Living with ideals
The first thing on my agenda in Davis was a lunch with some of the current graduate students. One of them asked me a question about my last name and my heritage, to which I replied that it was my husband's last name. That got me some fairly strange looks. Then there was the fact that I didn't order coffee after lunch with all of them. And then there was the awkwardness (more than once during the last few days) of trying to explain why I lived in Spain for over a year and didn't see any movies, go to any plays, or study at the university. Oh, and the fact that I don't drink wine and even though I'm not quite thirty I have been married for almost seven years and have two kids. Man, I am such a weirdo.
I lived in Utah for so long that I became very comfortable in not having people think some of the things I do are strange. It was challenging this week to be back in an area where people questioned my choices and I had to explain "I'm a Mormon" (yeah, I know we should say LDS, but Mormon feels more comfortable when I barely know people and don't want to explain a lot). My students that I teach know I'm a Mormon, but they've usually been fairly accepting; I think it's because they didn't really find out until we'd gotten to know each other over the course of the semester.
When I am in social situations that involve things like coffee, I do feel uncomfortable. As I've said on here before, I don't like standing out. I also don't want people to feel like I'm judging them negatively for their choices. I'm going to have to relearn how to deal graciously with difference. As I was pondering this last night, I read this interesting article in the New York Times. It's about Holocaust survivors who emigrated to the United States shortly after the Second World War. One of the couples profiled ran into difficulty because the husband could not change his work schedule to accommodate his Sabbath observance. Although quitting his job could not only mean a loss of income but also deportation, he took a chance and quit. He ended up getting another job and went on to have a successful career in engineering. Now looking back over fifty years later, his wife said:
“It is worth living with ideals, even though it’s sometimes difficult. It’s worth fighting for a meaningful life.”
That quote from her really gave me hope. Even though sometimes it's difficult for me to keep living the gospel when so many people around me don't, it is what make my life meaningful. My testimony is very important to me and I will keep choosing what I feel is right, even if it makes my life awkward sometimes. I hope that in fifty years I can look back and say that I have lead a meaningful life.
I lived in Utah for so long that I became very comfortable in not having people think some of the things I do are strange. It was challenging this week to be back in an area where people questioned my choices and I had to explain "I'm a Mormon" (yeah, I know we should say LDS, but Mormon feels more comfortable when I barely know people and don't want to explain a lot). My students that I teach know I'm a Mormon, but they've usually been fairly accepting; I think it's because they didn't really find out until we'd gotten to know each other over the course of the semester.
When I am in social situations that involve things like coffee, I do feel uncomfortable. As I've said on here before, I don't like standing out. I also don't want people to feel like I'm judging them negatively for their choices. I'm going to have to relearn how to deal graciously with difference. As I was pondering this last night, I read this interesting article in the New York Times. It's about Holocaust survivors who emigrated to the United States shortly after the Second World War. One of the couples profiled ran into difficulty because the husband could not change his work schedule to accommodate his Sabbath observance. Although quitting his job could not only mean a loss of income but also deportation, he took a chance and quit. He ended up getting another job and went on to have a successful career in engineering. Now looking back over fifty years later, his wife said:
“It is worth living with ideals, even though it’s sometimes difficult. It’s worth fighting for a meaningful life.”
That quote from her really gave me hope. Even though sometimes it's difficult for me to keep living the gospel when so many people around me don't, it is what make my life meaningful. My testimony is very important to me and I will keep choosing what I feel is right, even if it makes my life awkward sometimes. I hope that in fifty years I can look back and say that I have lead a meaningful life.
Comments
If you're taking guesses from the audience, mine is: You will, you will.
(By the way, I would post non-anonymously if I had one of the permitted "identities"... though I don't know what that would prove.)
If you really believe in your religious restrictions, and you've been living with them your whole life, why are you so afraid to embrace them rather than becoming nervous about exhibiting them?
(Which may be nothing). . .
I really liked this post and related to it.
The End.
If you really believe in your religious restrictions, and you've been living with them your whole life, why are you so afraid to embrace them rather than becoming nervous about exhibiting them?"
I've been thinking about this comment for a while this morning and thought I might add my thoughts. First of all we don't really know what the inner thoughts of the gentleman. He did quit his job, but who's to say it was a simple choice without thought? Likely it was a choice that was carefully considered. It is easy to say if you believe such then act as such. I don't believe that faith or belief is that simple. It reminds me of the argument back in YW that we should make the choice once and be done with it. As I've gotten older I've at times reevaluated what I believe. Being concious and thoughtful of the choices we make gives more meaning to those choices.
I'm excited for you to embark on your journey towards being Dr. Foxy. It'll be an adventure, for sure. Good luck with all the planning!
but i am still surprised that people don't see that drawing a comparison to a holocaust survivor whose employer is persecuting him for his religion could be seen as diminishing his hardships.
i'm glad you found inspiration, but i don't feel like choosing not to have a coffee should be causing you these kinds of social hardships. have a tea, or some water...i'm sure not all of those people choose to have coffee or wine every time it's presented to them.
while i think it's easy for you to see these differences magnified, it seems somehow self-centered to assume that everyone in a group is only noticing your choices.
And while most people are perfectly friendly about my Mormon-ness, I've had the uncomfortable experiences of moms walking away from me at playgrounds, being cursed off of doorsteps and told, in no uncertain terms, that I was going straight to hell for my beliefs. So when you say, "I'm a Mormon," you just never know what you're going to get. I'm not afraid or ashamed of my beliefs, but I have to admit to sometimes being afraid of what ammunition others will think that can attack me with because of their perception of my beliefs.
And for those Holocaust survivors, the physical mark tatooed on their arms and the spiritual marks engraved in their souls . . . these things make me realize just how untested my own faith is regardless of how sophisticated I think I am. I wonder how strong I am? Yet, my human-ness makes me hope I don't really have to find out.
Keep living with your ideals, though despite what the "Ensign" stories tell us, you probably won't have many converts ;). Still, people will respect your convictions, if for no other reason than that they respect YOU.
You don't have to suffer the holocaust to get inspiration and comfort from their amazing experiences and stories.