be one of those issues where you are either "in the club" because you've personally dealt with it, or you tend to just sort of ignore it because it means nothing to you. This frustrates me a little, but I think it's just human nature. Empathy is one of the biggest challenges we have as human beings. I think that the ability to be empathetic is one of the noblest traits we can develop, but also the hardest.
I noticed this yesterday while I was sitting in ward council. Every month we have some sort of training where we read an article, usually from the Ensign, and discuss it. Yesterday the high priest group leader was in charge of the training, and I had been excited about it because when he passed out the article last month I noticed that it was about mental illnesses. This is definitely one of those "hot topics" for me, because I have several family members that are mentally ill, and I've even had trouble with depression myself. Most of my friends and family are pretty comfortable discussing mental illnesses and their symptoms, etc. However, yesterday, I noticed that Bro. T. was very uncomfortable when he got up to discuss the article with us, and he even warned us right off that he'd only chosen it at the request of the bishop. Therein followed a rambling discussion on how this is an important issue, even though in our ward we probably don't have as many of those people as the statistics say. But, it's still good to know about them because you never know when that could be the case (even though it's probably not, but we're still supposed to be aware). The whole tone of the discussion and stuff bugged me. Our ward has a fairly large population of older couples who are all very active in the church, and I sense a disconnect between the older "successful" people who are enjoying their righteous posterity and the rest of us who are still struggling with raising little kids and paying our rent and stuff. But, that's a post for another day.
Anyways, I really wanted to raise my hand and state that I had been seeing a counselor and even taking psychiatric medications. But I didn't. I'm quite a bit younger than just about everyone else in the room (except, ironically, the bishop) and I was scared. I really wish I had though. Maybe they could have seen that a normal, "successful", active person has also struggled with these issues. I don't know, maybe not. Maybe they would have just assumed that I need to pull even harder on my bootstraps and get over it. Maybe I shouldn't be so judgemental of them, myself.
I've also realized over the last few weeks or so that I'm not doing quite as well as I thought. When I first got pregnant, I was reassured by a number of people that being pregnant will be a kind of "protective period" from depression. However, recent articles have reported that studies have shown that this is probably a myth. I think it is for me. I've been way more irritable the last few weeks, and I keep feeling like I can't handle things as well as I was. I feel much more moody and out of control. Which is, of course, a big dilemma. Taking antidepressants while you are pregnant has risks, so I just need to decide if the potential harm to the baby is worth it or not. I should probably go back and see the counselor some more. I've been trying to sleep more and eat better. I know a lot of it is being exacerbated by all the stress in my life right now, but there's not much I can do about the stress. I just need to let it go. The baby will be born, we'll pay for it somehow, my thesis will get written, we'll eventually get a tax return that will pay off our credit card, I'll finish school, we'll find out where we're going to move for school, etc. I just want to have it all work out right now! However, as much as I tell myself that I can handle the stress, I keep getting the sinking feeling that I'm not handling it. And that I can't. According to several things I have read, there is about a one percent of the most serious side effects for the baby if I take antidepressants. I think I need to decide if one percent is acceptable or not. It may have to be.
I noticed this yesterday while I was sitting in ward council. Every month we have some sort of training where we read an article, usually from the Ensign, and discuss it. Yesterday the high priest group leader was in charge of the training, and I had been excited about it because when he passed out the article last month I noticed that it was about mental illnesses. This is definitely one of those "hot topics" for me, because I have several family members that are mentally ill, and I've even had trouble with depression myself. Most of my friends and family are pretty comfortable discussing mental illnesses and their symptoms, etc. However, yesterday, I noticed that Bro. T. was very uncomfortable when he got up to discuss the article with us, and he even warned us right off that he'd only chosen it at the request of the bishop. Therein followed a rambling discussion on how this is an important issue, even though in our ward we probably don't have as many of those people as the statistics say. But, it's still good to know about them because you never know when that could be the case (even though it's probably not, but we're still supposed to be aware). The whole tone of the discussion and stuff bugged me. Our ward has a fairly large population of older couples who are all very active in the church, and I sense a disconnect between the older "successful" people who are enjoying their righteous posterity and the rest of us who are still struggling with raising little kids and paying our rent and stuff. But, that's a post for another day.
Anyways, I really wanted to raise my hand and state that I had been seeing a counselor and even taking psychiatric medications. But I didn't. I'm quite a bit younger than just about everyone else in the room (except, ironically, the bishop) and I was scared. I really wish I had though. Maybe they could have seen that a normal, "successful", active person has also struggled with these issues. I don't know, maybe not. Maybe they would have just assumed that I need to pull even harder on my bootstraps and get over it. Maybe I shouldn't be so judgemental of them, myself.
I've also realized over the last few weeks or so that I'm not doing quite as well as I thought. When I first got pregnant, I was reassured by a number of people that being pregnant will be a kind of "protective period" from depression. However, recent articles have reported that studies have shown that this is probably a myth. I think it is for me. I've been way more irritable the last few weeks, and I keep feeling like I can't handle things as well as I was. I feel much more moody and out of control. Which is, of course, a big dilemma. Taking antidepressants while you are pregnant has risks, so I just need to decide if the potential harm to the baby is worth it or not. I should probably go back and see the counselor some more. I've been trying to sleep more and eat better. I know a lot of it is being exacerbated by all the stress in my life right now, but there's not much I can do about the stress. I just need to let it go. The baby will be born, we'll pay for it somehow, my thesis will get written, we'll eventually get a tax return that will pay off our credit card, I'll finish school, we'll find out where we're going to move for school, etc. I just want to have it all work out right now! However, as much as I tell myself that I can handle the stress, I keep getting the sinking feeling that I'm not handling it. And that I can't. According to several things I have read, there is about a one percent of the most serious side effects for the baby if I take antidepressants. I think I need to decide if one percent is acceptable or not. It may have to be.
Comments
I agree with the idea to see the counselor some more, it's definately a step in the right direction and it may keep you off the meds a little longer if you are that unsure about taking them. (though I personally believe 1% might be worth the risk considering the far more detrimental things a depressed person could do)
I've found the best ways for me personally to stay off anti-depressants is to get enough sleep/exercise/food, make small to-do lists on a weekly basis and not worry about anything that didn't make it to the list for that week, and have long talks about everything I'm stressing about with somebody who won't go and try to fix me afterwards.
I don't think anyone got it. But I get fellowshipped a lot more than I used to.
Sigh.
If I have to be in the club, and you have to be in the club, at least we've got fabulous people like us to be in the club with.
Mental health issues are definitely "in the club" issues. But, according to statistics, most of us are going to be "in the club" at some point in our lives.
I think about the parable, The Good Samaritan. At some point we are the man who fell among thieves, and at other times we have the opportunity to be a Levite or a Samaritan. Sometimes it feels like we are falling among thieves every day. When that happens, we have the choice to reach for every opportunity that God gives, be it friends, medications, family, or anything else, whatever helps us get safely back on the road to Jerico.
(Thanks)
I really enjoyed this post.
I do wish that you had said something in your ward council. The fact is that depression is an "in the club" issue. But that doesn't mean that those who aren't in the club are incapable of becoming interested and informed. I would imagine the bishop had asked someone to talk about it because it is an issue in the ward that needs to be better understood and leadership needs to gain a greater understanding of what depression is and how to help those who may be depressed, whether they be the ones who are obvious or the ones who are not so obvious. This would have been a good opportunity for you to help the person who was giving the lesson (who obviously lacked personal experience with depression and the skill to handle the subject very well) by giving helpful insights to the whole group on how to understand that anyone can suffer from depression, on how it's not such a weird, abnormal, or "fringe" phenomenon, and how to reach out to those who may suffer from depression. By discussing it calmly and honestly, this could have been a good opportunity to show that it's not such a scary subject to talk about---it's a matter of fact and doesn't actually need to be danced around to be discussed.
I'm coming at this from an outside the club angle. There aren't really depression problems in my family. I haven't had any experiences with depression in my own life, and I haven't had many close friends who've struggled with it or at least cared to talk to me about it.
The fact that people who don't have personal experience with depression don't inform themselves about depression is hardly damnable. You can say that about any issue. Because I have had several very close Mormon homosexual friends, I've been able to research homosexuality and Mormonism, and form a somewhat informed opinion, as well as gain some understanding. Because no one close to me that I have known of has ever dealt with pornography problems, I am not at all informed about Mormonism and pornography. Because I have never had OCD, I've never become informed about OCD. Because I've always had enough to get by, I've never researched or become familiar with the Church welfare system.
Melyngoch, I'd be hesitant to suggest that no one got it. Just because no one came up to you after RS to say, "Your comment gave me insight into an issue I've never really thought about" doesn't mean that your comment didn't actually help some people to understand depression better.
The fact is that many people struggle with depression, but we who are out of the club both forget about it and don't know how to deal with it when we're confronted with it. When depression is discussed, especially by those who we know who have had personal experience with it, we outsiders have the chance to become better informed and to gain more interest in the issue and work towards better understanding.
When I was depressed (among other things) when I was in HS, I told my father I wanted to see a psychiatrist, and he was extremely personally offended! Apparently, he was only concerned with how that would reflect on him, with no hint of concern for how I felt! His attitude was as if I had CHOSEN this, and I was often told that even my physiological concerns (weakness, dizzyness, etc.) were only in my head. I later married a man who had the same attitude, and proceeded to teach it to some of my children.
The interesting thing is that when I finally went to counseling, after a short time the counselor would suggest that my problem might be physical instead of mental, and suggest I see a doctor. Then I would go to a physician who would suggest that I should go to counseling. I went back and forth for MANY years before I was finally diagnosed w/a PHYSICAL condition that was the cause of all my quirky symptoms, including the depression.
I guess my main concern here is that people forget that the 'brain' is a physical entity, and don't understand that physiology can also play a part in mental illness. It is likely to be at least a factor. (I liked Kirsa's comment about the importance of sleep/exercise/food to help control depression!) Too many people act like mental illness is 'chosen' and, as you suggested, people "should just pull harder on their bootstraps and get over it". Being told something like that, a person like myself would just 'try harder' to be normal, and therefore get even more tense and more stressed from trying so hard, and therefore end up with more anxiety and worse symptoms!
Can you imagine your well-meaning-but-not-well-informed high priest group leader, feeling so awkward when talking about 'those' people, if he were talking about cancer or asthma or people who catch the flu! (BTW, your bishop's choice of the HPGL to present the lesson, convinces me that your bishop is, indeed, inspired! That's how we learn - by teaching.)